“The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.” Frank Herbert, Dune
Where do ideas, vision, openings to creativity begin? Is there an end? Where does the creative impulse come from?
Not really a mystery but definitely a source of wonder and awe, the impulse to create drives me every day to write here, to journal, to draw and paint. It calls me to express myself in artful ways that often surprise me with their capacity to reflect the mystery of my dreams, the yearnings of my heart, the wonderings of my thoughts.
And then, there are those periods of time when I stop. Stop painting. Stop art journalling. Stop going down into my studio in the evening to give expression to my creative urges.
I have been in such a space since May. At first, I thought it was just that I was tired out from all the wedding prep and the hours upon hours I spent creating for it. I’d enter the studio in the evening or on weekends only to return upstairs to do some meaningless thing like watch a show on Netflix or the TV.
The avoidance of creating created the habit of not spending time in my studio and while it’s not particularly fear based, I know, avoidance strengthens fear.
My avoidance created a fear of creating. Of seeing the possibility in a blank canvas and letting the muse guide me in expressing my dreams upon its surface.
Yesterday, my team at work and I entered into what we have agreed will be a bi-weekly session on goal setting and visioning. Guided by a team member who worked for several years for a company that made regular conversations about goal-setting and vision a part of their culture, we started with a guided visioning session of what our work day will look like and how we will feel when we enter the workspace in six months, a year.
We shared what brings joy to our day. What creates satisfaction. We explored what we want more of in our work-life balance. What we need less of.
We talked about the things we’re doing we want to keep doing, the things we want to start doing to create greater value in our lives and the things we need to stop doing that undermine our sense of joy and satisfaction.
What things do you do every day that bring you joy?
For me, art-making every day creates joy in my life. It lifts me up. It fills me with a sense of peace, wonder and awe.
And I have been avoiding it.
Getting lost in the why of my avoidance will only keep me stuck in questioning the why of why I’m not doing it.
Not creating is not a mystery that needs to be solved.
The answer is simple.
I must make a decision to do it, to engage in it, to create the more in my every day that brings me more joy. I know creating in my studio lifts me up. I must decide to take action and then, make a commitment to do it and follow through on my commitment.
I commit to spending an hour in the studio every night. I don’t need to know the ‘why’ of my not creating. I need to take action now that I’ve identified the impact of my avoidance. It’s a pretty simple equation:
No studio time every day = an absence of joy every day.
Just as habits can be broken, habits can be built. Habits can be kept.
Up until our wedding in April, I had a daily habit of spending time in the studio every day.
It was good for my soul. Good for my being present in my life.
I’ve broken the habit. I can fix it. I have that power. I choose to step into my power and create the more of what I want in my life every day.
Joy. Harmony. Love. Peace and the mystery of creativity expressing itself in every way I am in the world.