There is someone I love dearly who has taken the courageous yet scary step of going through rehab. I am in awe of this human being. Their resolve, their loving attitude, beauty and kindness have never diminished as they’ve tackled the beast of their addiction and stepped into the light of their truth — they are a human of great light and worth. They are not their addiction. It is a disease they did not ask for, want and for many years, ran from knowing they had through the doorway it presented to oblivion.

Yesterday, they asked if I would support them in their next step. Would I come and stay with them for their initial foray back into the world without their addiction blurring their vision and keeping them from feeling the world in all its sometimes harsh yet always loving reality.

I said yes. It means going to stay with them, leaving this place of comfort that is my home, to support them in theirs. Initially just for a night, but possibly longer as they find their balance.

This is a difference I joyfully and gratefully commit to. To give back to this person who means so much to me and who has given me so much is a gift, a blessing, an honour.

Sometimes, to make a difference requires sacrifice — and yet, it is never sacrifice when the gift of service is to witness and hold a safe space for another human being in their healing journey. The question I ask myself is, What will doing this create in my heart? What will not doing this create in my world? — harmony or discord? To not be there for this person I love would create discord in my heart. And I do not want discord in my heart nor my world. I want only harmony and Love.

Harmony and Love. It’s up to me to create them, to make room for them, to breathe into them in everything I do so that my ripple inspires more ripples of Love.

I am grateful. They have given me an opportunity to be of service in Love.

Namaste

There were tears and smiles and hugs and laughter and always, there was love.

Yesterday I coached in the Givers 2 room of Choices, a personal development program both my daughters and I took in 2006 that transformed our lives and our relationships. Ever since, I have coached as often as possible in the five-day program, and always, whenever it is being held in Calgary, in Givers 2, the weekend segment during which participants work on articulating and claiming their purpose.

It is a blessing to be there, to be able to volunteer and be part of miracles unfolding as individuals open their eyes to the truth of their existence — we are not just bits of  matter glommed together to form a body taking up space here on earth. We matter. We count. There is a purpose to our presence in the world and it is our right, our duty our responsibility, to claim it and live it and shine.

In 2006 when I went through Choices, I left the five-day program with a Contract — that statement that says who I am in the world and what I need more of in my life to live my dreams. That word for me was ‘fearless’. To be my authentic self in the world, I need to be a ‘fearless woman’. To not let self-doubt and insecurities rob me of playing big, keep me from being my best.

When I went back for Givers 2, my contract statement was enhanced with my purpose — the statement that says what I do in the world to express my greatness, which as Marianne Williamson writes in “A Return to Love”, is in all of us. “It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Post Choices, my contract and purpose statement have evolved from my original statement of, ‘touching hearts and opening minds to set spirits free’, to encompass my deeper understanding of me and who I am and what I want to create in the world. It now reads, “I am a radiant woman igniting joy in an enlightened world.”

To do and be my best in the world I must always remind myself that playing small does not become me. Letting self-doubt keep me from shining does not serve the world. I must radiate joy and love and peace and harmony. To live on purpose, I must share my gifts openly and lovingly with the world.

Yesterday, making a difference was easy because I was in a place where all 110 people in the room were focused on the thought and belief that to express their difference in the world makes a world of difference. To change the world one heart at a time, as Thelma Box, founder of Choices has been committed to doing since 1985, we must have a change of heart as to who we are and what our purpose is here on earth.

To create a world of difference, to touch hearts and open minds, to ignite joy in an enlightened world, I must be my difference in the world. I must live my purpose.

Yesterday, I had the gift of living on purpose in a room where I purposefully chose to be present and let my light shine.

Are you willing to let your light shine today? Will you live on purpose?

I had other plans yesterday for making a difference, but a cold that wants to come to life kept me home, so I stayed in bed and wallowed in self-care tinged with a small dose (okay maybe bigger than small) of self-pity.

And I was okay with it.

Sometimes, making a difference out there has to start with making a difference within me. My body needed the care. I let it have it.

Which means, I didn’t drive my car yesterday and, I didn’t spend money — though I almost compromised on that part of the equation.

No matter the weather, or how I’m feeling, Ellie insists she needs a walk. The weather had warmed up significantly, and my head was clearing so late in the afternoon, I took her for a walk around the neighbourhood. And I took along a book I intended to mail. I was torn. Part of the principle of not driving my car for a day is to not spend money for a day. But I’d promised to mail the book and thought it a good idea to do it on my walk as the Post Office is just a few blocks away. My mind wrestled with the conflict of spending money (but this is a good cause. I’m taking care of business — it’s not really spending money when I’m doing it for someone else 🙂 ) and the need to make good on my commitment —  to not drive my car/spend money for the day)

And the Universe laughed.

My beautiful Ellie, the Wonder Pooch, has one significant personality flaw. She doesn’t like small dogs, in particular, small white dogs that yap and jump up. And she likes to express her dislike vocally, and aggressively — the Vet calls it ‘fear based aggression’, but whatever you call it, it’s not pretty if she actually comes nose to nose with a small yapping dog.)  We walked towards the Post Office, my mind wrestling with the decision of ‘to mail or not to mail’ when what did I see but a small white dog tied up outside the Post Office. Yapping and jumping up and down against the window.

Ellie saw it too. She started to pull against her leash, a deep growl emanating from her throat, growing louder like a volcano about to erupt.

It was an easy decision. I can mail the book tomorrow. A day later than promised, but hey, when the Universe is jumping up and down and yapping right in front of me, I listen.

The right thing is always the best thing to do. In this case, my day of not driving my car includes the commitment to not spend any money. Compromising half of that equation doesn’t make a huge difference to the Universe, but it does make a difference to me. Because in that compromise is the hook of my integrity being released. In that compromise is me letting go of my commitment. And I am committed to consciously staying present in making a difference, and that includes — holding true to my commitments, holding fast to my integrity.

There is a responsibility in making a difference. A universal pact that the difference should, do no harm.

In Bruce Weinstein, PhD’s book Ethical Intelligence, the first principle of living an ethical life is ‘To do no harm’. He goes on to say that if you must do harm, minimize it and gives the example of having to lay someone off. Do it, he counsels, in a way that retains their dignity, that respects and honours them and you and your organization.

Yesterday, in an effort to do something good for someone, I harmed them. It wasn’t intentional, harm seldom is when we come from a place of wanting to do good. But, in the act of creating ‘a moment’, I didn’t consider the consequences of some of the aspects to what I was doing and the recipient felt unheard and unseen.

I am 100% accountable for my footprint in the world and in other people’s lives.

When I take a misstep it is my responsibility to acknowledge it, apologize (without excuses), commit to making amends and recommit to the relationship.

Yesterday, I made a difference I didn’t want to make.

Today, I recommit to doing my best, being my best, to paying attention, staying focused and present in what I do, and when I make a mistake, as I inevitably will, I commit to acknowledging my mistake, in love, and honouring the other through my amends.

We all make mistakes. It’s not the mistakes that make the difference. It’s the being accountable for what we’ve done by turning up, paying attention, speaking our truth and staying unattached to the outcome that creates the difference between harbouring resentments or moving forward in love and forgiveness.

In my mistake I have taken action. Embraced the opportunity to learn and grow. I have apologized and am committed to stay present in my desire to make a difference.

It is the best I can do and my best is good enough.

Namaste.

In May, 2003, when I was released from the living hell of an abusive relationship by two police officers who walked in and arrested the man who had promised to love me ’til death do us part and was taking the death part way too seriously, I knew I had received a miracle. In that miracle, I knew I had to share my joy, my belief — it’s never too late — to start over again. To say, I’m sorry, to forgive, to embrace Love. It’s never too late to live the life of your dreams.

I wrote, The Dandelion Spirit: A true life fairytale of love, lies and letting go, to share my journey of healing from the hell of that relationship to inspire other women, and men in their healing journeys.

Last night, while meeting with a woman on a project that we are both involved in (a really worthwhile and exciting project to honour the memory of women who have been killed on the streets) she mentioned someone she knows who just walked out on an abusive relationship with only her two sons, the clothes they were wearing, and her car. “We rallied together and got her all fixed up in an apartment,” she said. “Now, she has to figure out what happened to pull her down.”

I pulled a copy of The Dandelion Spirit out of the cupboard, wrote a note to this courageous woman and handed it to my friend. “Please give this to her. It will help.”

I know The Dandelion Spirit helps because I have had many, many women and men, email me to tell me what it meant to them. I’ve had people at Choices, the personal development program I sometimes coach in, stop me to tell me how the book changed their lives.

I wrote the book to make a difference. And it still does.

When I met with the woman last night to discuss the project, I believed working on the project was the difference I was consciously making yesterday. And then, ‘the difference’ opened up into being of service to a woman for whom my wisdom, experience and book can add value and healing to her life. I am grateful that I had a chance to pass it on. To share my experience to create value in someone else’s life.

Currently, the website for The Dandelion Spirit is being moved to a new server. I haven’t done a lot to promote the book, I’ve let it slide. In last night’s conversation I am reminded that I have let self-doubt interfere in my capacity to serve the world.

The lesson for me is to never let self-doubt prevent me from serving the world. The world needs me and you and all of us to continually be of service. The world needs us to shine!

Shine On!

There wasn’t much opportunity to make a difference yesterday. It’s still frigid outside and my daughter needs my car as her’s won’t start and, did I mention, it’s frigid outside?

I was to have gone out last night and participated in something that offered up real opportunity to make a difference, but between a cold that keeps scratching at my throat, a meeting that started late because of the traffic and my daughter needing my car, I didn’t go.

I did shovel my walk and my neighbour’s walk — I must get extra points for that when it’s this cold out, right? I did fill the bird feeder twice and I did have a conversation with a friend who really needed someone to listen to them. And I remind myself, there are small significances in all of that. Those things added value to someone’s life.

It is, I believe, one of our greatest needs. To feel like our life has meaning. That what we are doing adds value, makes a difference.

And I struggle with the everyday aspect of my commitment to consciously make a difference every day, knowing, it is a good commitment. How easy it would be to not shovel that walk, not fill the bird feeder, not listen to a friend because I was in the middle of working on a project, not lend my daughter my car.

How easy it would be to focus on just my life, my needs, my wants and ignore the world around me.

Yet, when I do that, become insular, ignore the world around me, I cut myself off from feeling connected to the world around me.

It isn’t about the kudos I get by doing ‘good deed’s or how making a difference makes me feel. It’s about how making a difference connects me to the world around me. And in that connection, I feel part of something bigger than just me, something grander than just the design of my day. I feel connected to the grand scheme of the universe, to the workings of the world around me. I feel like in the big picture, my life has meaning — and in that meaning I am content. Because in that meaning I am living on purpose — inspiring people to live their lives with eyes and hearts and minds wide open in Love, celebrating the small and the big things they do to make a world of difference.

Making a difference also got something done yesterday that I’ve been intending to do since moving into this community three years ago.

It was freezing out. No, read that, frigid. -30C . And that doesn’t include the windchill. Before I went to bed the night before I discovered kitchen sink was plugged. When I called the plumber in the morning, he promised to be over as soon as possible, but he was swamped with calls and couldn’t give me an exact time. Worried the pipes were frozen, I cancelled a meeting I had later that morning and determined not to drive my car for the day — not a big hardship. The roads are treacherous and the cold makes it worse. I didn’t need to add my exhaust to the ice crystals everywhere.

It doesn’t matter the weather, Ellie, the wonder pooch, still needed a walk. And I needed a purpose to take her, not just the fact she was sitting by my desk, holding her leash in her mouth and looking at me with big expectant, pleading eyes.

The plumber arrived, unplugged the sink and with water flowing freely again in pipes that fortunately were not frozen, I caved into Ellie’s wish for a walk. I have been intending to get a Community Association ‘forever’ and it seemed like the perfect time to do it. But first, a quick phone call to confirm the Association office was open and then, bundled up like Nanook of the North, Ellie and I trudged down the street to the office a few blocks away.

Did I mention it was cold? Frigid even?

Going east the wind bit into any piece of exposed flesh. Ellie didn’t care. She pranced along beside me as I huddled into the faux fur collar of my long  winter coat, my scarf and hat covering my face except the slit where my eyes squinted out. I wished I’d worn goggles — and I wouldn’t have cared how ridiculous I looked!

Ten minutes later we were at the office. Five minutes later, on our way home.

And now, I have a membership in the Community Association and I feel better for knowing, I am part of my community.

To make a difference in the world, I have to be present in my world, my community. To make a difference in my community, I have to join in the conversation. And to be part of the conversation, I have to take the steps to create a space for me to be part of it, and remove myself from the ‘outsiders’ list in my mind that would have me believe, I don’t belong.

I joined our Community Association yesterday. And now, to take part in the conversation. It’s the best way to make a difference where I belong.

Namaste.

Last night a young man dropped by. I’ve been helping him with his writing. A friend of my stepson, he’s very talented but his English skills are definitely in need of sharpening. I’ve been helping him edit a story he’s written about a man who robs a convenience store, drives north to Alaska and along the way winds up breaking into a house on a lake and  meeting his past in the frozen waters surrounding him.

The first time he brought the story to me I asked him to read it aloud.  He didn’t get far before admitting the lack of punctuation, poor grammar and spelling made it a tough read.

“Stories are meant to be shared,” I told him. “You’ve got a really interesting and creative story here but if you don’t pay attention to the details, the sharing of your story will be limited to friends and family willing to take the time to figure out for themselves what you wanted to say. As a writer, you need to reach out to your audience through language that not only sings, it needs to be readable.”

He took the story away and began cleaning it up. We met a few times before Christmas and last week he phoned to tell me he had more ready to be reviewed. “I think you’ll be really proud of me,” he said. “I’ve worked really hard.”

And he had. And I was, proud of him.

He’s signed up for a creative writing course at the University. He’s working on a novel. He is excited and committed and eager to write. And I am encouraging him.

My stepson thanked me not long ago for working with his friend. “He’s really gifted but no one really spends much time supporting him,” he said. “Thanks for doing that.”

And when the young man left after a two and a half hour editing session last night, he shook my hand and thanked me. I cautioned him to get some medical advice on a jellyfish bite he received over the holidays in Costa Rica. He’s got some weird skin discoloration happening and it needs attention. “I will,” he promised and added as he left, “Thank you for being concerned about my well-being.”

It doesn’t take much, caring about others. Making a difference.

And so much can happen when we do.

We can all do it. Share our wisdom, our knowledge, our care. Be a mentor. Take someone under our wing. Give a young person support. Inspire someone to reach for their dreams.

We can all do it. Let’s.

Terri Guillemets, anthologist and creator of the online anthology of quotes, The Quote Garden, said, “If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort.”

Last night, I took great comfort in being able to celebrate the birthdays of two very dear friends. Charles, my partner, and I cooked up a special dinner of things we knew to be their favourites, and spent the evening sharing a meal, and wine and laughter and stories with their daughter along with Charles’ daughter and mine to say, “You are both amazing human beings. Thank you for your friendship.”

It struck me that friends, like family, are the real treasures of this world. That to be a good friend, I must consciously do the things that tell my friends (and family) how much I care. It is not always something I do. I can be forgetful. Disorganized. Distracted. I can forget birthdays, or get the date wrong — I did that this week with my friend BA whose birthday I am sure is actually January 21 when it’s really the 11th. Sometimes, I don’t take the time to write  a note, make a phone call, send an email to my friends to tell them how much they mean to me, or simply to say hello. I am not always a good friend.

It’s a good realization for me on this the 17th day of A Year of Making a Difference  — To be a good friend I must take time to express my appreciation of my friends.

I have an online friend, Kathleen O who is one of the most remarkable, ‘I’m thinking of you’ people I know. She is always sending out little handmade notes and cards that arrive in people’s mailboxes unexpectedly. This Christmas, for the second year in a row, Diane W. sent one of her amazing calendars and Joyce W sent along a beautiful hand crafted card of her flower goddesses. It is these unexpected treasures that remind me that I am surrounded by amazing friends.

To make a difference in their lives, I must be conscious of the things I do that express my gratitude and joy in their friendship. I must be conscious of how I say, Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being in my life. Your friendship makes a difference in my world. You make a difference to me.