I created yesterday. Spent the day in my studio immersed in colour and texture and tone and joy. I gave way to the muse and let my senses be inspired by the calling of the wild.
Originally, I had planned on taking Friday off in preparation for the Art Show I’m in May 10 – 11. And then, a couple of meetings got scheduled that I needed to attend in preparation for the new Executive Director’s arrival at the family homeless shelter where I work, and I decided to switch up my schedule.
I’m grateful I heeded the guidance of the Artist’s Way Creativity Card I pulled in the morning, “We must have the patience to listen to ourselves carefully.”
In the past, I probably would have just let my day off go. I would have told myself, “It’s okay. Work comes first.” It was easier to give into the belief “I need to be at work” than to ask myself, “What do I need?”
Yesterday, even though I was up and getting ready for my day, I decided to stop and listen. I took my day-off yesterday.
It was soul-enriching.
The beauty of coming to the end of my tenure in this role as Interim Executive Director, and of having my ‘rejuvenation through retirement’ on the near horizon is that I am continually working on releasing.
Releasing my need to be involved in everything.
Releasing my compulsion to think about work 24/7. To check emails on weekends and the evenings. To respond to phone calls out of office hours, unless it’s an emergency.
I am releasing.
It is a process. One that I am consciously engaging with in order to ensure that as I transition from 9 to 5 to I’m on my rejuvenation time, I am building my resiliency muscles in preparation of open space.
It is something I’m learning I need to do as I listen deeply to the messages within me that percolate into consciousness as I explore what it means to be leaving the full-time workforce for this yet undefined space of retirement.
I think, buried deep within me, is the fear that with open space I’ll do nothing with my life.
And doing something with my life has been a life-long driving force within me.
Which makes me smile and do a little happy dance as I acknowledge the dichotomy of that belief! I love living a life of purpose. I just don’t think it’s healthy to believe, as I have tended to do, that living ‘on purpose‘ is what makes my life and me, have meaning.
My purpose isn’t to make meaning or even to give meaning to my life. Every life has meaning because every life is important.
The purpose of being alive isn’t to live each moment on purpose. It’s to be purposeful in living each moment, taking each breath so that we can each live, actively engaged within the light and darkness of our lives, savouring the ascents and descents, the intricacies and simplicities.
Sometimes, my capacity to be actively engaged will be at 3. Sometimes at 10. And that’s okay as long as I am consciously living my 3 or 10 with love.
Ultimately, life’s meaning is not found in what we do. Its richness is discovered in the love that fills our hearts as we live each day. It’s the how not the what.
We do not need to give meaning to our lives nor make meaning happen in our lives. The meaning is already there in our human presence.
As I’m learning as I journey along this transition road, life isn’t about filling each moment with things to do. It’s to be conscious of the value of the things I chose to do and to cherish the joy of being present in doing them.