Gratitude is a light within

Episode 25

It has been smoky here all week.

The smoke, while bothersome, doesn’t cause me discomfort. It hasn’t affected my walks with Beaumont nor my enjoyment of being in nature.

For my beloved, it’s a different story.

It’s been a long week. Confined almost continuously to the house, he still coughts and struggles at times to breathe. And, because he’s in a clinical trial, he can’t take any oxygen or drugs, other than his normal inhalers, to help alleviate the angst.

I am grateful for this clinical trial which may result in relief of his symptoms.

But, as medical science searches for ways to alleviate asthma and lung disease, it is uncomfortable for him, and I know, at times, terrifying. To struggle for breath. To feel always as if you are gasping for air.

I am grateful this week that I had chosen to write about gratitude. Grateful that in keeping my focus on its many graces, I have been constantly reminded to breathe into its healing powers.

It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I do. I worry. I fixate on wanting him to get up and get moving. On thinking there’s something else, he, or I, can do to make it better.

I get out of sorts. Short tempered.

And then, I come back to gratitude.

I am grateful for this practice. Grateful to have this safe space to return to centre, to find, as Val Boyko calls it, my middle ground.

I can’t ‘fix’ any of this. I can’t, as he asked me the other day, get him a new lung. What I can do is get him a cup of tea. Bake him my chocolate chip cookies he loves so much, even though I worry about their impact on my hips. He was once a professional football player. Weight is still not is issue, other than the need to put it on! Other than when I was pregnant, I have never had a problem putting on weight! 🙂

And, I can change how I respond when I’m feeling frustrated and worried.

I can stop thinking about how ‘this isn’t what I expected’ and turn instead into the love that brought us together, the shared joy in each other’s company.

I can stop wallowing in self-pity and awaken my desire to be playful, joyful, and heartful in our relationship.

I can stop being driven by fear and allow courage to draw me back into Love, peace, and joy.

Rather than thinking about the things we can’t do together, I can lean into the things we enjoy doing together. Play games. Read to each other out loud. Watch a movie together. Cook a meal together. And so much more.

I am grateful that we get to be together. That we get to share each day, together. And, that in being together, we get to support one another in living life to the fullest of our abilities and capacities, always giving the best of what we have to one another. Always keeping our vows in the forefront of our life together.

I am grateful that in writing about gratitude, I am reminded to put my own words into action.

I am grateful.


11 thoughts on “Gratitude is a light within

  1. A friend of mine lives in Calgary and she suffers from the smoke. It’s an awful thing to have your breathing restricted.
    I hope they can help your beloved. And yes, focus on the what you can do and not on the what you can’t. Happy Friday,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am simply grateful that you embarked on this journey of discussing aging. Especially at this point of my life I needed to be part of such an exchange, read what others think, are experiencing. Initially I thought I had “aged” since April 1 but now I acknowledge that I have actually been on an incredibly steep learning curve, especially in the area of human behaviour. At times it seemed to be a slippery slope, that was rewarded with moments of kindness, beauty, and inner peace. My professional experience in dealing with people from all walks of life certainly has been an asset, but there is always room to learn. These past weeks have been wonderful. I am grateful.
    I do hope the smoke has dissipated sufficiently that C. can get outside for fresh air.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you see it as a ‘learning curve’ not aging Iwona — what a fabulous perspective and inspiring invitation for all of us to reframe how we see our lives.

      I love it!

      and yes, no matter how accomplished we are, or how much experience we have, people always give us lots of space to learn more!

      I am grateful for you. ❤


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