The difference was visible yesterday. All I had to was open my eyes and see it.

Calgary can be a windy city. Garbage flies around, plastic bags and other things cling to tall grasses, dig into the bases of trees, get caught on branches. Yesterday, as Ellie, the wonder pooch, and I walked along the ridge overlooking the river, I saw a plastic bag clinging to low hanging bushes at the base of a fir tree. Ellie, always eager to get off trail, pranced in the underbrush as I crawled beneath the tree to pick up the bag (I think she thought I was a little crazy). The base of the fir tree cleared of debris, we carried on our way, my eyes scanning the terrain for opportunities to clean up nature.

And there were. Many opportunities.

In fact, the reason for picking up the bag became apparent not far from where I picked it up. Someone had not thought to pick up after their hound. A pile of frozen dog doo-doo lay to the side of the trail. I used the bag I’d found to clean it up, which, given that I always walk with two bags in my pocket, would not normally be a problem. But Ellie, who ate a tub of fish food the other night, has been somewhat prolific in her bodily functions and I had used, and discarded appropriately, both bags I’d brought.

I wouldn’t have been able to clean up the mess if I hadn’t picked up that bag!

And yes. It is wrong that people don’t clean up after their dogs.

And yes. I was tempted to criticize, condemn and complain about their behaviour. But those are not energies I want to put out into the world, and so, I breathed and whispered a prayer to the Universe that I say when faced with opportunities to give into my lesser emotions. “Bless them. Forgive me.”

It was easy to make a difference yesterday. All I had to do was clean up the world around me and help it sparkle.

It was a quiet day yesterday. Staying conscious was a challenge.

Work on my new website – I am grateful for the tech staff at godaddy who so graciously and patiently walked me through my struggles during three separate phone calls. They gave me hope. But seriously, the work of trying to figure things out consumed me for much of the day and I didn’t focus much time on ‘making a difference’ as much as on receiving help from others. As one friend reminded me who reads my other blog (Recover Your Joy), “you make a difference everyday through what you write.” Thank you my friend.

In the process of assessing my day yesterday though, I realized a couple of things that need changing. Rather than simply recording the difference I consciously made, on Fridays, I shall write about the difference other people made in my life during the week. From the driver who let me in from the merge lane, thank you, to Dave who had an extra tub of fish food when I needed one, and for the fish, thank you.

People make a difference in my life in small and big ways, everyday.

Isabel and Dave for being with me on Project Miracle. The gifts are many when I open my heart and soul to seeing the dark and the light in my emotions.

Carolyn who called to invite me for a spontaneous lunch. She is always giving, always sharing her best.

Rosemarie and Debbie shared their hearts over dinner one night and I had an opportunity to delve deeper into my own.

Ellie, the wonder pooch, who reminds me everyday — I gotta get outside and get moving.

For my fellow dance and meditation partners, you remind me that together we can make a world of difference.

Barry, for believing in me, encouraging me and supporting me.

Dave T for staying in touch.

Nan for inspiring me when I needed a boost.

Linda who shared an opportunity she thought I might like to explore.

Mark who called just to get in touch.

Karen and Marina for offering me an opportunity to make a difference.

Sue, whose energy on and commitment to the “and My Name is…” project is unflagging and who reminds me to give my best, always.

My daughters who continue to embrace me in love and teach me of its depths.

And as I write my list I am reminded of the value of being present. I can’t remember all the people who touched my life this week and made a difference. Reality is, everyone who touched my life made a difference this week. From phone calls, to brief encounters, to smiles of strangers on the street, to those who commented here ,to those who emailed or simply read, to those whose blogs I read and feel our human condition connecting in awe — there are many, many people who touched my life this week and made a difference.

And I think that perhaps, along with ‘what I did’, is the need for an ‘I am grateful’ perspective to keep my heart open to the many gifts in my life.

Yes. Staying present means doing my best. It also means, seeing  and being grateful for the gifts that flow through my life and acknowledging them and thanking the people (and animals) who make them possible.

Thank you.

It’s not surprising my father came up in meditation last night. 1) the instruction to the group was to ‘be’ our fathers’ during a piece of music. and 2) I had just been speaking of him to my friend Dave before going to our group meditation. On his way to group, Dave had dropped off my new friends who have taken up residence in my office. He is moving away and can not take his pets with him. He’d asked if I’d be willing to give them a home and I said yes. And now, I am the momma of three fish. Harry. Sally and Sue. They didn’t have a name when they arrived. Dave had never thought to name them. Which is good because I got to christen them and anoint their new home in my office.

When I was a little girl and into my teens, my father kept fish. Some of my happiest moments with my father were cleaning the tank, feeding the fish, talking about the different varieties he kept in the 150 gal tank that sat in our living room. And some of my most contented moments were simply sitting and watching the fish dart and dither about the tank. They were like poetry to me. I loved to rhyme off their names. To hear the sound of the consonants and vowels rolling off my tongue. Angel fish and Zebra’s. Clown fish and Leopards. And of course, Siamese Fighting Fish. I loved how the ‘s’ sizzled as it came out.

My father kept the Siamese Fighting Fish separated. He had to. If they’re part of the general population they’d kill all the other fish, he told me. I like their spirit, he added, but I don’t want them to destroy everyone else in the tank.

I was thinking about fish when I got to meditation. And thinking about fish always connects me to my father who passed away over 15 years ago.

And so, when Dal, our meditation guide directed the group  to ‘be your father’, tears began to flow and I felt the tug of the past pulling me under into the waters of memory. And in their flow I saw myself being my father. Angry. Frightened. Sad. An angry man with the heart of a poet boy, unable to let go of sadness for the past. I swam in that sea of sadness and felt the tendrils of regret release. I felt the sadness that had been buoying me up sink to the sandy soils beneath.

My father never had a chance to be a boy. Never had a chance to be the man he dreamt of being when war came and he ran off to fight. There was so much regret and sadness in his life. So much sorrow for the relationships he never had, for a past he could not change. I swam in those waters of meditation last night and let it go. I swam up through the darkness into the light and found myself free of regret. Lighter than air, I dove into the waters of forgiveness. In their flow I was reminded, that was then, this is now. And now is what matters most.

I adopted three fish yesterday. Did a favour for a friend who is moving away and needed a home for his pets. In giving, I received what I needed most — the gift of memory without regret. The gift of remembering my father as a poem in my heart that flows as sweetly as an Angel fish gliding effortlessly through the waters of life.

I saw it in a tweet. An invitation to experience poverty, even if it is only in a simulation online.

I took it. The challenge. I clicked on SPENT, an online simulation of living life in the poverty zone.

Poverty sucks.

There’s no way to win at life, get ahead, to make the ‘ethical’ choice when the decisions you have to make always come back down to — will I have enough money to pay the rent, buy food to feed my children, pay their school fees, pay insurance.

At one point in the game, while driving my children to school, I hit an icy patch and my car slid into a parked car causing damage. I had a choice. Stop. Try to find the owner. Leave a note. Get the kids to school and be late for work. OR. Leave the scene and hope no one saw me. Except my kids of course. They were watching from the back seat. Tracking every move I took. Learning from every decision I made.

Sure, in real life, I wouldn’t drive away. I would be accountable.

But in real life, I have more than $326 left in the bank to take me to the end of the month 20 long days away. I earn more than $9.00 an hour.

In real life, I have resources.

In SPENT, I lasted 11 days before I hit bottom. I wonder what happened to my kids?

What about you? Can you win at poverty?

You can find out for yourself by taking the test, playing the game of poverty called SPENT.

It was part of my making a difference yesterday. To do something to stretch myself out of my comfort zone, to experience something beyond my frame of reference and then to share my experience. Yesterday, after playing SPENT, I tweeted on my experience. Today I’m writing about it. And I’m looking at ways to get involved in reducing poverty in Alberta.

The other part of making a difference was to meet my once a week commitment to not drive my car and not spend money for a day (at least not real money). Ellie, the wonder pooch, had to settle for a walk in the neighbourhood and I spent time focussing on things I needed to do around the house. I did some tasks that have needed doing for quite sometime. I have a sparkling clean office and a stack of packages and cards to mail out.

Taking care of  myself makes a difference in my world. Taking care of tasks that have been lingering around, waiting for me to ‘get to them’, makes a difference in my attitude, my outlook and my energy. And with my attitude all sparkling clean and refreshed today, I’m ready to take on the world outside my window. I’m ready to get busy making a difference.