I had such good intentions. To spend the time between Christmas and New Year’s diving into what I’ve written over the past year to compile a New Year’s message full of insight and wisdom and thoughts on what I’ve learned about making a difference.
And then, my daughter had an accident. Sitting down to think about making a difference took backseat to thinking about what a difference she makes in my life. Coming to grips with my feelings and thoughts and realizations about that accidenttook over my thinking.
That’s okay, I told myself. I’ll give myself a day to settle into peace with the fragile nature of our hold on life and then, I’ll work on my New Year’s message.
And then, I put my back out. I kind of knew it was happening. One of my favourite places to sit in the early morning darkness is the chaise in the corner of the living room. With the lights of the Christmas tree twinkling in the darkness and the candles flickering, it is meditative, calming, creative. Except…. it’s a killer on my back. I know this because whenever I choose to spend a few days in a row sitting there, my back always goes wonky.
Ahhh. But this time will be different, I told myself. Doing the same thing that caused pain in the past will not cause pain in the future.
Yeah right. Hello? Who am I kidding? Them be mighty fine drugs you’re smokin’ girlie! Cause, sure as the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, my lower back surely goes into spasm after sitting on the chaise that puts all the pressure on my lower back, for three weeks straight.
Which meant, my plans of sitting at my desk, or anywhere, gathering my thoughts for a New Year’s message were not to be. Sitting for any length of time just didn’t work.
But I could stand. As long as I was wearing my super-duper Nike walking shoes, I could stand. And so I did. Stand. And yes, I know I could have stood with my laptop on a counter but seriously…. there’s too much stillness and my back needed me to move to keep it limbered up.
So…. instead of being in front of my computer, I stood in front of an easel. For three glorious days, I stood in front of an easel and I created. I splashed colour. Collaged. Drew. Contemplated and splashed more colour.
Thanks to my friend TZ who is house sitting for a woman who has turned her basement into an art studio, I spent two glorious days with her and another friend DQ stirring my creative juices and throwing my expression of it onto a canvas. On Sunday, C.C. came and joined us. He sat in a big comfy chair in the corner reading while we painted to our heart’s content.
It was divine!
And then, yesterday, still unable to sit for long periods of time, I turned the dining room into my art studio and spent a third day immersed in colour and texture and visual stimulation.
I am happy.
I am content.
I am satisfied.
And I still don’t have a New Year’s message written.
And that’s okay.
Because it’s one of the very first things I learned in writing about making a difference. The difference I make isn’t in the doing, it’s in my being. Present. Conscious. Awake. It’s in my loving acceptance of where I’m at, how I’m at, however I am, present, willing to know myself as I am without needing to be different. It’s in loving myself through whatever I’m doing, without wishing I was somewhere else or some other way.
The greatest difference I make in the world is found when I am being where I am, how I am, right now, right here, in just this way. And when ‘just this way’ is founded on acceptance, my ripple becomes one of acceptance.
I’ve learned a great deal about what it means to make a difference in the world, and one of the greatest things I’ve learned is that to make a difference I have to turn up, pay attention, speak my truth, and stay unattached to the outcome.
When I step into each moment with an open mind and loving heart, when I surrender my fear to Love, I become the difference I want to create in the world. And in that difference, miracles happen.
Looking back on the year of making a difference I know I have created more of what I want in the world. And I am grateful. I have touched hearts, opened minds and set spirits free and in the process my spirit has been freed to express itself exactly the way it is. My voice has been heard. I have reached out and been touched by hundreds of people reaching back.
I am grateful.
This morning, my back is feeling much better. This morning, the sky is still dark as I type but I know the sun hovers on the horizon, waiting for the soft sweet calling of day’s light urging her to slip out of night’s blanket and leap across the sky.
Tomorrow is another day.
For today, I wish each and every one a Happy New Year. May you celebrate the passing away of 2012 with love and compassion and the knowing, you made a difference. May you welcome in 2013 with your arms wide open to the possibility of the wonder and awe unfolding in your life knowing, you make a difference. May you surrender fear and fall in Love every moment of every day.
Tomorrow, I shall be back here. I’ll be changing the name and design of my blog, but the theme will remain the same. I like exploring what it means, what it takes, what is, the difference we make in the world everyday.
And I love sharing the journey with all of you!
Thank you everyone for being part of my exploration. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. You make a difference.
Happy New Year!
See you next year!