Tag Archives: making a difference

When I shift, everything shifts.

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Day 68 of consciously choosing to notice what it means and what it takes to make a difference in the world.

The lessons are simple.

It begins with me. My I Statement.

I am the difference I want to create in the world.

Making a difference requires Commitment.

Commit to your Be. Do. Have.

Focus on your Intention — how do you want to BE in the world.

Move through Attention — where will you focus your efforts on your DOing — what am I willing to DO to create what I want in the world

Find fulfillment of your vision in No Tension — that state of being where you HAVE balance and harmony in your being and doing what you want more of in the world. That place where you know, the Universe is on your side. The Universe is with you, for you, supporting you because it is in the best interests of the Universe that each of us shine.

Stay your path. The Path is the Way.

On Valentine’s Day I gave my beloved the gift of a poem a day for 14 days. I thought it was simple gift that would speak to him of my heart and love. I thought he would enjoy it. No expectations, I said. No need to respond. I’m sending you these poems as a gift. (He is currently living 500 km away and we only see each other every second weekend.)

I lied (didn’t mean to but I did have expectations).

I had lots and lots of expectations! And I let him know it. Even sent him ‘the script’ I’d written on day three about how he should be responding — you know, by my rules and all that. Naturally, his response was not all that ummm, positive.

I regrouped. Took a breath. Acknowledged I did have expectations and my expectations were pushing up against his natural resistance to my expectations. I wanted to quit. To pack up my words in a huff and take to the silent path of poutiness.

I remembered my desire to make a difference in his heart.

I began again where I was.

Always begin again.

I kept sending the poems. Every day. Dipping into that loving place where I write my heart out without expectation of the outcome.

What a difference.

We’re now on Day 30 and the process of writing of love every morning has changed where we are in our relationship. Everything has shifted. Intimacy has deepened. Openness has expanded. Togetherness has aligned.

When I shift, everything shifts.

That simple decision to write a poem a day has made a difference.

Sticking to it, even when the road got muddy, has made a difference.

When I shifted my expectations away from ‘what I want’ to accepting what is, everything was made different.

I’m now working on an online course to inspire others to engage in a similar process.

You make your Difference.

 

Have you told yourself today that ‘it doesn’t matter’. My difference doesn’t count. Nobody cares. Nobody gets ‘me’. Have you asked yourself, “What’s the point?” “Why bother?”

Shift.

Shift your perspective and know, when you shift, everything shifts.

We can all make a difference. It just takes shifting our perspective and opening up to what is without expectation it be any different than what it is.

Sometimes, all it takes to make a difference in the world is to commit to doing something different.

We are each the difference we seek to create in the world. Letting go and flying free of expectations gives us room to explore the space between where we’re at and what is being created in our difference.

Namaste.

 

 

Engage in the creation of beauty

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A new week. A new day. A new opportunity to make a difference.

It happens everyday. Every moment of every day. And something I’m learning through this process of being conscious of what it means to make a difference is that — being requires action.

Several people have commented to me that ‘you make a difference on blogs everyday Louise.’ Thank you — Fact is, the difference isn’t that I turn up and be present in this white space. It is that I consciously fill this white space with my best with my creative intention to inspire.

My presence, your presence, in the world makes a difference by our being here. Air is displaced. We create ripples of energy as we move through time and space. the challenge is — to ensure the energy we extend to the world is the kind of difference we want to see in the world.

I did an experiment on my walk with Ellie yesterday. We took the paved trail as the off-pavement trail was extremely mucky. As we walked east, I spied a crumbled up kleenex on the path. I only had one bag so I decided to leave the kleenex until our return — and also, to see if anyone else picked it up. We passed several people going in the opposite direction as Ellie and I continued eastward. When we turned around and came back, the kleenex was still there. Bless them. Forgive me. (you know I was thinking not all nice things about those who passed the garbage by…)

This isn’t about those who missed the garbage. It’s about, once again, the action I took to ‘make a difference’. My choice. My decision.

The beauty when we take action is that we create a difference for others to experience and enjoy (there’s that ripple). Absolutely no one will know what I did. And it doesn’t matter. It isn’t about others knowing. It’s about what I’m doing to be the difference I want to create in the world. To have left the kleenex would have made a difference — just not in the direction I want to go.

There is no stasis in being present in the world — we are constantly evolving, always moving towards or away from what we want to create. I want to create a world of beauty — to actively engage in my creation, I must take action, constantly to be actively engaged in creating beauty in the world around me. And that includes picking up garbage.

Ask yourself today — what am I willing to do to create the kind of world I want to live in?

And then, consciously look for opportunities to be engaged in its creation.

Namaste.

Let’s be purposeful.

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Ellie recognizes him from afar. She begins to tug on her leash and whine in anticipation. She’s a strong girl Ellie, even though she’s getting on in years. She’s strong and pulls on the leash, pleading with me to go faster.

When we reach him, he is smiling. Laughing and just as eager as Ellie to connect.

Ellie does her dance of “Oh thank goodness. Finally, someone to pay attention to me. You know she beats me. She keeps me locked in a dark room all by myself. She never feeds me (that one’s a little harder to belief given her bulk — though all of it is hard to believe come to think of it. She’s far too friendly and welcoming to be as hard done by as the picture she likes to pain to strangers.)

Except, this man is no longer really a stranger. We’ve passed eachother on the walk for many months. Though, we’ve missed seeing him and his wife for the past two or three months. He mentions it.

“We thought you might have gone south,” he says as he rubs Ellie’s ears. “Or perhaps something had happened to the old girl.”

And I told him how I’d re-jigged my walking time now that I’m working from home. We laughed and chatted and parted ways and I was reminded again how simple it is to make a difference when we walk through the world conscious of the fact, We are All Connected.

Connecting with this man, his wife wasn’t feeling well yesterday, and spending just a few moments sharing little tidbits of our lives, lightened both our days. We parted, our smiles big and the world looked less lonely, less intimidating.

On my drive home, I passed a woman pushing a baby in her stroller. She passed a plastic bag trapped against the trunk of a tree, stopped, picked it up and stuffed it into the bottom of her stroller.

I saw a young man helping an older woman navigate the curb with her shopping cart.

And I smiled again.

What an amazing world we live in. Sure, there turbulence and strife also abound in this great big world of ours, but, there is also beauty. Imagine what kind of world it would be if today, each of us chose to do one thing that made a difference.

Smile at a stranger. Pick up garbage we spy on the sidewalk, help a stranger.

Just imagine what a ripple of change we would create.

Why not try it? Purposefully step out into your day and chose to do one small thing to make a difference. Something you don’t normally do. And, if you spy someone else making a difference, make sure you acknowledge them and the difference they made. I promise you. You’ll be making a big difference in the world today!

Chance encounters make a difference

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She was there at the end of the trail, where dirt meets concrete. Standing in the sunlight, her bike leaning up against the bench that overlooks the river valley below. It was our second encounter.

“Hey!” she called out as Ellie and I exited the trailhead onto the sidewalk leading back to the parking lot. “So nice to see you again. Isn’t it beautiful?”

And it was. A perfect winter afternoon. Not cold. Temperature hovering around freezing. Bright sunshine spilling shadows across the snow.

We chatted for a few moments and then she exclaimed. “Know what I’m going to do when I get home?” She didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “I’ve got a lawn chair on my front lawn. We face south. I’m going to take my tea and sit in my chair, I’ll stay dressed up in my outer clothes of course,” and in the same breath, she swept one arm down her brown and red ski suit and kept going. “And I’m going to sit there. Only,” she paused, her bright blue eyes squinting at me, “I’m not sure what to do while I’m sitting there. What do you think I should do? Any suggestions.”

I didn’t really have any suggestions. I was enthralled with this stream of dialogue from a stranger. Enthralled with the beauty of the day.

She didn’t wait for an answer. “You know the neighbours might look at me funny sitting out there in winter. What do you think?” And then she proceeded to tell me about a bedroom that her son had just vacated which she didn’t want to turn into a bedroom again and had a beautiful dresser and… Finally, she took a breath.

“Why do you need a reason to sit out in the sunshine on your front lawn at any time of year?” I asked.

She chortled at my question. “It’s such a habit,” she exclaimed. “Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I’m going to go do it and not worry about what I should be doing doing nothing!” and she hopped on her bike and took off down the trail, her cheery, “Wonderful to chat with you. Hope I see you again!” drifting back towards me.

I smiled. What a perfect encounter.

And when I got home, I grabbed my journal, a pen, a cup of tea, and a blanket to wrap myself in and sat on the back deck, soaking up the afternoon sun, listening to the birds in the bushes and writing myself out onto the page.

In that encounter, I was made different. In that encounter with a stranger, I was inspired to enjoy the moment, to sink into the sunshine and simply be, present.

I met a woman on the trail yesterday. She made a difference.

Namaste.

and… there’s more to the story… visit me at Recover Your Joy to find out all about snow angels and other divine happenings.

Stop Judging

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I had coffee with a dear friend yesterday, one of my oldest here in this city. I needed his guidance on something and he gladly offered up his time.

As we sat and talked and laughed and shared our hopes and dreams and challenges I was struck by how much we have both been ‘made different’ through this friendship.

My friend is pragmatic. He can always serve up a dour perspective on life and the economy, on government’s and social movements that states, ‘we are all going to hell in a handbasket’. In his pragmatic approach I have learned to listen to and honour another perspective, to hear another’s voice with awe and gratitude. And in that hearing, I let go of criticism, and the need to change the other to my point of view and open up to learning and growing on the common ground of respect for one another.

I am less pragmatic, taking a more Pollyanna approach to life and living. I want him to see the goodness in all mankind, the possibility of ‘better’, the imperative of kindness and letting people be their experiences while ensuring no one dies on our streets. His response has generally been, “Then let them experience cleaning up, getting a job, getting on with life. It’s not a free-ride.”

When I worked at the homeless shelter, I struggled to convince him to see the world of homelessness through my eyes. And he resisted my insistence he was wrong to view the world his way. Go figure. Over time, I quit insisting he see it my way by admitting the errors of his way, and moved into a place where his way had equal voice. And in that shift, everything shifted. We were both made different. We both let go of our intransigent views and opened up to the possibilities of another way — another way that lead to the building of common ground for the mutual benefit of all. Where once the line was drawn and we could not cross the barriers of our convictions, the light has filtered in, creating softness in those places where once only hard rock theories abounded.

To make a difference in the world I must let go of my insistence that my way is the only way. Years ago, while healing from an abusive relationship that almost cost me my life, I asked my therapist, “If I’m an experiential learner, why is it I need such big experiences to get to where I want to be?”

And he replied, “There were a thousand paths you could have taken. This just happens to be the one you took. Accept where you’re at and stop judging the journey. Where you’re at is where you’re at. Period.”

To make a difference in the world I must stop judging where others are at and find the common ground of where we all live in a world where everyone has value and every point of view creates a world we can live in without fear.

 

 

Made different

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As I drove along a sideroad to the main thoroughfare on my way back from a meeting yesterday, a man and his dog stood at an unmarked intersection waiting for a break in traffic so that they could cross. I stopped. Motioned for the man to cross.  The man waved, smiled broadly and ran across the road, his dog, leaping and running on his four short legs beside the man, his face turned up to follow every move of his master. I smiled back as I watched and kept smiling as I drove away. They were a picture of joy and their joy entered my heart.

And in that brief interaction where the paths of two strangers intersected, gratitude descended and we were both ‘made different’.

It’s easy to be ‘made different’ in a day. Simply watch for moments where simple gestures that say, “I see you. I honour your presence.” open up, providing you an opportunity to acknowledge someone else’s presence.

Like in a coffee shop when you move to the counter to put a lid on your container and someone else approaches at the same time. Smile. Make eye-contact. Step back, make room for a stranger. Smile again.

Like when entering a revolving door and someone approaches at the same time. Smile. Make eye-contact.  Step back, make room for a stranger. Smile again.

Like when walking down the street and a stranger or a panhandler approaches. Smile. Make eye-contact — no matter your decision to give or not. Smile. Say “Hello.”

It is so easy to go through our day and not ‘see’, really see the people around us. Yet, in those moments of grace where we acknowledge their presence, when we say through a simple smile, “I see you. I honour your presence on my path.”, we too receive the gift of being present, being visible in someone else’s life. We too are ‘made different’ in that moment of connection.

I stopped to let a man and his dog cross the road yesterday and in that moment I was ‘made different’. My heart filled with joy and I carried my smile openly for the rest of my drive home.

Committing acts of service

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Last month, Ted Osler, one of the partners at Six Degrees, an audio, music recording studio here in the city, offered to record the one page story I’ve written on Joanne, a young 17 year old girl who was murdered several years ago. Joanne was in the process of leaving street life behind when she made a decision that cost her life. We are telling Joanne’s, and other stories of women murdered on the streets in the project, and My Name is… which the planning committee is currently in the throes of defining, creating, organizing.

When I went to the studio for the recording session of the story, Andrea Wettstein, the composer and voice coach we were working with, became interested in the project enough that she asked to be involved. Yesterday, she came to the meeting with me and will continue to volunteer her energy and talents towards moving it forward. Six Degrees has offered to stay involved as well as we continue to prepare for the official launch of the project this fall.

It is the selfless giving of organizations like Six Degrees, city employees like Beth and Dawn, Jody, Rebecca, Quyen in the Arts & Culture Department who go beyond the call of duty to ensure Calgary’s cultural essence continues to thrive and individuals like Andrea and Helen and Sue and Bev and Jane and all the police working with us to create the substance behind each voice in and My Name is…, that great acts of service are committed in the world, everyday.

If you volunteer, whether it be your time, talents, treasures or the resources of your organization, I invite you to take a moment today and say, ‘You’re welcome world’. Acknowledging what you do as a volunteer, honouring your contributions is as important as honouring the contributions of others. Your willingness to contribute acts of service to the world, makes a difference.

Give yourself a pat on the back today — you deserve it and the universe deserves your gifts.

Namaste.

A different POV

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Yesterday, I chatted with a friend who is building his own website. What do you think? he asked. Please give me feedback.

I hesitated. Did he really want to hear what I thought? And then I remembered —  I am not responsible for what he does with feedback. He asked for help. I can help him with an open heart, giving my perspective without being attached to the outcome. I can lovingly allow him the grace to find where my feedback fits, or doesn’t, within his mind/being/doing. I gave him my feedback. Looking at his edits, he valued his own efforts to create ‘his best’ by hearing with an open mind suggestions from a different POV (point of view).

Yesterday I received an email from a friend whom I had invited to join me in a project I’m involved with. She wrote back to say she wasn’t comfortable with the underlying message she perceived in the materials I sent. I meditated on her feedback and realized — her feedback had great value, her words resonated. By including the broader message she suggested, the project will have greater depth, a deeper vision and will ultimately, be more healing for everyone involved. I made changes.  I appreciate the difference she made by speaking her truth with a loving heart.

Disagreement does not equal rejection.

Often, when we first hear ‘criticism’, our minds leap to defending our position. Criticism/feedback/other POVs make a difference. To find the value in other perspectives, we need to be open to receive, without giving back resistance. Sometimes feedback unsettles the status quo, shakes up our perceptions, shifting us to another POV we don’t really want to see because we’re so attached to the one we’ve got.  It is from that ‘other’ POV however,  that the difference can become a force for change. For, when we shift our perspectives, when we broaden our POV and see possibilities through eyes that are not limited by the belief, this is the only way it can be, we open up the pathways to communicating our vision, to engaging people and ideas in ways we never before imagined.

Sometimes, the difference comes in our willingness to be open to feedback without closing in on resistance.

And always, the biggest difference I can make is to turn up, pay attention, speak my truth (in love) and stay unattached to the outcome. And to listen to other’s with a loving heart.

May your day be filled with the wonder of different perspectives opening up your eyes to new possibilities.

Namaste.

‘.

Making a Difference: Cyber-communities (Guest Blog)

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I first met CZ almost nine years ago in an internet forum for survivors of abuse and encounters of the narcissistic and psychopathic kind. She was witty, wise, articulate and oh so real. Her generosity of spirit helped hundreds and hundreds of men and women heal from the wounds of battle in relationships of the not so very nice kind.

When MSN changed its forum template and CZ set off to explore the world of building her own sites. She knew how vital and important these sharing and caring spaces were for people coming out from under the web of deceit psychopaths and narcissists wove into their lives. She knew she needed to keep making a difference if people were to find healing and peace in the past.

Her efforts gave birth to her website:  The Narcissistic Continuum and several blogs including the Web of Narcissism (WON) Forum. Her efforts and generosity of spirit have also given birth to a friendship that I value and treasure, even though we’ve never met, in person. After 9 years of online sharing and emails, I know CZ is an amazing Woman of Worth. A real WOW!

Thank you CZ for sharing your brilliance here and thank you for all you to do make a difference in the world everyday. Your difference shines!

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Making a Difference:  Cyber-communities  

by CZ

Feigning remorse he said, “Sorry to steal your best years by leaving when you’re old.” Feigning dignity I replied, “Don’t even kid yourself. You didn’t get my best years. You got my worst.”

It was a turning point for me, this brief exchange between two people who had married at nineteen…divorcing at fifty. I had been skydiving black holes for months, free falling into hopelessness. That is how it felt being disconnected from the comfort of a thirty-four year marriage, the reassurance of family ties, the grace of worth transferred, even in the pretense of love.

In case I didn’t hear him the first time, he repeated, “Stealing…best years…you’re old,” and I don’t know what happened to me! I don’t. Something deep inside myself refused to believe his words. Something inside myself said, “You are a daughter of God!” I know this sounds dramatic, even romantic; yet to me, it was divine intervention. A grounding realization that no one is replaceable, not even a housewife. No one is worthless, not even an unemployed, replaced housewife. My life had value and meaning, perhaps even more so with age. This sure knowledge affirmed that each of us has a purpose to serve in the web of life. And our service to others needn’t be spectacular or newsworthy. In fact, anonymity might serve me well.

My soon-to-be-x-husband left for his self-determined future, fame and fortune sure to be his claim. Instead of focusing on him, I focused on me, connecting the repetitive themes of my life from one maturing decade to another. I hadn’t placed much value on my traditional skills, my community-building-and-serving-others skills. I didn’t even think of my self as having skills. Building intimate relationships is what I learned as a girl. Ho-hum, who cares, don’t all women do that? I had matured into a woman with an open door for teen-agers in need of a surrogate mom (just as goodly women provided for my rebel teens); a woman with casseroles and jell-o, cushy armchairs and china teacups, less worried about my hair than community welfare.

An older woman with an eye out for people in trouble, people in need. A woman who listened. A woman who cared. I had done my preparatory work creating a meaningful, connected life. It was time to put my skills to greater use organizing a healing community. I needed a website, a living room, and a keyboard.

Each morning (I won’t add “at the crack of dawn” because sometimes I get up at the “crack of noon”), I log in to the Web of Narcissism and connect with people who are suffering, people who have lost everything including self-respect. They feel broken and powerless, humiliated and vulnerable. But I know they are stronger than they feel, more valuable than they realize, more worthy than they believe.

I trust in the power of human connections to heal our wounds simply by listening and talking with one another. Chit-chatting. Tete-a-tete-ing. Being honest about our lives. Keeping it real. So, I serve cyber-tea in china cups in lovely chintz-covered cyber-living rooms and wait for the healing to begin—a most natural process, indeed.

Shhhhhhh…listen. Do you hear the chattering of an Internet message board? If you do, look carefully. You are witnessing the mystery of lives unfolding. Their best is yet to be.

The difference when I stop, look and listen

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I am standing by the Navel Orange bin, focused on picking just the right ones when I feel someone watching me. I look up and see a man, walking towards me, his eyes focused intently on my face. I recognize him as he approaches. Smile and give him a wave.

“I know you,” he says, the rubber stopper on the bottom of his multi-coloured metallic cane making a soft thump as he plants himself in beside me. “Why do I know you?”

I know him from the homeless shelter where I used to work.

In a public place like a grocery store, it’s not always caring of the other to tell them that.

“I was the spokesperson for the DI (the street name for the shelter where I used to work),” I tell him. “I was on television a lot. Maybe you recognize my face from there?”

He gives his head a quick shake from side to side. Then nods it up and down. “Yeah. That’s why I remember you. You were one of the nice ones.” He pauses, lifts his cane and thumps it on the ground. Not loudly. Just a gentle statement of fact to punctuate his words. “I didn’t like it there. Who could? Full of drunks and drug addicts. And the staff…”

He looks away.

“Glad I’m out of there now.” He finishes his statement and looks me in the eyes. “I’m gone you know.”

“So am I,” I tell him. “How are you doing?”

And he rushes into a story about an accident that broke his hip. A two month hospital stay. A landlord who ripped him off and a host of other sad events that have brought him down.

And  I listen. It is all I do. Listen. Deeply.

It is what he needs. Someone to listen to him. To give him space to give voice to his pain, his fears, his sorrow. And, his possibilities.

“I worked construction you know,” he tells me. “That’s over with now. But I can cook. Got a friend who’s got a friend who owns a restaurant that’s just opening up. Gonna go submit my resume. You could come visit if you want.” And he gives me the approximate location of the restaurant. “I can’t remember the name. But I’m sure you can’t miss it. It’s the pub right beside the gas station.”

I tell him that I’ll definitely drop by sometime over the next few weeks. Check if he got the job. See how he’s doing.

“What I really need is better housing,” he says. “Someplace where I’m not sharing space with others. I talked to Calgary Housing but their wait list is too long.”

“Have you spoken to the Homeless Foundation?” I ask.

“What’s that?”

And I explain about their housing programs and find a piece of paper and write down their number and pass it to him.

He’s excited. Another path to explore. Another possibility opening up.

And we part and I am grateful for our encounter. He has reminded me of the importance of seeing people. Of honouring the human being through creating space for story-telling to happen, of listening to the stories that are shared with an open mind and loving heart and a belief in the sacredness of the truths that are revealed when we take time to see and listen to the story-tellers.

Thank you John. You made a difference yesterday by giving me the gift of listening on purpose.