Six days into the new year and it already feels like a rocky start. I’ve slipped on all levels of my commitment to self-care and fostering calm. It’s as if the moment the calendar flipped to January 1st, some invisible switch was thrown, and the pressure to be better, do better, achieve more, kicked the critter chatter in my mind into high gear as my inner wise woman slipped into reverse.

Yesterday, I succumbed to the siren song of junk food. The rain was coming down in sheets as I drove back from Victoria, the early morning ferry (6:20 am – ouch!) catching up with me. Each mile felt longer, each raindrop a tiny hammer against the windshield. By the time I reached Duncan, the golden arches of self-indulgence were glowing like a beacon of comfort, and the gremlin on my shoulder was whispering promises of salty, greasy satisfaction. Resistance crumbled.

And it’s not just the diet. 10,000 steps? More like 10,000 excuses. Between ferrying C.C. to Seattle and navigating the labyrinth of Canadian customs and residency paperwork, my Fitbit has been gathering dust. The book? Those 1000 words a day are mocking me from the blank page.

I find myself making excuses, defending my actions as if I’m in front of a judge. Why this need to justify? Is it the fear of being judged, of not living up to some impossible standard of “New Year, New Me”? Or is it something deeper, a fear of failing myself, of not being disciplined enough, strong enough to stick to my resolutions?

Perhaps the real struggle isn’t with the self-care itself, but with the expectations I’ve piled upon myself. Maybe calm isn’t something to be achieved, but a state of being, a way of approaching life that I need to rediscover. Maybe it’s time to take off these judgmental glasses and see the world, and myself, with a little more kindness.

Maybe, rather than loading myself up with expectations and then giving my inner critic free rein to criticize my perceived “lack” of progress, commitment, or achievement—obscuring my gratitude like a dark cloud hiding the sun—maybe I need to step fully into gratitude. Maybe I need to choose to celebrate the beauty, wonder, and awe that already exist in my world.

Perhaps counting moments that take my breath away, instead of milestones that constantly raise the bar higher, will help me focus on taking one step at a time towards my goals. And maybe, just maybe, all I need to keep my steps moving gently and calmly forward is to carry gratitude in my heart—gratitude for the journey, for the present moment, and for the abundance that surrounds me.

What about you? What would it look like to silence your inner critic and embrace the gift of this moment?