Dare boldly

Inspiring acts of grace in everyday living


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How not to scorch the earth when lighting the flames of love

Ian Munro at Leading Essentially wrote on Sunday about the natural power of a forest fire to clear out deadfall and create room for new growth.

Ian writes:

forest fire“A forest benefits from naturally occurring fires. It is one of those counter intuitive things in nature.  The forest ecosystem needs a good fire occasionally.  The larger, older trees form a canopy that blocks the light and suppresses new growth. Over the years, it also accumulates a lot of dead wood and brush on the forest floor, making it less passable for animals and less arable for other plants.  A good burn cures a lot of these issues.  At first, there’s nothing but a blackened mess.”

Read more of “The Secret to Avoiding Drastic Measures”

What we humans sometimes do not see is the beauty in the devastation. The possibility in the mess.

No matter how messy and filled with dead wood our path may be, we don’t want to feel the loss, experience the trauma, know the grief of burning down walls, tearing out the roots of the past, sweeping away deadfall on our path.

We focus instead on keeping going, no matter how dark the road, how treacherous the way. We keep on going in whatever direction we’re going, if only to avoid having to see the loss of light on our path.

Nature is patient, writes Ian.

We humans, not so much.

We want to continue on whatever path we’re on, be it comfortable or not, and not face the devastation, not confront the need to uproot or, as the case of a forest fire, burn down the overgrowth to get to the sun.

Two weeks ago, I married my beloved and we committed to live together, ‘happily ever-after’.

Okay, well the happily ever-after bit maybe wasn’t in our vows, but sometimes, in the beauty of the moment, happily-ever-after seems not so far away!

What was in our vows was the commitment to love one another, in the broken and the whole, of who we are, where ever we are.

We committed to be true to one another, no matter how dark the skies around us. To always find the path of least-destruction through all kinds of turmoil.

Life isn’t the culprit when our paths become dark and gloomy. We are.

In our quest to live in constant ‘happily ever-after’ we forget that life can be messy. It can have challenges. Ups and downs and disappointments. We must continually sweep away the fallen branches and deadfall that has collected on our path as we’ve journeyed from yesterday to today if we are to keep the light coming in. Or, to paraphrase M. Scott Peck who wrote over three decades ago about love and life and spirituality in “The Road Less Travelled”, if you don’t take out the garbage the whole house will stink. Our shadows are like the garbage, suggested Peck. If we don’t face them and all they carry, they’ll really stink up our lives.

I’m not a scorched earth supporter. I don’t believe we need to continually burn the earth on which we walk to keep our paths clear. I do believe, we need to continually clear out the deadfall, examine fallen branches and either turn them into walking sticks or let them go if they no longer serve us well. We need to continually seek the peaceful, loving path through our lives.

If I want my life to be filled with peace and love, joy and harmony, I must let go of lighting fires that destroy the world around me. As a couple, we must choose the road less travelled to find eachother’s hearts, in darkness and in light.

********************************

This post is in response to Ian’s question on his post:  The Secret To Avoiding Drastic Measures:

  • As a couple do we allow small irritations, poor habits and minor incompatibilities to fester to the point where the level of resentment cannot be reversed?  Or do we pursue more open dialog that allows these issues to be addressed individually, accepting that sometimes it will cause an argument or “small fire” that can be more easily controlled?

 


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Falling in love is easy.

Falling in love
is easy
when the laws
of gravity surrender
to their need
to hold me up
in my fear
of falling.

Falling in love
lifts me up
to the calling
of your heart
beat pounding
in time
with mine.

Falling in love
leaves me
effortlessly
standing with you
breathing
deeply
into Love.

I love creating visual memories of times and places. In the past, I’ve created videos of significant events in my daughters’ lives, family happenings, poems I’ve written C.C. — and on the weekend, I decided I’d take the photos we’ve received of the wedding from friends and, using the amazing song that Ken Swift, our DJ composed for our us, and turn it into a video.

C.C. and one of my daughters were teasing me last night that this would be, Wedding Video, 1.0. There’s 1.0 a and b oh and possibly C to come, they joked.

C.C. “Why don’t you wait for Ross’ photos (our wedding photographer) before you spend so much time making a video?

Me.  Because I don’t want to mix in his professional photos with all the non-professional one’s we’ve got.

C.C.  Mmmm… and it has nothing to do with your being impatient?

Me. (innocently). Impatient? Me? Never…

🙂

A Love Perspective. The Video. (Ver. 1.0)


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The Wishing Tree

Pinterest is an amazing place! Filled with ideas and photos of things to create, do, wear it was my ‘constant counsel’ while planning our wedding. Everyday I would scroll through pins of wedding ideas looking for inspiration. And I found lots!

One of the ideas I loved was the ‘Wishing Tree’.

An alternative to a guest book, the Wishing Tree is an invitation for guests to share their thoughts and ideas with the Bride and Groom on marriage, life, love, family.

Anything they wanted to share, they were invited to do so on cards and hang their messages on the Wishing Tree.

In a big urn by our front door I had several long natural-coloured twiggy sticks that I thought would work well for our Wishing Tree.

I also had a couple of cans of Krylon’s Mirror-finish spray paint which I was using for the doilies I painted for underneath the centrepieces.

On the afternoon before I left for Naramata, I laid the twiggy sticks out on large sheets of plastic on our back deck and began to paint. Fortunately, it was a hot, sunny and windless afternoon. I also painted the clay pot I’d bought to hold the twigs as well as the wooden hearts I’d purchased for which I had not yet figured out a use. 🙂

When I was finished and everything was dry, I wrapped the twigs up in bubble wrap and packing tape.

Imagine the look on C.C.’s face when he saw the long package and all the paraphernalia I had created for the wedding and heard my request he fit it in the car for me. 🙂  (4 big tubs containing 18 centrepieces wrapped in bubble wrap, 2 big plastic bags of giant flowers I’d made for chairs and other hanging places, multiple strings of lights, 15 heart lights, filler materials for the centrepieces + candlelights. 4 picture frames with various messages plus 8 easels. 1 large wooden canvas for art project. Several meters of blush and silver fabric for draping and anything else we thought we might need it for. Several smaller tubs of craft supplies and odds and sods. wooden wine box with my bouquet. wooden wine box with pot for Wishing Tree…)

It won’t all fit, he said. Don’t forget you’ve got my golf clubs as well as TW’s to bring, your suitcase, my suitcase, Alexis’ suitcase and the suitbags with the outfits too. C.C. was coming a day later with my youngest daughter as my eldest daughter and I were going early to scout out the venue and spend some quality time together. His kids were arriving the day after that along with several others in time for Friday’s Wine Tour.

I know, I replied. But… and I rhymed off several people who had offered to transport materials to the wedding for us. (Thank you AJ and JD, KV and RB and JT and JT!  You helped make it all happen and kept harmony flowing between C.C. and me.) All you have to do honey is get the tubs and frames and stuff I don’t take over to them before you come! I added with a smile.

The long and short of it is, everything arrived at the venue without mishap, C.C. and I kept smiling and we are now married!

On Saturday morning, I set up the Wishing Tree and was grateful for the 3 extra bags of (just in case) marbles I’d brought as well as the painted wooden hearts. They worked perfectly to hold the branches in place in the silver pot I’d painted. I’d also packed some extra pink wicker baskets and again — a perfect solution to hold the card stock I’d created for guests to write their wishes on as well as the pen. Bonus, some of the painted hearts worked great as a writing surface because the only table available for the tree was wicker — and it was not very smooth!

FullSizeRender (51)It is perhaps one of the biggest lessons of an away wedding. Stay flexible. Be prepared and don’t worry about having too much stuff! There’s always a use for it you never anticipated!

Oh, and have really good friends and family willing to cart it all for you!

As to the Wishing Tree — what a wonderful gift we received in the words our friends shared. From a co-worker who once kicked in a door for me (now that’s another story for another day) hoping C.C. will kick in doors for me too, to advice on having SEX often, to always communicating, to always laughing, to always watching each other’s backs, the cards are a delightful reminder of the fun, laughter, joy of our wedding and the people who shared the day with us.


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Creating an image of love

 

I am always in awe of how people, when given a chance, can be creative.

At our wedding, we wanted to create ‘something’, that represented family, its many facets, colours, elements, members. We wanted to show how our family was coming together. Two parents with their four children, and all the tributaries flowing into One.

Pinterest has lots of interesting ceremonies couples use to show this — sand poured into a jar by the bride and groom; knots tied in a rope, shells added to a dish, names to a figurative tree. The ideas are many and varied.

As an artist I wanted something that reflected not just family coming together, but the creative uniqueness of each of us and how we all contribute in our own special way to the whole.

We decided to do a ‘paint pouring’ ceremony at the wedding.

Pouring paint can be messy. An acrylic pouring medium is added to the paint which can make it very fluid. Once poured onto the canvas its natural desire is to flow everywhere.

That wouldn’t do at a wedding.

We needed something that would flow but would still be thick enough when poured to hold most of its form so that it wouldn’t run off the edges of the canvas onto the floor or people’s clothes. Cactus Arts, one of my favourite purveyors of all things that feed my artistic needs, sells a French brand of paint that was perfect: Pebeo paints are thick, opaque and in some colours, metallic or iridescent. Their ‘flowability’ can be controlled, even when pouring medium is added to them.

Jerry with Judy - pre wedding

Jerry with Judy – pre wedding

Which is why, on Saturday morning of the wedding, when Jerry W. a dear friend arrived at the venue to ask if he could help, I immediately gave him the task of mixing paint. Joyfully he tore off a big piece of plastic to cover his clothes and set himself up in the ‘paint pouring’ corner to complete his task.

An Image of Love

An Image of Love

Later, after C.C. and I had finished the first pour and then our children each had added their colour to the mix, we invited all our guests to join in and help us paint a picture of love and family.

It was spectacular! All through the evening, people poured and laughed and added their special and unique mark to the painting. Some went back to add another mark or came back to see what new element or idea was added.

What began as just an idea turned into a beautiful representation of love, family and friends.

We are delighted. Once I’ve added a resin to the surface to protect it we will hang it in our living room where it will be a beautiful reminder of not just our wedding but of everyone in our lives who add such beautiful and vibrant hues to create the circle of love that is our life.

This is the PDF of the poster that stood on an easel beside the poured Painting

 


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And the chairs moved and the sun shone.

IMG_1177Planning a wedding is a delicate balance of trying to plan for everything and anything, while constantly having to give up control of needing to have it perfect.

Planning a wedding outdoors means perfection cannot even be on the agenda. The weather is its own element, with its own agenda and its own whimsy. You cannot control what it does, when it does it or how. You can only prepare for every eventuality.

On Saturday, April 25th, the rain that had threatened all week became a reality. It fell. All around. All morning.

The valley was shrouded in grey glowering darkness. Misty clouds floated above the surface of the lake, raindrops danced upon the waters.

It was beautiful but it was not what I wanted.

At nine, when I arrived at Bench 1775 Vineyards to help set-up, I was not willing to concede defeat. “Let’s wait until mid-morning before we make the final decision,” I pleaded with Natalie Winsa, our wedding planner. “Of course,” she agreed. “Let’s wait.”

Waiting didn’t make a difference. The rain kept falling. The temperatures were downright cold.

My daughters arrived to help. “You’re going to have to do the ceremony inside,” they cautioned me.

I took a breath and decided it was what it was.

All set up inside...

All set up inside…

“Yes! Let’s set-up inside. It will be different than I imagined but it will still be beautiful.”

And we began the task of creating a space of beauty within while outside the rain tapered off but the skies remained gloomy.

We’d planned on being finished by noon. By one, we were not yet done. Alexis my eldest daughter set the alarm on her phone. “We have to be out of here latest by 2 mom,” she advised me.

“Of course,” I replied as C.C. and I draped fabric over fishing line wire to disguise the corner where all the ‘extra stuff’ was hidden behind the DJ.

TZ, who had been working on beautifying the tent, wrapped the final guy-wire with silver mesh, hung the last whimsical flower I’d made on the centre pole and strung the final silver star. TW swept up debris as his daughter Victoria helped place the final centrepiece.

Alexis’ alarm chimed at 2. “We have to go,” she announced.

I was still waiting for the weather to turn. The rain had stopped but the clouds still hung low. “We have to go, mom. It will be beautiful.”

I knew she was right. The room where we’d set up the chairs for the wedding looked beautiful, as did the tent where all the tables were set.

It’s just, I’d really, really wanted to get married outside, with the lake waters shimmering in the sun and the view expanding out behind us.

We drove back to Therapy Guesthouse to get ready. TW practiced sabering a bottle of champagne and we clapped and laughed as the bubbles came frothing out.

Alexis did my makeup while Ross Tabalada, our amazing photographer, took photos. C.C. and his son T floated around for awhile until we banished them to the downstairs.

The tradition of not seeing the bride until the ceremony runs strong amongst our daughters.

And I just kept smiling and getting ready and practicing letting go of wanting the ceremony outside.

At 4:55 we were ready to leave for the ceremony. C.C. and his son TC had already gone before us. It was just the girls and me, and TW who was driving us over.

My phone pinged.IMG_6569 A text. I looked at the screen. It was just emoticons. A heart and a whole bunch of suns shining.

I text back. “Move the chairs please. Outside.”

And so, the clouds pulled apart. Blue sky appeared and sun streamed through the gaps.

And the chairs moved.

It didn’t matter if the air was still crisp or the clouds hung low upon the horizon. Right where we stood, the sun shone and the breeze felt fresh against my skin as C.C. and I, surrounded by our children, family and friends vowed to love one another, forever and always.

It was perfect in every way.


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The many views of Love

We are home. Husband and wife. Married.

I didn’t think ‘being married’ would really be all that different than living together. I thought it would just be a formal/legal kind of thing that didn’t change anything.

I was wrong.

Something did change. Shifted. Moved. Tilted. Expanded. Deepened.

There is something different in this place called husband and wife. Something deeper. More solid. Stable. Safe. Complete.

I am surprised. Awed. Excited.

I am home.

The entire week at Therapy Vineyard & Guesthouse was amazing. Natalie Winsa, our host and wedding planner made it all so carefree, so fun, so beautiful! Her partner, Kasey Alladin, ensured that everything we tasted, from the Friday night snacks at the Open House to the wedding buffett not only was delectable and delightful but visually stunning too. And the team at Bench 1775 Winery were amazing. While Sonya, Aaron and crew aren’t actually responsible for the incredible views (Thank you Universe!), they definitely did everything possible to ensure we could savour the vistas from every point of view no matter where we stood on one of their decks or in their tasting room.

Surrounded by incredible scenery, long vistas across the lake and billowy white clouds above, no matter where you stood at our wedding, every view spoke of friendship, family and above all, Love.

There isn’t a single thing I’d change. Not a single moment I’d re-do, except of course, I want to experience it all again and again!

I’m still savouring. Still processing. Still breathing into the beauty and awe of it all. So rather than put words to my feelings and thoughts, I’m sharing photos from our wedding most of which have been provided by the amazing Tamara Z. Thank you Tamz. Your thoughtful ideas on how to capitalize on the views and space and your help in setting up made everything a perfect dream! Between you and Tim W. Sr. this girl never had to worry about a thing! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Enjoy!


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A Love Perspective

These memories of Love
of sharing our vows,
amongst the vines,
I hold them,
close within my heart,
savouring each morsel
upon my skin
kissed by the sun
and the one
I love.
I taste
the beauty and joy and love
our friends and family
gathered together.

My heart overflows
gratitude fills my spirit
joy embraces me.

I fly high
on wings of love
dancing amongst the vines.

 

 

There are so many, many moments that touched me deeply, that moved me to tears, that gave my heart wings. I am still not ready to share these moments, to move beyond these rarefied air.

We return to Calgary today and with us we carry the memories of the wonder and awe we have shared in over the past week — and the months leading up to our wedding. Ross Tabalada, our friend and photographer shared the photo above — in total he took 2300 photos! Can’t wait to see them all once he’s gone through them. 🙂

A moment I want to share is when Ken Swift, our DJ, dear friend and one of my co-workers, shared the song he composed as a surprise for C.C. A Love Perspective.

Ken writes on his SoundCloud page,

This song was created to honour the vows recently shared between two friends of mine. The bride is an artist, poet and writer who composed the lyrics that are heard throughout the track. This song was debuted at their private party in Penticton BC on April 25, 2015.
Many thanks go to:
Amie and Carmella Swift for contributing their enchanting vocal work.
Miles Cantafio for his smoothed out bass lick.

 Click HERE to listen to A Love Perspective.