Love yourself. Love your fear. Love your beauty. Love your courage..

Yesterday, at a media training workshop I was giving, I told the group that, though I’ve probably done 100s of TV interviews, particularly when I was working in the homeless-serving sector, I seldom looked at any of them.

Interesting.

What was I afraid of?

Well… first. I know the critter in my head. And, I know how self-judgemental he (me) can be. I didn’t want to subject myself to his tyranny of abuse and vitriol about how I move my facial muscles too much. I’m too animated. Too… this or that. Or… Not enough this or that… How I could have said this… better, more clearly, more emphatically. How I missed this opportunity, or that, to really get my point across… Yada. Yada. Yada.

What a missed opportunity!

Being able to learn from my own mistakes. Being able to watch myself in the environment where I was working to determine my strengths, areas needing improvement, and places I could strengthen my delivery, I simply refused to go. To accept the gift. I was too ‘vain’, self-conscious, and insecure to use those interviews to my advantage.

And here’s the thing. If I am to fall in love with myself, all of me, then I have to be willing to SEE all of me. To experience all of me. To know all of me. AND – To be KIND to all of me.

When I think about those missed opportunities to grow and learn from my own experience, the kindest thing I can do for myself today is, be kind in my reflections.

They are not about judging myself. My reflections are about seeing myself through the lens of ‘Oh my. How fascinating.’ and then, doing the thing I fear. Which in this case would be watching myself on camera — without the voice of judgment inspecting all I’m not doing right, or counting the wrinkles or booming out its condemnations and drowning out the voice of kindness that says, “You are brave Louise to do this. Let’s watch and see what you’ve done well here and see if there are places we can work together to improve your delivery.”

Which brings me back to these videos. I don’t like watching myself on camera — and here I am, every morning, putting myself in a position I fear.

Hmmmm…. Maybe, instead of looking for my perceived missteps, I need to celebrate the fact I’ve chosen to step into this arena and be present.

Maybe, I need to say to myself, “Louise, you’re doing okay. You are definitely learning as you grow into this process and you are giving your best. Your best is good enough.”

Because, a) I can’t do better than my best in this moment and b) I am doing this to learn — and part of that learning is to step into my fear and love myself in my fear and my courage.

Do you get what I’m saying?

Loving ourselves requires a willingness to embrace the light, darkness and shadows of ourselves.

It invites us to see more than our flaws. It invites us to witness and celebrate our successes, our courage, our willingness to unapologetically claim centre stage in our own lives.

If I am to age grace, if I am to claim all that I am as worthy, then I must choose to Love all of me for my courage to do just that.

Aging with grace isn’t about giving in. It’s about leaning deeply into the mystery, magic and wonder of this thing called life. This thing that changes us and all the world around us, every single moment we are alive.

I want to age with grace because for me, grace is a ‘criteria; word that extolls the beauty and majesty of being alive without fear pushing me into hiding or avoiding loving me, all of me, exactly as I am.

Namaste

9 thoughts on “Love yourself. Love your fear. Love your beauty. Love your courage..

  1. Lots of lovely random wandering thoughts there Elgie … and nothing I would quarrel with, but your ending concerns me a bit.

    I can only speak for myself, but the thought of ‘being happy just as I am, where I am and how I am’ is possibly contentment, but it’s also possibly ‘stuck’. I can’t imagine being the same 10 years from now, or even 1 year from now – and ‘exactly as I am’ right now is wonderful, but it’s on the move, and change is in the air.

    Or, maybe it’s my ADHD meds talking – but they’ve given me focus and an unexpected good side-effect; a great sense of urgency/clarificatioin of purpose than I have ever had – and I have no time to waste.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think perhaps Mark, that it is a matter of differing perspectives. There’s lots I want to do and continue to do as I live each day to its fullest — sometimes that means I’m a ’10’ in my doing, other days, I’m a 3 — but in my 10 or 3, I am being 100% me, loving me as I am in that moment.

      The difference for me today is that I don’t feel compelled to cram my life full of doing. No matter what I’m doing, my motivating force is to do everything, 100% in love with me, myself, and I. ❀

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  2. One continually evolves without even realizing that change is taking place. As much as I am comfortable in my own skin I have changed over the years. The physical change not withstanding, it is the “other” changes that are key to my being, my existence. I have learned to like me, to accept me, not to compromise my values, my morals. I respect myself, value my self-worth, my integrity. When these get challenged, and lately there have been a few more that I really do not need in this time of my life, I begin to question why do I really like myself given what is happening to me, mostly out of my control. Time to regroup, re-energize the batteries, take that proverbial step to one side and look at myself from the outside in. These are my game changer moments of self-reflection. Unfortunately, as I age with grace, these moments take longer to penetrate into my subconscious and poke me back into reality.
    Namaste! Enjoy a peaceful long weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhh my friend. I hear you. And this – “as I age with grace, these moments take longer to penetrate into my subconscious and poke me back into reality.” Such beautiful, loving awareness.

      I think, one of the gifts and hindrances of aging – with or without grace – is that we know more and thus, are some days able to ‘fool’ ourselves more into thinking, ‘our work is done’. Our work of reclaiming our magnificence, of falling in love with all of ourselves, is never done. Because, in living life everyday, we have adapted to external demands, developed unconscious biases, taken on other people’s stuff, and all that jazz, without realizing that in the doing, we have forgotten about this beautiful, amazing, magnificent being we were born to be from the moment we took our first breath.

      I think it’s why I’m loving this aging process so much (which I truly do) – in writing and talking and exploring it with you and everyone else, I am beginning to truly embrace just how incredible we all are and how magnificent our human being truly is.
      Namaste my friend — I hope the weekend brings you great joy.

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  3. Aging with grace is significantly harder if one lives with a chronic illness or are not in a place to be grateful. It’s much easier to age gracefully when it’s of our choosing. We need to embrace the gratitude and the grace as we go through life; even with hardships. Bernie

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