It is a simple act that creates a world of difference.

Tell someone what you appreciate about them.

Ever leave notes for your children or spouse/partner that go something like this…. Don’t forget to put the garbage out. Don’t forget to pick up milk. Don’t forget to do your homework. Don’t eat crackers and cheese on the living room couch!

Ever notice how more often the ‘dont’s’ come into play. How what you requested not happen, happens?

At Choices, the personal development/life skills course I took in April 2006 which I continue to volunteer in as a coach, there is a process called, The Gift I See In You.

Everyday, participants are encouraged to say to the another, The gift I see in you…. and then name that gift. Mothers to their children, sisters to brothers, husbands to wives, give the people in your life a gift, the program encourages, and miracles will happen. They will hear you differently, they will see themselves differently, your relationship will be made different.

And it’s true. Miracles happen when we give people the gifts we see in them, when we tell them what we appreciate about them instead of remind them of the list of don’ts they mustn’t forget.

And here’s the thing about ‘gifts’. They are given without expectation — there is no, now you give me one back because I gave you one. You don’t expect the birthday boy to give you a gift on his special day now do you?

Gifts are the same. Given freely. Given without expectation.

For years, when my daughters and I had finished the Choices we program, we regularly gave each other gifts. It became a playful and loving thing to do every night. We’ve fallen away from gift-giving as life has moved onward and busy-making has replaced conscious connection.

In the Poem a Day to my beloved that I am currently writing, I am reminded of the power of giving words of affirmation. For my partner, the receiving has become an awareness of how beautiful his heart is. And for me, it has shifted my focus from my ‘gripes’ to an appreciation of the grace and beauty in our relationship.

We all like to know, we all like to feel, appreciated.

And, it is so much more affirming to live with an appreciative heart!

Tell someone you love something you appreciate about them today. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to come from the heart. “I appreciate how you take such good care of our family.”  “I appreciate how you came to dinner when you were called.”  “I sure appreciate how you cleared the table after dinner.” “I appreciate that you listened to me and didn’t try to fix the problem and instead gave me space to share my feelings.”  “I appreciate how you gave up your personal time to complete this project.” “I appreciate your speaking up in the meeting today and championing my idea”…

As Mother Theresa says, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

In our hunger to ‘have’, let’s not forget to appreciate those who make the love we have so incredibly bright!