I have tolerated a lot of bad behaviour in my life.
I have had men hit on me with the promise to support my career if I slept with them.
I have had men offer money for sex, because I was standing in a hotel lobby by myself or walking down the street at night.
I have had men ask me to take notes at a meeting, not because that was my role, but because I was a woman.
I have had men ask me to grab them a coffee, again, not because that was my job, but because I was a woman.
And, I have had men tell me crude jokes, or make suggestive comments on the phone, confident they will not be corrected, abraded, or called out.
Sure, it may seem small potatoes in the big picture of the pressing dangers women face all over the world, everyday — Rape, war, violence against women, female genitalia disfiguration and so many other inhumane practices that do not serve our humanity well.
But, gender-based biases, where I allow bad behaviour to be the norm, or laugh them off with a wave of my prettily manicured hand and shrug as if to say, “Oh well. Boys will be boys,” does not change anything.
Boys will be boys and they deserve so much more than being the target of women’s ire and disdain. Or being boys who hurt women.
It was Gandhi who said, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” Yet, even he could not escape the more carnal elements of his human nature. In his own letters, he wrote of his ‘experiments’ of sleeping naked with young women in his bed to test his resolve of chastity and promote the celibate life as the path to peace. (Source) He gave little thought to the impact of his actions on the mental health of his young female companions.
We can’t just BE the change we want to see in the world. We must ensure the changes we make change us for the better. And, that they are good for everyone. Not just the one.
Change doesn’t just depend on our doing the small things and the big things to create better, it means being ‘the better’ we want to see in the world.
Let’s begin changing ourselves so that in those changes, we change our world. Because when I change, my whole world changes around me — let my changes create better for everyone.
_____________________
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY (IWD) (March 8) is an important day to celebrate women’s social, economic, cultural & political achievements + call for gender equality
This year’s IWD theme is – “DigitALL: Innovation and technology for gender equality,” highlighting gender gaps in STEM education and careers — and calling attention to the online harassment many women face.
International Women’s Day is also a reminder of the long road ahead. U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres warned Monday that women’s rights are being “abused, threatened and violated” around the world and gender equality won’t be achieved for 300 years without urgent action.
#EmbraceEquity #InternationalWomensDay #IWD2023 #women #standupbestrongbebold #ShePersisted #ShePersistedSeries
Dare Boldly 
LG, I endorse what you say 100%. I’ll not make bad jokes about men needing similar recognition with IMD, because we don’t. Not because of any superiority viewpoint, but because I believe, slow as it might be, the ‘equality’ however you describe it will take much longer (i.e., the women’s movement excitement in the 60s and 70s, it’s not about Roe v Wade reversing – it’s the evolution of popular thinking. We all need to stand up and speak out – as you do well, as many women champions of these issues do, and for men to be better champions of the women in their lives – mothers, partners, daughters and granddaughters. It’s societal and individual, all at the same time. Sadly, these things too often move at glacial speed. Nothing seems to change fast enough, but I would argue that it is the constanstancy – not one day a year chest-thumping – that makes change happen.
Cheers,
M
p.s. when I first met you, it was about writing and goldens – then it was about friendship and writing, and for a brief happy while I was ‘in pursuit,’ legitimately and openly. If I was encountering you for the first time anywhere, I would have hit on you if I’d met you on a street corner; I’d have said hello if you were standing alone looking lost or looking like you wanted to be found (men always look for the favourable interpretation in these things), and happily admit to why. You are attractive, engaging, funny/open, smiling, kind, and who would want to carry on a conversation with someone like that? While it’s true that women – however they look or however their actions might be interpreted are subject to the eyes and attraction of others. Some of you have attributes that draw more of us to you – something you might not always welcome or dislike, but we bees are drawn to honey …
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Thank you Mark — for your declaration, your clear position and statements — and for your final paragraph.
I get it. I hear you and as a woman, I truly do ‘like’ the attention — it’s when it borders on the aggressive, the assumptive, the rude that i shudder…
PS – I am very grateful for this friendship that blossomed from our first ‘writing it out’ coffee!
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Wow – does this resonate with me! Deeply!
When I was promoted into the executive ranks I received a call from a male “colleague” who did not get on THE list and wanted to know who I slept with! The date was Friday, February 18, 2005. Some things one never forgets. Three years later he replaced me when I retired, was NOT able to handle the workload and was retired out shortly.
You are so right, we, the women need to take control of our destiny, of the changes that need to be done and ensure their follow through. Otherwise, everything just falls apart in varying degrees. Have we made strides forward ? Yes, but so much more needs our attention. Can we sustain the forward momentum? believe we can!
As more men come on board the better chances women have in succeeding in effecting those changes.
BTW – have you ever been with a group of men trying to make you squirm with their off-colour jokes? Try telling them a crude joke and observe their discomfort. Interesting!
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So much more needs our attention — and when we take our attention off what needs to happen, we lose the attention of everyone. ❤
And yes — re the joke…. hysterical!!!! 🙂 It's also fascinating what they 'think' of you too! 🙂
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