A friend called me the other day to ask if I would meet with a friend of hers who is looking for some advice on writing a letting to someone. “She really wants to work for his company but English isn’t her first language,” she said. “Can you help?”

Of course, I replied.

The next day we met for coffee and the other woman explained the situation. “I know I can offer them really great services,” she tells me, “but a friend of a friend asked the woman who runs the office to look at my resume and she refused. I thought if I wrote a letter to the owner, I’d ask him for a job.”

“Do you know if they’re looking for your kind of service?” I asked her. “Looking at their brochure they don’t offer what you provide.”

“But wouldn’t it make sense that they do?” she queried. “What I do would definitely benefit their clients.”

I agreed but cautioned her. You don’t have enough information. You don’t know what they’re planning, what their build-out model for additional services is. It’s possible they already have a business plan that includes expansion into the areas you are suggesting, and are not yet there. You are an unknown. Asking them to consider adding you into the mix without understanding where they’re at in the big picture, is presumptuous. It’s important to first ask questions so that you understand their perspective — before offering them a solution to a problem they may already have identified and be working on resolving, or simply not believe its part of their core business practice, no matter how much sense it makes to you and me that adding services of the kind you provide would enhance their business model.

She agreed, though it wasn’t necessarily what she wanted to hear.

Helping a friend was easy. Speaking the truth, giving an answer that wasn’t specifically what was requested, not as easy.

But it was important.

To have supported something I didn’t believe was the appropriate path would have compromised my values. It would have meant I was offering something up that I didn’t believe in. Even if my advice was free — only telling someone what they wanted to hear would not have served anyone well.

Making a difference requires a commitment to doing the right thing. It means ‘turning up, paying attention, speaking the truth and staying unattached to the outcome.’

I loved this woman’s enthusiasm and desire to make a difference in the world. Sometimes, however, enthusiasm sweeps away our common sense and our ability to take one step at a time without leaping to conclusions that serve our purpose before serving others.

Making a difference is about affecting change in the world — based on what the world needs now, not what serves me best and then the world.

It can be challenging. I get where this woman was coming from — I’ve been there!

The lesson for me is — asking questions to understand what others (the world beyond my tunnel vision) need is the foundation of building trust in what I can do to make a difference in the world.

Jumping in just because I think I know what others need to do does not build trust, nor does it serve anyone else but me. And in the end, it doesn’t serve me that well either as I’ve not built the foundation to make a safe place for my difference to count.

It was a good lesson for me.

Helping a friend gave me an opportunity to help myself to important knowledge on what it means to make a difference.

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I met Cassandra Chapman here, in the virtual world of blogging. She commented on a blog I wrote, I followed her to her blog, My Life is My Message, and was captivated and inspired by her commitment to make a difference in the world.

Cassandra lives her talk, everyday in every way. A staff member at ChildFund New Zealand, she spends her life working to make a difference in the lives of children around the world who have no one to speak up for, reach out to, or help them create change in their world. Cassandra inspires me and reminds me that we all have ‘something to give’ — and we must put our intentions into action to create change.

Cassandra is a self-confessed, ‘inspiration addict’. As she says on her blog, “to live is a verb”. Cassandra is living life being the change she wants to see in the world. Thank you Cassandra for sharing your inspiration here this morning.

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Everyone has something to give

By Cassandra Chapman

It is my belief that every person has something to give. And that whatever we can give, we should. Nobody is too small, too young, or too poor to make a difference.

Sure, some of us have more than others – more money, more time, more life experience, more patience, more natural optimism, more resources, more education, more whatever. But I think the power in giving is symbolic – often the power is not exactly in what is given, but in what it means to have been given to.

Let me share a story to illustrate.

The year was 2007 and I was living and working in an orphanage in El Salvador. I worked with around 450 children between the ages of 1 and 20 years old. Each young soul had suffered great loss. Many had suffered terrible indecencies. These children had nothing of their own – they relied solely on the kindness of others.

Once a year, in the month of their birthday, each child received a small gift of around $5. This precious gift was just for them and they were allowed to spend it on whatever their heart desired.

One day I accompanied some children for their birthday shopping spree. Each was so excited and eagerly filled up little goody bags of sweets and toys at the market.

After the shopping frenzy was over we were waiting in Santa Ana’s central plaza for the bus. As we waited a homeless man shuffled by and I struck up a conversation with him. His name was Epa and his story was very sad. As we spoke I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the children were watching me thoughtfully.

Just as we were leaving a small child approached Epa and offered up an apple from their shopping trip. Soon more children offered gifts – sweets, yoghurt, and other treats. Epa stood awestruck with tears streaming down his cheeks.

The gifts were small but, coming from children with so little, the message was powerful. The children’s kindness spoke clearly to Epa – “we are with you, brother”, their actions said.

I’ll never forget how proud I was of my young friends that day. I have known many generous and kind people who have done great things for the benefit of strangers. Yet, for me, this was the greatest act of kindness I ever witnessed.

A destitute orphan offering to share their one precious gift with a stranger in need. That is true generosity.

Remember, you may be small or young or poor or busy… yet there is something you can give. Today, think what you can give that someone else needs and give it away with all your heart. Perhaps you will touch a soul the way my children touched Epa’s that day. If you’re lucky the experience will touch your soul too.

– Cassandra Chapman, New Zealand

15 April 2012

It is Saturday morning, a day to celebrate (as we should every day of the week!) the heroes in our midst.

When I was working at the homeless shelter, I held a weekly session with Calgary Police Service (CPS) to talk about homelessness. These ‘Street Sensitivity’ sessions looked at the myths, the whys, hows, whats of what drove people to the streets, and what kept them there. These talks were always filled with heated conversation, each officer having their unique view of why, how, what, homelessness is all about. The officers were always forthcoming (they definitely weren’t shy about sharing their views!) and no matter their view, there was always one very clear and unifying denominator in our conversations — they were police officers to make a difference in our community and our world. They do what they do to be of service.

I came away from these conversations with a new appreciation for the exigencies of their calling, and an appreciation for the importance of seeking common ground. Every officer I met was willing to engage in the conversation — regardless of the distance between our perspectives, and in our engagement we discovered a mutual respect for our differences and our similarities. In exploring what connects us we shifted our perspectives from the distance between our positions to the relevance of our shared values, beliefs and principles in serving the people in our communities. I learned a great deal through these conversations and came away with a sense of awe for their commitment to making a difference in the world.

Men and women of the Calgary Police Service are heroes. 

We are having an election here in Alberta. Candidate signs have popped up on lawns throughout the city. Billboards extol the virtues of one party, one candidate over another. I was asked to run for one of the parties and declined. I know I do not have the commitment, the passion nor the energy to dedicate myself the way those running for public office must. No matter the person, the motivation is to be of service, to make a difference, to be part of the change required to continually renew our communities, our public well-being and our society.

Men and women running for office are heroes.

Every political campaign has a team of volunteers who dedicate countless hours and enormous amounts of energy to ensure their candidate has the best run at succeeding in their bid for office. It is often a thankless job, a job of menial tasks, of doing the small things to ensure they add up to big results. The passion, commitment and dedication of these volunteers never ceases to inspire me.

Campaign volunteers are heroes.

Street artists have powerful voices. Committed to expressing their vision and their art through passionately embracing their need to create, regardless of societal pressures to conform, they ‘dress-up’  dark corners and hidden places with vivid colour, wild visions and amazing perspectives. They teach us through their passion to always believe in ourselves, our dreams and our right to express. They teach us to set our imaginations free and see the world through different glasses, to shift our point of view and see the beauty and the pathos, along with the absurd, through eyes of wonder.

Street Artists are heroes.

And to prove it…

I found these photos of the Best Street Art of 2011 on StumbledUpon and was in awe. The artist’s names are not provided — I’m sharing a few of the photos below, to see them all, click HERE.

Okay men. Listen up.

The Calgary Drop-In & Rehab Centre (DI) serves approximately 8500 individuals experiencing or at risk of homelessness every year. On any given day and night, including harm reduction (those just looking for a safe place to sleep off the night’s excesses or somewhere to rest during the day away from city streets and parks), day sleep numbers (people who need extra sleep due to a medical reason or working nights) and those housed in permanent housing, up to 1100 people will be housed daily by the DI.

90% of the people the DI serves are men. This percentage is not indicative of the general homeless population where approximately 25% (or higher depending upon who is included in the no.) are women. The lower percentage of women is due to several factors including the fact the DI only serves adults. Women with children and families in need of emergency shelter cannot use the DI. In addition, many of the issues women face in homelessness are exacerbated by their relationships with men (no offence guys but our relationships with you are often our problem!) and an environment where there are so many men is not always the most emotionally safe or supportive environment for women, particularly as fleeing violence is often a cause of episodic homelessness for women.

And here’s where men need to listen up — 10% of the clothing donations the DI receives are for…. women.

Which is why I am loading my car full of clothing C.C., my partner, cleared out of his closet and dresser drawers. From shirts to pants, underwear to socks, outerwear for all seasons, clean and in good repair men’s clothing is always in demand at the DI.

Cleaning out your wardrobe is a good thing!

Dropping it off at the DI, or any shelter in your area, is a good thing too!

It repurposes your old clothes.

It makes a difference.

When I got out of a relationship that was really, really bad (remember what I said about relationships with men being a problem?… I lived it — big time!), I had a suitcase full of men’s clothing. The man in question had been arrested and for my emotional and physical well-being, I was in ‘No Contact’ mode. I wanted his clothes and belongings out of my life and so, I cleaned and pressed everything and took it all down to an organization in North Vancouver where I was living at the time, and donated it to an agency that works with men who have been incarcerated or homeless in rebuilding their lives. It felt good to divert my anger into a positive direction — knowing his clothes would be helping someone get back on their feet was a bonus.

Yes, I understand you only wore that shirt and pants to your son’s baptism. I know they’re still in mint condition. But seriously? Your son is now twenty and well, let’s just say your waist is not as trim as it used to be…. And one thing about men’s fashion — it doesn’t go out of style as quickly as women’s. Those pants will still find a good body to wear them!

Cleaning out your wardrobe helps your psyche, clears out clutter and helps places like the DI serve those who are struggling to end homelessness in their lives.

And, it’s a simple and easy way to make a difference in the world.

Go ahead. Try it. I promise, you’ll feel better when your closets are clean and you know you’ve done something good for a stranger.

It was a year ago today that Bev Pettigrew contacted me after reading an article in the Calgary Herald about a homeless man whose dying wish was to be able to stay in the homeless shelter he’d called home for the past four years of his life. An online search led her to a video interview Mark Horvath of Invisible People did with the man.

And in that moment, a dream was reborn, that two brothers would reconnect and the family circle would be unbroken.

Larry Pettigrew hadn’t seen his 58 year old brother very often since he was 8 years old and their father had kicked him out of the family home. And there he was, on the front page of the city section of the Calgary Herald, and in video at Invisible People.

His wife, Bev, contacted the shelter where I worked and eventually, we connected on the phone. That call lead to the following Friday evening when Larry and his two sons arrived at the shelter to meet Terry for the first time since that fateful day of parting many years before. “I never gave up looking for him,” Larry told me as we rode the elevator to the fourth floor where he would meet his little brother, and embrace him and never let him go until six weeks later when Terry would succumb to the cancer that was eating away at his body.  Being in the military, Larry moved around a lot and as Bev would tell me later, “We always seemed to be one step behind him. We’d heard he was somewhere, try to locate him and he would have moved on.”

And then, his moving on lead him to a homeless shelter and from there back into the arms of the family who loved him.

I received an email from Bev this morning reminding me of that day one year ago when we had first spoken on the phone. Bev writes, “Today marks one year since we were in contact with you about Terry. The 7th of April was the day we read about Terry in the Calgary Herald and saw the interview with Mark Horvath. But  the work of getting through the red tape led us to you. We are so grateful for the love you gave Terry and shared with us. We have had such an amazing year …some good, some not so good. But one thing is for sure… we will be forever changed by the people we met through it all. Thank you and big hugs to you, Louise. May you continue to be an instrument of Peace and Love.”

My heart is touched and warmed by Bev and Larry’s words. My life is forever changed through knowing Terry and meeting them.

We all have the capacity to make a difference. We all have the capacity to move through compassion, caring, love to that place where we celebrate life, in all its many angles, all its multi-faceted hues. And we all have the ability to touch hearts.

May you touch many hearts today with gentle kisses of love and joy. May your heart be touched with tender grace.

Thank you Bev and Larry. Your words embrace my heart and I am broken open in love.

Namaste.

The night before I left Vancouver I took my daughters and their friend Vickie, or as I affectionately call her, ‘my other daughter’, out for dinner. Every Easter while the girls were in school, Vickie would accompany the three of us on our yearly sojourn to Tofino, on the far west coast of Vancouver Island. For the Easter break week, we would play by the ocean, wandering the forest trails, hiking deep into the bog, kayaking, whale-watching, playing cards, laughing and eating, always eating.

On Monday night, we shared stories of our travels together, laughing and teasing each other over some of the crazy antics the girls got up to on those annual trips.

When dinner was over, the bill arrived and I was surprised at how little the meal cost. Checking it, Alexis and Liseanne both noticed the waitress had forgotten to bill us for one item.  Without hesitation, they called the waitress over and showed her the mistake. Grateful, she added the item and returned the bill. It was still reasonable and at least we were paying for everything we’d received. If you like Mexican food and are in Vancouver — go to Topanga Cafe in Kitsalano — Good food (large portions). Good service — and it’s not expensive.

What impressed me was how the girls did not hesitate to correct our servers mistake. While it would have been easy to pay and leave, they did not question doing, ‘the right thing’.

It made a difference.

To the server. The restaurant and our consciences. Knowing we weren’t ‘sneaking’ one by, means we don’t have to carry the knowledge that we didn’t turn up in honesty and integrity. It means we don’t have to have the prickle in our conscience eating away at our peace of mind telling us that we cheated someone out of what was rightfully theirs.

And there’s always payback.

Yesterday, driving back from Vancouver, I stopped for gas in Golden. I paid at the pump (it’s the law in BC) and went inside the station for a bottle of water and some gum. When I went to pay, the attendant rounded down my $5.20 total by deducting the $.20, even though I had placed the two dimes on top of the five. Pushing the two dimes back towards me he laughed and said, “It’s a special just for you because I want to!”

While twenty cents isn’t a big deal, it felt nice to receive the gift of his consideration. His gesture definitely put a smile on my face and lifted my spirits for the rest of the drive home!

When we turn up — and are scrupulous with our honesty, the world turns up for us in return.

Sure, it would have been easy to ignore the servers mistake, but the payback is greater when we choose to be honest. In the end, the difference becomes clear in our being able to go through each day knowing — we did the right thing.

After a day spent relaxing, taking Ellie to the ocean for a swim, a leisurely lunch overlooking the water in Deep Cove, C.C. flew east while I went off to meet both my daughters for dinner.

And today, I am driving East. Homeward bound. It’s a long drive (about 11 hours), so I’ve headed out early. Little time to blog first thing. (I’m actually writing this at night)

Making a difference is not at the forefront of my thinking today. I am focused on driving up and over the coastal range, away from the ocean and the lush green forests of the coast into the interior, through orchards and vineyards into the Rockies. Up and over the Roger’s Pass until I descend into the leeward side of the Rockies, back to Calgary. Back to the sprawl of the city spreading along the rolling foothills, edging out into the prairies.

The difference will be felt in a different clime, different vegetation, different season. While in Vancouver spring is in full bloom with cherry blossoms creating a canopy of white and pink blossoms every where you turn. In Calgary, spring is still just an idea, a notion of something to come once winter has wrapped itself up for another season. Spring is in the air, it’s just not yet into the ground, digging out the frost, moistening the soil with welcoming rains.

I shall be back again tomorrow musing about making a difference, but for today, may you live your best, give your most and feel you always make a difference worth living for — because you do!

Namaste.

I took Ellie up into the forest yesterday for a walk. To the west, the late afternoon sun glistened on the waters beneath the Lions Gate Bridge. Huge freighters sat anchored in the harbour and tiny sailboats scuttled across the water.

This is “Ellie’s Woods”. When I lived here in Vancouver for the year and a half, Ellie and I would traipse up to the woods every day for a walk. It was in these woods I whispered my sorrows and fears to the trees. High up in the center of the woods, a cliff borders an old, unused quarry. There I sat one afternoon with a girlfriend as we wrote and painted on four dozen eggs all the sadness and anger we both contained within us. And then, when we were done colouring and expressing ourselves on the eggs, we hurled the eggs off the cliff above the quarry, screaming and yelling at the top of our lungs. It was divine and freeing. She too was healing from a relationship gone really wrong and the process of releasing anger on the top of that cliff lifted an enormous weight from her shoulders, as well as mine.

What a difference time and distance make.

In the midst of our angst, it often feels like it will never end. That now is forever and this is all we’ll ever feel.

But, time does heal and distance from the events does add perspective, and release.

Ellie and I climbed up to the quarry yesterday and in the silence of the forest, I danced and spun about and sang at the top of my lungs. Ellie barked and pranced around me and I laughed and knew without any uncertainty, that was then, this is now. And in the now, my difference in the world is not expressed through pain and letting go of sorrow, but rather through joy and letting go of laughter into the world around me.

If pain is clogging your pores and sorrow flows through your tears, give yourself the gift of release. Take a dozen, or two, eggs, go and sit by the water, or in the forest where you can be alone (with a friend willing to participate with you is great!). Draw and write on the eggs all the things you’d like to express to whomever or about whatever is hurting you and when you’re done drawing, hurl them at trees or rocks with all the might you can gather up. Scream and yell and let it go!

The eggs are bio-degradable. Animals will eat them and you will feed the soil. And, when you get to the last egg, stand quietly, hold it in the palm of you hand and squeeze it (but don’t break it). Tighten up your whole body, hold it hold it hold it and then, turn your palm over to face the ground, open your fist and let the egg drop.

Relax your body.

There. That’s how easy it is to release — and see what a difference that release makes?

To make pain or sorrow or anything you are holding onto that is keeping you stuck different, do something different today.

The universe will be glad you did and your body and spirit will thank you!

Sometimes, making a difference in the world requires we let go of what we’re holding onto that is limiting us from knowing — we make a difference in the world just because we are in this world!

Namaste.

When I first encountered Diana Schwenk she was working at another homeless shelter in Calgary — my counterpart in certain areas of communication. While it’s not spoken of nor is it very ‘pretty’, there is a certain competition between agencies — we are seeking funding from the same sources, media attention and public awareness all in the same time and space. Diana didn’t care about ‘competition’. She only cared about the people we served and how we could make their road less rocky. She defied politics, ignored inter-agency hostilities and constantly strove to open doors for everyone — co-workers, homeless Calgarians and other agency staff and clients.

I was one of the ones she helped. Through her generosity of spirit, her willingness to share information, to talk about issues and ideas she reminded me that there is no ‘us and them’ — only the singular purpose of making the road easier for everyone — and we make a bigger difference when we work together. She was and is the epitome of graciousness and caring. She is one brave and courageous woman making a difference however she can. And today, she shares a beautiful, heart warming story about Wild Bill.  Enjoy!

Thank you Diana for being the difference we need in our world today.  You can visit her and find out more about Diana at her blog, Talk to Diana (you’ll be glad you did!)

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When Our Difference Counts

by Diana Schwenk

Here’s the thing about making a difference; often we don’t know we have, but sometimes we are made privy to the fact and oh how that inspires us to continue to do so!

I first met William in the early 90’s while I was volunteering at a local coffee house that served the homeless. William, known as Wild Bill on the streets and for good reason, was one of the most cantankerous individuals you could ever meet. Just to give you an idea of what I mean I once saw him sitting on the steps of First Baptist Church as I was walking down 4th Street. I was still several blocks away when my stomach tightened in knots as I watched a woman riding a bike on the sidewalk approaching him. Because I had met Bill several times before, I knew she was in trouble. My walk became a trot as I silently prayed she would cross the street or turn off in another direction. But she didn’t, she stayed on course, a path that would lead her straight to Bill. I was too late. As she rode by him, Bill pushed her over on her bike sending her crashing to the sidewalk.

To say that my relationship with Bill had a rocky start is a gross understatement. The first time I met him, I was leaning against the doorpost of the coffee house watching him walk up the stairs toward me. As he walked in I barely got out a “Hey, how you doing’?” when he shoulder checked me, almost knocking me on my backside. For some reason, I liked him instantly! The next three months weren’t much different. Every time I saw him, I’d say hello and my greetings were reciprocated with a blue cloud of cussing and screaming.

Finally, one day, I screamed back. “HEY BILL!” That got his attention. “WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YELLING AT ME? WHAT THE HECK HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU??”

I can only guess that my outburst shocked him. Sheepishly, he hung his head. After a few moments (that felt like an eternity) he responded with, “I don’t know….I guess I just want to reject you before you get a chance to reject me.” Time went by and eventually Bill had disappeared from the landscape. Occasionally I would think of him and wonder what happened to him. Eventually I imagined the worst and presumed he had died.

Flash forward ten years: I was in my office talking to one of my staff when my cell phone rang. “Diana! There’s a real A-hole at the door who wants to see you now and he won’t take NO for an answer,” said the frantic doorman.

My heart went into my throat. Bill – it had to be! As I approached, Bill was still yelling at the doorman when I called out to him. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me; tears streamed down his face as he hugged me and spoke softly into my ear. You see he came to thank me for never giving up on him. He came to tell me that he now managed a restaurant in Lethbridge. He came to tell me that every night when his shift ends he goes out in the streets with sandwiches for the homeless and tells them that if they ever decide they want to get off the streets, he would help them. By this point I was crying as well and told him that I was so very proud of him. And then as quickly as he had arrived, he climbed into his Cadillac and drove off.

Often we don’t know that we’ve made a difference but if my relationship with Wild Bill has taught me anything it’s to never stop trying.

Thank you Diana Schwenk for sharing your amazing story — and your beauty — so generously.

Happy Easter!

Ellie on the Beach

It takes curiosity to explore our inner depths. Curiosity and a mix of courage, frustration, hope and fear to motivate someone to delve into the unknown — especially if they’ve never done it before.

And so today, I want to celebrate my companions on the Come Alive trail at The Haven where I just spent a week stepping into the waters of ‘self’ to discover ‘the more’ that is possible in life when I let go of believing, ‘this’ is all there is.

My travelling companions taught me a great deal and I am grateful.

They are all heroes.

Not because they have done ‘great’ things in the world — though I’m sure they all have. Being in the world is greatness in and of itself. For me, their heroism comes through their courage in sharing, opening up, diving deep within and being willing to see the beauty and wonder that is them without fear that their beauty and wonder is not enough.

We are all enough. Just the way we are. And this past week at The Haven reaffirmed for me how incredibly beautiful we human beings are. In spite of our pasts, the pains and sorrows and hurts and wounds, in spite of all that has happened, all that we experienced and endured getting to ‘here’, right now, we are absolutely magnificent.

Being amidst such shining spirits inspired me, and filled me with joy and love.

Being part of a circle of trust and compassion has lifted me up.

I feel alive.

To all those travellers willing to explore their inner depths, to all those who have the courage to open themselves up to their pain so that they can come to the other side, even when they fear the opening will break their hearts, you are my heroes. You light the way for all of us to follow. You create a world of difference in your desire and willingness to be all that you are without fearing you are not enough.

You are all heroes.

And to the facilitators, the coaches, the interns, you rock my world. Your giving natures, your willingness to share and expand into the space so that everyone can learn from your wisdom, and grow through your caring, you make a world of difference.

You are all heroes.

And… here is a link to a short video that celebrates The Haven and the work of finding yourself where ever you’re at and falling in love with who you are.