writing your heart out

I played in my studio this weekend. It has been a while.

Though summer is often a time of little studio play, this year’s sojourn away from its creative space was especially long.

I kept telling myself I was bored with it all. I just wasn’t interested. I had other things to do.

In reality, and retrospect, I was engaging in a lot of self-denial of engagement with the things that lift me up, balance and challenge me, and give my creative essence the spark it needs to keep flowing freely. And, when my creative essence flows freely, I feel calmer, happier, more spacious, more ‘me’.

I know I am not alone in my self-denial of the things I know are good for me.

Some time ago, I was chatting with a woman at the park as we walked along the river. Her two-year-old rescue, Toby, wanted desperately to play with Beaumont the Sheepadoodle. Beau was only interested in my throwing the ball.

Like me, she loves to write.

“I started a book three years ago,” she shared. “When COVID hit, I thought it would be the opportune time to finish it. I’m still only a quarter of the way through.”

I shared some of my unfinished manuscript stories and we both laughed and promised to check in on one another’s progress at our next park encounter.

Recently, we ran into each other again at the park. We chatted for a while until finally I blurted out, “So… I don’t have much of an update on progress to report.”

Sheepishly, she shared she didn’t either.

We chatted awhile about the obstacles, the why not’s, and the things that got in our way of doing what we say we want to do.

“I desperately want to finish it,” she said of her manuscript. “I just don’t know if I can.”

We looked at each other when she said that and laughed.

It is a shared experience.

See, intellectually I know I can do it but… and there’s always a but… my lack of conviction of the ‘can’ has more to do with the critter-mind’s constant chattering about why I shouldn’t do it.

Now that was a revelation as I sat in meditation this morning.

Why does the critter-mind believe I shouldn’t do it?

The answer is fairly simple.

The critter-mind always believes it knows best, particularly when it comes to keeping me safe. And the critter-mind believes that convincing me not to devote the time, energy and creative power necessary to complete this book is safer than risking failing, or never getting it published, or having it panned by readers, yada, yada, yada.

And so I wonder… What would happen if I simply turn up, pay attention and stay unattached to the outcome?

Will the critter-mind lose its power to convince me not to do it? In staying unattached to the outcome, will the creative act of putting words onto a page become the process through which I experience joy, happiness, fulfillment and love?

I wonder… What would happen if I imagine every word I type to be an act of love? Will words bloom into everything I imagine?

Day 68 of consciously choosing to notice what it means and what it takes to make a difference in the world.

The lessons are simple.

It begins with me. My I Statement.

I am the difference I want to create in the world.

Making a difference requires Commitment.

Commit to your Be. Do. Have.

Focus on your Intention — how do you want to BE in the world.

Move through Attention — where will you focus your efforts on your DOing — what am I willing to DO to create what I want in the world

Find fulfillment of your vision in No Tension — that state of being where you HAVE balance and harmony in your being and doing what you want more of in the world. That place where you know, the Universe is on your side. The Universe is with you, for you, supporting you because it is in the best interests of the Universe that each of us shine.

Stay your path. The Path is the Way.

On Valentine’s Day I gave my beloved the gift of a poem a day for 14 days. I thought it was simple gift that would speak to him of my heart and love. I thought he would enjoy it. No expectations, I said. No need to respond. I’m sending you these poems as a gift. (He is currently living 500 km away and we only see each other every second weekend.)

I lied (didn’t mean to but I did have expectations).

I had lots and lots of expectations! And I let him know it. Even sent him ‘the script’ I’d written on day three about how he should be responding — you know, by my rules and all that. Naturally, his response was not all that ummm, positive.

I regrouped. Took a breath. Acknowledged I did have expectations and my expectations were pushing up against his natural resistance to my expectations. I wanted to quit. To pack up my words in a huff and take to the silent path of poutiness.

I remembered my desire to make a difference in his heart.

I began again where I was.

Always begin again.

I kept sending the poems. Every day. Dipping into that loving place where I write my heart out without expectation of the outcome.

What a difference.

We’re now on Day 30 and the process of writing of love every morning has changed where we are in our relationship. Everything has shifted. Intimacy has deepened. Openness has expanded. Togetherness has aligned.

When I shift, everything shifts.

That simple decision to write a poem a day has made a difference.

Sticking to it, even when the road got muddy, has made a difference.

When I shifted my expectations away from ‘what I want’ to accepting what is, everything was made different.

I’m now working on an online course to inspire others to engage in a similar process.

You make your Difference.

Have you told yourself today that ‘it doesn’t matter’. My difference doesn’t count. Nobody cares. Nobody gets ‘me’. Have you asked yourself, “What’s the point?” “Why bother?”

Shift.

Shift your perspective and know, when you shift, everything shifts.

We can all make a difference. It just takes shifting our perspective and opening up to what is without expectation it be any different than what it is.

Sometimes, all it takes to make a difference in the world is to commit to doing something different.

We are each the difference we seek to create in the world. Letting go and flying free of expectations gives us room to explore the space between where we’re at and what is being created in our difference.

Namaste.