When fear rises up, choose Love.

photo (43)
Not matter the question, the answer is Love.
Journal theme 3

It was a lesson in fear. A window into how fear motivates so much of what I’ve done in my life.

And it was heart-opening, consciousness raising.

I was sharing with Mary Davis, one of the facilitators at Choices Seminars, the story of C.C.’s marriage proposal. “I didn’t like the way I responded,” I told her. “It was a self-defeating game.”

What games did you play? she asked.

They were easy to name. They included. Get them before they get me. Be the problem. Hide behind confusion (and humour). Play small-Act out. And, one of my personal favourites (in a not so good way) when stuck in fear – Don’t think. React.

What do you want Big Picture with C.C.? she asked, gently.

I want an intimate relationship filled with romance and heart-sharing. I want to feel safe being vulnerable. I want to feel like we’re in this together. That we share the ups and downs, the excitements and the pains, the itty bitty moments and the big ones too. I want him to know me, see me, feel my heart beating. And to know him in the same way. And I want to feel safe.

It’s a big one for me. Feeling safe.

I haven’t known it much in my life. I haven’t given myself the opportunity.

Fear has been a big motivator and in my fear I have often run away, acted out, used humour to hide my heart, smiled to minimize my pain, walked away to avoid my sorrow.

It has been playing on my mind since my birthday party when C.C. got down on bended knee and proposed. There were a lot of things I could have done differently to honour his courage in asking me to marry him in front of a crowd of people. Instead, I dissed him. I took that precious moment and made less of it. Not because I ‘wanted to’. I did it because fear leapt up and screamed inside my head, like a siren warning of atomic fallout, “Take cover! Take cover! Hide! Run! Dive!”

Fear is a powerful motivator.

It’s time to let go of fear and choose Love.

It is time to honour C.C.’s love of romance, of surprise, of being spontaneous. Because, in my negative response is the germ of destruction. In my incapacity to move with grace and ease into the moment, I will eventually kill off one of the parts of him I love the most, his capacity to be romantic, full of surprises and spontaneous.

I have been wrestling for the past month to make sense of my response. What motivated me to call him an azzhole? What convinced me that it was okay to make light of such a beautiful and heartfelt moment.

It was fear.

Fear is the opportunity to be courageous.

When fear rises up, choose Love.

I have decided its time to get conscious of my fears and to rise up in Love.

I am choosing to look fear in the eyes, and the belly, so that I can be clear on what I want more of in my life. So that I can live in fearless joy of all that life has to offer when I stand in Love.

A beautiful man asked me to marry him.

There were a lot of things I could have done differently in the moment of his proposal.

That moment has passed but there are still many more to come as we journey together in Love.

And in each moment that arrives I can step out of my fear and open myself up to hope, joy, wonder and Love.

To have better I must do better at staying present, staying conscious, staying aware in the moment so that in everything I do I connect through the power and majesty of Love.

Because, no matter the question, the answer is always Love.

And when fear opens its maw to call me back, I have the power to choose Love.

My choice. My power. My Love.



16 thoughts on “When fear rises up, choose Love.”

  1. LG,

    good introspection today

    some of it I’ve heard before – so there seems to be a recurrence of the recurring theme!

    here’s a thought …. a fix, a make-good, a ‘do-over’ opportunity

    if you want

    not a ‘need to do’ but maybe a ‘nice to do’ thing that might solve some of your angt, and maybe some of his if he has any over it all

    pick your moment, in the middle of a crowd – get down on one knee or two (bring kneed pads!) … and propose to him

    I know it’s a gusty move – because you don’t know how he will react

    you don’t know how he will answer

    there you go – a little ‘part punishment’, ‘part reward’, and ‘part redemption’

    go ahead – what are risking?


    confronting fear

    building a better way

    standing naked in front of the world

    you can do it

    there a lot of people in your world hoping for you to be successful – and nobody wishing you anything adverse at all

    still, it’s risky

    you show others how to find their courage – all the time

    suck it up, and find your own!




  2. I think when ‘bad things’ have happened in our past, and there are some things that we feel we could have done better to prevent those bad things, it is natural that we want to keep blaming ourselves for everything and anything that happens. Somehow, it is always OUR fault. I don’t think you need to feel ashamed of your feelings. It would be natural to have been confused or even angry in that situation. I would have felt like that as well. A proposal is a very deep, meaningful and private thing; and not really something that can be shared with 30 other people. If you would have preferred privacy, you cannot take that feeling away, and you should not feel guilty for feeling that way. You are justified in your need to feel safe, safe that your feelings will be considered. Ok, I know what all the books say, that there is a finite time between having the feeling (which you cannot control) and making the response (which you can control). Whilst it is ideal to always take advantage of that ‘finite time’ and be gracious, sometimes we do not and we react. We are all human after all. We are all vulnerable. We all make mistakes and it is not always us that have made the mistake.


    1. Thank you Elizabeth. I hear what you’re saying. And it is true — I responded from a place of feeling vulnerable, scared and it was a gut reaction. Fast. Immediate. Visceral. In the moment.

      My challenge is always, deep deep down, there lives within me the dream of having just that happen. Of having a man love me in such a way he is fearless in expressing it — and chooses to express it in front of many people. It is his nature to be spontaneous, to love to surprise me — and I do love that about him.

      It’s not that I feel guilty about how I reacted — it’s more a deep sense that in that moment, I had a chance to stretch myself, to step into Love publicly…. and instead, I went with the fear….

      I don’t like choosing fear. I want to choose Love.

      Hugs — I like your response – it leaves room for thoughtfulness and self-love too! It is complex isn’t it? That’s why that question: What do you you want in your relationship? is so important…


      1. Hello. I do see more clearly now what you meant (that you were responding to fear) and I am happy for you that you have so much love for this man and he for you. I KNOW that love will win out for you as you. I wish you only happiness in your new life with this wonderful man.
        It is a new journey for you now too. How exciting.


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