Tag Archives: aging with grace

What’s Your Story? Understanding the Power of Our Personal Narratives

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My sister remains in ICU though she is slowly gaining consciousness. But, here’s the challenge. I was telling myself a story about how helpless I am, how scared and worried I feel.

That story isn’t creating ‘the more’ I want in my life or in my sister’s healing journey. Which is why this morning, I asked myself, Is this story I’m telling myself creating better in my world today or is it acting as a barrier to my being fully present with and for her journey through recovery? ‘Cause, though I am not powerful enough to change my sister’s health, the story I tell myself about it all can either strengthen or weaken me. And if the story I’m telling myself is leaving me feeling discombobulated (and it was), helpless,or as happens in other situations, like a victim or loser, there is only person who can change it. Me.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, particularly in those moments where you’re feeling like the victim of someone else’se bad behaviour or like life is ganging up on you or those you love, “What story am I telling myself about what’s going on?”

Each of us narrates our life’s journey, often casting ourselves in specific roles – the hero, the victim, or even the villain. These stories are more than mere reflections; they actively shape our reality, influencing our emotions, decisions, and interactions with others, as well as how we feel about ourselves..

Our personal narratives are a tapestry woven from our experiences, beliefs, and emotions. They are intricate and deeply personal, often rooted in our earliest memories. These stories provide a sense of identity and continuity, offering a framework through which we view the world and our place in it.

While these narratives can be empowering, they can also be limiting. When we cast ourselves as perpetual victims or unacknowledged heroes, we might find ourselves trapped in patterns of behavior that prevent personal growth. Our stories might justify feelings of resentment, anger, or sadness, holding us back from forgiveness, empathy, or change.

The first step to reshaping our story is recognizing its existence and influence. This requires introspection and honesty. What roles do we often assign ourselves? How do these roles affect our relationships and choices? Are we stuck in a narrative that no longer serves us?

Once we recognize our narrative patterns, we have the power to rewrite them. This doesn’t mean denying our past or our feelings. Instead, it’ involves reframing’s an invitation to reframe our experiences in a way that empowers us. What if, instead of the victim, we see ourselves as survivors or even victors? Or, instead of the overlooked hero, we view ourselves as quietly influential?

The most empowering narratives are those where we acknowledge our agency and potential. They are stories where challenges are opportunities for growth, and where our past doesn’t dictate our future. In these narratives, we are neither solely victims nor heroes but complex individuals capable of change and growth.

When we shift our stories, the world around us shifts too. We start responding differently to situations, engaging more positively with others, and opening ourselves to new experiences. A new narrative can lead to a more fulfilling, connected, and joyful life.

What story do you want to tell about yourself? It’s an important question that can lead to transformational growth as long as you remember that you are the author of your narrative. Someone else isn’t writing your life story for you. You are. And, because you are the author of your story, you have the power to edit, to rewrite, and to change the course of your story.

To change your story, checkout what story you’re telling about yourself and the circumstances in your life today, and then, choose a narrative that empowers, inspires, and propels you toward your best life yet. Because, no matter your age, your story won’t change until you decide to change it.

Embracing Resilience in the Midst of Uncertainty

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Recently, I’ve felt disoriented and unfocused, a state spurred by my eldest sister’s critical condition in intensive care. It was a challenging period, filled with uncertainty and worry.

However, as the skies cleared this morning, so did my mind. Although my sister remains in the ICU, still reliant on life support, there are glimmers of hope. Each day brings small improvements, a testament to her resilience, and I find solace in each small sign of her recovery.

In moments like these, I’m reminded of John Lennon’s poignant words, ‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans.’ Indeed, life’s unpredictability often disrupts our carefully laid plans. But, as Saint Benedict wisely advised, the key is to ‘Begin Again.’

Embracing this philosophy, I’m moving forward, starting with updates for those who inquired about my calendars. They’re now available for shipping. You can order through PayPal HERE or, for eTransfer orders, please send me an email specifying the quantity, and I’ll forward an e-invoice. Thank you for your support!

Returning to ‘regular programming’, I had an interesting conversation during my morning walk in the park. A fellow dog-walker commented on how well I wear my age. It sparked a thought about age and aging and what each age looks like. Firstly, I honestly don’t know what 70 ‘should’ look like. The second is: Is there a ‘right’ way to age? Can we age ‘wrong’?

The fact is, age is not like going out to by a new pair of shoes which, if they don’t fit, you try another size. Age is simply a measure of our time on this planet, nothing more, nothing less.

What truly matters is how we infuse our moments with life and love. Each word, deed, and thought should reflect this. At any age, living life fully means embracing self-love and kindness. This self-love creates ripples of positivity, impacting the world around us.

So, here’s a loving thought I hope you carry forward into your day today — No matter what life brings, cherish and celebrate every moment. Every moment is an opportunity to begin again, to love yourself fully, to appreciate the road before you, with its many bumps and twists and turns, its darkness, shadows and light, and, to embrace each day, each step, each moment, with love, joy and gratitude.

Namaste

The unmagical costs of Magical Thinking

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No. 37 – #ShePersisted Series – https://louisegallagher.ca/shepersisted/

Magical thinking weaves a persuasive spell, enchanting us into believing that the imprudent or harmful might just be perfectly fine. Indeed, magical thinking is a common thread in the tapestry of human psychology, varying in intensity from one individual to another. Nonetheless, irrespective of its strength, it seldom conjures the improvement or abundance we seek in our lives.

Several weeks ago, I confronted my magical thinking head-on— it’s the kind of magical thinnking that nudges me to indulge in things that seem okay but are not so wise according to plain old common sense. The battlefront? My closet, where I made the tough decision to part with several pairs of beloved shoes.

These weren’t just any shoes. They were the kind that transformed my appearance, elongating my legs (a feat only heels can accomplish) and perfectly completing certain ensembles. However, the stark reality is, the cost of looking good was simply too high. The heels exacerbated the arthritis in my feet, leading to pain that could steal my sleep and leave me tossing and turning, my feet pulsating with discomfort.

In a moment of clarity (and what felt like a whole lot of bravery) I donated a bag full of these beautiful shoes. But in a lapse back into my magical thinking, I held onto a couple of pair. I told myself they were the exception. Perhaps I’d wear them only occasionally or just for brief periods.

Who was I kidding?

I’ve learned that “if the shoe fits” doesn’t mean I should wear it—not when it costs me my well-being. For me, magical thinking lays at the sole of painful feet.

The question in Episode 38 of my Dare Boldly: No matter your age series is— where does magical thinking cloud your judgment? Where does it lure you into making choices that might feel good momentarily but ultimately do you harm?

For me, surrendering these shoes was a tangible step towards prioritizing my health over vanity. Beyond just physical items, it’s a metaphor for any aspect of life where we may hold onto harmful patterns simply because they feel good or fit an image we want to project.

What is your version of the shoes you need to give away? What are you willing to change to protect yourself from the seductive yet harmful embrace of magical thinking?

Dare Boldly: No Matter Your Age — Take 2

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This woman appeared as the November woman for last year’s She Dares Boldly calendar which I’m using to emphasize the quote the muse awoke this morning to go with this post: Woven into the tapestry of life’s highs and lows, a woman’s essence blooms, as vibrant as roses intertwined with wings of change.

It’s been quite some time—over a year, in fact—since I last contributed a video to my Dare Boldly: No Matter Your Age video series. The last episode was last year on October 22.

As my birthday looms on the horizon, however, and as I delve deeper into the complexities of aging within our youth-centric society, I find myself reflecting on the significance of raising our voices. There is immeasurable value in every woman’s story as we collectively embark on this crucial journey, learning to embrace bravery and boldness at any stage of life.

The reminder about the series however, came yesterday evening when I had the pleasure of meeting with a remarkable group of women, all members of Calgary’s longest-running women’s book club. Established in 1976, this group convenes ten times a year to engage in thoughtful discussions about the selected book of the month. Notably, one of the attendees has been a dedicated member since the club’s inception.

These women are not only avid readers, but also independent thinkers—progressive, reflective, and deeply curious about life’s myriad questions, contradictions, and possibilities.

I am honored to have been invited as the guest speaker for their annual Christmas gathering at the end of November. Last night’s meeting served a dual purpose: to discuss my upcoming presentation and their expectations, and to provide me an opportunity to familiarize myself with them prior to addressing the larger group. This larger assembly comprises seven book clubs, each with ten members, totaling seventy women representing a diverse range of ages.

The founding group, with whom I had the pleasure of meeting, consists of women who, like me, are gracefully navigating the complexities of being a woman of a ‘certain’ age. Together, we have created homes, forged careers, and nurtured our families. We have embraced the joys and challenges of becoming grandmothers and, for some of us, taken on the significant responsibilities of caring for partners and parents.

Like my own journey, their lives have been marked by love both found and lost, by the profound grief of losing loved ones, and by the courage to embark on new beginnings. We have navigated endings and weathered life’s fluctuating highs and lows, all while striving to deepen our understanding of our true selves. In the process, we have learned to live authentically, remaining steadfast to our core values and our shared humanity.

As I departed from our meeting, having shared a glimpse of what I plan to discuss later this month, I was profoundly moved by the richness and fullness of these women’s lives. Each individual is fascinating in her own right, and together, they form a captivating and vibrant collective. Many of these women have been part of this book club for several years, fostering a circle characterized by intimacy, companionship, and mutual support.

My friend, who kindly recommended me as this year’s Christmas bash speaker, took a moment to tell the group about my video series, “Dare Boldly: No Matter Your Age.”

This interaction served as both a reminder and an invitation, prompting me to set up my lights and camera this morning to record the 37th episode of the series.

Stop. Breathe Deep. Sink.

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I get stuck sometimes in that space between, “I want to… and I can’t be bothered to…”

It’s as if the cosmos are misaligned and I wander in the netherland between planets orbiting in balanced harmony and bouncing around the skies in seemingly discordant chaos.

So many ideas swirling in my head. So many thoughts jumbling around in my brain I forget to Stop. Breathe deep. Sink into my pelvic bowl to feel the wonder and harmony of being embodied in the present moment.

My eldest daughter suggests my flittering-like butterfly thoughts are a symptom of ADHD.

Phillip Shepherd of The Embodied Present Process suggests it’s our western cultural bias to being headstrong versus whole-body connected within nature.

I think it’s a life-long habit of immersing myself in a project and then, coming up to breathe and allowing myself to simply be carried along by life’s undulating waves until I realized I’m untethered from gravity’s calming grace and remember to Stop. Breathe Deep. Sink.

Unfortunately, sometimes my brain-wanderings are more about diversion than anything else. In those times, I allow my brain, okay if I’m being totally honest and vulnerable here, my critter-mind, to have control. Abdicating all personal responsibility for how I spend my leisure/creative time, I flit between reading a book to concocting something in the kitchen or dousing myself in trash Netflix watching just to while away the time.

There is a Latin phrase, “Plenus venter non studet libenter” which, translated, means, A full belly does not study.

I think the same is true for a contented life, as in, A contented life does not want. Which by the way, translated into Latin reads, “Contentus vita non vis”. (Thank you Dr. Google)

I know! It carries so much more veritas et gravitas in Latin!

Regardless of which language I say it in, for me, contentment can be the enemy of creativity.

Now, that is something I wasn’t actually aware of until this morning when I started writing about this creatively slumped state in which I find myself picking at different project ideas and not settling on one.

Time to Stop. Breathe deep. Sink.

Time to listen deeply to my deep inner knowing, allowing the words written in the Bhagvad Gita, “Curving back within myself, I create again and again,” to stir my belly-conscious awareness of my creative essence’s drive to be present within nature’s constant presence.

Time to release my creative urgings, without placing limits, expectations or conditions on my expressions.

And oh gosh! It’s time to turn off Netflix and Prime and Acorn and tune into myself and allow the muse to draw me deep within.

And so, I Stop. Breathe Deep. Sink – Curve back and begin again.

How to reach the stars.

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On Friday’s post, a commenter mentioned how wanting something too much affects their balance.

I share that feeling.

Except for me, it isn’t so much about balance as it is about fear. I have long known that I have difficulties with ‘trust’. The biggest piece being ‘trusting the universe’ It’s as if within me is this critter voice hissing “don’t tell the world your dreams or even put them down on paper and whatever you do, don’t wish for something too hard! The universe will do its best to push you down if you do.”

I didn’t say it was rational. It just is what it is.

The trick is to be conscious of its irrational and non-supportive nature. In my awareness, I breathe through the fear of being pummeled by the universe so that I am free to do what needs to be done to create a world of beauty, joy, love and laughter all around me.

Again, not trusting the universe ain’t rational. It is a learned behavioral response/thought that does not serve me well. Its genesis is buried deep in my psyche, formed when I was a child trying to cope with a world I did not understand, and a religious upbringing that had me fearing ‘god’ as an angry deity seeking to smoke and destroy those who disobeyed him.

Which is why I write about it.

In writing about it I get to see it, acknowledge it and laugh about it.

I mean, seriously? I think I’m so important to the universe that my wanting to reach the stars of my own dreams would cause it to direct the furies against me?

LOL — I am not that important nor powerful for the universe to change course.

What is important is that I play the leading character at centre stage of my own life – something I’ve struggled with for eons!

This is why it’s so important for me to care deeply about my limiting beliefs that have the capacity to keep me playing small in my own life.

None of us can afford to play small in our own lives.

The universe is going to keep doing what it does to keep the planets in orbit. We each need to do whatever we can to keep our lives growing and evolving and becoming our own special version of life on planet earth.

We need to play as large and loud and joyously as we can. We need to reach for the stars within our own dreams. Topple mountains standing in our way and soar above petty fears seeking to keep us playing safe in mediocrity.

To reach the stars of our own dreams, we must let go of the fears that keep us stuck in believing we don’t deserve to shine bright.

To let go of the fears, we must give ourselves permission to acknowledge our fears and breathe through them.

To breathe through our fears, we must be willing to both laugh at ourselves and be our own biggest cheerleaders.

And, to shine bright, we must never stop believing in ourselves, our dreams, and our right to reach for the stars, no matter our age!

Never stop growing and exploring

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Episode 36 – Dare Boldly: No matter your age

On Sunday night, we were 13 gathered around our dining room table for a late Thanksgiving dinner.

I’d spent three days immersed in prep. From creating the menu, painting name cards for everyone, and baking two different cakes, setting the table, and preparing all the fixings. I had fun!

For me, the kitchen is one of my happy zones. People often laugh at me when I tell them this is the first time I’ve made the dish I’ve made that I am setting before them.

“Isn’t that risky? What if it fails?” is often the response.

Fact is, I love experimenting with new recipes (I quickly grow bored of making the same thing again and again) and… most recipes can be saved before hitting the failure button.

This weekend, both cakes I made, along with two different veggie dishes, were new to me. All four came out well — though I did have to rescue the cauliflower from blah to ensure it pleased the palate of all our guests.

In my book, stretching out of my comfort zone, experimenting with new ideas, learning new things is critical to living a rich and full life, no matter my age.

For example, recently, I started learning new video editing software. Ouch! It’s professional software versus the semi-professional one I am accustomed to. My mind is boggled with all the options, processes, and opportunities to create film magic. It is a slow, arduous process of reading directions, following along in videos, figuring out what works and doesn’t work, making mistakes, losing my edits, and starting all over again.

It’s frustrating and invigorating.

It takes me an inordinately long time to do something I could easily do on my old software in a quarter of the time.

But, every moment I spend learning the new software is time spent stretching my brain, my thinking capacities, my memory muscles, my ability to learn and grow.

And all of that is healthy for me.

I think it’s one of the big takeaways for me in having spent the past month writing and thinking about aging well. We can’t stop doing, thinking, creating, being all of who we are.

We all have many gifts, talents, and unexplored creative terrain. The key to getting older without getting old is to always keep pushing into the unknown territory of our limitless capacity to continually be creating better with everything we think, do, and say as we become ‘the more’ of who we are becoming.

Namaste

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Why Change Now?

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I think one of the most challenging aspects of aging is the growing awareness that our one last breath is drawing nearer with every breath we take. By perforce, that awareness embodies the realization that time is fleeting. It passes quickly – and there’s less time to do the things we want to accomplish, to achieve our dreams, to heal relationships, to change directions – to step joyfully into whatever we see before us.

That pressure of time passing can act as both a deterrent or motivator to making change happen in our lives.

Sometimes, we can fall into the habit of acting out on our belief there’s no point in doing anything. We don’t have enough time to make change happen and we’re too old anyway. Our acting out looks like inaction — but the act of thinking about doing nothing is action in and of itself.

When we choose to believe every breath matters and every breath is an opening into wonder and awe, the possibility of our taking active, committed and passionate steps towards whatever it is we want to achieve or do overrides time’s insistence we keep watch of each passing minute, without doing anything else.

I like to multi-task. Keeping watch of time motivates me to keep doing the things I want to do to add richness, variety, excitement, joy, mystery, wonder and awe into my life.

I’ve lived most of my life like that. Why change now?

Don’t look back now.

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When I taught skiing, I would tell students that the whole process began with their feet. They needed to ground into their feet, feel the soles of their feet inside their socks and their boots and then move up through their body — always remembering to be grounded into their feet.

When moving, the objective was to not watch the tips of their skis but to be scanning the route – 3 turns ahead (particularly when going fast through the moguls)

The reason for scanning ahead was to be constantly assessing the terrain, where to turn, where to adapt, where to make adjustments for changes in snow, steepness etc.

If you want to look backwards, I’d tell them. Learn to ski backwards. 🙂

What made me think of this yesterday as I was walking with Beau along the river was the fact I was navigating the rocky shore and noticed my eyes were on my feet and the very next rock in front of me. Remember my ‘3 turn’ teaching, I lifted my eyes a bit and scanned the rocks in front of me, constantly looking out for the best path through.

It worked. Rather than being slow, cumbersome and uber cautious, I moved wiht more agility and grace across the rocks.

Like life.

If we spend too much time looking behind, we get stuck in yesterday.

If we forget to scan the terrain around us, we lose our agility because we’re so focussed on each step we miss how each step is connected to the next and risk being taken by surprise by obstacles along our way.

If we look too far into future, we don’t see the beauty along our way.

The older we get, the closer the end of our story draws near. The secret to living each moment fully is to not focus on the ending but the beauty, love, wonder and awe along our way, keeping ourselves grounded always in the beautiful friendships, connections, memories we’ve made on our journey.

That’s the beauty of memories. We carry them with us. And those that do not add joy, harmony, love and peace to our lives, we are free to let go and move on free of their burden.

Fear or Courage – Which will you choose?

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A question often asked in many personal development courses is, “What is your greatest fear?”

I don’t know what mine is. I can imagine it. Like I fear losing my loved ones. I fear losing the use of my limbs, not being able to type, not being able to read.”

For a few tenuous moments this morning, that particular fear of not being able to read felt a little more real than usual. I woke up, put on my glasses, picked up my phone to do WORDLE and it all look a tad blurry.

What?

And then I checked my glasses.

They were a very old pair. Far to weak for my eyes today.

Ahhhh….. Whew! No wonder everything was blurry.

My eyesight was quickly remedied and I carried on.

But it got me thinking about how fear limits my experience of what is real and true and beautiful in my life in this moment. Fear traps me in darkness.

So, how do we avoid letting fear drive us into our limiting beliefs that end up liminting our full joyful appreciation of life?

We let courage draw us out and into living on the wild side, living as if time is not ‘the enemy’ but our co-conspirator in creating the life we dream of, the life we want, the life we deserve.

That’s my plan.

To be drawn by courage into complete, wild self-expression of my true self coming alive, becoming all of me with every breath I take.

What about you? Do you have a plan? Do you have a clear intention of how you want to, will, age?

I hope so.

And I hope you share your thoughts. You inspire me!