Last night, as my beloved and I lay in bed reading, he suddenly asked, “Do you know what day tomorrow is?”
“Monday?” I glibly replied.
“Our anniversary,” he clarified with a laugh.
Well my goodness! Seriously?
Neither of us had noted the date.
For C.C., it’s partially because of being immersed in pulling together financing on a business deal. He gets consumed.
For me… well recent events have taken up a great deal of my mindspace. I just hadn’t realized how much until C.C. reminded me of the significance of this date.
As many who read here regularly know, C.C. was in hospital with pneumonia for 10 days at the beginning of the year.
His recovery has been slowed by the presence of COPD in his lungs which makes his breathing laboured. My thoughts have been consumed with making sure COVID doesn’t impede his recovery.
And then, a month ago, while I was in Vancouver, he fell and fractured three ribs. “They’re only bruised,” he told me. “No need to come home. I’ll be fine.”
Fortunately, my youngest daughter was able to care for Beaumont as he tried to heal and my sister Jackie kept him supplied with food while I was away! It wasn’t until two days before my return that he went for an X-ray and discovered his ribs weren’t bruised but fractured — no wonder moving was almost impossible. All of which has made his breathing even more laboured.
Colour me worried, ’cause I am.
Worried he’ll catch COVID. Worried his breathing will not improve. Worried…
Add the passing of my dear friend Andrew and I’m hoping you get the picture… my mind is not a calm and clear view of distant horizons and shimmering seas of peaceful waters capable of holding thoughts of health and well-being and death and living alongside dates of note.
The fact is… I have been feeling overwhelmed by it all. Not just these recent events but the whole landscape of this world where war and disease and climate events march in seemingly unending waves of turbulent thoughts engulfing my peace of mind.
It’s time to find my centre, my middle ground as Val Boyko calls it. It’s time to breathe into the chaos and worry to remind myself of that which is always present, always the answer… LOVE
Tolstoy wrote, “Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.”
On this, our 7th Wedding Anniversary, I choose to consciously release worry and fear, sadness and sorrow, to celebrate all that makes my life so rich and vibrant, all that creates such beautiful meaning and joy in everyday.
Our love. Our commitment. Our union. Our marriage.
I can’t change the course of war or disease. I am not powerful enough to cure or heal all the woes of the world.
What I have the power to do is to ensure my own world is filled with all that creates better in this world. Beauty. Art. Joy. Compassion. LOVE.
Today, I celebrate US as I surrender all fear and fall with grace into the eternal source of it all… LOVE.
l’chaim! to LIFE!