It’s been 10 days since I received the news that my dear friend Wendy had left us. A decade of days, each carrying the weight of grief, sadness, and a bewildering sense of loss.

Guy de Maupassant once penned in his novel, Bel Ami, “The only certainty is death.”

It is the inevitabilty of every tree, flower, animal and human journey — the arc of life bends towards its own end. But what fills the arc with brilliance is everything we do between our first breath and our last. It’s the friendships we forge, the laughter we share, the tears we wipe away, and the love we generously sprinkle over the lives of others.

Why then has Wendy’s abrupt departure from this world left me so disoriented?

The word ‘unexpected’ echoes through my mind.

I had plans with Wendy, plans that involved many more days of laughter, stories, a glass or two of wine, and a charcuterie board artfully assembled. I was expecting to see her again.

Last Tuesday, HomeSpace, the not-for-profit organization she dedicated her considerable energy to, hosted a celebration to honour her life’s work. A crowd of colleagues, past co-workers, and her loving family gathered to celebrate a woman who was the silent engine behind so much good. Wendy was a woman who made the world a better place simply by doing—by organizing, by guiding, by supporting, and by empowering others to be their best selves.

Wendy never sought applause or public acknowledgment. She thrived behind the scenes, diligently ensuring others could stand in the spotlight.

If Wendy could hear the heartfelt stories and tributes shared in her honour that day, I imagine she’d dismiss the praise with her usual modesty. She would retreat to the kitchen, fussing over an extra cheese plate or refilling wine glasses, patiently waiting for the collective adultation to move on. Then, she would return to the crowd, quietly making her rounds to ensure that everyone was taken care of.

Don’t get me wrong, Wendy wasn’t a saint adorned in rose-colored glasses. She had her flaws and complexities like each of us, but it was precisely those nuanced layers that made her so incredibly human, so deeply cherished.She was a woman of many opinions—on governments and leaders, healthcare, and even the inefficiency of city traffic. We’d often muse (and chuckle) about how the world would be a more compassionate place if we were in charge. Yet, she never uttered a word that could hurt a friend, tarnish a colleague, or dim the atmosphere of a gathering.

And when we’d finished with complaining about the state of the world, we’d resume our conversations about the transformative power of art, the pressing issue of homelessness, and the secret to a perfect lemon pie as if these topics formed the very air we breathed.

Wendy was a woman of action, and during the pandemic, she transformed into a ‘mask-making wizard.’ At the memorial, some of her countless masks adorned a wall, framed by photographs capturing her life. Every face in those photos had at some point been touched by Wendy’s kindness, likely having received a mask or some other gift from her.

She gave until her heart could give no more.

Now, her heart has given its last beat; her breath its final exhale. Wendy is gone, but she leaves behind footprints deeply embedded in our hearts—imprints we never expected would be set in such quicksand.

What remains are the memories I will cradle in my heart, wrapped in a quilt of tender loving care.

Wendy’s absence has reminded me of the fragility of life, urging me to cherish each shared laugh, every shared story, all the shared moments that dance in the space between birth and the inevitability that Maupassant wrote of.

And so, while the world feels a bit dimmer without her, Wendy’s light continues to shimmer in the countless lives she has touched—mine most certainly included.

Boundaries – a line that marks the limit of an area, a concept we grasp as physical demarcation between one space and another. But when it comes to our emotional landscape, these lines become blurred, complex, and often invisible. Yet they are equally, if not more, significant for our wellbeing.

The absence of boundaries is like trying to hold water in your hands without a container – you lose yourself in an unstructured space, susceptible to the whims and influences of others. You become a canvas upon which others paint whatever they want, with little consideration for your emotional integrity.

This realization dawned on me many years ago when I found myself telling someone, “I’m getting tired of you crossing the boundaries I refuse to set.” The stark truth of my words hit me hard. It begged the question – Are my boudnaries like that proverbial tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it fall? If I don’t set boundaries, is anyone crossing them?

Sometimes, we find ourselves blaming others for overstepping our boundaries, when in fact, it’s our responsibility to set and honor them. Like a lighthouse in the fog, our boundaries guide us to safe harbors, away from the rocky shores of emotional distress.

The challenge is, you’ve got to know your boundaries to set them. For me, because mine weren’t clear, it was really hard when I first began this work to get clear on what I wanted, allowed and didn’t allow in my life. It required scrupulous self-reflection and difficult conversations. But it was crucial to my emotional health and in ensuring that my relationships are respectful and reciprocal.

And the bottomline is, I’m worth it. I’m worth doing the work of knowing myself deeply and honouring my own needs. So are you.

The question is, how do we define our boundaries? What makes a boundary healthy? They aren’t lines drawn in anger or fear. They’re created from self-understanding and respect for our own needs and limits. Healthy boundaries involve clear communication of our expectations and the consequences if these lines are crossed. They are firm yet flexible, allowing for growth and change.

Acknowledging our feelings, needs, and values is the first step in establishing our boundaries. These can be as simple as setting aside personal time for relaxation or as complex as articulating our expectations in a romantic relationship.

And here’s the thing. Setting boundaries is only half the journey. Upholding them requires strength, courage, and consistency. We need to understand that it’s okay to say no, that it’s acceptable to prioritize our needs, and that standing up for ourselves is not selfish but self-preserving.

Remember, each time we compromise our boundaries, we’re not just bending rules – we’re subtly telling ourselves that our needs, our wellbeing, aren’t important.

Embracing boundaries as a fundamental part of who we are is a lifelong journey. The first step is understanding that boundaries aren’t limitations, but definitions. They define who we are, what we need, and how we want to be treated. They’re not walls, but markers of respect – both for ourselves and others.

In the end, we cannot control how others behave. We can control how we respond. Respecting our own boundaries, calmly, firmly holding them in place with tender heart and hands, eases tension while creating joyful, loving spaces that honours and celebrates the differences between us. In those differences lies a sea of limitless possibilities for life to blossom in all its living colours.

Oh! And to the individual to whom I said, “I’m tired of you crossing the boundaries I refuse to set”… Thank you for laughing with me at the realization of how ludicrous my utterance was. I’m grateful for your compassionate care as I walked into experiencing my truth coming to light.