Category Archives: on aging

Lessons from a Tiny Tugboat

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This morning, I watched a tiny tugboat wrestle with a giant of a barge loaded with what appeared to be the castoffs from the pulpmill. At first, I wondered if an island mountain had risen out of the ocean overnight. But then I realized the island was moving, pulled by the tiny tug.

Sometimes, that’s how life’s many challenges can appear. Mountainous. Overwhelming. Heavy. Illness. Loss. Divorce. Those life events that can knock the wind out of our sails.

Are you the tugboat, straining and striving yet always focused on its destination, or the barge, at the mercy of the currents?

For the past few years, I have struggled with adjusting to my husband’s health issues. Constantly repeating, “this isn’t the life I envisioned for us,” only invited my critter mind to hiss back. “It’s the life you’ve got. There’s nothing you can do about it.” The challenge was to tap into my inner wisdom, to hear its voice above the relentless negativity of my critter mind: ‘This is your life. What are you willing to do about it to create beauty, joy and love in it everyday?’

Most days, I heed its invitation to take control, be in charge of my own life and how I live it. And then there are those days where I just want to stay in bed, the weight of it all pressing down like an anchor. On those days, I lament that COPD has stolen away more than just his ease of breathing. Gone are Sunday morning bike rides, the wind in our hair, our laughter wafting out over the hills as we coast along the trail. Our new norm has required me to adjust my expectations of our ‘senior years,’ to include less physicality while still holding onto connection and intimacy.

I’m learning that joy can be found both in shared moments and in solitary pursuits. It’s about staying committed to a rich life together, even when it feels like I’m carrying the weight of the world. But the truth is, we’re in this together. And when we stop keeping score of who’s pulling more weight, harmony finds us, like gentle waves lapping at the shore.

Like the little tug, I’ve learned to adjust my course, find new ways to connect, and keep moving forward, one small wave at a time.

What about you? What ‘barge’ are you hauling around, and how can you become the tug?

Where Memory Lies (a poem)

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Where Memory Lies

My mother’s mind was clear until her very last breath. She held onto reality with a fierce grip, even when her body faltered. Though she often massaged the past to make it a more palatable story, her tales of her youth in India, the city of her birth she loved so much, and the parents she regretted leaving behind when she travelled to the other side of the world to begin her new life as a wife and mother, needed no embellishment. She never forgot her past.

My mother’s last breath escaped her body four years ago, and still, I marvel at how her mind remained sharp even when arthritis crippled her limbs.

This morning, I awoke with thoughts of memory, life, and remembering swirling in my mind. An image of a dear friend, whose mind is slowly fading though her body remains strong, drifted in and out as the muse wove her way through my thoughts. It is her struggle, and the pain of her family and all those who are struggling in similar circumstances, that inspired this poem.

Where Memory Lies
by Louise Gallagher

I smile and listen to your story
nod my head in all the right places.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard it
I know when to laugh and gasp
and act as if you’ve never told me this one before.

You ask where your husband is
and even though I know you will forget 
when I remind you he died years ago,
I tell you he’s gone fishing
and you clap your hands and giggle
in that little girl way you have
that made him smile and call you, “My girl!”
and you say, “He loves fishing!”
even though he never owned a reel.

To save myself from witnessing your grief
washing over you again and again
I do not tell the truth.
Truth hurts too much.

There is no happy ending in the grief 
of witnessing time’s relentless quest
to erase the past
from a mind that never forgot
birthdays, anniversaries, names and faces.

There is only this space where each day
becomes a new beginning
of a story unravelling
the tapestry of your life.

You tell me the story of how you met
the man you married
I listen and laugh
and when you forget his name
I quietly remind you
again and again
but do not tell you where he’s gone
and when you ask who I am,
I do not tell you, I am your daughter.

Truth hurts too much.

.

Awakening (a poem)

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Between getting the house ready for sale and the endless stream of viewings, as well as being away for almost two weeks, life’s been a whirlwind! 😅 Like a sailor waiting for the wind, or a surfer for that perfect wave, we’re patiently (and sometimes not-so-patiently!) waiting for the right buyer to walk through our door. The uncertainty is definitely challenging, but it’s the constant “viewing ready” mode that’s truly exhausting! 🤪

And here’s the thing. Amidst the packing and clearing out, the visiting family and walking on the beach and playing with my grandchildren and baking bread for my daughter and lazing on the patio sipping wine and talking late into the night, I’ve realized that stressing about every little detail just isn’t worth it.

Life is too short to worry about fingerprints on the counters or pillows not being perfectly fluffed. I’m choosing to trust the process, and focus on living each day with passion and purpose. Cooking, laughing, and enjoying my home are back on the menu! 🥳

Because, here’s the thing… In the midst of all the chaos, I realized I have not been doing the things I know nurture and sustain me. I’ve avoided being here, writing, painting and a host of other things I love to do, that de-pressurize my state of mind, and set my heart free and my spirits soaring.

it’s time to reignite the spark! 🔥 To dream and create and explore and expand.💖

It’s time to let magic happen! ✨ It’s time to begin again and let dreams unfold and spirits rise.

Awakening

Awakening
by Louise Gallagher

Moments of sudden clarity, 
like waking from a dreamless sleep
after days spent sleepwalking, 
blind and deaf to the beauty all around.

Dark thoughts cloud the mind, 
a heavy fog obscuring the light 
beneath inertia's suffocating blanket. 
Unannounced,
a crack appears, sunlight floods in.

Warmth chases away the shadows,
fear retreats, slithering back into the darkness.
Hope blossoms in the open space,
a fragile flower pushing through the concrete.

The prison of stagnation crumbles,
the chains of self-doubt fall away.
Dreams reawaken, vibrant and alive.
No longer afraid of falling,
I rise. 
Sails full of promise, 
I soar.

On Loss and Love

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The silky silence of night before the dawn envelops me as I sit on the deck listening to the rustling leaves of the riverbank trees. Frustrated by waking at 3am, I have come out here to savour the early morning stillness in the hopes that my mind will quieten and sleep return.

On my tiny portable speaker, which I’ve carried outside for company, the familiar melody of “Fields of Gold” wafts softly through the air, a song forever intertwined with the memory of my sister’s Ceremony of Life last December. Unexpectedly, tears well up in my eyes, tears I thought had long since dried. Sadness, a ghost I believed banished, returns with a vengeance.

Questions swirl in my mind, demanding answers: “How do you heal an emotion? How does letting it flow ease the pain when it is the very act of letting go that hurts so much?”

Perhaps the healing lies not in erasing the pain, but in embracing it. Maybe the tears are not a sign of weakness, but a testament to the depth of love that refuses to fade. And maybe, just maybe, the rustling leaves carry a whispered message from my sister, reminding me that even in absence, love endures, echoing in the fields of gold forever etched upon my heart.

On Loss and Love
by Louise Gallagher

Death
A darkening horizon
known, unwelcome, denied
the final, silent breath.

Grief
A ravenous beast
unbidden, fickle, relentless
gnawing at peace of mind

Sorrow
A river's endless flow
carving canyons in the void of loss
the search for solace's shore.

Acceptance
A tapestry woven of tears
each memory a shimmering thread
Love's enduring light.

What Gets Better with Age?

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The title of this post is today’s daily question asked by the auto-prompter on WordPress. Good question.

As a child, I believed life improved with age. While that’s largely true, some things, like the scar under my chin from trying to reload a BeBe gun while resting my chin on it, don’t get better—they get richer in stories. Life, it turns out, is a blend of growth and weathering, where some edges soften and others gain character.

Of course, some of that growth can become evident on our bodies. Grey hair, wrinkles, sagging skin, widening hips and fuller bellies tell their own stories of time’s passage. Inside me, however, are the invisible signs of how deep my roots grow and how wise my years have become.

These inner changes aren’t always visible in the mirror, but they are etched into my soul. I’ve come to realize that some of life’s most precious treasures don’t tarnish with time. In fact, they often appreciate in value, much like a beloved antique passed down through generations.

Take, for instance, the understanding I have of myself. It’s no longer a fleeting reflection in a pond, but a deep dive into the ocean of my being. I know what makes my heart sing, what triggers my anxieties, and what fuels my passions. These insights, earned through years of self-reflection and lived experience, (not to mention a whole lot of therapy, personal growth courses and a whole library of self-help books) are like pearls gathered from the depths.

Every mountain scaled, every stumble along the path, has etched itself into the tapestry of my being. Whether a soaring triumph or a humbling tumble, each step of my journey has woven threads of wisdom and resilience into my life’s fabric. As I unearth the hidden treasures within each experience, I find myself lighter, shedding the burdens that once weighed me down, and richer in the boundless currency of joy, gratitude, and love.

My relationships have undergone a similar transformation, with some fading like old photographs and others deepening and strengthening like weathered oak trees. I’ve learned to cherish the connections that nourish my soul and to gracefully let go of those that no longer bring me joy. This discernment, born of time and wisdom, is a gift I wouldn’t trade for youthful naivety.

Even my perception of the world has shifted. The black-and-white landscapes of my youth have given way to a kaleidoscope of colors, textures, and perspectives. I’ve come to appreciate the complexity of human nature, the interconnectedness of all things, and the delicate balance between joy and sorrow. This nuanced understanding is like a mosaic, pieced together from countless shards of experience, with each experience contributing to the masterpiece that is becoming, wth every passing day, the story of my life — a life full of Joy. Gratitude. and Love.

What about you? What do you think grows better with age?

A New Morning Ritual: Blessing the Departed

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I started something new this morning – a practice inspired by Lynda Watson, host of the “Inspire Me Forward” podcast and author of “The Book of Realizations.”

Lynda recently invited me to join her on the podcast (thank you, Lynda!), and she shared a few past episodes she thought I might enjoy. I love how genuine and present Lynda is in her interviews. In one episode, she hosted a panel discussion called, “On Death, Dying, and Grief,” which was both moving and inspiring.

Right at the start of the discussion, Lynda invited listeners to place a hand on their heart and simply bless those who are gone. That small act inspired my new morning ritual.

Blessing the Departed

Now, at the beginning of my morning meditation, as soon as I’ve lit my candle, I place my hand on my heart, gaze into the flame and send a blessing to my ancestors, loved ones, and all those who have departed from my world.

In blessing those who have gone before, we bless ourselves with love and remembrance.

This practice resonates deeply within me and with what I teach in my 8 week The ReWrite Journey online course: the importance of learning and trying new things. Embracing ‘the new’, reminding ourselves of our capacity to continually learn and grow, helps us break free from routine and the stultifying belief ‘we’ve done it all’, keeping us vibrant, energetic, and full of life.

“Blessing the Departed” is not something I’d ever considered before, but after doing it for just two days, I feel the soft, ethereal beauty of the blessing enveloping me with love.

An Invitation

I invite you to try this simple yet powerful ritual. It’s a lovely form of self-nourishment and a beautiful way to start the day, connecting with those who came before us and sending love into the world.

It’s Time to Rip Up the Rulebook (and Maybe Rewrite It Ourselves)

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It’s time. Time to write our own ageless script. Time to defy the notion we need to tone ourselves down as we grow older.

I’m not just defying aging —I’m giving it a playful wink and a knowing smile. Forget those tired old notions about what a woman “should” be, do, or say. I’m taking that rulebook, scribbling all over it, and maybe even adding a few pretty doodles in the margins before I rip out the pages and write my own!

This ain’t no 60s liberation movement. We’re not just breaking through barriers; we’re dismantling them brick by brick and building something far more magnificent in their place. We’re not just finding our voices; we’re turning up the volume and letting them echo through the ages.

I’m diving into the world of AI, (like the image above which I generated using AI and a whole lot of descriptors and trials and errors – which btw, is a clear indication of how so many of the algorithms are written by men! Try getting it to create a woman without big breasts and loads of cleavage!) embracing its potential like a fearless explorer. Sure, there are concerns, but I’m choosing curiosity over fear. Because a life lived in the shadows of ignorance? That’s not for me.

I’m talking boundless, liberated, authentic. I’m shedding those outdated expectations and stepping into my own power. I’m crafting my own rules, setting my own course, and living life on my terms.

So, are you with me? Are you ready to shake things up, challenge the norm, and create a life that’s uniquely, vibrantly yours?

Let’s tear up that old rulebook together, ladies. And then, let’s write a new one that celebrates our strength, our wisdom, and our unyielding spirit.

Let’s let our age grow wild and our spirits soar free!

_________________________________

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass Unleash Your Ageless Radiance – Juy 3, 5pm MT

How Safe is Your Voice?

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A Conversation Across Generations and Lived Experiences

The pursuit of being ‘heard’ and giving voice to our stories is a lifelong journey. From our first cries as infants to the wisdom we share in our later years, our voices evolve and adapt to the world around us. Sometimes, they are strong and powerful. Sometimes, soft and tentative. But how often do we consider the safety of our voices, especially when it comes to hearing and listening to the diverse perspectives that different generations and lived experiences bring to the table?

Ageism and the Erasure of Lived Experience

Ageism, the discrimination or prejudice based on age, can lead to the erasure of invaluable lived experience. This is particularly true for older adults who have navigated decades of challenges and triumphs, accumulating a wealth of knowledge that is often overlooked or dismissed. Just as the lived experiences of marginalized groups who have frequently been silenced or disregarded, such as those who have experienced homelessness, are essential at the table, so too are those of older adults.

The Power of Lived Experience

Lived experience voices bring a unique and irreplaceable perspective to the table. They offer firsthand insights into the realities of aging and ageism, the challenges of navigating social systems, and the complexities of diverse life journeys. When we include these voices in conversations about policy, programs, and systems of care, we create solutions that are more effective, equitable, and responsive to the needs of all individuals.

Older Adults: Experts in Their Own Right

Older adults are not merely recipients of care; they are experts in their own right. Their lived experiences have equipped them with a deep understanding of what works and what doesn’t, what is needed and what is missing. By valuing and amplifying their voices, we can tap into this wealth of knowledge and co-create solutions that truly serve the needs of aging populations today while creating pathways for future generations to age without fearing being silenced and ignored.

Creating a Brave, Safe Space for All Voices

To foster a culture that is purposefully brave and safe for all voices, we must actively combat ageism and other forms of discrimination that silence lived experience. This means:

  • Centering Lived Experience: Actively seeking out and prioritizing the perspectives of those who have lived through the issues we are addressing.
  • Listening with Humility: Approaching lived experience voices with respect, recognizing that their insights are invaluable and often hard-won. And, due to the insidious and pervasic nature of ageism, have been silenced and struggle to be heard.
  • Co-Creating Solutions: Involving individuals with lived experience in the design and implementation of programs and policies, ensuring that their voices are heard and their needs are met for their benefit, not the systems.
  • Building Bridges: Fostering dialogue and collaboration between different generations and lived experiences, recognizing that we are stronger together.

Radical Bold Aging: Amplifying Lived Experience

Radical Bold Aging, which champions the empowerment and agency of older adults, aligns perfectly with the goal of centering lived experience. By recognizing older adults as experts in our own lives, we are empowered to advocate for our needs, challenge ageist stereotypes (both our own and society’s), and actively participate in shaping the world around us.

The Challenge and the Reward

Creating brave, safe spaces for all voices, including those with lived experience, is an ongoing commitment. It requires us to confront our own biases, actively seek out diverse perspectives, and challenge systems that perpetuate exclusion. But the rewards are immeasurable. When we embrace the power of lived experience, we build a stronger, more compassionate, and more equitable society for all.

So, the question remains: How safe is your voice?

Let’s make safety the foundation of our conversations, across generations and lived experiences, and build a world where everyone’s voice can truly be heard, valued, and respected.

Blame Game: Aging Brain or Modern Life? What’s Behind Your Shrinking Attention Span

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Remember when you could lose yourself in a good book for hours? Or watch a movie without checking your phone? If those days seem distant, you’re not alone. Research suggests our attention spans are indeed shrinking.

In one study, the average person’s focus lasted a mere 8 seconds before switching – shorter than a goldfish! More recent findings put us at 47 seconds, a far cry from the 2.5 minutes measured just twenty years ago.

What’s really going on with my aging brain?

In the digital whirlwind of our world today, it’s easy to fear that our brains are showing the wear and tear of modern life. But by reclaiming our focus, we can counter those fears and age with grace and intention. Because, let’s face it. It’s not all about our aging brains. Along with the accessibility of digital information, when you throw in the stress of a pandemic, it’s no wonder our attention spans are feeling the strain. We’re constantly bombarded with news updates, TikTok trends, and notifications galore. This constant stream of notifications and content are training our brains to crave novelty and quick hits of information. Our brains are practically being rewired to jump from one thing to the next, always seeking the next quick hit of dopamine. It’s like we’re training ourselves to have the attention span of that goldfish!

But there’s hope. As we age, many of us yearn for a slower pace, for the ability to savour moments and be present. Strengthening our attention span is a vital step in that direction.

Five Simple Practices to Reclaim Your Focus

  1. Embrace Mindfulness: Daily mindfulness practice, like meditation or journaling (with pen and paper!), can train your brain to stay in the present moment.
  2. Spend Time in Nature: Leave your phone behind and immerse yourself in the natural world. Simply observing the sights and sounds can be incredibly calming and restorative.
  3. Ditch the Devices (Sometimes): Yes, it can be scary to disconnect, but the rewards are worth it. Challenge yourself to leave your phone at home for a few hours and rediscover the joys of real-world experiences.
  4. Engage in Long-Form Activities: Read a whole book, listen to a long-form podcast, write a letter – activities that require sustained focus can rewire your brain for deeper engagement.
  5. Practice Self-Compassion: Don’t beat yourself up if your mind wanders. Building new habits takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and keep at it.

Aging with Grace and Focus

As we age, the fear of mental decline is not uncommon, but it doesn’t have to be our reality. By actively nurturing our attention span, as well as our overall well-being through exercise, diet and lifelong learning, we can counter those fears and live each day with intention and clarity.

What are you doing to keep your mind sharp and engaged? Share your tips in the comments below!

Which Path Will You Choose?

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Perhaps one day, you’ll stand at a crossroads, faced with a choice of which path to take. To the left, the road less travelled, obscured by mist and mystery. To the right, the well-worn path, visible with its straight lines and predictability. You see its potholes and debris, but you know you can navigate them. You’ve done it before. Why would tomorrow be any different?

As you stand at this crossroads, you glance back at the road behind and see all you’ve been through to get here: trials, tribulations, and traumas. So many hardships. They weigh heavy on your heart, but like the road, they are familiar, so you hold onto them.

Standing at the crossroads, staring at the past, you tally up the years behind, noting they outnumber the years ahead. Dare you choose a different path?

You gaze into the distance of the unknown path to the left, shrouded in mist, and then to the one you know so well to the right. Both will lead to the end of the road. But which to choose? The path to the left, full of adventure, mystery, and wonder, or the right, where predictability offers the ease you tell yourself you deserve.

Perhaps, in your indecision, you’ll look again at the path behind you. Instead of trials and tribulations, you’ll see mountains climbed, stumbles and falls over which you triumphed, and lessons learned that enriched your journey. You’ve traveled this road, falling and rising, again and again, until you arrived at this moment where you must choose: to carry the burdens of the past that weigh you down but feel so familiar, or to stand in your brilliance and celebrate your strength hard-won, courage earned, and resilience gathered on the journey.

Which will you choose?

I hope you honour your brilliance. I hope you recognize that through every hardship and triumph, you have grown stronger, more powerful, more vibrant, and magnificent. It is this truth that has brought you to this moment, where you stand at the crossroads of the future, deciding which path to take.

Which will you choose? The road most travelled? Or the unknown path, where your heart dances and your soul sings the songs of the wild. Which will you choose?

art and words by Louise Gallagher ©2024