It seems so simple. To trust in Love. To believe the light is lighting the path through the darkness. To know that, even though you can’t see the next step clearly, the way to the light is to trust in the earth beneath your feet.
So why then, is it so easy sometimes to get lost in the belief Love is fickle and the glaring light is actually a fast approaching train? And the ground will rise up to hit you if you take that step?
I have been pondering these questions (and others) recently as I struggled with the voice inside that would have me believe, I am not worthy. I do not belong.
There was a time when running away from the tough questions would have been my answer.
I have learned that running away doesn’t bring answers. Just more questions I’m trying to avoid.
I have learned that standing in the dissonance of my unease is the path to my peace of mind and ease of heart.
It ain’t easy. Sometimes, I truly do just want to turn my back on my own angst and say, “Get over it, Louise. Grow up.”
Challenge is, it isn’t about over, under or even through. It’s all about being within it, (whatever the angst) to grow into the learning that is pushing its way up out of the depths of my being.
Being present has its rewards, and its risks. Sometimes, the voice of wisdom rises up out of the depths of my heated inner debates to surprise me with the obvious.
I love hot baths. Hot baths and my morning coffee, a book and classical music are my ‘heaven on earth’ go to wake up call.
Challenge is, sometimes, the mix of hot water in the tub and my morning latte creates a temperature I just can’t take. (Hmmm… perhaps I need to only take baths in the evening so I can drink wine instead!)
Yesterday morning, as I lay in the bath telling myself if I just stayed there long enough my body temperature would adjust to the too hot water, I’d be able to stand the heat.
And that’s when the voice of wisdom broke through the surface and showered me with its brilliance.
“What are you trying to prove?” it asked gently. “That you can take it?”
“Well… yes,” I replied. I was thinking it was kind of obvious that was what I was doing so why on earth would the voice of wisdom be asking me such a ridiculous question.
And that’s where I got stuck. Why indeed?
What did I have to prove?
I started to laugh.
I had nothing to prove and a lot to learn.
I turned on the faucet and added some cooler water to the bath.
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself when you feel like you’re swimming in hot water is to cool it off.
It’s not about proving I’m tough. It’s about learning how to let go of believing a tough skin will protect me from life’s inevitable slings and arrows.
Only Love can do that. Because in Love’s embrace I don’t need protection. I am always safe.
In Love’s embrace I don’t question my belonging or worth. I know it’s truth is inviolable.
And yes… I’m trying out a new design format for my blog. I’d love your feedback. Thanks!