Early morning. Arrived at the airport in lots of time to clear security, procure my morning elixir (oatmilk latte) and settle in at the gate to await boarding of my flight to Vancouver.
Life feels good on mornings like this. Even when I do get up at 4am!
Yesterday,after I cleared out a bunch of ToDos in my Inbox, I spent the evening baking Choco Chip cookies for C.C. to munch on while I’m away as well as cooked up a batch of tomato feta pasta, did laundry, walked along the river with Beaumont, packed and had a long, delightful and inspiring phone call with a woman I met for the first time last night on Zoom.
She got my name from a friend. She’s writing a book about her amazing journey and was feeling stuck.
In her despair, she did what can be so hard and yet is so important to do when we’re feeling lost, or stuck, or simply overwhelmed. She reached out for help.
It’s hard because often, the voices in our head are feeding us a steady stream of the litany of our failures, reinforcing with each virulent diatribe why we’re losers, failures and a host of other non-supportive, unkind falsehoods. Yet, as we follow their dark trail, it’s easy to become trapped in their insistence that only they know the truth about us. Only they can keep us safe from everyone else seeing that truth.
As I told this amazing woman last night, They’re just voices. They aren’t the truth. The truth is that woman who did all those amazing things… she’s not lost. She’s always there. Always with you.
It’s time to turn away from the darkness.
In working with this woman I was reminded of the imperative of self-care. Of cutting the threads of those voices, early in their game, before they take hold.
I’ve been in her place. I’ve cried and cried and cried, believing that I was worthless. I was a failure. I was… good for nothing and that the world would be better off without me in it.
For me, those vicious thoughts lead me down that dark path to that place where I stood by a river desperately wishing I could cut gravity’s hold on my body and let it sink into the murky depths of the waters sliding past.
I was not powerful enough to unhook gravity. At the time, it felt like another failure. Another piece of evidence cementing my lack of worth.
I am grateful I am not powerful enough to unhook gravity.
I am grateful I am not powerful enough to create monsters, or ‘bad men’ or hurricanes or tidal waves or any kind of storm.
What I am is powerful enough to weather storms. To prepare myself for choppy waters. To build a boat. To batten down the hatches, set my sails and head for safe harbour when life’s forces feel stronger than my capacity to stand tall and steady in the waves crashing all around.
We don’t have to brace ourselves for every storm.
We don’t have to sail directly into uncharted waters or know every step of the path before us.
Believe the path will appear and it will. Trust the future will arrive in its own time, and it will. Hold onto Love and you will always be safe.
And know, and always hold onto the truth of who you are – no matter the times. No matter the weather. No matter how dark the skies. You and I and every human on this planet are magnificent beings of light, promise and possibility. We are the divine expression of love in aciton. We are Love, loving, loved and loveable.
And we all deserve joy, happiness, comfort when we’re down and support when we’re feeling lost on our journey.
None of us have the power to see into the future. What we do have is the power to reach out for help when wecan’t see the path before us because we’ve lost sight of the light within.
I am grateful for those who walk with me, and walked with me, when I felt lost and alone. I am grateful for their light on my path.
In gratitude, I share my light with others so together, we can all light up the world.
Truly an inspirational, heartfelt, honest and loving blog this morning- thank you for such words of wisdom and the importance of reaching out – it may take courage but so worth the effort to do so.
Enjoy your trip to the coast and your time spent with your very precious grandchildren.💕
interesting read. I never felt totally worthless like you described. But I was unhappy, felt unloved, not appreciated…. because I was. Then, after getting a divorce, my life only got better. I grew 2 cm…. I could breathe, I was happy to be in my own company. And from that moment onwards my life became better, more beautiful, I felt at home in myself, my body, my soul and heart were mine… But still, I could never do what you did in and with your life, Louise. I’m very grateful to have ‘met’ you, made your acquaintance and I treasure our growing friendship and sisterly love.
You hold a mirror to me with such clarity – with your words and heartfelt expressions, I feel affirmed and accompanied.
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Thank you for your light and encouragement.
“Believe the path will appear and it will. Trust the future will arrive in its own time, and it will. Hold onto Love and you will always be safe”.
There is deep truth in your words Louise. It is hard to weather some of life’s storms and these are beautiful and true guiding principles. Thank you for sharing this with us . ❤️
Paying it forward which doesn’t surprise me at all.