Anniversary Notes

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C.C. and I have been married 8 years today.

At my 60th birthday party, when he got down on bended knee in front of about 40 people to ask me to marry him, I called him an ‘azzhole’ and said I’d have to think about it. (I know. Not my finest hour.)

I don’t like surprises.

And this is what I’ve learned about me and surprises. I don’t like surprises because I feel vulnerable, and unsafe, when I don’t know what’s coming next.

Almost 15 years living with C.C. you’d think I’d have grown more comfortable with not knowing what’s coming next.

I’m not sure I have.

I like to be prepared. To know what I’m going to say. Heck, even what others are going to say even before they say it.

Unreasonable I know, but that’s a fact.

It has nothing to do with the other or what they’re doing. It’s got everything to do with me and what I fear.

I don’t like to look foolish. Stupid. Not knowledgeable. Not ‘in the know’. Not part of the ‘in crowd’.

Eight years of marriage have taught me that there are so many things I do not know it’s foolish, stupid even, to think I know it all or to want to know it all. As Rilke suggests, it is in living the questions, being willing to step into the unknown, that the answers no longer become necessary. Because in living the questions, I/we are creating our own unique path to living into the answer, which will appear, or not, when the time is right.

Eight years of marriage have taught me that The Contract is a piece of paper. Marriage is the commitment to never burn, rip apart or tear up that piece of paper. I can use the contract as a white flag to ask for time-out or forgiveness, or understanding or even just a hug or shoulder to cry on. I never have the right to use it as a red flag to entice anger, or to stick daggers into my beloved’s back as I dance out of the way of the angry words I’ve launched into his heart. Marriage does not give me the right to tear him apart to build myself up.

Eight years of marriage have taught me that for this union to remain in a state of homeostasis, I must put into it what I want out of it and sometimes, I must be willing to do ‘the more’ so that my beloved can find his way through the less and vise-versa.

Eight years of marriage have taught me that if I am not clear on what I want, or when I stay silent because I fear saying what is on my heart, the waters in which we float our boat called ‘wedded bliss’ will be a tumultous turmoil of tossy-turvy waves trying their best to capsize us into the waters of discord and despair.

And, eight years of marriage have taught me that even on the darkest days, when we let Love guide us, the sun will keep shining, the moon will keep glowing and the stars will come out at night waiting for us to move beyond the despair that has clouded our hearts to the truth. Love Always Wins.

Namaste

22 thoughts on “Anniversary Notes”

    • And we love being your neighbor too Marlene! Thank you — Chalres’ brother and his wife are in Calgary for the week — they were at our wedding so it was fun to spend the evening laughing and chatting with them. ❤

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  6. tumultous turmoil of tossy-turvy waves trying their best to capsize us… but faith in each other and the love always wins out. Never go to bed mad and hug every day. Congrats on 8 years. And you called him what??? Such a romantic proposal- did you not see it coming??

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    • He went out of his way to divert me from seeing it coming Bernie! 🙂 He even broached the subject a couple of weeks before and we both said, “It’s not all that important to us that we be ‘married'” – we were living together and quite happy. We agreed we’d discuss it again in a year. HAHAHAHA! I DID NOT SEE IT COMING! 🙂 And yes. I was so taken by surprise I actually did call him that! YOu had to be there to here the collective gulp! Fortunately, my girlfriend’s daughter missed the proposal and arrived half an hour later — she is my ‘other’ daughter — so, when she heard what she missed she was very upset so I said, “It’s okay. We’ll take a redo and this time, I’ll respond appropriately. And I did! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  8. You are the loveliest couple, and your photos tell it in the best ways. Love the hilarity reigning on the wedding photos. I know exactly what you‘re talking about, having just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and knowing HH for well over 35yrs…. Just last Sunday when my brother invited us both to an über-fine-dining-restaurant we spoke about marriage and such – where I told him that, after all, I was glad to get re-married because else! I think both of us would have thrown the towel many times if we didn’t have the commitment to make it work. But we did and do on a daily base and we are (overall) thankful every day that we are permitted to live with each other and to grow old disgracefully but content!
    Happy anniversary, Charles and Louise. You are a fine couple of lovely people.

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    • Thank you Kiki! ❤ I know that place! the (normally) thankful one too! In those moments where we both wanted to just call it quits, I always remember the rough spots are an invitation to 'stand in the broken'. From that place of hurt, anger — whatever is there — we get to choose to come back to our commitment (and senses) and remember that Love truly does always win. ❤

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  9. Wishing you the happiest of anniversaries, Louise. Your words moved me so…. A good marriage is a garden that must be constantly tended, no two ways about it. So happy you have someone whom you clearly love and who loves you as you deserve.

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    • Thank you so much Lori. It is a garden — and sometimes, when I don’t tend to it, the weeds start to pop-up and want to take over. It’s then that I must get busy planting seeds of love and gently pulling out the ones of discord! Much gratitude. ❤

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