Tag Archives: personal growth

The Lightness of Living on Purpose

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Why the fear of not having a purpose is holding you back—and how to find freedom in every single act.

We talk a lot about purpose. We talk about finding it, earning it, and living it. But in our obsession with finding a purpose, we often trap ourselves in a constant state of anxiety and comparison. We get stuck in an unhealthy emotional morass, believing others have a grander purpose than we do—or that we have non at all. This leads to a cascade of negative beliefs: I’m not good enough. I don’t make a difference. I’ll never measure up. I don’t matter.

The fear of not having a purpose often propels us into dead-end streets and chaos corners. It compels us to keep searching, to never let our guard down, and to stand vigilant for some grand purpose to float by so we can claim it. We tell ourselves, “I’ll finally matter when I find my purpose!”

What if you don’t have to search for purpose? What if all you need to do is live on purpose?

The Heavy Load of Finding Your Purpose

Countless books have been written about finding your purpose. We often see purpose as “what we do in the service of others,” as if it’s a monumental job description we must earn. Yet, what we do in service is simply a reflection of how we live our lives every day, in alignment with our values, principles, and beliefs.

The other night, while having dinner with my two daughters, we went around the table and shared a unique quality we admired in one another. When it was my turn, both of my daughters said, “You have a unique ability to meet people where they’re at and see the good in them.”

My heart felt so light. Since retiring and moving to a quiet Gulf Island, I’ve struggled with the question, “How do I live my purpose when I’m not ‘out there’ in the world, making a difference?” Hearing my daughters’ words, I realized I am making a difference just by showing up in my world every day with an open and loving heart and mind. By being fully present, I am both living my purpose and living on purpose.

There’s great relief in that acceptance. A feeling of spaciousness and possibility. I’ve accepted that my purpose doesn’t have to be some grandiose idea of healing the sick or solving world poverty. It’s simply to live my best, in every moment of every day, so my ripple is one of love, joy, and harmony. In this act, I gift myself peace of mind, body, and heart. And from that space, living on purpose feels easy, and the world around me feels calm and accepting.

The Lightness of Living on Purpose

One of the biggest differences between having a purpose and living on purpose is that having a purpose is passive, while living on purpose is active.

A purpose can be a goal—a destination to reach. Goals are important, but when they’re the singular focus and not rooted in our values, we can lose sight of our impact on the world. Hyper-focused on attainment, we can believe our goal is all that matters – and everyone else better get out of our way.

Living on purpose, however, demands our full engagement with life. It’s an intentional practice that requires our attention. It’s the realization that everything we do, say, create, and think has a ripple effect.

If you want your ripple to be an invitation to others, you must be conscious of the waves you make.

Living on purpose is not about the things you acquire or the goals you achieve; it’s about how you live your life. Living on purpose illuminates the world all around you. And in that brilliance, your light becomes a beacon of hope for others.

Practical Steps for Living on Purpose

It’s easy to live on purpose when you know the values, principles, and beliefs that guide your every action, word, and thought. Clarity of what matters most will automatically underpin everything you do, creating space for you to live intuitively and intentionally.

Here are three simple, actionable steps to start living your purpose right now:

  • Clarify Your Values: Your purpose is built on your values. Take some time to identify what matters most to you—things like honesty, compassion, creativity, or courage. Ask yourself, “What do I stand for?” Then, write down a list of five or six values that resonate deeply with you. Ask yourself, “How do I live this? For example: The cashier at the grocery store misses charging you for an item. Do you let them know? If honesty is one of your core values, letting them know is never in doubt.

Knowing your values provides a personal compass for your actions.

Conscious Action: Connect your values to your actions. For example, if a driver cuts you off, you can choose to respond with your value of compassion instead of anger. A simple, “Bless them. Forgive me. Forgive them. Bless me,” can restore your equilibrium far faster than endlessly muttering under your breath. (And yes, ‘forgive me’ is important because if you’re human, you probably had a not-so-nice thought or two about them when they cut you off.) This reinforces the idea that every act becomes an expression of your purpose.

When we live on purpose, our values take centre stage.

  • Embrace the Ripple Effect: Recognize that every action has a ripple. One word shouted in anger can create shockwaves of unease. One word spoken in kindness can resonate like a single harp string pulled in a room full of harps creating a ripple of harmony.By consistently acting from a place of integrity, your positive influence naturally expands. Focusing on conscious living is far more sustainable and fulfilling than constantly searching for a monumental purpose.

To make a difference, live true to your values, principles and beliefs.

Is there a step that feels most accessible to you today? Please share your thoughts and inspire others to live on purpose.

Lessons from the Surfer When Life Knocks You Down: The Art of Getting Back Up (Windsurfer Style)

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I watch a windsurfer skimming the water, waves slipping underneath the board, body taut, legs primed, arms grasping the bar. A picture of tenacity, grit, and commitment. Commitment to every wave. To every nuance of the water, riding each roll of the surf like a bronco buster on a bull. Anticipating. Adjusting. Moving with each unpredictable buffet of the wind and eruption of the sea.

Like life, we travel through each day, holding on to what’s dear to us, to what’s important. Anticipating. Adjusting. Moving. Sometimes, we miss a step and fall. We have one or two choices: get back up and carry on, or stay down and let the waves carry us further out into the chaos of not taking charge of our own journey.

Sometimes we simply need the right tool. Or the inner wisdom to know we are strong enough to carry on, even when we feel we have no energy left.

Just as the windsurfer learns from every dip and dive, we too can grow stronger through life’s inevitable challenges. It’s in those moments of choosing to rise that our true power is revealed, often found by tapping into our inner wisdom or discovering the right support. What if we all embraced that spirit, understanding that sometimes the most profound growth happens right after a fall?

What helps you get back up when life knocks you down? Is it a particular tool, a mindset shift, or relying on your inner strength? Share your strategies and support others in our community who might be feeling adrift. Join the conversation below!

Tug-A-War

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Caregiving and the Illusion of Control

Dark green cedars stand silent, sentinels against the heaviness of the rain laden sky over Nanaimo harbor. Today, the water is a mirror, promising a smooth voyage to Vancouver. From there, we fly to Calgary, back to the muted tones of early spring still sleeping beneath winter’s blanket. 

I want to pull the blankets over my head and pretend the purpose of our visit is purely fun. The times insist I wake up. 

Reluctantly I accept the reality of this trip. My husband has a swathe of  medical appointments and I am essential to his ease and comfort while travelling. Wife, advocate, Sherpa, and now, caregiver; my role is to ensure any barriers to travel are removed from his path. It’s a role I navigate with a mix of love and reluctance. 

This is a journey far removed from the life we imagined when we said “I do.” Ten years ago. Back then, he was a force of vitality: golf, hockey, hiking, and the boundless joy of the Rockies.

Five years later, COPD, an incurable disease that is slowly stealing his breath, and reshaping our lives, changed everything.

I wrestle with those changes every day.  Like two opposing tug-a-war teams, I am constantly losing ground to the disease’s demands I give up control. I desperately try to dictate the terms of our uncomfortable co-existence yet know, this disease is the true master. In the starkness of its immutability, I am becoming a living contradiction and predestining myself to a tumultuous journey. 

Today’s calm waters offer a stark contrast to the turbulent emotional landscape of caregiving. I resist surrendering to vulnerability, dig my heels in like the proverbial horse being dragged to water when it comes to letting go of the illusion of control. How do you truly inhabit this role when the path is uncertain? How do you find strength when faced with unanswerable questions? 

The waters remain calm. Enigmatic. I stand and gaze out at the sea’s glassy surface. I cannot see into its depths yet still, I search for a deeper understanding, a way to find peace amidst the shifting tides. 

Perhaps, the true strength of a caregiver lies not in control, but in the quiet acceptance of what is and the certitude that all is as it is meant to be. 

How to ReAwaken Your Dreams

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There was a time, when I thought youth would last forever. In those days, I harboured dreams so outlandish, so far-fetched, I dared not believe in them. Instead, I let them dissolve into clouds of nothing but memory.

There was a time when my knees were strong and my body nimble, where running fast and skiing even faster was the only therapy I needed to wash away the day’s worries. In the exhilaration of feeling the wind against my skin, the earth moving beneath my feet, I felt at one with the world around me, one with the life force surging within me.

Older now, yet many years younger than I want to be when I draw my last breath and my heart loses its beat, I come full circle back to dreaming big dreams. Full circle back to knowing dreams don’t care how fast I go or how many steps I take. They only care that I take a step, and then the next, towards their unfolding.

Some things I’ve let go of to give my body the space it needs to grow older with grace. My knees can no longer run miles and miles. Skiing long ago slid into my rearview mirror as arthritis climbed into the front passenger seat, without first asking permission to share its aches and pains. With arthritis as my constant companion, I know the only way to walk each step pain-free is to take this journey with my dreams as my North Star, their light a beacon of hope and possibility.

Dreams do not rest easy in the dark. They like to take up space in the light of day, clamouring for attention. No matter how many times I have driven this road before, it is my dreams and their unfolding that ignite my passion, that leave me feeling the power of the life force pulsing through me and leave me breathless, begging for more:

Life
Vitality
Dreams

Today, I am creating new dreams and blowing life into the embers of the ones I let dissolve into clouds so long ago. In the growing power of their luminescence, I hear my heart calling me to dance like no one is watching, to sing like no one is listening, and to live my dreams like my life depends on them. It does. I do.

I am coming home to myself. Coming home to my dreams, whatever they may be. And in my homecoming, I am finding myself coming alive with possibility, hope, and dreaming.

How to reawaken your dreams:

  • Reconnect with your inner child: What did you love to do as a child? What were you curious about? Revisiting those passions can spark forgotten dreams.
  • Face your fears: What’s holding you back? Identify those fears and actively work on overcoming them. This could involve therapy, journaling, or simply taking small steps outside your comfort zone.
  • Create a vision board: A visual representation of your dreams can be incredibly powerful. Gather images, quotes, and anything that inspires you and create a board to remind you of what you’re striving for.
  • Surround yourself with inspiration: Read books, watch movies, listen to podcasts, and connect with people who are living their dreams. This can help reignite your own passion and motivation.
  • Practice mindfulness: Being present in the moment allows you to connect with your intuition and inner wisdom, which can guide you towards your dreams.
  • Start small: Break down your dreams into smaller, achievable goals. This makes the journey less daunting and allows you to celebrate your progress along the way.
  • Embrace failure: See setbacks as learning opportunities, not reasons to give up. Every “failure” brings you one step closer to success.
  • Dream outlandish dreams: Don’t let reality curb your dreaming. Dream big, bold, and audacious dreams! Then, take a step towards them. You’ll never know what will happen next until you dare to take that first step.
  • Believe in yourself: This is perhaps the most important step. Trust that you have the power to achieve your dreams, no matter how big or small.

My Struggle with Self-Care (and How I’m Finding My Way Back)

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Six days into the new year and it already feels like a rocky start. I’ve slipped on all levels of my commitment to self-care and fostering calm. It’s as if the moment the calendar flipped to January 1st, some invisible switch was thrown, and the pressure to be better, do better, achieve more, kicked the critter chatter in my mind into high gear as my inner wise woman slipped into reverse.

Yesterday, I succumbed to the siren song of junk food. The rain was coming down in sheets as I drove back from Victoria, the early morning ferry (6:20 am – ouch!) catching up with me. Each mile felt longer, each raindrop a tiny hammer against the windshield. By the time I reached Duncan, the golden arches of self-indulgence were glowing like a beacon of comfort, and the gremlin on my shoulder was whispering promises of salty, greasy satisfaction. Resistance crumbled.

And it’s not just the diet. 10,000 steps? More like 10,000 excuses. Between ferrying C.C. to Seattle and navigating the labyrinth of Canadian customs and residency paperwork, my Fitbit has been gathering dust. The book? Those 1000 words a day are mocking me from the blank page.

I find myself making excuses, defending my actions as if I’m in front of a judge. Why this need to justify? Is it the fear of being judged, of not living up to some impossible standard of “New Year, New Me”? Or is it something deeper, a fear of failing myself, of not being disciplined enough, strong enough to stick to my resolutions?

Perhaps the real struggle isn’t with the self-care itself, but with the expectations I’ve piled upon myself. Maybe calm isn’t something to be achieved, but a state of being, a way of approaching life that I need to rediscover. Maybe it’s time to take off these judgmental glasses and see the world, and myself, with a little more kindness.

Maybe, rather than loading myself up with expectations and then giving my inner critic free rein to criticize my perceived “lack” of progress, commitment, or achievement—obscuring my gratitude like a dark cloud hiding the sun—maybe I need to step fully into gratitude. Maybe I need to choose to celebrate the beauty, wonder, and awe that already exist in my world.

Perhaps counting moments that take my breath away, instead of milestones that constantly raise the bar higher, will help me focus on taking one step at a time towards my goals. And maybe, just maybe, all I need to keep my steps moving gently and calmly forward is to carry gratitude in my heart—gratitude for the journey, for the present moment, and for the abundance that surrounds me.

What about you? What would it look like to silence your inner critic and embrace the gift of this moment?

What Gets Better with Age?

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The title of this post is today’s daily question asked by the auto-prompter on WordPress. Good question.

As a child, I believed life improved with age. While that’s largely true, some things, like the scar under my chin from trying to reload a BeBe gun while resting my chin on it, don’t get better—they get richer in stories. Life, it turns out, is a blend of growth and weathering, where some edges soften and others gain character.

Of course, some of that growth can become evident on our bodies. Grey hair, wrinkles, sagging skin, widening hips and fuller bellies tell their own stories of time’s passage. Inside me, however, are the invisible signs of how deep my roots grow and how wise my years have become.

These inner changes aren’t always visible in the mirror, but they are etched into my soul. I’ve come to realize that some of life’s most precious treasures don’t tarnish with time. In fact, they often appreciate in value, much like a beloved antique passed down through generations.

Take, for instance, the understanding I have of myself. It’s no longer a fleeting reflection in a pond, but a deep dive into the ocean of my being. I know what makes my heart sing, what triggers my anxieties, and what fuels my passions. These insights, earned through years of self-reflection and lived experience, (not to mention a whole lot of therapy, personal growth courses and a whole library of self-help books) are like pearls gathered from the depths.

Every mountain scaled, every stumble along the path, has etched itself into the tapestry of my being. Whether a soaring triumph or a humbling tumble, each step of my journey has woven threads of wisdom and resilience into my life’s fabric. As I unearth the hidden treasures within each experience, I find myself lighter, shedding the burdens that once weighed me down, and richer in the boundless currency of joy, gratitude, and love.

My relationships have undergone a similar transformation, with some fading like old photographs and others deepening and strengthening like weathered oak trees. I’ve learned to cherish the connections that nourish my soul and to gracefully let go of those that no longer bring me joy. This discernment, born of time and wisdom, is a gift I wouldn’t trade for youthful naivety.

Even my perception of the world has shifted. The black-and-white landscapes of my youth have given way to a kaleidoscope of colors, textures, and perspectives. I’ve come to appreciate the complexity of human nature, the interconnectedness of all things, and the delicate balance between joy and sorrow. This nuanced understanding is like a mosaic, pieced together from countless shards of experience, with each experience contributing to the masterpiece that is becoming, wth every passing day, the story of my life — a life full of Joy. Gratitude. and Love.

What about you? What do you think grows better with age?

Embracing Imperfection. Living Your Purpose

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If I have a recurring self-defeating pattern, it’s the tendency to isolate myself. Trust has always been a challenge, even before a damaging relationship nearly broke me. Recognizing this struggle, when I first went through the Choices program (the precursor to today’s Discovery Seminars) I crafted a personal contract statement: “I am a trusting woman.” This was less about trusting others and more about trusting myself, believing in my resilience in the face of life’s storms to stand centered in my “I” and not be pulled into the winds blowing all around me.

Over time, my confidence grew, and “trusting” evolved into “brave.” Nearly 20 years have passed since I first learned about the transformative power of contract statements, and still, I recognize the power and need to ask myself in times of fear, confusion, uncertainty – or when the critter voice is whispering “Don’t do that. You’ll make a fool of yourself!” — “What would a brave woman do?” . What a gift to have stayed involved in a program designed to support people in breaking through of limiting beliefs and self-defeating games. Through this journey, I’ve gained deeper awareness of my own self-defeating games as I’ve learned to recognize how they limit my joy and power.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of coaching the final Design segment of the Discovery Program, where participants craft their unique Purpose Statements. It’s a joy to witness their “aha!” moments as they uncover their purpose and put words to the difference they not only want to make in the world – the difference they’ve always naturally been making because of who and how they are in this world. Because the truth is, we are always making a difference in the world around us; where we volunteer, where we play, where we work – where ever we are — because it is in our human nature to make a difference.

I say “aha!” moments because sometimes it takes a bit of effort for someone who is accustomed to hiding their light, to see their difference, and the relief that comes with seeing it is tangible! We’re all human, and our subconscious mind often whispers doubts, telling us we’re not enough, unwanted, or less than those around us—those who seem to have it all together in, what appear from the outside, their perfect lives.

But with nearly 8 billion unique individuals on this planet, how can we define “perfect?” We can’t.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

That’s where Discovery Seminars comes in. It’s not about achieving perfection or “getting life right.” It’s about embracing the beautiful imperfection of being human and celebrating our incredible human nature, just as we are.

Since my first experience with the program in April 2006, I’ve coached hundreds of individuals in crafting their unique Purpose Statements. And yet, I continue to learn and expand my own understanding of what it means to be me, the gifts I bring, and the endless possibilities that emerge when I step into my power and shine my light so that I let go of limiting how I live my purpose.

Our world needs each and every one of us to shine our brightest, in our own unique ways, if we’re to dispel the darkness that consumes so many lives.

I invite you to explore Discovery Seminars. You’ll be amazed at what you uncover when you embark on a journey of self-discovery, letting go of limiting beliefs and embracing your inherent beauty and power.

Believe me, the truth is – you are inherently beautiful and powerful!

I am a radiant woman awakening others to their magnificence, beauty, and truth.

Untangling the Threads: Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk

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Have you ever paused to count the negative thoughts that flit through your mind each day? You know the ones: “I can’t…” “What’s wrong with me?” “I just don’t get it.” “Nobody likes me.”

Our minds are a whirlwind of activity, generating an estimated 60,000-80,000 thoughts daily. The unsettling part? Roughly 80% of those thoughts are negative. Yes, even if you consider yourself a positive thinker, a subconscious stream of negativity likely runs beneath the surface.

But here’s the good news: Awareness is the first step towards freedom. By identifying these negative thought patterns, we empower ourselves to make a conscious choice to disempower them.

Moving from unaware to aware to actively choosing a different path is a transformative journey. It requires self-discovery, vulnerability, and a fierce desire to break through the barriers that hold us back. It’s about moving from “playing small” to living our dreams in vibrant, technicolor glory.

3 Simple Steps to Untangle the Threads:

  1. Identify: Start by noticing your negative thoughts. Write them down when they arise. Look for patterns – What triggers them? What themes emerge? Common culprits include “all-or-nothing” thinking, catastrophizing, and disqualifying the positive.
  2. Reframe: Challenge those negative thoughts. Are they really true? What evidence do you have to support them? Can you think of alternative, more positive interpretations? For example, instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m learning and growing through this experience.”
  3. Step Away: Don’t engage in a battle with your thoughts. When negativity arises, acknowledge it, reframe it if possible, and then let it drift away. Try visualizing yourself stepping away from those thoughts or imagine them floating away like leaves on a stream.

Remember, this is a process. Be patient and kind to yourself. Each time you catch a negative thought, you’re strengthening your ability to choose a more positive path.

Are you ready to untangle the threads of your inner critic and embrace a brighter, more empowered mindset?

Join me for my free online Masterclass, RADIANT BOLD AGING, 3 Transformative Practices to Ignite Passion & Joy in Your Life Everyday. June 7, 10am (MT). To Register: RADIANT BOLD AGING

Does What You Learned in Your Youth Serve You Today?

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As we grow older, we often realize that some of the lessons and advice we received in our youth don’t serve us as well as we thought. Until we are courageous enough to explore these messages, we may find ourselves repeating patterns that no longer benefit us.

Take my experience, for instance. Growing up, my mother always emphasized being ‘nice,’ even when others were rude or unkind. The underlying message was to never express my true feelings. As a result, I often tolerated unacceptable behavior. It wasn’t until later in life that I learned the importance of setting clear boundaries and speaking my truth with kindness. This not only teaches others how to treat us but also ensures we don’t accept the unacceptable as acceptable.

These early lessons can impact us in many areas of our lives, such as:

  • In Our Relationships: Not being able to speak our truth can lead to resentment and misunderstandings in our relationships. When we suppress our true feelings to keep the peace or be ‘nice,’ we may end up feeling unvalued and resentful. This can create a cycle of dissatisfaction and conflict, undermining the very relationships we are trying to preserve.
  • In Our Schooling: These lessons can keep us underachieving, not reaching our full potential because we don’t believe we’re capable or deserving. On the other hand, they might push us to overachieve, striving for perfection and setting ourselves up for a life filled with constant stress and anxiety.
  • In Our Careers: Not standing up for ourselves or setting clear boundaries can hold us back from achieving the success we desire. We might not advocate for the raises or promotions we deserve, or we might take on too much work to please others, leading to burnout.

The key to breaking these patterns is courage. We need to be brave enough to question and explore these messages from our past. Only then can we begin to reshape them into healthier, more empowering beliefs.This journey of exploration and growth is a key focus of my program, “The ReWrite Journey.” In this course, we delve into our lifelines and explore the values and beliefs we formed based on our experiences. We then examine how the decisions we made in the ‘there and then’ shape our lives and can become limiting in the ‘here and now’ if they are not aligned with our true values. For instance, I believe in kindness, but without setting clear boundaries that respected me, I ended up feeling frustrated and disrespected, because the core underlying belief I’d unintentionally learned in childhood was, ‘my voice doesn’t matter’ Aka – I don’t matter.

By understanding and realigning our beliefs, we can create a life that honours our true values and supports our well-being.

So, there’s the invitation–What’s one piece of advice or wisdom you received in your childhood or teenage years that, in hindsight, turned out to be less helpful or even misguided? How has recognizing and addressing this affected your life? I invite you to share your experiences in the comments below — when we share our courage to be brave and vulnerable, we inspire others to take the journey of growth and self-discovery.

If you’re interested in exploring these concepts further, I invite you to chat with me about “The ReWrite Journey.” I’ve just begun with a new cohort but it’s not too late to join the journey! All things are possible when we uncover the beliefs holding us back and rewrite them to align with our true values, so that we can live a more empowered and fulfilling life.

How Will You Be Remembered?

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True or False? Most of us like to believe we are unforgettable—that when we pass away, our memories will continue to live in the hearts and minds of those we love.

The truth is, we all hope to be remembered.

But here’s the catch: for how many generations will we be remembered? Do you know the first name of your great-grandfather? His birthplace? What he was most proud of? Like most people, you probably know details about one or two generations back, but beyond that, memories tend to fade.

It’s not just the passage of time that causes the threads of memory to weaken; it’s also distance. The further removed we are from the lives of those who came before us, the easier it becomes to not look back.

So, how do we weave golden threads of memory that not only last but guide and inspire future generations?

This is where The ReWrite Journey comes into play. My two-month course is designed specifically for women over 50 who are seeking to leave a meaningful legacy. Through this journey, participants will discover strategies to document their lives, articulate their experiences, and express their values, ensuring that their legacies are not just remembered but cherished.

In The ReWrite Journey, we do more than just recount the past; we reshape how the future remembers us. By actively planning our ‘age journey,’ we create a tapestry of memories that not only tell our story but also serve as a beacon for others to follow.

Are you ready to ensure that your life is not just lived but remembered? Join me on The ReWrite Journey, and let’s start weaving those golden threads together.

To further enrich your journey towards a meaningful legacy, I invite you to join my Free Online transformational masterclass, Radiant Bold Aging. This is an opportunity for you to delve deeper into the art of vibrant living and legacy building. Together, we will explore innovative strategies and insights that empower you to embrace your later years with enthusiasm and grace. Don’t miss this chance to transform your tomorrow.

Sign up today for RADIANT BOLD AGING – May 2, 5pm – 6:30pm (MT) and take the first step towards your radiant and bold future!