Once spoken, words cannot be unspoken.

 

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It is easy to forget the power of words. We hear. We feel. We hurt. We react.

And in between the hearing and our reaction, there are but milliseconds to make a choice. To strike out from our hurting feelings, or make room for our feelings to be heard in a way that creates possibility for deep listening between us and another.

How often have you responded to hurtful words with something like, “You make me so angry.”

In the ‘you make me’, we give away our power. We are holding someone else accountable for our feelings and responses.

What if, instead of giving the other person the power of ‘making’ your feelings, you took a breath and replied, “When I heard you say [that] I felt diminished, invisible, unheard…” Or, “I want to talk about [that] but I can’t hear you when you (yell) (speak with such a harsh, criticising tone) (call me names)… Is there a way you can say what you want to say so that I can hear you? ”

If in that moment it is not possible to speak respectfully, take a break. Walk away and agree to come back at a later time when you are both calmer.

It is never okay for someone to call you names, yell or berate you.

It’s not okay for you to do it to them either.

Creating space for each person to be accountable for their words, and how they speak them, opens up the possibility of communicating at deeper, more respectful and constructive levels.

Our words have the power to pierce like a sunbeam in the dark, illuminating the heart of what is keeping us apart with their power to reveal our truth. When we use our words to stab like a knife, we are cutting away the heart of what brings us together. In the pain of each cut, we grow further and further away from the heart of what is true.

And the first step is to take care with our words. Once spoken, they cannot be unspoken.

Namaste.

 

Are you feeding your dreams daily?

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When I am in the studio, splashing paint and throwing colour onto a blank canvas or journal page, I feel free. Alive. Like a child dancing in a mud puddle. I don’t think about ‘the outcome’. I don’t focus on ‘the process’ or how paint smeared my fingers are or how splattered and unkept my apron looks. I simply do. And in my doing, I trust in the process and trust whatever the outcome, it will be a reflection of my creative expression.

And I am never disappointed.

When I am ‘in’the world out there’, that grown-up space beyond my child-infused wonder of creating, that place where obligations and duty and responsibilities seem at times to be weighing me down, it is all too easy to forget about the abandon of the child. It takes but a blink of my eyes, a slip of my attention to let go of the willingness of the little girl to simply be present in whatever I am doing without fearing outcomes and measurements, balancing acts and bank balances.

My dream is to be ‘in the world out there’ as I am in the studio. Free. Uninhibited. Honest and present, part of the flow of whatever appears before me. Fearless in my pursuit of my dream of giving voice to what is calling itself into creation from within my heart.

And so, I come back to the studio, again and again, to connect with the wonder and awe of my creative expression so that I am reminded, again and again, that I can create ‘in the world out there’, as I am in the studio.

That is my dream. To nurture and nourish my creative expressions into becoming a reflection of my life lived in a garden of life filled beauty and love.

What dreams are calling you? What are you doing to fill the garden of your life with the beauty and wonder and awe of your dreams?

 

 

Forgiveness is a healing grace

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We are human beings who often do things that hurt the ones we love the most. Many years ago I was released by the police from a relationship that was killing me. At the time, my daughters, in their mid teens, did not know where I was for the final 4 months of that relationship. Because of the darkness surrounding me, I wanted desperately to die and waited daily for him to make it come true. And then, the police drove up and took him away and I got the miracle of my life back.

Healing my broken spirit and heart was vital to creating space for my daughters, my family and friends to heal.

It has not always been a straight path, nor an easy path.

There have been times when I have wanted to run from the pain and regret, the sorrow and sadness at having hurt them so badly.

To run away would be a rejection of the miracle of getting my life back. It would be a betrayal greater than his abuse because I would be the one consciously choosing to turn away from the light. In those dark moments when I desperately want to turn my back on the present and return to the past I cannot change, I return once again to forgiveness.

It is my choice to live in the light. To forgive myself so that I can continue to create space for love to flow freely in today. In that space, I find myself breathing easily again, allowing compassion to flow and heal the still broken places I do not see within me and around me.

 

 

Healing is a constant journey of love and forgiveness, love and forgiveness. The ancient scripture of the Bhagavad Gita expresses it beautifully. “Curving back on myself I begin again and again.”

May we all continually curve back on ourselves to begin again and again in forgiveness and love as we find compassion and joy in our daily being.

May we all know we deserve to live in joy and love and peace. May we all have the courage to take the path, no matter where we are in the world, that begins with forgiveness of the things we do to harm each other and block ourselves from knowing love.

In the world around us, may we all allow the grace of forgiveness, so that we can create a world of possibility for love to flow freely between us and all around us.

Namaste.

You gotta show up.

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Outside my kitchen window, a covey of doves sit on a telephone wire, cooing.

I imagine their conversation. Imagine what it is that has caused them to sit morning after morning on that particular wire.

And in my imaginings, I find the essence of my showing up at my kitchen window every morning.

My job is to pay attention so that I am present to the day unfolding, the world outside my window shimmering beneath the soft grey light of an overcast sky. To smell the coffee brewing and hear the click click of Beaumont the Sheepadoodle’s nails on the hardwood as he wanders into the kitchen in search of his breakfast.

Showing up means being present. Being present requires my attention — and in my attention is the essence of bringing all of me into the moment.

My truth in that moment is I am filled with gratitude. For the doves cooing on the wire. The softness of the morning air. The garden flowing with abundance. The sound of the water in the fountain splashing outside the open window.

I am grateful for the moment of reflection. The smell of coffee brewing. The hot milk steaming in the espresso maker. I am grateful for the cow who gave her milk. Grateful for the ethical farmer who raises and cares for her.

I am grateful for the resources to purchase ethically without worrying about the impact of the cost on my budget.

I am grateful for my husband sleeping in our bed. The dreams that stirred my imagination during the night opening doors to possibility.

I am grateful for Marley the Great Cat winding his warm body in and out of my legs as he vies for my attention. I know he is very attached to the outcome of his admonishment to me to pay attention to him. I feed him so he can get over his anxiety at seeing his dish empty when he awoke.

Outside my kitchen window this morning the doves cooed, the garden was filled with bounty and my heart over-flowed with gratitude.

I have no expectation of this day other than that I continue on my path filled with a sense of wonder and awe, seeking to see the magnificence in all I meet, intent on speaking my truth in love and acting with integrity in all I encounter.

I do not know the outcome of what will happen. I do know miracles await in every breath.

I am blessed.

Namaste.

In darkness there is light.

The light shines brightest in the dark, yet often, we see the darkness and forget there is light.

Recently, as I spiralled into a dark funnel of believing there was no light, I came to a place where I believed only the dark and gloomy thoughts rattling around in my mind were the truth. I could not see the light above because I was so focused on where my thoughts were leading me, I forgot that I had control of where I was going. I had the power to stop my downward spiral into the dark.

And then, the thing that was causing me the most distress was lifted with the decision not to pursue a particular project at work. In that decision I felt heard, validated, appreciated.

And suddenly, my slide into darkness ended as I lifted my head and saw the light shining above.

“Where did the light come from?” I asked. And the inner voice of wisdom laughed and replied gently, “It was always there. You just got so lost in believing darkness was everywhere, you forgot to look up.”

In his book, The Road Less Travelled, Scott Peck, writes, “Life is difficult…  once we truly see this truth, we transcend it… Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

There is darkness in this world. Once I accept there is darkness, the darkness does not matter as much as the light I choose to share with the world.

When I was sliding down into the darkness of my thinking life was difficult and that’s all there was, I was fighting against the truth that it is difficult, challenging and in the process forgot, it is also a beautiful, joyful experience when I stop resisting what is. In my unwillingness to keep my eyes and heart open, I was refusing to see that in this world there are people who behave badly. Even more importantly, I was pushing against the truth that I am not powerful enough to change their minds, to make them see the light, to make them change.

I am not that powerful.

And that is a powerful space to hold compassionately and lovingly in my heart.

I cannot change the darkness of others. I am powerful enough to create light in the darkness around me so that I can live with loving acceptance of all the world holds, dark and light, without fearing the darkness is all there is to behold.

In that acceptance, I am free to live fearlessly in the light knowing, the darkness is not my answer, unless I close my eyes to the light.

Namaste.

Thank you Mark and Val for illuminating the darkness in Love.

 

Live your story from your heart

 

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“I’m not the story you made of me.”  Lidia Yuknavitch

I read that line this morning while reading a Lenny  interview with Lidia Yuknavitch by Suleika Jaouad.

It was one of those moments when truth hit with such clarity, I felt my heart stop for just a moment to let my mind catch up.

It’s where truth always hits first. In the heart. My mind, slower to grasp its presence, needs time to wrap itself around what just happened.

I am not the story you made of me.

You are not the story I make of you, either.

Everyone we meet forms a story of us, just as we form stories of them. We hear their words, feel their energy, their body language, their ‘vibe’ and immediately create a story that aligns with how we see and experience the world. We listen intuitively, even when we’re not conscious of what we’re doing, to what they’re not saying, or what is behind and underneath what they’re saying, seeking the common ground of our shared understanding of how their truth aligns with our knowing of our own truth.  It is a common ground that can only be defined through our own experiences where our knowing butts up against their knowing of what they believe to be true between us.

It isn’t that we want to judge. It is that our minds can only make sense of their truth by comparing it to what we know to be true for us.

There is truth in all things and not all things are true.

The story you made of me is not my truth. It is a truth you hold because through your experience, that is the truth you know about me.

When I live my truth without fearing or worrying the truth you experience about me, I am free to be true to me while honouring your truth about me as yours, not mine.

And when I step away from making up stories about you that I live as if they are true, and instead make room for my story about you to be just that, my story about you, we are both free to live with grace in our own stories, honouring the space between us.

Challenge is, we are a story-making people. Telling stories about one another to make them fit our world view, to make them sit more easily in our life is what we do.

Listening to our hearts calling us to let go of the need to make our stories about one another the truth about one another, is where we find peace, love and joy waiting to embrace us in its healing grace. We are all story-tellers and story-makers.

In every life there are many stories.

In every story there are many truths.

In every person there is only one story true to the heart.

Live your story from your heart.

 

The Windstory Tree (a story)

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There is a tree. A tall tree, a proud tree, a tree of many branches. Alone, it has stood the test of time, the felling of its neighbours, the culling of its kind. Alone, it has patiently waited throughout time for the wind to come and bring its stories.

And it always does. No matter the clouds above, or clear blue skies, the wind arrives on a breath of Arctic chill or upon the warmth of a Chinook swooping in from the west. And always, it carries with it the stories of its travels. Of places been, and faces met. Of joyous times and sad times. Of weddings and births and wars and deaths. The wind carries all its stories and whispers them to the tree before carrying on its way to distant lands and faroff places.

And the tree stands tall. Collecting stories. Gathering memories.

And people come and people go. Passing underneath the tree, never looking up, never hearing the voices of its stories.

Except for one small girl. She sees the tree. She hears its stories. She knows its voices. And every day, she climbs into its branches, bringing with her offerings of peanut butter and jam sandwhiches, her favourite devilled eggs, and sometimes, chocolate, though she doesn’t bring the chocolate very often. She has a little brother who likes to eat all the chocolate before the little girl can hide it.

One day, the little girl scurries up into the trees branches, higher and higher and higher. On this day she has not brought the tree any offerings. On this day, she is carrying only a story so sad she can barely get the words out to tell the tree.

Her heart is breaking. The thing she had never imagined would ever happen is about to take place.

Her father is moving away. Not because he got a new job in some exotic foreign land like the one she’d heard about last time in the whispering of the tree’s branches.

No. There is nothing exciting about this move. Only fear.

Her mother and father are getting a divorce. She weeps these words into the tree, throwing her arms around its sturdy trunk, asking it to please mend her breaking heart.

And the tree stands solid. The tree stands tall. Its leaves whisper into the little girl’s heart. “Fear not. Fear not.”

“How can I not fear when I don’t know what’s going to happen?” she asks the tree.

“Fear not. Fear not. Open your eyes and look around you. The world is still turning. The sun is still shining. Look around you.”

The little girl hears the trees voice and opens her eyes. She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and looks around from the great height to which she has climbed. Just beyond where she is perched, she notices a piece of paper caught in a hole the woodpecker who likes to dig for food in the trees sturdy trunk has made. Carefully she pulls out the piece of paper, unfolds it and reads what’s written on it.

Hello, my name is Pen Pen. I am ten years old. I live in China. I am writing this note sitting in the giant tree that stands in the yard where my home used to be. An earthquake tore down my home. But the tree is still here. I am glad. It is all I have left of my home. My parents tell me not to be frightened. But I am scared. Everyone is crying. Houses are gone. So is our school. I like school. How will I become a doctor if I can’t go to school?. My mother tells me I will still get to go to the University when I grow up. She will make it happen. But I have to trust and believe that it will happen first. How can I do that when everything has changed? Except everything hasn’t changed. The tree is still here. It is my friend. It whispers stories to me. It tells me tales of far away places. Places I hope to visit one day when I’m a famous doctor. I have to go now. My mother is calling me. There are people here to help us clean up the mess of our house. I am leaving this letter in my tree. I hope if you are reading it that a beautiful white swam carried the note to you. My mother tells me anything is possible if I believe. So I do.”

The little girl reads the note and feels the first quiet whisper of hope in her heart. There is a girl, somewhere on the other side of the world who has a tree for a friend. She too hears its stories. she too knows its many voices.

She had never believed that was possible. That someone else could know the beauty of a tree is whispered in the stories it gathers from the wind.

I must believe, she whispered to herself as she carefully tucked Pen Pen’s story into the pocket of her pants. I must believe and not let fear make me forget that I am not alone.

And while it didn’t make the news of her parents divorce any better, it did help her feel less alone and less scared to know there was someone else in the world talking to a tree, sharing its stories and their own within its many branches.

The End which is The Beginning.

Yes! In My Backyard

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Every morning when I awaken, the first thing I do is let Beaumont, our 1 year old Sheepadoodle, out into the backyard. For some reason, he will not go out unless I do. No matter the weather, he waits patiently until I step outside before venturing forth.

There have been moments when I have allowed impatience to govern my response. Times when I’ve sighed, heavily, stepping outside only to quickly retreat back into the house once he’s exited.

But I am learning.

Learning that the gift he awakens with the door’s opening is the offering of space to stand in reverence with morning’s presence on the deck. Learning that he’s not being resistant. He’s inviting me outside to savour the dew-kissed air with him.

What a lovely gift he’s opened up for me.

I step out into the cool, crisp morning air fresh with dew or last night’s rain. I smell the flowers, listen to the birdsong and the splash of the fountain, fill the feeder and sit quietly in the morning treasuring this moment of tranquility. In the distance, I can hear the faint hum of traffic heralding morning’s rush hour yet to come. The silver bullet of a jet flies overhead en route to some distant city. A squirrel chatters in the crab apple tree. A magpie caws from its perch on our roof.

In these moments, I am immersed in nature, in the awe of and reverence of life unfolding, of being at one with my world around me — even living here in the city, life is a wondrous and rich tapestry that supports me and gifts me with every breath I take.

This is morning. This is life. This is being. Present. Here. Now. Breathing. Savouring. Treasuring. Life.

Breathe. All is as it is.

 

breathe copyBreathe.

Such a simple process. And necessary.

Yet, so easy to forget. That we breathe. That breath is necessary.

Sometimes, my breathing is the last thing about which I think. Sometimes, I immerse myself so completely in my thoughts, I forget breathing even exists. Lost in thought about things going wrong. The anxiety of the moment. The confusion of my thoughts. The sadness, the fear, the what next. The criticism. The ‘What do they think of me? What will I say? What are they thinking?’ kind of whiplash thinking to someone else’s presence,  my thoughts block me from remembering the simplest way to step away from the anxiety, the confusion, the sadness, fear, worry is to simply breathe.

Breathe deeply.

Feel this moment. Feel the air entering your body. Feel your lungs fill up, your chest push out, your belly expand. Feel the air moving deeply within you. Feel it filling you up. Filling you out. Filling you in with its life giving force of nature.

Breathe. In. Deeply.

Now. Exhale. Slowly.

Feel the air move through your body. Feel the quiet, patient, loving presence of its movement as your belly moves in, your lungs compress. Feel the tightness in your shoulders ease. Your heart soften. The straining of your neck relax. Fee. Your body’s gratitude for this breath, right now. Feel each breath.

In. Out.

Relax.

Breathe.

What is there to do in this moment, right now?

Breathe.

Will you give into the anxiety, the fear, the sadness, the confusion, the grasping, clawing desire of your mind to worry, worry, worry as your breath grows shallower and your heart speeds up?

Or, will you keep breathing. Deeply. Deeply breathing into this moment, right now, aware, conscious, knowing, whatever is out there in the world, is nothing compared to the power within you to be present, right now with each breath.

Breathe and know that what is going on, inside, within you is the space for breath to nurture and nourish your being present in this moment, right now, breathing deeply.

And all is as it is. All is what it is. And you are, each breath, moving in and out, in and out, slowly.