Six days into the new year and it already feels like a rocky start. I’ve slipped on all levels of my commitment to self-care and fostering calm. It’s as if the moment the calendar flipped to January 1st, some invisible switch was thrown, and the pressure to be better, do better, achieve more, kicked the critter chatter in my mind into high gear as my inner wise woman slipped into reverse.
Yesterday, I succumbed to the siren song of junk food. The rain was coming down in sheets as I drove back from Victoria, the early morning ferry (6:20 am – ouch!) catching up with me. Each mile felt longer, each raindrop a tiny hammer against the windshield. By the time I reached Duncan, the golden arches of self-indulgence were glowing like a beacon of comfort, and the gremlin on my shoulder was whispering promises of salty, greasy satisfaction. Resistance crumbled.
And it’s not just the diet. 10,000 steps? More like 10,000 excuses. Between ferrying C.C. to Seattle and navigating the labyrinth of Canadian customs and residency paperwork, my Fitbit has been gathering dust. The book? Those 1000 words a day are mocking me from the blank page.
I find myself making excuses, defending my actions as if I’m in front of a judge. Why this need to justify? Is it the fear of being judged, of not living up to some impossible standard of “New Year, New Me”? Or is it something deeper, a fear of failing myself, of not being disciplined enough, strong enough to stick to my resolutions?
Perhaps the real struggle isn’t with the self-care itself, but with the expectations I’ve piled upon myself. Maybe calm isn’t something to be achieved, but a state of being, a way of approaching life that I need to rediscover. Maybe it’s time to take off these judgmental glasses and see the world, and myself, with a little more kindness.
Maybe, rather than loading myself up with expectations and then giving my inner critic free rein to criticize my perceived “lack” of progress, commitment, or achievement—obscuring my gratitude like a dark cloud hiding the sun—maybe I need to step fully into gratitude. Maybe I need to choose to celebrate the beauty, wonder, and awe that already exist in my world.
Perhaps counting moments that take my breath away, instead of milestones that constantly raise the bar higher, will help me focus on taking one step at a time towards my goals. And maybe, just maybe, all I need to keep my steps moving gently and calmly forward is to carry gratitude in my heart—gratitude for the journey, for the present moment, and for the abundance that surrounds me.
What about you? What would it look like to silence your inner critic and embrace the gift of this moment?
Dare Boldly 
Please go easy on yourself Louise. That high bar is so unforgiving. I too often falter out of the gate and stumble on the first hurdle which presents itself. Itâs not the falling of course but the getting up which determines the outcome. Go in grace and follow your self caring instinct. Happy New Year John McMahon
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Thank you so much John. And so true — “that high bar is so unforgiving”
Dousing myself in loving self-compassion and forgiveness. ❤
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Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men go astray. Tomorrow is a new day and we start over. So let’s just stop beating ourselves up and pick ourselves up and go again. I am trialing MINDFUL as a WOTY so I am mindful of choices, actions and yes even those self sabotaging thoughts. I practise gratitude nightly and know that there is so much in my glass that is full to the brim. So give yourself a hug and hop back on the horse.
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MINDFUL is nice. So are hugs!
I’m beginning again. Hugging myself and hopping back on!
Thanks Bernie! ❤
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One day at a time. Set small goals, not big ones, and work at achieving those.
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Louise … we must have the same retrograde star/planet. Or some devious virus.
My theory is that we should blame the season. This time of looking back and also looking forward, carries with it the expectation of “doing better.” Therefore the tendency is to fight it by “doing worse.”
Anyway, I know your still-brilliant self is just waiting for the cloud to pass. May 2025 be a Wonder Year. hugs, joyce
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Ahhh Joyce — we have always been so aligned. We really must find the space for that in-person visit! Our guest room is lovely… 🙂 looks out over the sea.
And I so agree re the seasons. This time of year, especially in the grey skies of west coast island living, feels fraught with accusation and recriminations over ‘what have you done — better yet, NOT DONE!’ It’s as if the skies are saying, I’m giving you this time of dim light for planning, creating, doing. Why are you wasting it?”
And my heart responds…. I’m not wasting it. I’m cultivating deep within me the seeds of hope and possibility for the spring.
Thank you my friend for your beautiful heart. ❤
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Louise … remind me where you are now … and what time of the year would be good. I’ve been considering a long car trip … that might be too long … but there are airports. How fun it would be to meet in person after all these years. Fun to think about. j
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We’re on Gabriola Island — Southern Gulf Islands — ferry from Port Angeles to Victoria and then a two hour drive to Nanaimo and then, a short ferry ride to the island. 🙂 Or…. fly to Victoria, I can pick you up. 🙂 Let’s connect over email and chat! Spring starts here in February…. rainy season tends to end around (ish) then. 🙂
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