I have a confession to make.
I know. I know. To have a confession to make means to believe I have committed a sin.
Okay, so it’s not so much a sin as a truth, a fact, a reality.
And, just to be clear, while not of the I stole a grape from the produce bin at the supermarket or I snuck a bun fresh from the oven when I knew there were only so many to go around variety of sin, this one tastes kind of sinful in my belly. Deep down in my roots. Simmering on the fires of indolence.
So what is this deliciously non-sinful yet sinfully delightful truth?
Get ready for it. You may be surprised. You may be shocked. Appalled. Aghast. Whatever you may be I know how I feel about what I am about to confess.
Yup. I do not feel even one iota of guilt for having had one whole week off work and not doing anything on my list of the many things I planned on getting done this week.
So there you have it.
I began my holiday last Friday. I figured I’d give myself Easter weekend to RnR it and then, come Monday begin to tackle the many things on my list.
I changed my mind.
Come Monday I looked at my list. I looked at the calendar days stretched out before me and decided to throw out my list.
To not be governed by a calendar schedule or a list’s demands to check things of as Done. Done and Done.
I let myself sink into the luscious pleasure of just being present to whatever life had to offer up, whatever unfolded with the rising sun without pushing myself into being governed by the demands of my conscience insisting I get busy, get doing, get going.
I spent time in my studio. I spent time reading. I spent time watching films on my iPad. I spent time with my beloved doing nothing other than chatting, holding hands and walking with Beaumont at the park, laughing, sharing a meal, doing what we felt like doing.
I decided on Monday that this was a ‘holiday’. It was not a working holiday (though I must confess. I did have 2 x 2 hr conference calls re a project at work and I did do some work for a couple of hours — but it was my choice so I really have nothing to confess! so there!)
It was a holiday and as such, like all the best holidays I can think of, deserved my full attention, and unstructured time.
My winter/spring wardrode did not get switched over. The den did not get cleared out of the boxes that still need to go into the cubby hole above the stairs. The linen closet did not get organized. I did not clear out the clutter. I did not organize the junk drawer (is that an oxymoron? Organize junk?)
I did savour each moment. I feel present.
I did read until late into the night. Sleep late into the morning. (7am wake-up is late for me) I feel so luxurious!
I did begin a 30 day Yoga challenge so that by the end of my 10 days off, it will be embedded it into my daily routine. I feel good!
I did begin each morning with meditation. I feel centred.
I did end each day with kissing my beloved goodnight. I feel complete.
I did. I am savouring this moment to reflect, to share, to connect and honour the process of what arises without judging what arises by labelling it good, bad, happy, sad…
I am feeling….
And… while I know ‘the list’ still waits to be checked off, it is my choice when I get to it! Maybe, rather than organizing the junk drawer all I really have to do is get a garbage bin, pull the drawer out and tip all its contents into the bin. Fact is, if I haven’t missed or needed what’s in it, I don’t really need to know what I’m missing by sorting through its contents.
Maybe, like my list on Monday, all I need to do to feel free is spill all the junk out and let it all go!