Category Archives: Choices Seminars

To contribute my best I gotta give up my worst

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I am off tomorrow to be in that place where hearts break open with every breath and miracles unfold with every heartbeat. I am off to coach at Choices for five days.

I am happy.

I am excited.

I am relieved.

Yesterday, at a team meeting, Mary Davis, Choices founder Thelma Box‘s daughter and the facilitator of the program, asked the group, “Why do you commit so much time to volunteering at Choices?”

Everyone of the 8 – 10 core team members present shared along similar lines.

We love being in a place where miracles unfold, and, where we get to live on purpose, every moment of every day.

I also like being in a place where I know everyone around me is supporting me in contributing my best, just as I am supporting them.

It is easy in the busy, crazy, schedule-driven competitiveness of everyday living to criticize, condemn and complain. My hair’s a mess, the price of gas too high, too low. I can’t find a parking spot — really, does that guy have to take up two spots? Governments are blind, bosses are stupid, co-workers lazy. The world is going to hell in a hand-basket. The world is falling off its axis.

It’s easy to see and speak of what’s wrong, what’s not working and what we’d do to make it different, better, other than what someone else is doing.

It’s also easy to forget that those we criticize did not get up this morning and say, “I’m off to do a horrible, piss-poor, really rotten job at whatever I do today. I’m off to make the world a worse place than it already is.”

I don’t believe any (or at least the majority) of us get up with the intention of creating worse. I believe we set out into our days to create better, or, in some cases to at least uphold the status quo if only so we don’t have to face the consequences of the changes we’d like to avoid.

Why is it then, that at water-coolers, in quiet corners, on transit buses or where ever two or more of ‘us’ are gathered, conversations often focus on what others are doing so badly, at least according to us?

When I get up in the morning I make a conscious decision to contribute my best throughout the day.

When I criticize, condemn and complain, I am not contributing my best.

So, if a + b = c, when I engage in C I am undermining my best and robbing myself and the world around me of the very things I want to contribute to make the world a better place. Engaged in the 3C’s I am actively engaged in doing the opposite of what I want to do because, whether actively engaged in A or B, I am making a contribution to the world. The one I focus on the most determines the outcome of my efforts.

Which do I want it to be?

I am off tomorrow morning to contribute my best in a place where the vision is to “change the world one heart at a time.”

It’s a big job, but, the more of us engaged in changing hearts and minds to see we are human beings filled with infinite possibilities and the capacity to create the world we’ve always dreamed of, the more possibility there is of living in the kind of world we dream of. The kind of world where Love and peace and compassion and joy and harmony co-exist without fear of being condemned for the colour of our skin, the God or gods we do or don’t worship, the pedigree of our family tree, the depth of our pockets and the trajectories of our past.

The more of us who give up the 3Cs, the less we’ll be contributing our worst and the more time we’ll have to give everything we do and say and create our best.

I’m off to coach at Choices. See you next Monday.

 

I see you. You are beautiful just the way you are.

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When I walk into the Choices seminar room on the Wednesday morning, I know that miraculous happenings are afoot. That wonder and awe are in the wings, waiting breathlessly for the trainees to arrive and step into their embrace.

And I know Love is always present. And in its presence, there is nothing that has happened that cannot be healed. There is nothing that we’ve done, that cannot be forgiven. There is nothing that is not possible.

I see it every seminar. Trainees walk in feeling worthless, lost, unforgiven or unforgiving. They avoid. Hide. Run away. Argue. Fight for their limitations. Put up walls. Dive deep into silence.

They carry their wounds, their backpacks filled with regrets, their hearts full of woe. They wrap themselves in the belief they are alone, that no one understands them, that no one loves them. They push down their tears, their broken hearts, their anger and fear and stand defiant. No way will anyone break through their shield.

And still, Love finds them where they’re at, exactly the way they are.

Love always loves.

Being in the Choices seminar room is always a testament to the strength of the human spirit and our desire to LIVE.

We hurt one another. We call each other names. We abuse, bully, push and prod and poke and preen. We talk back. We shut up. We force our opinions on each other. We bend under the opinions of others. We know the pain of abuse, divorce, death and the things we cannot speak of that have happened in our lives.

And still, we live. We breathe through every moment, fighting for solace, for relief, for a moment to catch our breath. And even when we don’t find them, we keep breathing, keep taking another step and another until we think we cannot take one more step, one more breath. And we do. Keep stepping. Keep breathing.

Our shoulders slump over. Our hearts harden. And still we keep stepping and breathing.

For some of us, we go our entire lives without ever learning that the past does not keep us safe. It is not a weight to drag around just in case we need it. We believe our death will be the only thing that will bring us relief, and still we keep stepping and breathing.

I used to think it was because people had given up on themselves, on others, on living free. In their resignation, not knowing what else to do, they just kept on doing what they’ve always done. Stepping and breathing.

After years of being in the Choices seminar room, of witnessing miracles transform broken hearts and wings unfold, I realize it’s not all about ‘stepping and breathing’. That their journey isn’t all about hanging on until death comes knocking.

I believe, deep within, no matter how grim or dark our lives may feel, each of us has a deep deep knowing of the sacredness of our being human. It is a sacred space within that we secretly tell ourselves we must protect if we are to survive. So we build up walls of anger, fear, regret, sorrow, despair and push back against the world in fear the sacred essence of our being human will be violated if we do nothing.

Truth is, there is no power on earth than can violate the sacred essence of our being human.

There is no force strong enough, or evil enough, that can desecrate our soul.

We do not have to do anything to protect it. Preserve it or prevent it from being harmed.

The soul cannot be harmed. It cannot be broken. It cannot be corrupted.

It is the essence of our magnificence and it is indestructible.

Yet, because life happens, because we learn to fear ourselves and one another, to hurt ourselves and one another, to protect ourselves with words and acts of destruction,  we forget who we truly are when we are born. In our desperate quest to remember what it was we knew at that moment of our first breath, we spend our lives fearing we never will, and fall under the spell of believing, we are not worthy, wanted, needed, seen, understood, acceptable, forgivable, loveable.

Truth is, we are magnificent. We are each and every one of us miracles of life. Unique. Shining and brilliant.

It’s just life and living has gotten in the way of our remembering who we truly are in the sacred space of our spirit shining brightly for all the world to see.

I watched miracles unfold last week. I stood in the light of many souls shining brightly as Love entered and said, “I see you. You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Namaste.

 

 

 

Can I give you a hug?

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She wanted more hugs in her life but didn’t know where to get them. She lives alone. Drives a milk truck and is always alone. Where to find hugs?

She couldn’t very well ask the farmers whose milk she picks up. They’ve already been at their chores and are having breakfast by the time she drives into their yards. Aside from the cows and other farm animals, there’s nobody around in the morning when she is out and about doing her job.

So she decided to ask the man at the depot where she delivers the milk. She knew he might think it strange. She knew he might think her weird, but she didn’t care. She knew what she wanted and she knew the only way to get it was to ask for it.

Her round completed, the truck container full, April climbed down out of her truck one morning as the dispatcher came out to greet her. She took a deep breath. She was nervous, and determined.

She smiled (she always smiles, it is her nature), and explained what she wanted.

“A hug?” he asked.

“Yes. I want more hugs in my life. It’s important to me. And you’re the only person I see in the morning.”

The dispatcher looked at her. Thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure. Why not?”

Three months later, the dispatcher and April start and end their morning conversation with a hug. When her truck pulls up, he is there, every morning, waiting to hug. And other drivers are doing it too. Greeting each with more than just a nod of the head. They’re hugging each other.

April’s first request that started with a ‘Why not” response, has turned into a morning of hugs. Of other workers coming out to greet her and hug her when she arrives. It’s resulted in hugs being shared everywhere. Of fathers going home to hug their children. Of wives greeting their husbands with a hug. Of co-workers acknowledging one another and hugging to seal their pact of mutual respect and connection.

A hug may not save the world, but it sure can strengthen our connections. It sure can change our attitudes. It sure can bring us closer together.

April shared this story on Friday night of the Givers 2 weekend — Givers 2 is the second weekend trainees from the Choices program where I’ve been coaching since Wednesday, come back to complete the training. It is a weekend that focuses on communication — and the crafting of each individual’s ‘Purpose Statement’ on Sunday afternoon. On Friday night, in preparation for Sunday’s big event, trainees are asked to share ‘The Best Thing that’s happened to me since Choices and Givers 1.”

This was the story April shared. Inspired by her story, I asked her if I could share it here to which she responded, “If it inspires others to hug more, why not?”

Why not indeed?

When I went through Choices 8 years ago, I wasn’t much of a hugger.  I had a belief, somewhere inside me, that hugs were not okay. That hugs were scary. That people didn’t really want to get that close. That hugging them would scare them. Or offend them. Or make them mad.

I was wrong.

We are all looking for connection. And hugs are a simple way to connect.

Give one. You automatically get one back. Give two. Get two back. And so it goes.

Alexis, my eldest daughter, when asked by a panhandler if she had any change to spare, once replied, “Can’t help you in the finance department, but I have a hug if you want one.”

“Pardon?” he asked.

“A hug,” she replied. “I have no change but I have a hug.”

His face broke into a smile. “Really?” he asked incredulously. “Yeah. I’ll take one.”

And she wrapped her arms around his worn coat and for a moment, they were both just two human beings standing heart to heart.

There is power in connecting heart to heart with our fellow human beings. A hug has been proven to lower blood pressure. To improve happiness levels.

Try it. Ask someone you work with, someone you live with, someone you meet if they would like to connect heart to heart. Ask, “Can I give you a hug?” or, like April, if you’re seeking more hugs, ask for what you want.

Giving is receiving. In the process of giving a hug, you’ll both experience in the reciprocal nature of a hug. What could be better than that?

And if you don’t really think a hug can make a difference, check out this article HERE.

Go ahead. Try it. ask someone today if you can give them a hug and see what miracles happen.

(Thank you April and Alexis for letting me share your stories.)

 

 

The world is a different place today. What a blessing.

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There is truth in everything. But not all things are true. It is not true that we are born for no reason, and no matter how much we fear we do not have a purpose in life, it is not true.  Everyone of us has a role to play on this earth. Everyone of us has a purpose.

Mark Twain wrote

“The two most important days of your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.”

Yesterday I was blessed to be present as 67 people found their ‘why’. Yesterday I sat in a room filled with the excited voices of  67 people exploring their hearts in order to find the words to express their purpose in a simple, succinct statement that has meaning for them.

They delved into the times that they felt special or important. They tread gently into those spaces where they found value in making a difference. They shared their small significances, their big differences. They shared stories of lives they’ve touched, of moments that moved them deeply, of instances where they felt on purpose, on course, present and accountable for their journey in life and their impact on others. And as they sat with their coaches and shared their memories of those times, the room came alive with our human condition expressing itself in the wonder and awe of the significance and magnificence that each of us contributes naturally and effortlessly to the world through all that we do and every action we take that creates a difference for others.

In the Purpose Room at Choices we tell trainees that our purpose was written on our hearts when we were born. We all make a difference and we all express it in different ways. Our purpose is visible in the little acts of kindness we share, and the big acts of significance we create.

Our purpose is not ego-centric. It is heart specific. It is defined by what lays in our hearts, what rests easily in our spirits, what expresses itself naturally through our being present, every moment of every day.

Our purpose is felt in the smiles we share. The hands we warm. The bellies we feed. Our purpose is felt everywhere, known through everything we do.

For some it is expressed through their capacity to touch hearts, minds, spirits. For others, to create joy, love unconditionally, accept completely. For some, it is found in their capacity to guide, to inspire, to motivate, to lead, to help, to illuminate, to empower, to propel.

We all have an action word connected to our purpose and we all have values we uphold in the actions we take to live it.

I was blessed yesterday. 67 people sat in small circles with their coaches and shared the stories of their lives that illuminated the path for them to find the words that have been written on their hearts since they were born. And in their truth, I stood in the brilliance of our shared human condition and felt the power of our being human radiating throughout the room. In their truth coming alive through acknowledging and claiming their purpose, I felt the true capacity of each and everyone of us to make a difference in this world.

And I am in awe. I am grateful. Because I know that this morning, setting out into the world, there are 67 more people living on purpose with passion and love, with joy and conviction. I know there are 67 people doing their best, giving their all as they consciously set out to make this world a different, more loving, accepting, joyful and compassionate place for all of us.

The world is a different place today. What a blessing.