Love Will Hold Us Together

In the stillness of morning light, I breathe slowly, waiting for the sun to break through wintery skies.

There is a weariness in my bones. I feel the weight of missing precious moments spent with family and friends. A longing for days that feel lost in misty memories of the times long ago when we opened our front door and invited others in.

In the softness of morning light, there is a heaviness to this winter morning.  A knowing that today will be the same. Connections made on screens filled with tiny boxes of familiar faces who light up my heart and who once graced us with their presence around our table. My heart is light with the thought of their smiles yet heavy with the missing, Of touch. Of gathering together. Of hugs and farewell kisses grazing cheeks and a touch on the shoulder to say, “I see you. I hear you. I feel you.”

Yes. It is the feel of people gathering together. Of coming together to celebrate birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, reunions, and even a loved one’s passing, that I yearn for.

It is the knowing that today I am not with my 3-year-old grandson celebrating at a party just for him. My arms ache to hold his body next to mine and whisper, “I love you” in his ear. And to feel his sweet, precious breath against my ear as he whispers back, “I wuv you too YiaYa.”

It is the knowing that five months have passed since last I held my granddaughter in my arms and smelt her babyfresh head and kissed her tiny nose and tickled her tummy as she giggled and gurgled in squirming delight at my touch. Five months feels like a lifetime of change in a seven-month old’s world spent watching her grow on a tiny screen. She reaches for it when we talk. I like to think she is reaching for my heart. That she knows this heart she cannot touch except through a tiny screen is full of love pounding a fierce beat to the tune of her laughter and squeals and toothless smiles and sparkling eyes full of joy.

In the stillness of this winter’s morning light, I gently close the door on memories I yearn to feel come alive again. I breathe softly into this moment right now where I sit at my desk watching the river flow and the light slowly break through the darkness.

Clouds cover the sky. A blanket of grey above. A blanket of snow below. Misty. Ethereal. Mysterious light full of memory and longing on a wintery morning.

The sun is hidden yet still it shines. Eternal. Hot. Fiery.

Like my love for those I’m missing. For those not here because they can’t be and those because they never will be again. My love burns eternal.

In the stillness of morning light, I light a candle for those who are gone forever, and those whose absence is just a temporary moment in time passing until we can gather again, hold one another again and kiss one another on the cheek and whisper softly, “I love you”.

It is fleeting, this heaviness in my heart. It will pass. For now, I let my body rest easy in its embrace and warm myself on the memories I cherish and the knowing that soon, I’ll see their faces in tiny boxes on my screen and know, no matter the distance nor the times that separate us, Love will always beat fierce and strong in our hearts. Love will always hold us together.

14 thoughts on “Love Will Hold Us Together

  1. Slowly I am dying inside as my heart yearns for warmth and understanding.
    I watch as each day draws to a close yet alone I remain.
    The sun shines brightly, no clouds mar the blueness of the sky.
    I try to reach out, to touch even for a moment, that elusive cloud nine.
    Just as I sense the closeness if happiness,
    I find myself falling – into an abyss of loneliness and despair.

    Slowly I am fading into oblivion of those ’round me.
    I cry for love, for you to be with me in times of joy and sadness.
    I beg to share your happiness, your pain, your very existence.

    A word, a smile, a touch of your hand.
    I’ll be fine, I know -just love me as I love you.

    All is well. Now. Thank you ❤️

    You got me going BFF.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I said to a writer friend this morning that sometimes, I have to write through the longing to get to the hope.

      I love how your words tumble out into the abyss and then rise above to that place where loving one another is enough. For now. Now.

      I’m so glad your beautiful writing it out brought you to All is Well. Now.

      Lovely. Absolutely lovely. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The view of the river from your place today is outstanding. Your blog is very moving and beautifully written from your heart. Thank heavens for computers in that, even from a distance, you can at least see and talk to your precious grandchildren. It’s so difficult not being able to hold and hug them but hopefully in the near future this will change. Yes you are so right Louise – LOVE will always hold us together❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Val for your comforting words and hopes. If it wasn’t winter I’d probably have gotten in my car already and driven out to the coast! My grandson’s birthday is tomorrow. 3. Just amazing. Fortunately, I got his gifts off in time and he’s already opened the puzzle so I get to watch him playing with it. It pleases my heart. ❤

      Like

  3. I just realise how good I have it. No tiny babies I can’t see, no young children who won’t recognise me after this looooong spell of dryness of love. But also sadly nobody smiling back at me when I go with a big smile towards people because they can only see tiny eyes, squeezed half-shut from the smile unseen behind a mask. When I’m playing cello in church, we are allowed to take off the masks for the duration of the play and it’s often the only moment one can give a smile, a twinkle of the eyes, tiny moments of happiness. It’s hard, but it must be enough. I have not a single member of family or friends who do ‘picture calls’, we phone each other or use WhatsApp/Signal, even conf calls for work are being conducted w/o picture because we don’t wish to show ourselves. Our families are from a time you engraved your message in a stone and I am forever guiding friends to buy and install a ‘modern smartphone’ where they then eventually can send some photos, messages or signs – I’ve become the instructor of old people on How to use a mobile phone…. some don’t even WANT to bother and are quite negative on ‘my excessive use’ of computer etc.!
    But LOVE CONQUERS ALL – and with our hearts full of love we can learn to live with the imperfections of todays situation – today I allowed myself to think of How it will be, once we will again be together, have family parties or friends in greater numbers – fondue evenings in winter with 30, 40, 50 friends – after a long walk in the fresh air…. and it was a beautiful dream.

    Liked by 1 person

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