Journal Entry, Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Mixed media on watercolour paper

And The Moon Beamed

©2014 Louise Gallagher

Patience dear ones, the moon whispered to the stars. It will come to pass. The sun will slip into dusk and your time to shine will come, but first, you must learn to shine in the light of day believing in your own magnificence. one night, the whole world will see the brilliance of your light. But for now, you must practice patience.

And the sun shone, and the moon beamed and the stars twinkled knowing their night would come.

And then, it came to pass that the sun fell into night’s seductive embrace and the stars came out and played Twinkle, Twinkle upon the velvety blanket of night delighting in the lightness of being all that they were born to be in the light of day.

And they shone. Bright.

And the world turned and the sun slept and the moon beamed down upon the earth wrapped in eternity’s embrace.

See my dear ones, whispered the moon to the glittering stars. There is no need to be anything other than what you are born to be. Brilliantly bright and magnificent.

Shine dear ones. Shine.

_________________

As you can see, I wrote this brief story in response to the image I created at a workshop in 2014.

It is a reminder to me to remember, no matter how grim the world-tidings appear, there is always magic and wonder, awe and grace in our world.

Have you ever noticed how even in the midst of what feels like turmoil and strife, there is always beauty?

I have been focused on navigating a challenging situation that requires compassion, finesse and a deep understanding of how to respond to unhealthy comments meant to cause pain and suffering. Yesterday, the situation escalated and by the end of the day, my entire body felt drained. I was done.

When I got home from work, I took Beaumont for a walk and then curled up in the settee by the window that overlooks the river to read. I’m reading, Stones for Schools, a self-reporting book about one man’s journey to change the world one school at a time.

But it isn’t the book, or Greg Mortenson’s story of his travels throughout Pakistan and Afghanistan as he negotiated the building of schools that captivated me. It is the controversy around his retelling of the story and some of his actions subsequent to the books publishing that make me smile in wonderment of the ways of the universe.

See, back in 2011 or so, there were a lot of allegations suggesting Greg Mortenson mishandled the finances of his charity which was building the schools, as well as fabricating events and naming people in his photos inappropriately. 60 Minutes did an expose on him and his charity. It was damaging and reading some of the articles, sad. That such a powerful idea could be tarnished through such mis-management is tragic. Yet, for all his transgressions, the schools still stand, young girls in places where young girls were not educated, are being schooled.

I do not know the truth of Greg Mortenson’s actions, but I do know the truth of what is happening in my world.

I think about the situation I am dealing with and everything falls into perspective. I feel the stress and sadness lift. I find myself looking up to the sky, remembering the power of asking the Divine, the Universe, God, Allah, Yaweh, a power greater than me, to carry the burden so that I can do the work, here on the ground, to deal with what is in front of me.

It is something I learned 14 years ago when I was released from a relationship that was killing me. My life was in shambles. I was broke and broken. Everyday I would walk with my trustee Golden Retriever, Ellie the Wonder Pooch, in the woods beyond my sister and brother-in-law’s home where I was living. I wasn’t in search of answers as much as I was in search of distraction, and being amidst nature is a surefire way to distract me.

Amidst the towering pines and firs of the forest at the edge of the ocean I would lift my eyes to the blue sky high above and ask God to carry the burden of the shame, sorrow, sadness, grief, fear I was carrying. With the burden lifted by an unseen hand or hands, I felt strong and determined enough to do the next right thing and take each step towards well-being, day by day.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of believing that ‘now is forever’. That whatever turmoil and strife we are facing will never end.

Fact is, it does and, even in the midst of the turmoil, we do not have to carry or feel like we own, its weight. We can release the burden and work through the fracas to do what we know is right and best, light of heart and step, by looking up and remembering ‘Now is not forever. This too shall pass.’ And in its moving through, when we hold onto our values, our integrity, our truth, we free ourselves to do the right things for the right reasons in the right way.

Lightened of the burden, with our values guiding us, and our hearts wide open to Love, even the fiercest tempests cannot blow out our light.

Namaste.

Years ago, when I desperately needed a friend but was too scared to reach out, she never faltered. She was there.

Even when my friendship cost her dearly. Even when she knew I was running scared, running away, running into disaster, she was always there. Willing to listen, to pick me up, to give me love and care, support and kindness.

Today, Nan R is celebrating her birthday.

I don’t see as much of her as I’d like to these days. Work. Life. Different circles have diminished our time together, but not the love and gratitude I carry in my heart for this amazing friend whose concern for me once made me lie to her about leaving the man who was trying to kill me.

It was towards the end of my journey through that hell, just before the man and I disappeared for 4 months. She was convinced he was a psychopath. Showed me all sorts of evidence to prove he was. Her love and concern for me felt so heavy on my heart. I couldn’t tell her how undeserving of her care I felt. How empty.

I also couldn’t tell her I was so lost in his abuse, I couldn’t leave him. When she asked me to promise to leave him, I promised her I would.

I broke that promise. Instead, when he told me we had to leave the city and I couldn’t tell anyone where we were going, I silently went with him.

Months later, it was her call to the police that lead to his arrest and my freedom.

It was her home I came back to visit the first time I returned to the city.

It was her love that carried me through those first difficult and challenging months of trying to find myself again after his abuse.

She never judged me, blamed me, shamed me. She always accepted and loved me.

It is her way.

My friend Nan turns another year older today. And while the number of her years on earth may have changed, what has never changed is the incredible beauty and loving kindness that she shares so generously from her heart. What remains constant is the incredible capacity she has to make everyone feel special, cared for and honoured.

No matter the time or season, Nan creates beauty all around. And while she may not talk about her gifts, she is a talented designer, poet, writer, singer, mother, grandmother, sister and friend. She’s funny. Smart. Quick witted. She is a magnificent human being.

I am so grateful for you my friend. Thank you for your enduring friendship. The laughter, tears, good times, and not so good times too! Thank you for always being the one I can call no matter the time or gap between our visits to ask, “How about a cup of tea?” Thank you for being such a beautiful light, that even when I didn’t believe I deserved it, I knew your love never dimmed. Thank you for being you!

Happy Birthday Nan!

I will be offline for a few days as we move into our new home. We’ll be without Internet — and we’ll be busy!

And I’m excited.

When we bought this house, the kitchen looked like this:

We renovated it to look like this: (Thank you Brad Cumnmins at Mountainview)

And so much more!

I’ll be back in a few days with stories of The Big Move-In.

Thanks for hanging out with me!

Have a great week.

Isn’t that an interesting question?

I read it this morning at the lovely Val Boyko’s site, Find Your Middle Ground. The question comes from a story by Jonathon Foust, which Val shares this morning.

A big element of mindfulness, writes Jonathon, is a form of self-diagnosis. You can ask yourself a variation of two questions:

What is happening right now?

How does this moment want me to be with it right now?

Think about the questions. The first one doesn’t ask — What is happening TO ME right now,  it remains non-judgemental.

The second question isn’t How do I want to be in this moment right now. It’s a more open invitation to be present in the moment through a gentle inquiry into how the moment wants you to be with it.

Imagine if throughout the day, whenever we find ourselves feeling anxious or unsettled, or like the ennui of living is too much to grasp, we stopped, took a breath and asked, “What is happening right now?” and then we listened to the response.

And once we hear it within, we ask “How does this moment want/call/invite me to be with ‘this’ right now?”

Think about what that would feel like for you the next time someone cuts you off in traffic and you immediately leap to anger and a not very charitable response. Imagine if instead of simply getting all self-righteous about how dare they! you stopped, took a breath and asked, “What is happening right now?” Suddenly, the emphasis isn’t about ‘that awful driver’, it’s about your response, how you are being present within what is happening – and the happening isn’t about being cut off, it’s about your rising blood pressure and anger.

If your intent at the start of each day is to be present, mindful and balanced throughout your day, I’m pretty sure ‘the moment’ is not going to say, “Hey!! Get all hot and bothered about this inconsequential event. Fill this moment with curses and raised fists and really make it a hot one!”

More likely, the moment will reply from the middle ground, to: Breathe and Be. Breathe and Be.

I invite you to take a few moments to read Jonathan’s story at Find Your Middle Ground and ask yourself, “How does this moment (story) want me to be with it right now?”

My body, especially my back, has been sending me messages since long before Christmas.

I’ve been ignoring them. Well, not completely. I have been stretching and doing strengthening exercises, but mostly. Okay. Yeah. I’ve been ignoring the messages.

Until this weekend.

Then my body gave me no option.

My back ceased up. I could barely move and whatever movement I could make made me cry out in pain.

I ended up in emergency — mostly because there was some concern I was having a heart attack — given my age,  the fact the pain was radiating down my arms and legs, oh and I was crying.

I don’t cry. Especially when I’m in pain.

Don’t want the other guy to see me weaken!

Okay. Not an effective strategy and not all that useful for coping with severe Sciatica. Note to self:  It’s okay to cry when in pain.

Right. Got it.

In the meantime, my weekend was very quiet. My back is slowly mending and I am moving without grimacing.

And, bonus!  I read a trashy novel in between Netflix binging and lots and lots of sleep.

Watch out world!  Here I come.

Oh wait. C.C. has warned me to not get all enthusiastic about picking up the pace just because my back is only marginally sore.

Right.

Heed my body.

Heed my beloved.  He takes better care of me than I do!

For right now, I’m off to the Chiropractor and breathing deeply as I remember to treat myself with compassion and care, heeding the signals my body sends me.

Day is looking sunny and bright!

Think about the last time you had a disagreement or were in conflict with someone. Did you engage in a discussion with an open mind or heart, or, was your mind made up, and nothing was going to change it?

If you’re like me, in moments of disagreement or conflict, you probably didn’t stop to think about the state of your mind or heart. You probably just wanted to defend against the other’s words, or defend your position because ‘you were right, they were wrong.’

When I stop defending against, or attacking another’s position, disagreements are no longer all about winning, they’re about finding shared solutions that create opportunities for greater connection with another. And when that connection is with a beloved, it leads to deeper intimacy.

Stop. Breathe. Get Present.

That doesn’t mean the discussion, or argument, will begin on calm and tranquil waters. Sometimes, I get going in a ‘discussion’ and find myself in turbulent waters, stirring the pot and making waves.

When I Stop. Breathe. Get Present. it gives me amoment to ask myself, “What do I want in this moment right now?” Do I want this argument to be my hill to die on, or do I want to use this moment to create clarity, opportunity for closeness, understanding, connection? What am I willing to give up to create that?

To create it I must be willing to give up my position and need to ‘be right’. Often, that moment to Stop. Breathe. Get Present. happens mid-argument when realization hits that the argument isn’t about the broken dish or the lost keys or the fact someone didn’t call when they said they would or didn’t complete a task as promised. In that moment when I realize we’re not fighting about ‘the issue’, we’re arguing about our positions, I know that one of us must Stop. Breathe. Get Present.

It doesn’t matter which one of us, but one of us must do it. Why not me?

It isn’t always easy. The stopping, breathing, getting present. Sometimes, I’d rather just be right.

But being right doesn’t create connection or intimacy. It just adds distance, resentment and hurt to my relationships.

I want all my relationships to be fulfilling. For me and the other. Whether an interaction with a sales clerk whom I deem has made a mistake, or my beloved, I want my part of the conversation to come from a place of respect, compassion and empathy.

I don’t always achieve it, but when I do, I feel better. Stronger. More grounded and content with my path in the world and my way of being on it.

And to do that, I must listen with an open mind and heart so that it is not ‘my way or the highway’ but rather, our way together for mutual benefit where regardless of the discussion, I am not acting from a place where ‘disagreement equals rejection’, but from a place where I know, I don’t need to be right to be happy. I just need to listen with an open heart and mind, stay true to my values and create opportunity for both of us to find value in our relationship because I am honouring all my relations.