I have been an infrequent visitor to my studio lately. Life and all its happenings, projects to complete that don’t require paint but do require creative presence, new 3 days a week work for a not-for-profit (I’m loving it!), visiting my grandchildren as often as I can (and my daughter and son-in-love too!) plus just day-to-day living with Beaumont the Sheepadoodle and my beloved, have consumed me.
And then there’s the vegging-out piece. You know. The “I’m too tired to dive into creative expression. I think I’ll spend time amidst others’ expressions!” Which means flipping open my laptop and losing myself in some Netflix/Prime fodder.
I tell myself, “It’s okay. You deserve the break.”
But here’s the real deal.
It’s not a ‘break’ when it is stealing my sense of balance, wholeness, centredness.
It is not a break when it pulls me away from what I love doing – exploring my creative expression.
So, I’ve made a deal with myself.
I give myself space to ‘veg-out’ if I first let out what is calling to be expressed. Because I know this very deeply within me — there is always something calling to be expressed, even when I pretend I can’t hear it or feel it!
And, because I’m pretending I don’t know it’s there, I allow myself to become lost in movie fodder.
So here’s my deal — it’s okay to ‘veg-out’ if I first let-out some artsy fodder in my studio!
Now… you may want to say, “Give yourself a break Louise. Everyone needs time-out.”
And it’s true. We do.
But I know me.
I am a ‘compulsively-excessive’ personality. I get into things and can’t/won’t/don’t stop. Which means… if I start a series on Netflix, I don’t stop until I’m done – even if it’s a crap series. Just ask my beloved – He suggested a series to me on the weekend and I said, “I don’t dare start a new series. I’ll get trapped in it and I don’t want to get lost. Again” I just finished watching 4 seasons of a terrible series — but I wouldn’t stop watching it!
So… rather than taunting myself with the idea I can only watch 1 episode, I simply do not begin!
Problem solved. 🙂 For now.
In the meantime, I am feeling so much more alive and enlivened after working in my studio all weekend on bookmarks that I include with every purchase of my “She Dares Boldly” desktop calendar, and then, diving into more images and quotes for the #SheDaresBoldly series.
I am cultivating my capacity to ‘let go and let become’ to allow that which is seeking to be expressed, appear.
I am cultivating my trust in the process of allowing the ‘I wonder if I do this…’ and then doing whatever that wonderment is just to see what will happen. Like using pastels through a stencil over inks — cool!
And, I am cultivating the habit of turning up for myself, everyday at my studio table in a state of excitement, curiosity, fearlessness and gratitude.
Excitement ignited by the mysteries I’m about to explore.
Curious about what will happen when I simply let go and be present.
Fearless in my willingness to listen deeply to my intuition (and the muse) and not judge nor doubt (or try to manipulate) their voice.
And Gratitude for this magical, mysterious, mystical world in which I have the privilege to play and be and create and learn and grow and experience and capture such richness, aliveness and beauty.