It’s pretty simple. Right?
I mean, Leonard Cohen said it. “The cracks are how the light gets in.”
And if you’re human, there are bound to be cracks and broken places in your heart. It’s life. Few of us intend to hurt another, or cause ourselves pain. But we do.
The secret isn’t to avoid the pain. It’s to allow our hearts to grow through it. With it. Because of it.
Yesterday at the park, I met a woman I’d chatted with last week. She’s not a dog owner but she has a son whose dad (he’s her ex-husband) has a dog and who is currently laid up and unable to walk him. So she’s doing it. Which I thought was very kind.
“He’s my son,” she said. “I love him.”
We chatted some more about exes and raising a child on our own and parted ways.
Yesterday, as she walked towards me she said, “I thought I knew you the last time we met but I couldn’t figure out where and then I wondered… I watch a lot of crime TV. Are you…?” And she paused and looked at me expectantly.
I smiled. I knew exactly what she was talking about. “Yup. That’s me.” I replied.
And she got very excited. “OMG. Really. That’s amazing and wow. You look so happy.”
I laughed and said, “I am.”
We went on to chat some more about the program she had seen. The one where the story of my journey through the relationship from hell is told. Even though it was filmed many years ago, it still runs on OWN.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she said at one point.
I said, “I’m not. I have an amazing life today and healing from that relationship gave me an opportunity to grow and learn and fall in love with myself completely.”
When I told her I am married to a wonderful man she was shocked. “How on earth did you ever trust a man again after that?”
That fact is, I knew even in those first days of healing from that relationship that it was never about trusting a man again. It was always about learning to love myself so completely I knew I could trust me to always stand by me and not let me down. To believe in me enough to know that I would not compromise my values or undermine my worth by placing it in the hands of another.
I must trust myself enough to do the right thing. Always. And trust, that when I do the right thing, no matter how others respond, I will continue to do the right thing for me and those around me. Always.
And the right thing for me is to love myself truly, madly deeply.
To love myself, truly, madly, deeply, I must shine my light on the cracks and broken spaces that naturally appear as I live my life fierce, passionate and free. In those spaces, Love flows in to fill in the gaps, making the broken places, the ugly cracks, the scars and scabs dazzling fragments that make the whole of my heart a beautiful, exquisite home where Love grows wild and free.