As both my computer and phone decided to say good-bye at the same time, I have had to purchase a new laptop and iPhone – I thought about switching from the MS world as well as the iPhone world but… I decided to ‘stay the course’ with what I was familiar with, both for ease and immediacy.
The thing is though, my phone and laptop were both about 3-4 years old. ‘Back then’, when I got them and had to load my data from the old to the new, it was a cumbersome task that left me feeling frustrated. It also left me with a loss of data!
Yesterday, I discovered how much more intuitive everything is than it was… so long ago. 🙂 In the world of technology things keep changing so quickly it feels like everything was… so long ago!
Anyway, by simply falling the prompts, both my laptop and phone are all loaded up, working as if they never crossed the invisible lline separating them from my old devices to the new.
While I was in the Apple store, the sales clerk asked if I wanted them to upload everything to my new phone. I promptly replied, “No thanks. I’m sure I can figure it out.”
Trusting myself to figure it out has its advantages. It says to my brain, “You got this” thus building my confidence naturally in other areas of my life too.
It also let’s me stretch both my ‘trusting myself’ muscles and my trust that I shall not be defeated, nor left behind, by technology.
And it worked. The intuitive nature of today’s operating systems made it easy as baking a cake (or in this case, as easy as making homemade pasta as I did on Sunday. A feat I have not attempted since my daughters were very young! The ravioli I made turned out delicious — and I had a whole lot of fun in the process!)
Todays’ video talks about the enriching of our intuitive natures with time and experience. I hope you enjoy and find something in it to enrich your journey!
And please, do keep sharing your thoughts, experiences, hopes and ideas. In sharing, you enrich my journey and others.
Namaste
(Week 2 – Topic: Unconscious Bias) Episode 7 – Dare Boldly: No Matter Your Age
The first time I filmed this morning’s video I unconsciously knew there was something not quite right. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.
And then I watched it back and realized — I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Which meant, I was squinting the whole way through it couldn’t really see anything.
A very uncomfortable feeling.
So… I refilmed it with my glasses on.
Felt much more comfortable.
I share this story because having started to use ‘readers’ in my mid 50s, I recently got my first pair of prescription glasses. I had no idea I held an unconscious bias around wearing prescription glasses – the bias has to do with the idea that it’s an admission I’m getting older to need them!
‘Cause here’s the thing. If you have a brain, you have conscious and unconscious biases.
Bias is inherent in our human nature.
Our brains are always seeking feelings of belonging and safety. We believe we’ll be safer in groups of people who look, sound, behave like us. Which leaves us with an unconscious selection process of gravitating towards people… much like us.
When I look at our friends, most of them are white, middle class, have children, have similar interests and lifestyles.
We didn’t set out to create a circle in which we feel like we belong that looks similar to us. We naturally gravitated toward people who reflect ‘us’ and our life circumstances. (Selection bias)
While the many types of biases have a detrimental impact to varying degrees on our lives, ageism and the biases we hold about older people, impact our social, political and environmental practices, policies and ability to embrace aging as a beautifully rich and powerful time of life.
One of the areas of ageism that impacts all of us is the collective fear of what it means to age. We try to hide from it, avoid talking about it and in some cases, do everything we can to defy nature’s natural aging processes.
Being stubborn combined with my nature to persist, in spite of perceived obstacles and hardships on the road, has stood me well in my life.
It’s also created hardship and unnecessary challenges.
Once, in my late 40s, shortly after having an orthoscopy on my right knee, I was standing at the top of a mogul field debating whether to take the black run or the more cruising blue one. As I stood contemplating the mogul run, a 20-something dude went whipping past me, effortlessly zig-zagging his way through the field. “Ha!” my febrile mind declared. “I can do that!” And, without another thought, I pushed off and started down.
Knees limber, body loose, I was crushing it.
Until I hit an icy downside of a mogul, lost an edge, and fell.
On the way down in the Ski Patrol cart, I realized my unconscious bias toward having to prove… I can do anything I set my mindto combined with that stubborn streak of telling myself, no ‘young thing’ is going to outdo me, lead to my fall!
I’d like to say the awareness of that unconscious bias has lead to my awakening, but I still catch myself doing things that defy my body’s capacity to do them because I am also ‘awakened’ to the unconscious bias that says, “I can’t do that. I’m too old.” Am Not! 🙂
See… unconscious biases lead us to befriend those who are like us (or hire them). They lead us to do things, or not, because we think we can do anything we set our minds to, or we can’t do them because we’re too old.
They also mean we limit ourselves in our capacity to explore new and interesting pathways, especially as we grow older, because we believe, somewhere deep inside ourselves, that it’s just not done.
And… just so you know… I’m smiling as I write this because I know I’m not yet clear on what it is I’m thinking or even saying about it.
There’s a part of my that thinks I should scrap this post until I get it ‘right’.
Fact is, the reason I’m doing this is to EXPLORE my thinking, ideas, beliefs. And I can’t do that without being willing to risk being vulnerable, not getting it right, not ‘knowing it all’.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Reading what you write helps deepen my understanding and broaden my perspective.
Bake up something delicious in your life today — my morning scones
When I woke up this morning, I decided to make Lemon, Cranberry Scones.
As I was throwing the flour, baking powder (I don’t use self-rising flour) and sugar into the bowl it struck me how much baking is like life.
We start out with an essential ingredient or two – in life’s case, ourselves, our family of origin and our environment and then move on to add other ingredients to the mix. Like learning to walk, talk, going to school, puberty, and all sorts of things, some organic to our lives, like the aging process such as puberty, menopause. Others, more environmental, or accidents, losses, and circumstances, like where we live, our parents uprooting us and moving to another community, city, country…
And through it all, all those ingredients go into the ‘pot’ we call our life and get all stirred up into this thing we live every day that we call, Our Life.
Sometimes, on the journey of life, ingredients end up in the pot of our living process that simply do not create the right flavour, colour or texture or scent We can throw them out, adapt the recipe, perhaps add a bit of sugar or spice or some other thing to sweeten the pot. In life.
Just as when I bake/cook, I tend to go off script/menu, I’ll take a different path than expected, or add an ingredient/person to the mix to see how that thing/person will gel. Through it all, I am constantly adjusting and adapting. Stirring and combining. Ingredients. People. Environments. Circumstances. Happenings.
And that becomes the thing about aging.
One day, at some unspecified age, we look up from all that beautiful mess in our pot and say, “Wow! Look what I created!”
My wish for you today is that you revel in what you’ve created without judgment. That you don’t focus on your life, no matter your age, as ‘the mess’ but revel and celebrate, ‘My Beautiful Mess” Better yet, “My Beautiful Life.” Or…. if you’re really feeling bold, call it, “My Beautiful Messy Masterpiece I Call MY LIFE!”
Because that’s the thing. Whatever you call it. It is YOUR life. And having a perfect life is just not possible so why not celebrate its beautiful messiness?
In the end, and every day up until the end, only you can determine how well Your Life fits you. And, just like you don’t go into a shoe store and try on the wrong sized shoes again and again, if you don’t like where you’re at today, why not try another way, a different ingredient, an unknown path?- which is my way of saying, if how you’re seeing your life today does not bring you great joy and happiness, how about changing the way you see the mess and focus on what is there amidst all the things you see wrong — great joy, beauty, and worth celebrating.
It’s your mess. Your choice.
This week, I embrace the truth that I can and am falling deeper into love with my life, mess and all, is a daily adventure that grows on me every day!
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Thank you everyone for being part of this journey. Your comments, emails, likes, shares, and presence bring me great joy and happiness!
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For those who are curious…. next week’s theme (as it stands now… 🙂 ) is — what are my unconscious (and conscious) biases around aging? I’m looking forward to an enlivening conversation!
I have loved the conversations this series has invoked. The wisdom, wit and beauty everyone has shared is not only inspiring, it’s humbling.
Love It! Love all of you for your willingness to dive in and be part of what can sometimes feel like an uncomfortable conversation.
Which is also something I’m learning as I mature and deepen into myself (just like a fine wine! 🙂 ) Uncomfortable conversations are part of deepening relationships, with myself and with those around me.
Uncomfortable conversations invite intimacy.
I didn’t know that when I was younger.
“Back then” (ok, I had to write that phrase it just sounds so… old-fashioned) anyway, once upon a time, I used to avoid uncomfortable conversations like the plague. And now, COVID has taught the whole world we can’t avoid a plague-like event.
It’s a good lesson to learn — what we avoid that is calling to us to be acknowledged, will keep calling until we either willingly take note or run right into it.
For me, there was a time when I thought more about what was ‘wrong’ with me than what I liked about me.
There was a time when I tried to hide my light lest others think I was trying to hog the limelight.
Now I know, negative self-talk limits my true expressions. Not shining my light, as bright as I possibly can, contributes to the darkness all around.
And, I’d rather be in a world where people are shining their light and recognizing their own brilliance, than one where we’re all doing our best to keep our mediocrity in place.
The fact is, we are all magnificent, extraordinary, sources of energy, light, love, joy… and the list goes on.
If I deny my brilliance, I can’t inspire others to share theirs. And if I refuse to shine as bright as bright as bright can be, I’m telling myself to ‘play small’. Don’t make waves. Be complacent.
I am so done with complacency and mediocrity.
I say, Let’s all rise up and be ourselves to the absolute brightest we can be. It’s not about being ‘better than’. It’s all about Being All That I Can, However I Can.
Naturally, my ‘can’ will be different than yours, or theirs, and that’s what makes a world of world of brilliant difference.
For today, I invite you to step into your extraordinary, brilliant nature and be the most brilliant YOU can be! Shine YOUR Brightest. Shine Fearless. Dare Boldly!
And… a special treat today. I asked my sister Anne if I can share this video and she gave me permission.
When Anne turned 70, she decided to walk 70,000 steps in a day. She surpassed her goal on her birthday last year.
Anne is committed to treating her body with care and consideration. And, having fun while she does it. The video was from the deck of their beautiful home on Gabriola Island earlier this week. One of the things I love most about my sister Anne is, she walks through life with childlike wonder, always staying true to herself, living life with gusto every moment of every day!
Anne and her Hoola Hoop on beautiful Gabriola Island
Episode 4: Dare Boldly No Matter Your Age – The Shine Bright Edition
When I went looking on Dr. Google for a definition of “What does it mean to Act Your Age” I was fascinated to a) lots of reference to it means don’t try to act so young/you’re not. along with b) a reference to it being a ‘cultural assumption’.
As we age, I learned much to my consternation, age gives us permission to do certain age-appropriate things and it also takes away permission to do certain age-inappropriate things.
One of the examples was, it is not appropriate for a 30-year-old to play with Lego. Ha! Tell that to my son-in-love! In fact, when he and my eldest daughter were married, his parents presented them with a house as a wedding gift — it was a Lego box full of pieces that would build their house. The box was accompanied by a lovely speech they shared at the wedding about how he LOVED Lego and he and his mother would play with it for hours.
He still loves Lego and he and his son, play with it for hours.
Does being over 30 take away his permission to do that? I don’t think so!
Which of course led me to thinking about the things I don’t do because I tell myself, “I’m too old.”
Those thoughts were rather daunting. Because they are there. Like, after a rainfall when I’m walking with Beau and I come upon a big puddle of rainwater lying in the middle of the sidewalk, I have this inexplicable desire to jump in it and splash away like a bird washing itself in a birdbath.
Too often I don’t. Well, actually, if there’s no one around I often will. Which makes me realize that (too) often, I take away my permission to do some things because I’m afraid of being judged by others — even strangers!
Well… awareness is the first step of taking action.
As Iwona commented yesterday – “It is I, ME, who chooses to be who I am, to be relevant in the context of my thoughts, my actions as they relate to others. Age plays a very important role for with age comes experience to be a better being, to know how to be relevant in the greater scheme of this place we call the universe.”
I invite you to examine the things you no longer do that you loved doing in the past and ask yourself, “Is it because I think they’re inappropriate ‘for my age’?”
Of course, there are things our bodies invite us to let go of as we age. I no longer run marathons. I have arthritis in my feet and running hurts. That’s a ‘smart’ decision.
But other things, like splashing in mud puddles, lying in the grass and watching the clouds float by, running through sprinklers….
Watch out world! It’s a no holds barred kind of journey!
Thanks again for joining in the conversation. I so appreciate your presence, insights and light! You make this journey much brighter!
As Beaumont the Sheepadoodle and I were walking along the river yesterday, a thought flowed through my mind as gently as the river passing under the bridge. “What does, ‘act your age’ really mean?”
Trusty Dr. Google has many variations of meaning for it, but all of them basically come down to the adage to stop acting like a child, grow up and mature. Or, as this one says, “behave in a manner appropriate to someone of one’s age and not to someone much younger. “Act your age” is not advice to behave like an adolescent”
There are some attributes of adolescence I’d really like to retain. Like wide-eyed wonder, being willing to ‘act’ silly without worrying about what others are thinking, finding the small things in life hilarious, being entranced by a bug crawling along a leaf…
Does that mean when I’m dancing like no one is watching or laughing at Beaumont trying to catch the water spraying from the hose (Hmmm… I could add, ‘running through a hose’ to my list of adolescent attributes worth repeating throughout life), I need to stop behaving like a child, put childish things aside and ‘get with the program’ so that I act in a appropriate matter to what some unknown ‘they’ says is how I should act at my age?
No thanks.
I’d rather dive into wonder and awe, I’d rather fill my days with wild-abandon and gleeful, giddy dancing than conform to ‘their’ rules about how I should or should not be in this world.
Ultimately, I don’t want to act any particular age. I’d rather just be me. Or, as my wise friend Iwona wrote in her comment yesterday, “There is so much more I need to explore, to experience, to learn. And these all come with age as what came before helps me to better understand and accept what comes tomorrow. I am ME, I love the age I am whatever it may be. I accept ME for who I am, what I represent, what I have accomplished, and my failures that showed me there is a better way.”
In an email from my dear friend, June Read, another wise woman, she wrote words that resonate deeply within me “I choose to be relevant”. Oh yes please! Let us all be relevant to our own, unique, concept of what it means to live this life on fire with the desire to ‘be relevant’. For me, that means ensuring I continue to learn, find value in all things, appreciate everything life has to offer, the good, bad and ugly, grow through adversity, cherish the ‘easy’, and always contribute in whatever I can, as I continuously do what I can to make the world a better place in my own field of influence.
Leigh, who turns 70 in a few weeks, wrote these truth-filled words in her comment, “At the same time, as many say, I can’t quite take in how old I am and am often surprised when I see that old face and the grey hair in the mirror because I feel the same person in some ways :-)”
Ain’t that the truth?
Yet, at the same time, despite or even more, because of the lines and crinkles, the spots and sagging flesh and sometimes aching bones, I have learned to respect, accept and LOVE this body of mine. It is the vehicle that carries me through each day. It is the vessel that holds my many organs, that helps me stand tall (ok, as tall as 5’2″ can be). It moves me, it gives me touch and smell and sight and hearing and senses when I’m mad, sad or glad. It is my constant, ever-present companion with and within every breath I take and every breath I let go of. It is as much a part of my life as the essential nature of breathing keeping me alive, moment by moment. I can’t live without the constant beating of my heart, the rich flow of blood that fills my arteries and veins, feeding my cells with nutrients, energy and ideas through everything I do and every thought I think.
I am my body. My body is me.
So, if I’m to act my age, let everything I do, everything I say, create, become, share, be a heartful expression of ME without the number of years on this planet acting as the determination of how I am or how I should be.
I’d love to hear your thoughts — and if you’re so inclined, hop on over to my FB and IG pages where there are some AMAZING comments on the subject too from so many wonderful voices.
Episode 2 – Act Your Age | DARE BOLDLY: No matter your age
It happens to all of us. We can’t get over it, under it, around it. From the moment we take our first breath to our last, it keeps on happening.
Ageing.
It is as much a part of our lives as breathing.
Yet, we do not fear breathing. Most of the time, we don’t even think about it. It just is. Automatic. Necessary. Essential.
Yet, so many of us fear ageing. Or if not fear it, think about it a lot, spend inordinate amounts of time trying to slow it down. Push it away or put it off as if we have the power to stop its natural progression with the fervour of someone trying to stop diarrhea with just their mind.
And still, always, ageing happens. Slowly. Inexorably. It’s always there. We cannot avoid it.
Ageing is on my mind.
Perhaps because my beloved and I just had our first encounter with COVID and, until he was approved for Paxlovid, I was sure he was destined for the hospital. In those moments of helplessness and fear, the fragility of life takes centre stage. And, as in the COVID experience, so does age. The older you are, the more susceptible to its insidious nature.
But, even before COVID made its appearance on the world stage, our ageing nature was always present.
It is part of life. It is life.
Which is why I’ve decided to try a new venture. Call it exploration.
I’ve decided to explore the many faces of ageing in a series of short (1 – 3 min) video conversations about ageing. I’m calling these conversations, Dare Boldly: No Matter Your Age.
‘Cause let’s face it. It happens to all of us. But, what I’ve noticed as I slide closer to the last year of my 60’s… ageing feels as if it’s happening faster and getting to feel heavier on my mind the older I get!
And I want to understand it. I don’t want to feel burdened by age. I want to live within its grace. To be as curious, excited and inspired by life, no matter my age.
I don’t want to be stressed about the extra aches and creaks of my body as much as I want to be committed to taking tender, loving care of my well-being. Inside and out.
I don’t want to be wishing to turn back time. I want to be dancing in time with the rhythms of life.
And, I don’t want to carry regrets for things I’ve done, or haven’t done. I want to carry the joy of stretching myself every day to live my fullest, most engaged life yet.
And to do all of that, I have to face, with loving, joyful acceptance, the many gifts, challenges and opportunities life brings me at every age.
I hope you come along with me on this journey. I hope you share your thoughts, ideas, feelings, hopes, wishes and dreams about what it means for you to be full of life and daring boldly, no matter your age.
Dare Boldly 