Why I didn’t quit.

Open Windows. Limitless Possibilities.
Art Journal Pages. Nov 7

I almost did. Quit.

At the midway point of creating yesterday’s spread in the art journal I’m creating for the course I’m leading at Kensington Art on November 19, I got stuck in the “Yuck. What a mess.” and wanted to give up.

I had a vision in mind when I began. A series of window panes that represent the theme of the page — Perspective.

Yuck. I Can’t Feel You.
The point of wanting to quit.

I’d carefully cut out papers I’d mono-printed designs on and then, realizing the perspective was too ‘colour same’ I’d cut out a few squares from a book.

Yes!  That works.

But, once I’d glued down the squares, it didn’t. Work. In fact, it looked discordant. Messy. It wasn’t calling to me. There was no harmony within me or on the page.

I was too close to ‘my idea’ and unable to see beyond what I’d wanted to achieve in my mind, versus what the muse was calling for me to release from deep within me.

I took Beaumont the Sheepadoodle for a walk and as I stood in the woods, listening to the sounds, feeling the warm(ish) November air against my face and watching Beaumont race through the snow, I felt better. Less agitated. More centered.

Left page spread

As we walked the trails along the river, I practiced a process I’d learned at the week-long The Embodied Present Process workshop I attended in Ontario two weeks ago. To release the breath within my pelvic bowl, to bring my awareness out of my ‘head brain’ down into my belly and then, to walk, stop and where ever I stood, look around me and say, “I am here.”

Occasionally I incorporated another process and said to Beaumont, the trees, the grasses, “I am another you.”

It was magical and mystical.

I was present to and within what Philip Shepherd, the facilitator and author of Radical Wholeness calls, ‘felt relationship’ with the world around me.

Right Page Spread

Regenerated, I came back to my studio not so much knowing what to do to fix my messy page spread, but feeling at one with its chaos and willing to move through continued creation to resolution.

I’m grateful I persisted. I’m grateful I remembered to bring my awareness back to my pelvic bowl so that I could feel, rather than think my way into being present. Fact is, thinking my way into anything has never worked that well for me anyway so why keep doing it? 🙂

Feeling my way, being present to the moment, creates space for me to experience being with the world and the world flowing through me in new and life-giving ways.

In the end, a bird flew in through one of the windows on my page and landed on a branch of a tree bringing me back to the present moment of creation.

What in my head had appeared as a chaotic and frustrating experience transformed itself into a totally delightful and divine afternoon in my studio.

From ‘I’m quitting’ to ‘I am here’ opened up all the windows of my page, creating possibilities I couldn’t imagine until I let go of my thinking and dropped down into the font of my creativity deep within my belly. In that space, all my senses opened up to the beauty and wonder of the moment, and everything shifted.

Magical and mystical indeed!



9 thoughts on “Why I didn’t quit.

  1. The creation of something beautiful is sometimes ugly, the creation of something magical usually lacks magic and looks more like indentured servitude, the realization of something beautiful is hard to see from a place of physical and emotional exhaustion, because those ebbs and flows of emotion and energy get us to the starting line: then, easy-peasy you make the finished product. It looks pretty good from here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love love love this. I am so often in “I quit” during wonderful and meaningful activities and these moments of actually using the zillions of tools and processes I’ve been given is what you are reminding me of! I love your connectedness and transformation of that energy…. so nice to stumble upon this today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what you mean! I take all these courses and workshops and in times of ‘YUCK!’ my little ole’ reptile brain wakes up and goes — oh oh. You’re in trouble…. DIVE! Run for cover…. lol — and then I forget all about what I’ve learned and revert back to old, and not that effective, behaviours! So grateful my words connected so beautifully with you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love it, Louise!! And I have been there. It’s funny to me when I think that I am creating something and try to exert control over the process. Like you experienced here…most things have a life of their own and if we become one with the masterpiece we become the facilitator!! I’m so happy you felt your way through the process because your creation is so beautiful!!
    Sending love and light 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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