Listen up!

I’m on CBC Radio’s The Current this morning.

National radio no less. 2.5 million listeners.

I was interviewed yesterday for a piece they’re doing on housing in Calgary after the flood. In particular, how it effects the homeless sector and those looking to find housing outside of the shelter.

It’s an issue.

Our vacancy rate for rental housing was hovering around 1.7 to 2.6% BEFORE the flood. Now, it’s close to zero. Nada. Nyet. Zip.

Last week, CBC’s Eyeopener program interviewed me on the issue. The Current liked the story and is running their own today. And I’m on it.

Cool.

The Current is my daughters favourite program. Mine too. When I get to hear it.

Being on it is kinda cool.

Which surprises me. Not the ‘being kinda cool’ part. The fact I care.

I usually do my blase, oh what? Oh TV? Yeah. Well. No big deal response.

There’s a documentary on the Oprah Network Devil in a Pinstripe Suit which is part of a series called The Devil You Know. It’s the story of the relationship that almost killed me. When I was working at the homeless shelter and it played I’d inevitably get a call-out from one of the clients as I walked through the main floor of the building. “Hey! I saw you on Oprah.”

Not Oprah. I’d reply. Just the network.

Same deal, they’d respond.

I’d laugh and say something like, not really, or, do you think so?

They’d inevitably want to talk about ‘the story’. Often, they were surprised to hear that I had gone through such a situation. “How’d you do it?” they’d ask. “How’d you go through that and come out so smiling?”

And I’d tell them my belief in Love. I’d tell them how that was just a 4 year 9 month period of my life, not the entirety of my life. I’d tell them how we all fall down. Staying down is what drains us, drags us under, kills us. Getting up is what makes the difference.

But how do you get up after something like that? they’d ask.

And I’d tell them how I believe in miracles. How the police walking in that day and arresting him was a miracle. And how I knew, even then, that I didn’t get that miracle to live in sorrow and regret. I got it to live in joy.

But don’t you want to kill the bazztard? How come you’re not angry?

Because anger doesn’t get me more of what I want in my life. Anger eats away at my peace of mind. It corrodes my happiness. It destroys my joy. I choose love. I choose forgiveness.

But how can you forgive him.

Because not to keeps me on the hook for the past. To not forgive him, me and anyone else keeps me from living my life on my terms.

But…

And that’s the other thing I did to heal, I’d interrupt and tell them. I kept my ‘but’ out of it. There is no ‘but’ in living. There’s only what’s going on for me right now.

And that’s the thing about being on a national program.

It starts the conversation.  It opens up the opportunity to connect.

When I decided to take part in the documentary I asked my daughters if they too would be willing. The youngest was at University in The Netherlands and it was too far, and expensive for her to fly back. The producers flew Alexis in from Vancouver and together we told the story of those days.

What I learned?

The past is gone. Dead. Over.

When we allow ourselves to see it, to tell on it, with hearts of love, it no longer holds us in fear or anger or regret or anything else. It simply becomes, what was and is no more.

And it inspires others to know — no matter how dark and grim their situation, there is hope. And there are always miracles. Everywhere. We just have to open our eyes and hearts to see them.

I’m on The Current this morning.

It’s kinda cool because I really like where I am. I like working at the Homeless Foundation. I like knowing I make a difference and, I’m proud I’ve come so far from those dark days of hiding in a closest making plans on how to help him end my life so the misery of those days would be over.

I am proud and I am grateful. Grateful for this moment right now where I can breathe fully into my heart the joy and love and gratitude I feel to be alive. This moment right now where I am complete. At rest. In Love.