Have you ever felt responsible for smoothing over someone else’s bad behavior? Like it was your job to absorb their negativity, apologize for their actions, or pretend everything was okay when it really wasn’t – but for the sake of ‘peace’, you smiled and carried on as if your feelings were not important?

I have. For too long, I carried the weight of other people’s “stuff,” their unresolved issues, their emotional storms. I thought that by being understanding, accommodating, and forgiving, I was somehow being a “good” person. But in reality, I was neglecting the most important person in the equation: myself.

What I’ve come to realize is that true self-care begins with honouring my own truth. It means recognizing that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings or actions, and that it’s not my job to fix them, o rmake them feel better about having acted poorly. True self-care means setting clear boundaries of what is, and isn’t, okay in my life, speaking my truth, and refusing to compromise my own well-being for the sake of others.

This doesn’t mean I’ve become cold or uncaring. Quite the opposite. By prioritizing my own needs and staying true to myself, I have more energy and compassion to offer others. But it’s a conscious choice now, not a default setting.

The Harm of Self-Neglect

When we consistently put others’ needs before our own, we engage in a subtle form of self-harm. We diminish our own worth, silence our inner voice, and create a breeding ground for resentment and frustration. This can manifest in many ways:

• Emotional exhaustion: Constantly absorbing other people’s negativity can drain us, leaving us feeling depleted and overwhelmed.
• Physical symptoms: Stress, anxiety, and suppressed emotions can take a toll on our physical health.
• Strained relationships: Resentment can build when we feel taken advantage of or unappreciated.
• Self-loathing: In our silence and resentment, we leave ourselves at risk of losing our sense of self-worth, undermining our belief in our own voice and undervaluing our truth as we give more credencce to the nees of others.

The Power of Truth

Choosing truth means acknowledging our own feelings, needs, and boundaries. It means having the courage to say “no” when necessary, even if it disappoints others. It means recognizing that our worth is not dependent on others’ approval or validation.

This journey isn’t always easy. It requires self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to prioritize our own well-being. But the rewards are immeasurable. When we live in alignment with our truth, we experience a sense of freedom, authenticity, and inner peace that no one can take away.

Taking Action

Standing in our truth, releasing ourselves from the habit of making it okay for others to behave badly in our lives, asks us to recognize and acknowledge where we are behaving badly towards ourselves by accepting or enabling that bad behavior from others. It is a step-by-step process of deepening our understanding of our values and beliefs, learning to identify our emotional boundaries, and developing the courage to assert those boundaries.

It requires us to be brave, be honest, and to stay unattached to the outcome. This means accepting that we cannot control how others will react to our boundaries and focusing on the inner peace that comes from honouring our truth.

If, like me, you have had the habit of smoothing over conflicted emotions by focusing on ‘the other,’ here are a few steps you can take to start prioritizing your own well-being:

• Identify your core values: What truly matters to you? What principles do you want to live by?
• Recognize your emotional triggers: What situations or behaviors make you feel uncomfortable, resentful, or drained?
• Track your habitual trigger-responses: When triggered, take a breath and ask yourself, ‘Will responding this way get me more, or less, of what I want in my life?’ This helps you become more conscious of your patterns and make choices that align with your goals.
• Engage in self-compassion: Rather than beating yourself up for feeling triggered, focus on how you can respond differently to honour and promote your self-worth and respect.
• Practice setting small boundaries: Start with saying “no” to small requests that don’t align with your needs or values.
• Use “I” statements: Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively, focusing on your own feelings and needs. (e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when…” or “I need some time to myself…”)”

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an act of self-preservation, an essential step towards living a more authentic and fulfilling life.