Category Archives: Marriage

It’s all about commitment

Posted on by
17

C.C., Beaumont and Beau’s girlfriend Zali

Every day, morning awakens casting off darkness, pushing into the light of a new day rising.

On the threshold of this new day, the past wanes like the full moon beginning its descent once again into darkness as the earth continues its orbit around the sun. Memory of its fullness eases into the dark as we turn our faces to the sun, trusting that in the waning and waxing of the moon, the night will continue to be full of stars lighting up the night.

Tonight is the night of the full moon. According to this article in Elephant Journal,

Full moons tend to bring our underlying personal relationship issues to the surface.  It’s not that it exacerbates what wasn’t there, but more like the fullness of the moon is a reflection of our hearts.

Last night, as C.C. and I drove to meet my youngest daughter and her partner for dinner at a new Mission area restaurant, we had the following conversation.

Me:   Wow. Look at the moon. It’s almost full.

C.C.: You don’t think it’s full?

Me:    (Squinting my eyes to check for shadows on the moon’s face) Hmmm… Maybe it is. Hard to tell.  If it’s not yet full, it’s almost there.

C.C.:  I think it’s there.

Me:    Oh good. I like the full moon. I read somewhere that in South America they don’t see a man in the moon. They see a bunny.

C.C.:  I see a bunny.

Me:    You do?

C.C.:  Yup. His ears are going to the right and he’s hopping to the left.

Me:    Maybe you’re South American!

C.C.:  I hope so. It’s warmer there.

And that’s why I love this man so much.

He likes to make me laugh. He’s smart, always kind and always supportive of me and my whimsy.

Work in Progress Mixed Media

Work in Progress
Mixed Media

No matter what I’m working on in my studio, he is always willing to come down to check it out whenever I ask. His feedback is always honest, which I appreciate more than platitudes, and his suggestions inevitably surprise me with their spot on direction. He’s also willing to come downstairs, sit in the big leather recliner in the corner and read while I paint. He doesn’t try to talk to me. He simply shares his presence. I love that about him. He gives me space to create while being present in community.

And, he believes there is magic and mystery in this big ole’ world, or at least, is willing to support me in my awe-struck wonder at the world we live in.

He also likes to tell me I’m special, which is kind of special of him!

And what could be better than that? To have someone in your corner, cheering you on, supporting you and telling you you’re special even when you’re standing in your grungies, paint spattered on your face in place of make-up, a frown furrowing your brow as you try to figure out what’s missing or out of balance in whatever you’re working on.

C.C. doesn’t care about the frowns. He loves me just the way I am and in his love, I am learning to trust in love, exactly the way I am.

Last night over dinner, we talked about our one year anniversary coming up in April. “Any big plans?” T, my daughter’s partner asked.

We looked at each other and laughed. We haven’t really discussed it yet.

I jokingly commented, “We’re waiting to see if we make it to one year.” And then I laughed. Because the fact is, I have no doubts we’ll make it to one year. “It’s pretty amazing,” I added. “We haven’t had a single argument since we got married where I throw up my arms and say, ‘That’s it. I’m done.’ “(That tended to be my response to moments of dissension — I quit.)

Now, I don’t play the ‘I quit’ card. Marriage has changed all of that.

“It’s about commitment,” C.C. said.

We are committed.

Like the earth’s orbit around the sun, we are committed to this path together. It doesn’t matter whether the moon is waxing or waning or the stars are shining bright or hiding behind the fullness of the moon. No matter where in the world we are, our hearts are a reflection of the fullness of Love shining brightly between us as we travel together on this journey of life.

.***************************************

and… get inspired with this amazing Tedx Talk about happiness — it’s all in the strength and healthiness of our relationships.

Gifts. Surprises and other secrets.

Posted on by
6

It was midnight when I finally decided I had to stop. To continue working on my project would risk errors and omissions. I was tired.

And happy.

It is coming together well. And no, I can’t tell you what it is… C.C. might hear! And it’s a secret.

Ask anyone, I’m not good with secrets. Especially my own. I get so excited about what I’m keeping secret I feel compelled to reveal all if only to release the tension building inside me!

Take Alexis, my eldest daughter’s, visit home in a couple of weeks. When we’d booked her flights last week, we agreed to not tell her sister.

On Sunday, when my youngest daughter and her boyfriend were here to watch the GreyCup Game, I let it slip, I had a secret.

“What is it?” my youngest daughter asked.

“I can’t tell.”

That set off a torrent of questions and insistence that I must tell. That it wasn’t fair that I wouldn’t.

I didn’t. Tell. But man, I really wanted to.

And then, on Monday night, after figuring out Lele’s life is way too busy to try to spring a surprise visit from her sister on, Alexis resigned herself to telling.

Whew!

No more secret and we can actually figure out calendars to ensure we have time for everyone without having to make up reasons for wanting to know everything she’s doing when her sister is here!

But I’ve still got the project I’m working on for C.C. this Christmas. I’m dying to tell him. I’m dying to get his feedback as I work on it, to share in my excitement of creating it.

And I can’t.

That would ruin the surprise. And everyone loves surprises, right?

Wrong.

I do not like surprises.

It is quite possibly because I am a control freak, a better surprise giver than surprise getter (as long as I can keep the secret of the surprise from getting out!).

It is also possible that my aversion to surprises stems from what I once called the uncertainties of my childhood. From the many times my father would plan a trip and somewhere between Point A and Point B, decide everything had to change. We had to go somewhere else. Or, worse yet, stop the trip completely and return home because he was not happy with something that had transpired along the way and determined the whole trip was a bust.

My father was not much of a planner in the first place so trips were naturally fraught with uncertainties. Like, where would we stay that night?

I remember in my teens travelling behind the Iron Curtain when it still stood as a bastion of communism. We were travelling on our British passports because my father didn’t want the Canadian government, for whom he worked, to know that we were exploring the world behind the curtain.

Problem was, while he’d planned for the subterfuge, he hadn’t planned ahead. In Prague, we couldn’t find a hotel and stayed instead at a youth hostel complete with no door on the women’s sleeping room which was also the access point through which all men had to pass to get to their sleeping quarters.

It was not a comfortable sleep.

He also hadn’t planned on the government learning of our trip. When the security police came to visit, my father was vocal in his opinions of their prying into his private affairs which did not bode well with his security clearances.

My father always had strong opinions and loved to challenge the status quo.

I used to think it was because my father didn’t like to plan things out when in fact, it was more that he loved surprises. He loved spontaneity and following the call of the unknown. He loved the freedom of the road, the uncertainty of a destination and the exploration of possibility without limiting it to the known.

My father taught me well the art of suprise.

I am creating a surprise for C.C. this Christmas. I want to tell him all about it. To give it to him early. To engage him in its creation.

I won’t.

Because part of the creation is the gift of not knowing the outcome. Of not having a script that says, “when I do this [give him his gift], he’ll say this…”

Part of the joy of the surprise is keeping the secret.

And I do like to surprise myself with my capacity to grow and shift and learn to be 100% accountable for my journey.

And part of my accountability with the gift, is to keep it a secret until December 25th.

But wait!  His birthday is only 5 days away!  Maybe I’ll make it a birthday present!

We’ll see how long I last with the surprise!

 

Yes to the dress.

Posted on by
22
Forever Friends

Forever Friends

We didn’t set out to do it. We didn’t have a plan of getting it done, now.

There’s still many months, over a year in fact to go before it’s needed.

But, there we were on Tuesday, late afternoon. Four of us seated in a fitting room while my eldest daughter, Alexis, tried on ‘the dress’.

“Is this your dress?” her friend Victoria asked on Facetime where she joined us from her office in Vancouver.

Eyes teary, voice a soft whisper, she replied, “Yes it is!”

And so it’s done.

At least the choosing part is done. Alexis has found, ‘the dress’.

We’d begun the search on Friday afternoon when her sister and dear friend DK had booked a couple of appointments with bridal shops as a surprise for Alexis. Her wedding is next September, 2016. But it’s never too early to start shopping they said.

At the first session there were 7 of us, including my mother.

My mother turns 93 next month. Tiny, as delicate as a little bird, she has definite taste in wedding dresses.

Too pouffy. A definite two thumbs down.

Fitted but the lace edging the bodice too cheap looking, or the style not elegant enough; a hand held out flat, fingers splayed as she moved it back and forth… maybe…. but I don’t think so

Form fitting lace that hugs Alexis’ body, two thumbs up and a “That shows off your curves. Perfect.”

We laughed when she said that. She took us by surprise.

My mother is not known for her revealing style of dress. Always well-turned out with matching jewellery and every aspect of her dress perfect, she did not like it when as teenagers, my sister and I dressed in anything too revealing. Blue jeans were definitely not allowed and mini-skirts — forget it! Too low cut a top got a, “Go and change” and trying to sneak out wearing make-up. Dream on.

But there she was on Friday, giving commentary on the fit of every dress, her sense of style impeccable.

Out of the 10 or 12 dresses Alexis tried on at the first shop, we found a definite two maybe three maybes.

We had criteria.

Wow Factor _____
Photographability ________
Authenticity ____________ (did it reflect the true inner spirit of Alexis?)
Venue appropriateness ____________ (they are getting married on an island off Vancouver. It will be outdoors surrounded by forest and rock and ocean)
Danceability ____________ (Alexis LOVES to dance — she has to be able to kick high in her dress — and too heavy will restrict her movements)
and….
Can she wear cowboy boots with it?

Between the two shops Friday she tried over 20 dresses and made an appointment with the first shop to go back and re-try 3 of the dresses (which ended up being another 10).

In the end, nothing she’d tried on could compare to the final dress she tried on Tuesday.

It was perfect.

It made all of us cry.

My friend JD, who, along with her daughter, had joined Alexis, her sister and me, for the shopping adventure, was overwhelmed.

Alexis is the first of our three daughters to get married. We were pregnant together. Learned the in’s and out’s of new motherhood, of toddlerdom and pre-teen angst and teenager woes together.

Our four children have grown up together. The picture from our wedding, above, is a re-enactment of a photo captured as children with the two eldest hugging one another, and the two youngest following suit.

We have shared many firsts as mothers and this was the first time we’d all gone looking at dresses, together. CJ had joined us Friday but her mother couldn’t make it.

That was okay. We thought we’d be doing it again. and again, at least until November when the final deadline loomed to ensure Alexis had the dress in time for the wedding next September.

We hadn’t planned to find one so soon.

She thought she’d go back to Vancouver and check out stores there. Her sister and I were planning a trip in September especially for dress hunting.

But there it was. Fitting like a glove and begging her to ‘Say yes to the dress.’

Life is filled with milestones. As a mother of two daughters, I’ve  savoured every moment of their journey from birth to now, finding joy in all the transitions and milestones they’ve each encountered.

I’m so grateful and happy she’s found ‘the perfect dress’ that makes her feel beautiful and elegant and flirty and fun all in one. I’m glad this dress is so incredibly perfect for her it was off the WOW chart!

But secretly, I wish we could keep shopping, just as I used to wish she’d stay a little girl spinning in front of the mirror, pretending she was the bride and practicing her I do’s to an imaginary man of her dreams.

Watching my little girl come out of the dressing room all grown up and looking so incredibly beautiful, I remembered those days long ago when Alexis would enact weddings from every era, creating stunning concoctions of lace and crinoline just so she and her sister and friends could play “the Bride.”

And here I am, many years later, watching it all unfold in real life. Where once a little girl spun in front of the mirror acting out her wedding day in some future year, she stands today, strong and proud, beautiful and free, a woman in today’s world, confident, kind, creative and a reflection of the friendships and love and family that has always surrounded her.

What a wonderful gift to the world she is.

.

 

 

 

 

The view from my heart is sunny all day!

Posted on by
14

I checked the weather forecast for Saturday this morning.

Bad idea.

The outlook is cloudy, not too warm, 80% chance of showers.

And then, Alexis showed me another forecast from a different website.

Much better.

15 degrees Celsius. 20% chance of showers.

IMG_7930Like that a whole lot better!

Yesterday, they predicted rain all morning.

No rain, at any time of the day and 4 degrees warmer than the forecast.

I’m so glad they can’t get the weather right! But then, there is no wrong for the weather. Nothing can really rain on my parade for Saturday. My heart will be bright and sunny and the world all sparkly as C.C. and I say our vows to one another in front of our family and friends.

When I went to pick up the marriage license yesterday, I think the woman serving me at the BC Services office might have thought I might be on something! I couldn’t quit grinning and smiling. But then, by the time we were finished, neither could she! 🙂

Love is in the air and I am embraced by its beauty, casting off ripples of joy all around me!

Alexis and I spent the day the best way a mother and daughter can. Wandering the streets of a small town/city, in and out of shops, trying on weird and wonderful hats, laughing, enjoying each other’s company. And then, lunch at a vineyard overlooking the lake, sharing a bowl of soup and the best potato pancakes ever and a glass of Pinot Gris. We did an impromptu wine tasting at 2 vineyards along the way back and picked up treats for when C.C. and my youngest daughter and her boyfriend arrive. We reveled in the beauty of this place, the joy of being together and the anticipation of the festivities unfolding.

Later, after the other’s arrived, Alexis finished off a University assignment and the four of us played Euchre and chatted back and forth. I think Liseanne calls it ‘smack talk’ — when C.C. waxes eloquent on how they’re going to win with their card-playing prowess only to lose the hand!

This morning, the skies are cloud, grey clouds hanging low over the hills on the other side of the lake. And my heart is light.

I am getting married in two days! I’ve come a long way baby!

All is well with my world from where I sit by the window looking out at the world. In my heart, breath expands in ever increasing circles of love and joy. All is well with my world.

 

 

 

It’s all about Love

Posted on by
10

memory

SOURCE

A friend asked me the other day what it was like getting married now, versus when I was younger.

I know me better, I said. I know what I want and I am consciously creating. When I was younger, I just sort of went along with the whole process, not really thinking about ‘what are the feelings I want to evoke, what is the tone/mood/ambience I want to embrace our guests’. What do I want to remember and what do I want people to remember from our wedding? About us? About possibility? Love? Marriage?

What I want to remember is  that it’s all about LOVE. It’s expression. It’s presence. It’s many gifts.

I want to remember that this day was all about FAMILY.  It’s expression. It’s presence. It’s many gifts.

All four of our children will be present. All four will be part of the ceremony, contributing their words and voices, their love and beauty. They are standing up with us. My daughters will walk down the aisle with me, C.Cs son and daughter will walk down the aisle with him. And we will all six stand together. While two of them witness our signatures on the marriage certificate, the other two will be singing a duet.

It’s all about FAMILY. My two sisters and their husbands will be there. Some of C.C.s siblings will be there as well as nephews and nieces. Even a great nephew!

It’s all about FRIENDS. Coming together, enjoying each other’s company. It’s about how we share from our hearts. How we laugh and dance and sing and tell stories on one another and share moments worth remembering and even, sometimes, reminding each other of the one’s we’d rather forget — but hey! Friends keep us humble.

It’s all about FUN. We are lighthearted and we want this day to be lighthearted. To be light-filled and heartfelt. We want people to feel the possibilities and the expansiveness of Love embracing them every moment of the day, lifting their spirits and opening their hearts.

And, it’s all about US. C.C. and me. It’s about the love we share. The beauty of our communion, the gifts of our union. It’s about how we complement one another. How we strengthen each other and how we support each other, in good times and in bad. It’s about being each other’s best friend, cheerleader, confidant and lover. It’s about deepening in love, every single day, with every breath we take.

It’s all about us and the memories we create on this day and every day that sparkle in the light of each new day rising.

Am I excited? Hell ya!

🙂

 

A woman’s nature is to gather and create.

Posted on by
13

women's circleWe gathered in my studio, seven women intent on creating things that needed to be created for my wedding day just six weeks away.

We chatted and laughed and munched on munchies and sipped wine and water and shared stories of crafting exploits from long ago.

“I don’t do enough of this anymore,”one woman said.

“I know. I don’t either,” another chimed in. “I must do more.”

And we laughed and created and shared some more.

By the time we were done, we had 22 vases glittered up for centrepieces, (they are each one unique and gorgeous) 80 crinoline flowers ready to top the ‘party favour’ honey jars, and the workings for me to keep creating giant crinoline flowers to line the aisle C.C. and I will be walking down on April 25th.

As we worked I was reminded of stories of women’s sewing bees and canning fests. Of women gathered around the well, sharing the happenings of their lives, sharing tips and how to’s, parenting woes and children’s accomplishments, aches and pains, joys and sorrows. In their sharing, they connected, made meaning and gave meaning to the world around them. In their connections, they built community.

On Saturday, six women created a community with me in my studio. They were there to help me create beauty for my wedding day.

I am grateful.

It seems fitting on this weekend where International Women’s Day was yesterday, that we gathered to create just as women have always gathered to create throughout the ages.

It is our nature.

Gathering and creating. Sharing and connecting.

Thank you Jackie, Wendy, Ursula, Jane, Keri, and Tamara. You made light of the work and added light to my day just as you are adding light, laughter and love to my wedding — and thank you Jackie for coming over yesterday to help some more!  My list is getting shorter as the days are counting down!

 

Life is a work in progress

Posted on by
15
Art Journal Feb 21, 2015

Art Journal
Feb 21, 2015

Val Boyko writes beautiful and enriching words on living life in the balance of all things at her blog, Find your Middle Ground. Last week she shared a delightful acronym for the word STOP in her post, STOP and Find Balance.

STOP in Val’s words is a good reminder to,

S = Stop for a moment…

T = Take a full deep breath…

O = Observe… What am I aware of right now? … What is alive in me? Can I be with it whatever is coming up right now.

P = Proceed… What do I choose to do now that I have stepped back and been an observer of myself. The options are many…

I don’t work Fridays. By design my work-week is four days. As I’ve got so much to do right now, however, taking Friday’s off is not my choice.

Which means, I need to STOP more often to find myself amidst all the lovely things on my plate because, no matter how lovely the things, I can get lost in the busy-ness of it all.

C.C. plays hockey Friday afternoons and afterwards was watching the NHL game with team mates. When I got home I had the house to myself and in the quiet of it all found myself immersed in the joy of creation in my studio.

Saturday, I had intended to work on the final proof of the report we need to have printed this week, but I didn’t have the final version back yet, so let my plans go. I spent a bit of time cleaning up some work I needed to do and then, once finished, slipped back down to the studio to keep playing.

Yesterday, still no final proof and a great opportunity to keep creating.

But, rather than paint, I worked on the brooch bouquet I’m creating for our wedding. If you’ve never seen a brooch bouquet, check out Pinterest ideas. They’re stunningly beautiful and as in the case of my bouquet, have meaning. Some of the brooches I’m using were contributed by family and friends. There’s an elephant my sister gave me years ago, one from my father’s sister, another from the wonderful Kerry Parsons who will be officiating at our wedding.

I’d started working on the bouquet after Christmas and was stalled in that space of chaos in the middle of creation — the not finished project hasn’t had enough space to breathe and my head wants to tell me to give up. It is quite time-consuming as each brooch needs to have two wire stems affixed and spun together to create enough stability to hold their place in the bouquet.

Brooch Bouquet -- A work in Progress

Brooch Bouquet —
A work in Progress

The process is meditative. As I worked, I felt myself settling into the rhythm of creation, and even though I was watching “Romancing the Stone” 🙂 on Netflix, I found myself slowing down, I felt my breathing deepen, my heartbeat quiet.

I listened deeply to my heart yesterday. As I wired and spun and worked to create a thing of beauty to carry on our wedding day, I rejoiced in the wonder and awe of walking in love. As I carefully constructed the bouquet, I cherished the memories of each piece of jewelry and savoured the essence of the person who gave it to me and the gift of carrying them in my heart, and hands, today and every day.

It still needs some work to find its balance, some added space fillers to find its symmetry. But I’m happy. It is, like all things creative, a work in progress.

 

 

No matter the seas, flow back to where it begins, Love.

Posted on by
13

One advantage of getting married in your sixties is there’s no parent or parent-in-law creating havoc with their insistence you do it this way or that. There’s no one insisting you invite great aunt Betsy whom you haven’t seen in a gazillion years or that cousin who farts at the dinner table and never eats with his mouth closed.

The guest list is ours to create. So are all the decisions.

Perhaps that is the issue.

We have no one else to blame or judge or complain about. We’re on our own and with less than three months to the big day, there are still a lot of decisions to be made, together. Ah yes, together.

Perhaps that is the challenge. Our intent is to make the decisions together and sometimes, we don’t agree.

Disagreement does not equal rejection.

Tell that to two people embroiled in a disagreement about the ritual they are creating to symbolize their two families coming together. While we both agree on the ritual we’ve created, we didn’t quite agree on how the ritual would unfold.

“I don’t think we should direct it so precisely,” C.C. said.

“I think we must,” I replied.

And the gloves came off.

Now, there is nothing pretty nor inspiring about two mature adults arguing about something that is really not all that important. Either way works. It’s just a matter of perspective.

Fortunately, C.C. is a man of deep heart. He knew when to walk away from the conversation and come back when the waters were less turbulent.

And he did. And the seas calmed.

It did get me thinking though about my victim’s voice.

There is a tape, a litany of sorts, that fires in my head almost instantaneously when in a heated conversation. “I should have known better.”

I don’t initially hear it. It is an auto-response that leaps into the fray whenever I am telling myself the story about how I am being attacked, discouraged, frightened… It has nothing to do with the other person or what is being said, or even what is happening in the here and now. It is always about the there and then, something deeply seated in my psyche’s memory bank of the past that is triggered by present experiences. And it is always from the position of my victim’s voice. My place of, “See I told you so. You can’t trust anyone, or anything. Not even the universe.”

My victim’s voice leads me quite quickly, (can you spell lightning-speed?) to that place where all I really want to do is run away, hit eject, blow everything up and ditch it all to go sail around the world, alone, thank you very much.

The advantage from where I sit today is, I recognize my victim’s voice. She can still create havoc but it is not as long-lived, nor as destructive as it was in the past. Today, when she fires up her tale of woe is me, I am better able to turn her off, to redirect her thinking to what is true and real and loving and caring in front of me. My victim’s voice would have me believe the lie, I don’t deserve happiness, joy, love, or even to shine. The truth is. I do.

We are less than three months away from the wedding. Over the weekend we picked out our wedding bands, bought the fabric to line the tent and I spent some time creating examples of centrepieces for the tables.

We also weathered a storm and though the seas got wild and choppy for a bit, we weathered the storm and are now sailing on calm waters again.  The skies are clear and while there’s still lots to do between now and April 25th, we’ve got our boat loaded with what matters most in calm and choppy seas; compassion for one another, a deep understanding of who we are, individually and together, and a willingness to always flow back to where it all begins, and ends, Love.

Love is the shortest distance between two hearts

Posted on by
19

love copyEULALIE — A SONG.

by Edgar Alan Poe (excerpt)

I  DWELT alone
In a world of moan,
And my soul was a stagnant tide,
Till the fair and gentle Eulalie became my blushing bride —
Till the yellow-haired young Eulalie became my smiling bride.

I don’t know if there is a specific age limitation on the appropriate use of the term “blushing bride”, but I do know that at 61, and getting married for the third time, the term just doesn’t fit me. But then, I don’t like labels so this is one I have no desire to wear.

What I do want to wear is an outfit that reflects me — my personality, my nature, my style and my stage in life. And that’s where the real challenge lies in getting married at this age. Wedding dress-makers don’t cater to the mature bride, or any other term I’ve plugged into Google to try to find information and ideas about getting married in my sixties.

It’s funny. Okay, not really funny, more disheartening in a ‘if I don’t find the humour in this I might just cry’ kind of way, to be looking for dresses and wedding ideas in my sixties. So much of the online information is geared to young, ‘blushing’ brides who are embarking on married life for the first time.

And it’s understandable.

In 2008, there were 147,288 marriages in Canada. At 4.4 marriages per 1,000 people, the marriage rate was at the lowest level it has been in the last century and half of what it was in 1972.   (Source) Given that the average age of a bride at first marriage is 28.9, focusing on ‘the mature bride’ is not a booming business. Focussing on second and more marriages is also not a growth area if the data is any indication. Only 10% of all marriages in Canada are thought to be ‘second time’ with only 1% attributed to more than two marriages.  (Source)

So many of our social norms are focused on the notion that the wedding is all about the bride and groom. It’s their day and as many a first time bride has spent much of her life dreaming of this special day, it’s understandable that there’s a sense that for her, it just might be the most important day of her life.

There is a difference though when you’ve been married before and together have four adult children. This day is not just a statement about the two of us. It’s a statement about our families becoming one. About the six of us becoming united. It’s an opportunity to celebrate with our children, to involve them in a symbolic union of our families that states, we are family, we are united, we are together.

And, in that union, it is a recognition that we have thought long and hard about what we are doing. There is no reason for us to be married other than we want to do it. In our desire to wed, we are stating we are deeply committed to making it work, not just for our sakes, but for the sake of our children who have already suffered the stress and sadness of their parents’ divorce.

Getting married at this age is no light matter and while it may not be big business, it is serious business not to be stepped into lightly.

Though being light of heart does help!

And that’s where I struggle. I read the data. Search for articles on planning my ‘mature’ wedding and all I stumble upon are dire predictions of why second and third, and even first, marriages are not necessarily good predictors of future happiness.

According to Stats Can, forty-percent of first time marriages in Canada are predicted to end in divorce before the 30th anniversary. In a US infographic titled Divorce in America, it shows that 60% of second marriages are more likely to end in divorce, and 73% of third.

And I wonder, does it matter? Aren’t we more than the statistic? Aren’t we more than a prediction of failure, or success?

Isn’t this day and all the planning leading up to it, about focusing on happiness, fun, celebration? Isn’t it about celebrating family and all that binds us in Love? Isn’t our willingness to publicly declare our love for one another, no matter our age, a statement of our belief in the power and majesty of love to overcome the odds and not remain relegated to mere statistics? There’s also the consolation that getting married at this age is more likely to find its end in the demise of one or both of us, rather than divorce!

Ultimately, our wedding is our celebration. Though Google has not been a fount of wedding planning how-to’s in planning our big day, I’m no blushing bride. I don’t need anyone to tell me what is the right, or wrong way, to tie the knot. We don’t need anyone to tell us how to create memories. We’ve got lots of those already! 

What we need is exactly what we’ve got, two people who love eachother deeply. Two people who have been willing to stand in the whole of their relationship, with all their pasts and broken places between them and acknowledge, the shortest distance between two hearts is always the path of love. 

Namaste.