And so I come back to the studio, the canvas, the unknown, the mystical nature of creation.
I come back to my creative essence. My mystical core. My mysterious creative drive. I come back to this space where the canvas waits to be explored, to be created upon, within and with. To be seen. Known. Felt. Experienced.
To this space where I enter knowing that I must trust.
Trust in being here. Trust in being part of this sacred space. Trust in the process and in letting go of what I believe I know is true, to explore what is possible when I do not hold onto believing I know. The answer. The outcome. The end before I’ve even begun.
And I breathe.
In each breath I feel the presence of the wonder and awe of creation. And I feel fear’s presence. It nudges and pulls and grabs at me to stop. To not create. To not let my expressions become visible.
It is true. Amidst the wonder and awe, fear is also present.
I want to run from fear. Instead, I hold my ground and greet it. Hello fear. I see you. I hear you filling my thoughts with your fear of the unknown. I hear you questionning my creative purpose, my creative voice, begging me not to express it for fear I will make a fool of myself. People will laugh at what I create. People will think of me in less than terms.
It’s okay fear. I see you. I acknowledge you. I know you. You and your compansion are part of me too. Self-doubt. Worry. Hesitation. Your constant yammering about who am I to think I have something to express. Is this really me, this artistic soul? Or am I just pretending to be the ‘me’ who creates? Who am I? What am I? How am I? Is this creative urge my trust self calling me to express itself? Explore my need, my heart’s desire to create?
I will not heed your fears. I will listen only to the expression of my creative urgings pushing and pulling at me to be released.
And so I breathe.
I breathe into the presence of fear and allow fear to breathe freely so that I can create free of fear and its companions.
And with each breath I feel the presence of wonder and awe flowing freely, filling in the spaces fear has left behind as it flew into the winds of freedom.
Wonder and awe are present. So is joy, love, contentment, bliss. So many other things are present, even in fear’s presence.
You are all welcome here. I do not fear you. I embrace you. You are all part of my creative process.
Like the moon needs the sun to find its light, and the sun yearns for the planets to hold their orbit around its warmth, I need all of me to be present here so that all of me can be expressed freely.
And so I breathe. And so it is.
I have been away from the studio for awhile. I have come back to its sacred space. I am so blessed.