In the practice circle for an online course I am participating in on ‘soulful aging’, another participant, after recounting a story of a traumatic incident from their youth, asks, “Is this the last fear that I need to fully embrace, accept and pass through?”
Upon reading their words, my mind quickly answered, “There are always more hidden fears.”
Perhaps that is my last fear. That I will come to a final fear, obstacle, hurdle and there will be nothing beyond. Not even bliss. Happiness. Joy. Contentment. Just nothing.
I smile as I write that. It sounds so existential, so empty of the promise of possibility, or as my father would say, referencing the Irish at the root of his being, ‘so James Joyce’.
I am not prone to dark thoughts, so when an automatic response such as I made this morning rises unbidden in my mind, I become curious.
Where on earth would such a dark thought arise from? I wonder.
Why on earth would would my automatic thoughts think that?
In Letters to a Young Poet, Rainier Rilke writes, “Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” (emphasis mine)
Perhaps, rather than questioning “why would my mind think that?” the question could be, “how does fear limit my living fearlessly in this moment right now?”
Or maybe, “What is in it for me to hold onto fear?”
Or, “How does fear stop love flowing freely?”
You get it.
The questions are limitless.
The gift is found living into the questions to that place where the answer is always the same.
Love Deeply. Share Your heart. Be Grateful. Live Now.