Monthly Archives: May 2019

When life throws up a speed bump, how will you grow?

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No 37 #ShePersisted
The Naked Truth
Mixed Media on canvas paper
11 x 14″
@2017 Louise Gallagher

You know when things happen in your life and you think…. “Wow. I didn’t see that coming?”

And then, it’s there in front of you. And, even though you know it isn’t the best course of action, what you really want to do is rail against it and fling up your hands and stomp your feet and exclaim, “Why me?” or something to that affect?

Take a breath.

Step back.

Get present.

Breathe.

Playing the victim. Pointing fingers at the other and highlighting their faults, limitations, wrongness – it just creates more chaos and angst.

It ain’t easy in the face of adversity to turn up and stay present without fearing the darkness. It is necessary if you are to weather life’s storms without getting pulled from your course, from the centre of your “I” of who you are and how you strive to be in the world.

Stepping into your integrity, speaking your truth with a kind and compassionate heart, being congruent in all your actions, accepting and recognizing there is truth in all things and not all things are true, creates a world of possibility. It shines light into the darkness and creates space for all our shared human condition to be present, including frailties and imperfections.

Awhile ago, someone accused me of acting in a way that took me by surprise. Being called something that is not a trait I admire, wish to emulate or be known as, felt confusing. Yet, there I was, having to face someone else’s assertions they were experiencing me in a way I do not want to be.

It was humbling.

To defend myself, I felt the urge to pull out everything I knew about the other that would make them look small, less than, other than the remarkable human being I know them capable of being.

to find my center, to stay grounded in my truth, I had to…

Take a breath.

Step back.

Get present.

Breathe.

Trying to make someone else look small does not make me the bigger person. It just makes me less than who and how I want to be in the world. To walk with integrity in my life is more important than playing in the mud of someone else’s chaos, pain or whatever it is they are experiencing that causes them to do the things they do for reasons I can’t make sense of. In those situations, my integrity must trump getting down and dirty

My intention in life is to celebrate people, to connect through our magnificence, to create space for everyone around me to shine bright. In the lightness of our being bright lights of possibility, we illuminate the path for all the world to see, violence, bullying, discrimination, sexism, racism, anti-humanism do not create a world of peace, harmony, love and joy. They destroy humankind.

Life is a fascinating journey. It brings opportunities to shine, to express our magnificence, to be our best selves through the good times and the tough. It’s easy to walk with integrity when things are going well in your life, the challenge is always to stay true to yourself when the going gets rough and the rough is calling you to get down and dirty to ease your pain or confusion.

Standing in your integrity means letting go of the need to act out. It means turning up, speaking your truth, walking your path with integrity and staying unattached to the outcome.

And when you do that, life’s hurdles become opportunities to learn and grow and be the more of who and how you want to be in the world, in every kind of weather.

 

 

Namaste.

Critters and other inner beasts

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A friend and I are talking about inner discord. “I was surprised to read about your struggle with your internal critter,” she says. “I always think you’ve got everything so together.”

I laughed.

Recognizing and acknowledging my inner critter isn’t about not having things ‘together’, it’s about seeing everything fitting together the way it does, critter and all and accepting it is all essential to the whole of my life.

I don’t judge myself for those inner struggles with the critter, I told my friend. They are imminently human and, because I like to celebrate my human condition, I accept my struggles and celebrate my capacity to move through them — sometimes with grace and ease. Other times kicking and screaming as I pound my fists against the injustices of the world around me. Even when I falter and give into ‘the veg in front of the TV’, I celebrate my process. If I’m going to give myself that space, why not accept with grace my choices?

For me, it is about our human struggle with the need to be perceived, or our need to attain, perfection.

I will be perfect when I know no struggle, we tell ourselves.

My life will be perfect when I know no conflict.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Living life fully involves struggle and conflict. It involves engaging deeply with life, not just skimming its surface in search of the easy, constantly staying on the lookout for quick exits from anything that involves going deeper than the superficial.

Life is a joyful, complicated, messy journey. How we navigate its many byways and detours, how we travel its unknown depths determines the quality of our experience, not the journey itself.

The journey is what the journey is. Somedays, it feels like a walk through the park, every sight and sound a joyous reflection of our peace of mind. Other days, we wonder if we need to go back to bed and get up on the other side. On those days where discord abounds, we get to decide if we fight against it, or lovingly delve into what is happening within to create our angst. It’s always a choice. And it’s always our choice, even on those days when we tell ourselves we have no choice.

Every day, we are the judge, the juror, the architect, the conductor of our experience. Choosing to love ourselves in all our complexities creates space for the journey to be less of a struggle against ourselves and more of an adventure into falling in love with ourselves.

Falling in love with ourselves isn’t about seeing only what we judge to be the beautiful or worthy about ourselves. It’s about accepting all of ourselves, critters and angels, sinners and saints, those parts we deem worthy, those we don’t.

Ultimately, I gotta love all of me ’cause all of me is all I got. Loving all of me means embracing beauty and the beast. Dark and light. Yin and yang. Wounds and wisdom, without wishing I was some other way. If the way I am, the way I am being present in the world is not creating the peace, joy, compassion and love I seek, I get to choose what I do with it – and if I choose to do nothing, then that is the journey I’m on.

Change or stay stuck.

Move or stay put.

My choice.

Seeking perfection is just a way to stay stuck. It lets us off the hook of being 100% accountable for ourselves; our actions, words, thoughts, impact.

A friend told me she was surprised I struggled with my critter.

I laughed.

My critter and I know each other well. I love him in all his angst-driven chaos. Loving him doesn’t mean I give him control of my life. It just means when I recognize his strident calling for me to act out or to ‘get perfect’, I lovingly embrace his fears and pains and let him know, I am perfectly content being present with my perfectly perfect human imperfections.

 

Namaste.

 

 

 

What is always is what is.

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“Bursting Out”
Alcohol Ink on Yupo Paper
11 x 14″
2019 Louise Gallagher

Yesterday I had a lesson in expectations. I am grateful.

With the South Calgary Art Show & Sale fast approaching on May 10 & 11, I am spending as much time in my studio as I can.

Last night, when I came home from work, my beloved was engrossed in ‘Hockey Playoffs’.  I headed to the studio.

It was a struggle.

My mind was roiling about, thinking over a situation at work that is not the way I would like it to be. I was tired. Maybe even a bit grouchy. I was having trouble letting it all go so that I could sink into the joy of simply being present at my art table.

I wanted the time in my studio to be fun. Light. Airy.

I wanted to feel content. At peace. Present.

I didn’t feel any of it.

Instead, I felt the expectations of what I wanted and the contradictions of where my mind was at, weighing heavily on my entire being.

“Don’t let the worries of your day go, Louise,” the critter who likes to slide into my thinking when it knows I’m feeling tired and grouchy and make it all stinky and yucky whispered inside my head. “I mean, really. These are big worries. You need to chew on them some more.”

The calm, loving voice of reason tried to edge in. “It’s okay Louise. Just be present. In the worry. Sadness. Confusion. Disappointment. Be present and let all your emotions flow.”

The critter was having none of it, which was evident on the canvas. The colours weren’t flowing. The bottom part of the painting was a blob of dark, messy mud. “You gotta worry this bone Louise. Sure, you gotta let your emotions flow. But don’t you dare let them flow to acceptance, love and harmony. Joy and contentment. People are out to get ya’. You gotta worry about that!”

I kept pushing the paint. I kept moving it around.

I wanted to give up. To simply throw my hands in the air and say, “Fine. I’m not meant to paint tonight. I’ll just go turn on some mindless TV and veg out.”

The mess on the canvas stared back at me.

Stay or go. Give into the unease in my mind or fall into the flow of creation?

See, that’s the issue.

I know what is good for me. I know what is healing and life-giving. Being in my studio. Being in nature. Meditating. Playing. Dancing. Savouring life.

In times of stress, I sometimes like to convince myself I don’t need to turn up for me. I don’t have to be accountable for my journey.

The canvas never lies.

It reflects my lack of ease, my expectation of it being ‘easy’, my desire to not do the hard, my need to make sense of nonsense.

It also reflects my places of discord, Of not feeling congruent within myself. Like the critter urging me to give up, the canvas resists my efforts to make sense of stinkin’ thinkin’.

I entered the studio last night with the expectation that being there would be a walk in the park. That it would all just flow easily. That I would create a masterpiece without any hard work.

My expectations lead me astray. The critter lead the parade.

And then, I let go and in the surrender, I found myself falling effortlessly into the joy of creating. The result is a painting that is very different than what I expected it to be. It may not be a masterpiece, but it is a reflection of my journey from discord to ease, from expectation to anticipation of what can happen when I let go of believing ‘what is shouldn’t be what is.’

What is always is what is. How I respond, how I journey through life’s inevitable what ises that cause me unease is a reflection of where I am at, how I am in my life. When I choose to surrender expectations of how what is should be, I find myself flowing with grace in the river of life, swimming joyfully in a sea of contentment, beauty and colour.

Life is good.

Namaste.