“Always use your imagination masterfully as a participant, not an onlooker.  Extend your senses.  Imagine that you are seeing what you want to see, hearing what you want to hear and touching what you want to touch.  Give your imagination all the tones and feeling of reality.”
˜ Neville Goddard ˜

Imagine that 90% of your thinking is controlled by your sub-conscious. Imagine, that of the 10% remaining you use only about 10% of your brain-power.

Now, imagine your sub-conscious minds believes you are not worthy, or undeserving, or a loser or any number of negative things it whispers to you in the dark. Imagine, you don’t really know what it’s whispering but you do know that whenever you set out to change, you keep falling back into old habits, old ways, no matter how much or how loud or often you tell yourself otherwise.

What do you think is going on?

Research shows it’s your subconscious at work. No matter how much you ‘believe’ in the present that you deserve the best, can achieve the most, or create the all you’ve always dreamed of, your subconscious mind trips you up — unless you get real and present with your subconscious thinking.

But how can you get clear on something you can’t see?

Well, I wash my hands to get rid of bacteria I can’t see to ensure I don’t get sick from creepy crawlies that are invisible to my naked eye. Maybe my subconscious is the same? Maybe the creepy-crawlies I can’t see are messing with my life. And to wash them away, I need to keep taking action to create the life I’ve always dreamed of.

Maybe it’s not about believing in the creepy-crawlies. Maybe it’s about believing in me. I can’t see my future, but I can imagine it if I trust in my capacity to create and have faith in the universe to turn up with me — because the universe is on my side. It wants, needs and desires for me to succeed, to be all I can imagine because in my success, it unfolds to the betterment of all humanity!

Whoa, that’s a tall order. Can it be so simple? so easy? So…. that’s the way of the world?

I’m beginning to see it can. It’s a matter of choosing to live in faith, or fear.

There is so much in this universe I do not understand or know. There are so many mysteries out there waiting to be explored, looking to be embraced, seeking to be seen. And at any given time, I am either operating in faith, or fear. When I’m operating in fear, I’m looking for all the facts, figures, details, minutiae so that I can know, without a shred of doubt that something is real, the right thing, the best course, the only way, the correct step, the ultimate answer to my life.

When I’m operating in faith, I need no proof. I trust. And in that trusting place, I hear that small, quiet inner voice urging me on, giving me direction, shining a light on the way. And in its presence I just do. I leap. I soar. I fly free. I embrace life. I don’t focus on the ‘how’, I stay committed to the ‘what’. 

It begins with setting an intention. With consciously choosing to state what we want more of in our life.

And there’s the thing –sometimes, we’re not clear on the ‘what’.

Sometimes what we do know is what we don’t want –  …I don’t want to feel broken, or broke. I don’t to be overweight. I don’t want to keep driving a rattletrap. I don’t want to keep doing this dead-end job. I don’t want to keep washing other people’s dirty dishes. I don’t want to keep living in a dump. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m a loser….

What are your don’t wants?

Knowing your don’t wants, it’s a small step in faith to move to the What do I want? – What is the opposite feeling of broken? What are the emotions connected to feeling ‘not broken’? When I’m not feeling broken, I will feel…. Happy. Empowered. Free. Complete. How will I look? Behave. What will I be doing? Achieving? Creating?

Life is not a paint-by-number design with every colour pre-coded to ensure the finished product meets the picture on the box.

Your life is a canvas waiting to be painted in with all the colours of the rainbow. It’s a process of creation. And only you can create the masterpiece of your life. Only you can throw the paint where ever you want it to stick and become your reality.

We each have the power to define it, imagine it, live it, breathe it, embrace it, become it.

We each have the time, energy and creativity to invest in our own lives — it’s just our ego likes us to believe we’re too, small, big, little, short, tall, fat, skinny, stupid, smart, uneducated, too educated, untrained, over-trained, over-qualified, over the hill.

None of that is true. It’s just the lie we’re holding onto with our subconscious in order to keep ourselves feeling safe in the fear of not living our dreams.

Time to wake up and LIVE and SHINE and BE FREE!

Have an amazing day on the other side of your belief you’re stuck. Get out there into the wildness of painting your life in all the colours of the rainbow!

Namaste.

The mind is a tricky space. In one thought it can think small, in the next, go big. It can keep you looking at the past or dreaming of the future. It can hold you trapped in fear or open you up in courage. It can forgive or forget. It can build you up or tear you down. It can make room for adventure or keep you locked in the narrow confines of your comfort zone.

The mind is a tricky space.

Standing in the Choices circle on a Wednesday afternoon when trainees walk into the  room for the first time, I am always in awe of the beauty of the human spirit. People walk in, look around the room, take a seat as far from the front as they can. They hide behind that big guy in the cowboy hat. That woman with the pouffy hair. They sit hunched over, their bodies curved into themselves, their arms crossed against their chests. They sit with their feet on their seat bottoms, their knees tucked up against their chests. They hold their minds tightly closed to anyone getting in to their space, convinced that they’re not worth it or that they don’t deserve or shouldn’t have all that they ever dreamed of.

Some believe there is no more to get out of life. Some believe more isn’t possible. Some know they want more. They get that there is more, but so often they are terrified ‘more’ will never be what they get — except for the more of what they’ve always had. And why would they want more of that? It’s the more of what they’ve always had that is hurting them.

And then, slowly, awkwardly, painfully, gracefully, joyfully, quickly — the speed is individual to each, they start to get it. They start to feel, to see, to believe, different is possible.

They start to experience an opening, an awakening, a sense of possibility slipping into the empty spaces where fear once held reign, that better IS possible. It could be as early as Wednesday afternoon. During the night. Thursday morning. Sometime that day, or the next, the next or the next. It’s always different for every one. That moment when they start to feel the breath of an idea taking hold that, I’m not alone, or lonely.  I’m not crazy, or stupid.  I’m not hard-hearted, or sad.  I’m not horrible, or awkward.  I’m not lost or displaced.  I don’t belong, or am out of step with the world.

And in that opening they begin to realize, they are not alone and they are human, living their condition to the best that they’ve been taught. They start to see the thing that is holding them back, the thing that has been keeping them trapped in the past, in fear, in shame, in impossibility is their mind and its tricky thinking.

It is a beautiful thing. To see minds open up to possibility. To feel fear slipping away. To hear hearts begin to beat in harmony with hope pounding a rhythm of all they’ve ever dreamed of calling them to step free of what was holding them back.

It is a beautiful thing to watch a smile grow upon the face of a woman who once believed abuse was all she deserved. Or to hear a man who once believed only anger would keep him safe begin to laugh with joy. Or to see a couple who had turned their backs on each other, embrace one another in Love.

It is a beautiful thing.

I have just spent five days immersed in the wonder and awe and beauty of the human spirit coming alive in the Choices room. And I am in Love.

In love with my fellow team mates who stood in the circle on Wednesday afternoon and held fast to the three rules we were given. Love the people when they walk in the room. Love the people when they walk in the room. Love the people when they walk in the room.

Even when some of them don’t make it easy. Even when they don’t believe they are loveable or deserving or worthy of being loved.

Love the people when they walk in the room and hold fast to love through every moment of every day, through every process and every word and every action.

Hold fast to Love.

And I am in Love with each and every trainee who stepped into that circle not knowing what or if there was anything there for them, but who, because someone they knew had asked, or told, or suggested they go, was willing to risk the unknown to see if there was anything there for them — and then discovered everything was already there, right inside themselves — they just needed the right questions, and the space and time to explore their own answers.  And who, in looking inwards discovered they really did deserve it, were worthy of it, could have it and all they ever dreamed of.

What an amazing week. What an incredible gift — to stand in the circle at the end of Sunday, and feel connected to the hearts of everyone around me. To feel free and joyful and absolutely convinced — better is possible. More is an open door. The future an uncharted map where I have the ability, capacity and the right to make my own dreams come true.

I stood in that circle yesterday and I knew — there is no place in the world where I feel more safe, more complete, more open, vulnerable and Loved than in that circle.

It wasn’t magic. It wasn’t some trick or sleight of hand that made it happen. It wasn’t some magic potion or subliminal message beamed across the airwaves contorting reality into an altered state.

It was Love.

And Love doesn’t live in my head. It isn’t my mind convincing me to let go of reality.

It was my heart whispering its truth, its hopes, its dreams.

My mind may be a tricky space, but always, my heart knows better. Because always, my heart knows best.

Namaste.

There was a time when I believed if I just knew more about ‘why’ I was the way I was, I would be happier with who I am. To be happier, I thought I had to be different. I thought I had to be who others thought I should be to fit in.

There was a time when I struggled to understand how I fit into the world.

And then I discovered, the why of who I am or how I fit into the world is not important. Knowing I fit exactly the way I am is what makes my life full and meaningful and exciting today.

I don’t have to be taller, thinner, fatter, shorter. I don’t have to dye my hair, pluck my eyebrows, or even worry about where I wear my heart. To be happy, content, accepting of where I am in my life today, all I have to do is breathe and be willing to be open and…. vulnerable.

Vulnerable.

A word I struggle with. A word that challenges my ability to be intimate in all my important relations.

Brene Brown, in  Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, writes:

“What we know, matters. But who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen. It requires us to dare greatly, to be vulnerable.”

Being vulnerable frightens me. What if…. I get hurt. What if… they take away my dignity. My pride. My passion. My… What if…. they don’t like me?

And there’s the contradiction.

I can’t be  vulnerable when I’m holding onto worrying about what others think of me. When I worry about what they can take away. And I can’t be vulnerable when what I’m holding onto are all the words I  use to define me.

To be vulnerable means to hold onto nothing. Holding onto nothing, no one can take anything from me because in holding onto nothing, I am have everything I want to be me.

And I can only be me when I allow myself to be seen, when I show up and be real.

It is in being vulnerable that I am free.

It is in being vulnerable that true intimacy arises, deepens into the core of my being and settles in as my worth.

I am a vulnerable woman.

I am vulnerable.

I am.

Arms wide, embracing the world, heart broken open in song, I dance in the light of being my most amazing self and invite you to dance. With me. Alone. Together. Apart. We dance and create a wondrous rhythm of feet pounding a beat of freedom.

The freedom to Be.

Who we are. How we are. What we are when we claim our right to live this one wild and passionate life free of fear that someone else can take away who we are.

No one can take who I am away from me.

Who I am is all I am when I hold onto nothing but who I am holding onto nothing.

Who I am is nothing compared to my being all I’m meant to be when I am everything I am and nothing else.

Let me begin my day with a prayer of gratitude. For today, let me choose to be vulnerable to this moment where I release myself to the waters of life, supported by all that I am when I let go of everything in the presence of all that there is to hold onto, Love.

Namaste.

Alexis and I are sitting over a late lunch, sharing a spinach and feta crepe. We’ve just sent the better part of three hours wandering through the Vancouver Art Gallery, one of our favourite things to do.

“I don’t get how you always find time to do everything,” she says to me. “Finding time to do the things I want is the hardest thing for me.”

I think about her comment for a moment and reply. “I think it’s because I don’t question whether or not I have the time, or the energy, to do it. I just assume I do and go from there.”

Having time and energy are not my issues.

I have other issues, but not enough time or energy are not a question for me.

I’ve always been like that. As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had more than enough energy and an unflagging belief in the infinite expansion of time.

Now, most times, that works to my benefit. I get lots done.

But sometimes, that belief works against me. I think I can get it all done, that my energy is limitless, that I don’t have to recharge. Sometimes, I risk burning myself out.

It’s been a hard lesson to learn. To listen to my body, not my head, tell me it’s time to step back, to step down, to let go of doing it all so that I can be all I am in the moment, without telling myself — I can do it all.

Taking care of me is not my strong suit. In fact, taking care of me has historically come last on my list of things I must do.

Something I learned through Choices (the personal development program I coach in) is that while time and energy may be limitless, my time and energy are not.  Like the airline’s precaution to first put the oxygen mask over your face before assisting someone else, I must give myself medicine first if I am to be of service to others.

I am learning to take care of me. To allow myself ample alone time to simply be present in the moment, without thinking about the 101 things I want to get done before x time appears on the horizon. To not over fill my plate with 101 tasks to complete just because someone’s asked me to do it.

I’ve learned to say No.

I was afraid of saying no. For a long time, I thought saying No would result in someone disliking me or being angry with me. So, rather than risk their displeasure, I’d say yes, even when I didn’t want to. In my desire to please, I ended up creating more problems than if I’d just been honest in the first place. Because, in my ‘yes’, I would inevitably leave myself open to resentment building up and regrets piling on — why did I say I’d finish that report by tomorrow when I know I’ve got three other projects to get it done first? Why did I say I’d go to the event when I have another engagement that evening already?

I’d scurry around trying to fit in three events in an evening, while juggling deadlines and household chores and meetings. Or, even worse, I’d cancel out at the last minute or simply not turn up and then make apologies after the fact.

I was crazy!

And then I learned the power of “No Thank You,” and everything changed.

In my “No” I learned to stand up for me. To let my first priority be to ask myself the question, “What do I want in this situation?”

I’d never really done that in the past — ask myself ‘What do I want?” versus my automatic response of, “Oh, they want me. How wonderful. I’ll do it.”

What I wanted was secondary in my thinking. What other people wanted was what drove me — and sometimes, it drove me into all the wrong places and spaces!

Which is why I am grateful for my growing awareness of what it means to understand, to know — what I want matters. To me. For me.

What you want matters to you.

And sometimes, the two don’t meet and that’s okay, because when your wants and my wants differ, it’s not because yours are wrong, mine are right. Or, yours are right, mine are wrong. It simply means — our wants are different.

My responsibility is to ensure I am 100% accountable for my experience.

Yours is to ensure you are 100% accountable for yours.

I trust me to be responsible for my happiness — and I trust you to be responsible for yours.

I spent the afternoon wandering the halls of one of my favourite places and then sharing a meal with one of my favourite people in the world — one of my daughters.

I did everything I wanted to do and in the process, discovered, in doing it, I had all the time I needed to enjoy the one I was with. How perfect is that!