My amazing friend Howard Parsons wrote a beautiful inspiring post on his Hopeful Notes from Howie J this morning. He asks the question, “What inspires you?”

Life inspires me.

Every moment. Every day.

And then there are those moments where I just want to crawl into bed and wish the day over and sleep into tomorrow!

But they are not often.

Those days, the ones that don’t inspire me are mostly awakened when I take my attention off the wonder and beauty all around and let despair settle in for a visit.

And yes, there are moments in this life that I do feel despair. That place of thinking, what can I do? The problem’s too big. The issue too vast. The complexity too deep. What can little ole’ me do to make a difference anyway?

Lots.

But when I let my victim voice have its say, I think myself into powerlessness. I woo myself into despair.

I allow 100% of what happens in my life into my life. I am 100% accountable for me. And what I put my attention on grows stronger in my life.

Giving into my victim’s voice, giving way to despair does not nurture, nourish nor inspire me. It just brings me down into that place where darkness feels more welcoming than light.

It’s not about false optimism or faking joy. It’s all about knowing, I cannot change the world. I am not powerful enough to stop starving children in Africa dying. I am not powerful enough to stop war from waging.

I am powerful enough to change how I am in the world and in that change, I am powerful enough to create a ripple. In my ripple I want to be inspiring and uplifting. To live my ‘want’ on the other side of my fear — I am not enough to make a difference, I must live from that courageous belief that I am capable of doing my best to ensure whatever I’m doing and being is founded in my highest intention of being the change I want to create in the world.

We all can. Make a difference.

It’s like when I got out of that relationship that was killing me. While in it, I didn’t believe I was powerful enough to change him. And that was the truth. I wasn’t.

I cannot change someone else. I can change me. And in that relationship, I couldn’t change what he was doing or who he was — it is who he was — but… because I was so focussed on thinking about what I could do to stop him treating me the way he was, what I could do to change him, I didn’t see I had the power to stop abuse in my life by changing what I was doing.

Abuse hurts. Stop it.

War kills. Stop it.

We can ‘stop it’ when we stop believing it’s up to someone else to stop or change or be someone/something else.

And in the stopping it in our lives, we can create the world we’ve always imagined. As long as we don’t stop believing in our power to create change in our life, as long as we don’t stop believing in our capacity to make a difference.

We all have the capacity to make a difference. It’s up to each of us to determine what that difference is, and then to act on our capacity to create what we want to see more of in the world!

I want to create a world of beauty, a world where hearts open to the truth of their magnificence, where minds open to the wonder all around and where spirits soar in the freedom to become their most miraculous selves.

And in my desire to create, I am 100% responsible for me and my ripple.

What inspires me Howie J? Waking up to the beauty and wonder of life. Waking up to the magnificence of my being and becoming all I’m meant to be when I let go of believing, I do not make a difference.

We are each of us miracles of life. We are each of us magnificent.

Our very presence here on earth makes a difference. It’s up to each of us to make our difference a song of life we want to share. It’s up to each of us to live it up for all we’re worth and in our living it up inspire others to set themselves free to live from their magnificence shining brightly for all to see.

Namaste.

 

 

 

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I wasn’t really sure what the day would hold. I’d thought of all the reasons I ‘shouldn’t’ go — work to be done, cleaning of closets to be accomplished, winter wardrobe to switch over, a report to write — and in the end, I decided going was what my soul needed. 

And so I went, along with five others, to a ranch near Pincher Creek in the southern reaches of the province. A ranch where Jens Steenberg has built a pyramid for meditation and healing.

It was sublime. Divine. Blissful.

Alberta is often called, Big Sky Country. In the southern corners it could also be known as Big Wind Country. It was two hands on the wheel kind of driving. The winds blew fiercely, buffeting my car as we sped southward along Highway 22X, the Rockies a solid mass of granite and limestone soaring into the sky on our western flank, the rolling, undulating fir clad foothills rolling into the plains far to the east.  Above, clouds rolled across the sky in thundering dark masses punctuated with white fluffy billowy softness that leaped and cavorted amongst the darkness overhead.

It was glorious.

And then, we reached Jens ranch and the winds blew and the lake waters hurled themselves against the shore in steely grey waves and Jens’ windmill careened in crazed glee spinning and spinning, a high keening whir competing against the wind’s howl. Rolling plains stretched out to the meet the Rockies, fir trees and barren poplars bent windward climbing up along mountain ridges that split sky and earth. Beauty unfolded itself upon the painter’s landscape spread out before us.

We sat in Jens’ greenhouse, sharing a potluck lunch and chatted about the inspiration behind the pyramid. We talked of spiritual graces and secular matters and the world fell away into that space where time drifts into nothing as gently as a leaf falling in the forest. After lunch we entered the pyramid and spread ourselves out to meditate and to simply be present in the natural energies of the sacred confines of that amazing space.

It was divine.

From the notes of Judy Atkinson playing her flute, to drumming, we connected together through silent contemplation, letting worldly matters recede as we fell into communion with soul and spirit and all that is Divine within ourselves and this world which we share together.

And then, we braved the elements. Climbed up onto the ridge on the other side of the lake, Jens leading the way through the forest trees up onto the highlands, up into the wind that whipped itself into a joyous frenzy amongst the crags and crannies of the higher ground.

I am alive the wind and rain and clouds and trees and rocks and streams seemed to say. I am alive and you are amidst me and you are alive too.

And I was.

Alive. Enlivened. Enveloped in the natural grace of being present to the rapture of the moment spread out in infinite time before and within me. Alive to the joy of being in that space, that place, that time where I could simply be present to the One within me. Connected to One within the others. The One within the All that we are when we let go of being separate and apart and join in communion with the world that connects us all.

I am One. You are One. We are all part of the One that is all that we are.

It was a day of soaring spirits and tantalizing vistas. A day of new experiences. New horizons. New views. A day like no other.

It was a day that made a difference because I was made different in its passing.

I am blessed.

I am grateful.

I am One.

I met Dianne MacDougall Quan at the City of Calgary Arts & Culture Department when I was involved with the This is My City — an city-inspired arts initiative that connected community artists with those with the experience of homelessness. She was passionate. Committed. Dedicated to connecting people and ideas to create beauty in our city.

Dianne wasn’t directly in the project itself so we didn’t spend much time chatting and working together. And then, we met up at Peace Calgary and I was blessed with the opportunity to get to know her better and to be inspired by her passion, and commitment to creating beauty all around.

Today, Dianne creates beauty through sharing her words of what makes a difference in her world through the gift of meditation.

Little Death of Persona

By Dianne MacDougall Quan

Tonight I heard an interesting term from Dal – my meditation guide: the so called ‘LITTLE DEATH’ of ego.

Dal discussed how continued practice of meditation can cause  the ‘little death’ of persona, also called ego or  the adapted self.

Let me begin my explaining how our group practices meditation. When our circle meditates with Dal, we quiet down the emotional, mental and physical states (or ‘static’)  through a practice called “The Four Step”.

Essentially the Four Step Process is a grounding.

– It  first begins with the breath and developing a cadence.

– Following this, we are asked to visualize  a  “gathering up” of our  mental, emotional and physical energy and sending them down through our feet….  deep into the earth. This is an invitation for soul to shine through.

– For the third step, we are asked to   imagine a  magnet,  six inches above the crown chakra. We are then told to ‘pull up’ on this magnet, which aligns the energy channels in the body.

– The final step is to simply  to go to our  HEARTS – and just BE THERE in the heart chakra.

Here’s the thing: Especially for new practitioners, ego is going to work REALLY hard to take control of this process and make sure that soul doesn’t gain ground. At first, practitioners might squirm around, fight the feeling of relaxation, ask ‘what good this could possibly do”.

But with practice, one gains ground. One GOES to the quiet. Dal guides us in many ways once we begin to access the quiet and let soul shine through. We don’t have to DO anything, and if EGO keeps ‘butting in”‘ – well – “just go back to the grounding process”,  we’re reminded.

I’ve learned alot about EGO, and life – with our meditation circle. In life, we often think we have to DO SOMETHING, CHANGE SOMETHING, CONTROL SOMETHING, STRIVE FOR SOMETHING .But sometimes, we can choose to do nothing without beating ourselves up about it.

Here is something else that has happened to myself and group: WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. WE ARE ESSENTIALLY ‘ONE’….unified by the pure energy of love. Once we get  out of ego, there’s a ‘force’ – a repeating cycle – in our meditation circle. It defies words.  It brings tears. It brings a closeness that can’t be described. It is: pure and simple LOVE.

There’s a shift going on… as we approach Dec 2012…. the end of the Mayan calendar and descent from the Piscean age while ascending into the Aquarius age. The new age calls for moving from AWARENESS to ACTION: to using our god – given gifts – our spiritual archetype (we all have one) to be in service for a better self / family / community and world.

The ego likes to keep us prisoner sometimes by reinforcing old behaviors and beliefs. BUT:  once we begin to challenge these beliefs through continued access to spirit, the whole game changes — and the world is made different.

Little by little, the ego goes through a gradual death,and we are transformed by love, gratitude, and infinite capacity.

 

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Thank you Dianne!

and please… don’t forget to vote! Your vote makes a difference!

http://www.avivacommunityfund.org/ideas/acf13435

Heroes are everywhere and today is my day to celebrate every day heroes who make such a difference in the world.

Yesterday I received an email from Heather Innes who is the Connections Team Lead for the United Way of Calgary and Area. She was thanking the impact speakers for their work in reaching out to Calgarians to tell them about the United Way and its important work in our city. Along with her email she sent a delightful story she’d written about a conversation with her son. I asked Heather if I could share it here because it speaks so strongly to the hero in everyone.

Thank you Heather for letting me share your story here, and for all the amazing work you do to make a difference in this world. And thank you to all the Impact Speakers, Hong who organizes it all, the Campaign Associates and everyone at United Way and all its supported agencies. You make a difference. You are all heroes.

 

To Me – You Are a Hero  – by Heather Innes

 

Another Saturday morning – on my knees in soapy water, scrubbing the kids’ bathroom floor.  I am ruminating on how Mothers’ Day is coming up and I, maybe, won’t have to do the dishes for a full day.  My 5 year old son, James, swoops in wearing his Super Hero Cape, singing at the top of his lungs.

I always knew I would get the question.  I was not really expecting it in a small bathroom with James blocking the door so there was no escape.  Life with children is always fun and interesting!  They are never afraid to ask questions any adult might find intimidating.

“Mommy – why don’t we ever see your Mommy and Daddy?” I was a bit taken aback.  I don’t talk about my parents all that often.  They passed away many years ago and their story was not a very happy one.

I explained that I had not grown up with my parents because they were sick and could not take care of me and my sisters.  We had been taken care of by Foster families.  We had been supported by Community organizations committed to helping people.  This was how we ate, how we went through school, how we got clothing and how we survived.

I explained that this is why Mommy works at United Way – so that I can help people now- like I needed help then.  I get to help children be all they can be, move people out of poverty and build healthy people and strong communities.

“Mommy – you are a Super Hero!”

I said, “No – Honey – but I sure get to work with a lot of Super Heroes”.

Off he flew with his cape behind him – reminding me – we are all Heroes to someone.  You are a Hero today – Change starts with you!

–          Heather Innes

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I was given the gift of a story the other day about a man who is making amazing and important changes in his life. Once he was a sexual predator. Now, he’s working on being a better man. A man he can be proud of. A man others can live with without getting hurt. A man who makes a difference in the world.

His story inspires me because it speaks to the magnificence in all of us. It speaks to how ‘when we know better, we do better.’  For this man, all he knew was abuse. From abused child to abusing adult was not a big step. It’s not that he didn’t know it was wrong. It was that he couldn’t stop himself from acting out from his pain and hurting others.

And then, he went to jail. Upon release from prison he was mandated into counselling. Through that process, he began to understand he had within him the power to change his ways. He had within him the man he’d always wanted to be but never known how to become. He’s been in counselling 2 years now. He hasn’t abused. He hasn’t acted out. His self-awareness is growing. His ability to ‘stay clean’ is strengthening and his commitment to being a different man in the world is firm. He’s started writing poetry about what kind of man he wants to be. He’s started writing out his path into the light. He’s starting to see that his thinking wasn’t hard-wired, it needed re-wiring. This man has hope and gives me hope. We can stop abuse. Whether the abuser or the abused. We can stop it.

He is inspiring. He reminds me that no matter what we’ve done, we can change our lives for the better when we stand up and get accountable, take responsibility, and are committed to letting go of the past to live fearlessly in the truth of our magnificence today.

This man and all those involved in his recovery are heroes. 

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There is a tragic story here in Canada this week about a young girl who took her own life on October 10 after being bullied for years by schoolmates. Five weeks ago she posted a video on her story. No spoken words. Just sheets of paper she’s written on that she showed one by one. When I heard this story and watched the video I was angry, sad, confused. How can this happen? How can we not see?

I share Amanda Todd’s video here as a reminder to all of us — this young girls life means more than just some sad words on your computer screen. It means, we must take action to stop bullying and abuse. Everywhere. However we can. Always and Forever.

My eldest daughter called me last night. She’s excited about a project she’s embarking on and wanted to tell me all about it.

I am grateful for her willingness to share with me what lives within her heart.

The other day I shared a link to the Project True Pledge video. She wrote the video as part of her commitment to make a difference in the world.

And she wants to keep doing more.

I want to invite people to make promises about their lives and to share those promises and their commitment to live true to them, she told me.

Yesterday I wrote about not being able to take my own life at a time when all I wanted was to die. Because I love my daughters I couldn’t make a lie of that one truth I held onto.

But it goes deeper than that. It goes to the promise I’d made them one cold January morning of 2003.

It was just before ‘the bad man’ and I disappeared from the city and their lives. Everything was spiralling. I was losing my hold on reality, losing my grip on gravity. I was losing. Everything.

Most of everything I owned was already gone. I was quickly jettisoning what little I had left. Self-respect. Dignity. Belief in myself. I was letting it all go. The voices in my head were deafening. Yelling, pounding, searing voices reminding me how useless I was, how worthless.

‘The bad man’ and I had gone to pick up one of my daughters to take her to her dance lessons. I went to the door of their father’s house and they both opened it and their father stood behind them. They invited me in. I could feel the ‘bad man’ staring at me, watching from where he sat behind the steering wheel of the vehicle I would later discover was stolen. I stepped into the house and the girls pleaded with me to leave him. To forget about trying to get my money back. To forget about him and just leave him.

I couldn’t do it. I wanted to make it right. I wanted to fix it. Or so I told them.

My daughter wouldn’t come with me that day. Her father would drive her to dance but as I left my eldest daughter pleaded with me to promise that I wouldn’t do anything to take my own life.

How could she know, I wondered. She’s only 16. How could she know?

I remember not being able to look at her. I remember staring down, responding with something like, “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I won’t.” Knowing even when I said it, that I was lying.

My daughter was insistent. “Promise me,” she said. “Look me in the eyes and say, I promise.”

I shoved back the tears. I shoved back my fear, looked briefly into her eyes and whispered, “I promise.”

And I left and wouldn’t see or speak to them for months.

But that promise kept me alive in those final months. That promise was the thin thread of my past holding me to my present.

I could not break a promise I had made to my daughters. I couldn’t. I didn’t.

Promises make a difference.

I promise to live my life in joy and truth and Love and gratitude.

I promise to celebrate all that I am, beauty and the beast and to love all of me, no matter my condition.

I promise to share my gifts, to share my joy, my love and hope in ways that create more of what I want in my life and the world.

I promise to give of my best to inspire the best all around me.

Last night, my daughter shared the inspiration of how a promise she had made to her sister when they were small has inspired her to create a project about promises. In her sharing I was reminded of the power of a promise to keep hope, love and possibility alive. It wasn’t until I’d hung up and was thinking about her excitement, about how amazing she is, how strong and courageous that I remembered the promise I’d made to her and her sister that saved my life.

Once upon a time I made a promise to my daughters. Today, I live with the joy of that promise filling every breath I take.

Is there a promise you’d like to make that would make all the difference in the world to how you’ve living you life in this moment right now? Go ahead. Make it. Who knows what miracles will unfold when you do….

Namaste

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And I have promised my daughter to support Project True’s bid for funding from AVIVA Community Fund. I’m voting every day — if you have a moment, please share your vote. You will make a difference.

And, if you’d like to share your promise, Alexis will be sharing her idea soon on how you can make a difference with it!  Stay tuned…. 🙂

We are at the height of this year’s United Way campaign and almost everyday I have one and sometimes two talks to give. When I speak, I use my story of falling into the arms of an abuser, sharing my story of that road to hell and the journey back to well-being to illuminate the threads that connects us.

“I couldn’t do it alone,” I tell people. “I couldn’t get back on my feet without the help of the network of agencies the United Way knits togethers.  I needed a place like the Calgary Counselling Centre to help me, just as others, no matter the circumstances of their lives, need help to find their way out of the darkness into the light.”

To emphasize how dark my road had become, I tell them of wanting to die. Of wishing, hoping, praying that I could erase my presence on this planet, erase all memory of me from my daughters’ minds so that they could live free of the pain of the mother who had hurt them so much. I wanted them to forget me.

And then, I tell them how I couldn’t do it. How at that moment in my life there was only one truth I had left within me — I loved my daughters — and could not make a lie of that truth.

Yesterday, I presented at the kick-off event of a large engineering firm here in the city. When I began, I invited everyone in the room to raise their right hand above their head, bend it at the elbow behind their head and to give themselves a pat on the back. You’ve engaged in the three tenets of philanthropy, I told them. Give. Volunteer. Act. Here you are, willingly participating, turning up, willing to give your time, treasures, talents.

No one can do this alone. No one can make this a great city for everyone by themselves. It takes all of us. Giving what we can. Volunteering when ever we can and willing to take action to change — perceptions, beliefs, minds — as well as what we do on a daily basis to make a difference.

At the end of my presentation a man approached and said, “You don’t know me but I want to give you a hug. I think you’re very brave and courageous” And he gave me a hug.

“My wife committed suicide ten years ago,”” he said. “It’s had a devastating effect on my children. I’m so glad you didn’t do it.”

And I took a breath and hugged him back.

We don’t know whose heart we might touch, whose story we might connect to when we choose to share our stories of moving out of darkness into light, but connect we do, touch we will. And in that touch and connection, miracles happen.

I too am grateful, every moment of every day, for this life I cherish. I am grateful the police drove up and rescued me at a moment when I had lost all hope and was waiting to die. And I am grateful that my daughters and I have had the gift of time to heal, to rebuild and reclaim all and more of what was lost on that road to hell.

I am grateful for my life.  All of it. Darkness and light. Challenges and triumphs. Upheavals and smooth sailings. I am grateful for the snow this morning. The darkness of day’s awakening. The quiet of the house.

I am grateful.

And in my heart, gratitude makes the day bright. Gratitude is the difference and Love is always the answer.

May your day be filled with Love. May your heart be graced with gratitude and may you know you are the Love you seek. You are the difference you make and the world is greater for your light shining bright.

Namaste.

I started an online course last night. It seemed impetuous at the time. The course began at 6:30. At 6pm I decided to take it. But, it was really only the decision that was in the moment.

I’ve been thinking about taking this course for a while. It’s just, I’ve kept talking myself out of it. “You won’t stick to it, Louise,” my little critter voice whispered. “You’ll just be wasting your money. You’ll start and then stop and forget to do the homework and…. ” Ever notice how sibilant and insistent the voice of doubt and self-disparagement can be?

I decided to move deeper into my knowing. I decided to ask my inner GPS, that voice that lives deep in my gut, for direction. My inner GPS is the voice of  self-belief and support. It guides me by illuminating my feelings through my body. “How does your body feel when you think about actively being engaged in the course, Louise? How does it feel about consciously choosing to learn and grow your awareness of the evolutionary impulse?” I asked myself. And I felt it. There in the pit of my stomach. The excitement. The knowing. The understanding that this is my next step on my journey. My GPS applauded me. It rose up and said, Do it. Take it. This is important for your development as a human being on the evolutionary timeline on this  journey of her life.

And so, at 6:05 I signed up. The team quickly got me my access details and at 6:30 I was on the line, listening in as Amy Edelstein and Jeff Carreira set the stage for what promises to be an exciting and enlightening 10 months of the Living an Evolutionary Life training program with Andrew Cohen and Enlightenment Next.

I love learning. I love engaging all my senses in the act of exploring what it means to be human in this time, right now, in the here and now. And, I love how Amy and Jeff described the processes we will be investigating. We are living on the edge of our own development, they said. On the edge of where we’ve never been yet. Leaning into where we’ll be.

‘The Edge’ is personal, unique for each of us. It is that place just beyond where I know ‘what is’. It’s that place of creative friction where the things that I am curious about rub up against that which I know. In that interaction, my sense of purpose, of desire, of willingness to get consciously engaged in my own evolution explodes into knowing. It is that place where change ignites possibility.

Once known, once experienced, it cannot be undone. It cannot be taken back, erased, thrown out. No matter what I do, how hard I attempt to ignore it, turn my back on it, push it down, it cannot be unknown. It is always there.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter I worried about how could I love another human being as much as I loved the first. How could my heart expand so much to encompass two beings of such light and joy? And then I realized, Love is limitless. It’s only my thinking (call it fear) that was limiting my capacity to know the truth. I reminded myself about when I used to teach skiing. I didn’t become lesser for the act of teaching. I became a better skier because in the act of transferring my knowledge, I improved my ability and capacity to know the art of skiing and teaching. In my students’ excitement about learning new skills, about becoming more competent on the mountain, I grew in my excitement and competency.

We are all connected.

Last night I spent the first hour and a half of a ten month engagement exploring Living an Evolutionary Life. This isn’t just theoretical Amy and Jeff told us. It’s actualization. It’s not just for ‘one self’ we do this. It is a collective act.

It is the foundation of evolutionary thinking — to work as a collective, to engage in conscious acts of serving humanity to create a world of wonder for everyone. It’s a choice to explore how far can we go, what kind of focus can we generate, how strongly can we feel when we focus on the collective of where we are going together as a shared culture

Evolution is something that happens to all of us. Conscious evolution is something that we do together.

I signed up for a course last night. It feels good. It feels exciting. Energizing. Uplifting. It feels like I have chosen to actively become engaged in making a difference in the world through connecting into a different type of union and communion with my evolving humanity and the humanity of the world around me.

I am happy!

 

The turkey carcass sits in a pot waiting to be transformed into a nourishing, rich autumn soup. The dishes are cleared and the dining room put back to order. Thanksgiving 2012 has come and passed and still, regardless of the calendar date, gratitude remains, thankfulness rises.

It is the way of heartfelt living. To carry gratitude in every cell, to infuse each moment, to enrich each droplet of blood with the knowing that ‘We are so blessed.’

My amazing friend Kerry Parsons and her talented friend Amy Wood have created a beautiful video/song meditation called, “We Are So Blessed.”  They released it at noon yesterday, a fitting tribute to the day of Thanksgiving that Canadian households were enjoying together. To the haunting voice of Amy humming, Kerry guides you through a meditation into the soul of your blessings.

And it is beautiful. Inspiring. Uplifting.

“And the heart opens and expands and peace and love flow easily in and out and all life rejoices in the knowing, We are so Blessed.”

Kerry speaks the words and Amy sings them and yesterday, seated around ‘the groaning board’ of a table laden with food I looked around at the candlelit faces of family and friends gathered together and my heart whispered, I am so blessed.

And while there were faces missing, I carry them in my heart and in my heart they fill my soul with love.

We are so blessed. We live in a country where war does not tear apart hearts and homes. Where food is plentiful and abundance graces the hearths of most. It is always challenging in these times to accept that in this land where so many have so much there are those who have little. It is challenging to balance my abundance with the lack of others and yet, it is so. I am blessed. I am grateful for what I have, for my home, my hearth, my family, for the love that imbues every moment and every fibre of my being.

Working at a homeless shelter for as long as I did, I learned a lot about celebrating abundance and the gifts of life where ever they may be found. I learned that those who have little of the fixin’s of life are rich in matters of the heart. I learned that what connects us is not the size of our bank account or the designer label on our clothes but rather, that which connects us is this, our human condition. Our being human. Our humanity. We are one people. One life on planet earth.

And I learned, Love is always the answer.

No matter the condition of your heart, the depth of your sorrow or the height of your joy, Love is always the answer.

Please, give yourself the gift of time to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and listen to this beautiful meditation with Kerry and Amy. Your heart will lift, your mind will open and your spirit will soar as you connect to your true self and know, We are so blessed.

 

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And please, take a moment to vote today at AVIVA Community Fund for Project True.  You will make a difference.