I’m hoping I’m not the only one.

You know, not the only one to feel like blocking people when the traffic merges with relatively orderly precision into one lane and one driver decides to bypass everyone, scoot right up to the front and squeeze in all of ten cars ahead of everyone else who’s been waiting patiently, or not so patiently, in line…

It happened to me yesterday. I was on my way downtown to meet a girlfriend for dinner and suddenly my route was blocked with a big sign saying — oh no you don’t. You’re not going the way you planned. And yes, you probably will be late but hey! It’s Calgary. We get to construct whenever we want to.

Okay, so the sign wasn’t quite that explicit but the road I wanted to take was closed. And so, I waited my turn and merged into the left lane. And then, the guy behind goes whipping by, all the way to the front where the construction sign stood blocking the lane. It was pretty obvious other drivers weren’t too impressed either because no one was letting him in and by the time I got the 10 or so car lengths to the front, there he still was, trying to nudge his way in.

I took a breath.

I didn’t really want to let him in.

I sighed.

Seriously Louise? One whole car length is going to make such a huge difference?

I took another breath.

Bless him. Forgive me.

I let him in. And the car behind him.

I was raised Catholic you know. Penance is good for the soul.

And the difference is…

Not letting him would have played on my psyche. The chatter of ‘you shoulda, coulda, why didn’t you?’ would have been incessant. And, the story I would have created to justify not letting him in would have interfered with my evening with my girlfriend because I would have made it all about his bad behaviour rather than my lack of compassion, patience, giving way etc.

In the end, I was only 2 or 3 minutes late meeting my girlfriend and I never did get around to telling the story. Instead, we spent an evening talking about heart matters, about our lives, our children, what we’ve learned from relationships and their aftermath, what we’ve experienced in living true to ourselves.

It was a great evening with a wonderful woman and I felt better for letting someone in. It may not have made much of a difference in their life, but it sure makes a difference in mine.

Namaste.

I had a meeting yesterday with a group that is moving a project out from under the umbrella of the host agency into a not-for-profit of its own. They’ve asked me to sit as chair of this new agency and I am excited. Its mission aligns with my belief that ending homelessness is only possible if we ensure those experiencing it are supported with wrap-around services that compassionately support their transition from system dependency to self-efficacy.

And, I am honoured to be asked to step into this pivotal role at such an exciting and defining moment in time for this fledgling agency. I am honoured that my experience and reputation has awarded me this opportunity.

To make a difference in the world it’s imperative that I turn up and be part of the process, not just sit on the sidelines and make commentary, (or engage in the 3Cs). It’s important that I actively support those at the frontlines to ensure they continue to have the resources and the emotional and spiritual support they need to know — it’s not them against the world, it’s all of us in this together.

It’s important to be engaged in changing the world.

It does not serve me to not serve the world. It does not serve me to let self-doubt keep me from being of service, nor does it create more of what I want in my life to play small in a big world. It doesn’t serve any of us to do that.

We all have a light to shine. We all have gifts to share. Finding the courage to let our light illuminate the path for others to see encourages others to let their light shine. And when we all shine, the world is a brighter, and better place.

We are all born to shine. It is in each of us, not just one or two or three. Shining is our birthright. Our gift. Our responsibility.

When we let our inner critic hold us back from living in the brightness of our brilliance, we are keeping our worth from being seen in the world. We lose and the world loses with us.

The question is:  What are you doing to let your light shine today? How bright is your brilliance showing?

For today, try stepping out from beneath the shadow of self-doubt to let your light shine freely.

Ask yourself —

Where does the world need my brilliance today?

What’s in it for me not to shine?

And then, let your heart guide you to being the brightest light you can be as you shine in the brilliance of your authenticity and Love.

Namaste

The world is filled with opportunities for making a difference — and as I journey deeper into this year and the subject matter of ‘making a difference’, I am realizing just how important it is to actually be that change/difference.

In Choices, a personal development program I coach in, one of the tools we teach trainees is called The 3 C’s. Do not Criticize. Condemn. or Complain.

It’s easy to gossip. It’s easy, in our Instant messaging, hot-wired world where bits and bytes of data reign down from the Ethernet in a never-ending stream of information to get our fill of gossip. Gossip is easy. We have newspaper columns dedicated to gossip. We have gossip magazine’s, television shows, radio talk shows all of which focus on getting to the lowdown on who’s who, who’s doing what, to whom and when and where and how much it cost and how little it took to bring someone down. Everyday we consume gossip packaged as news. Gossip is big business.

But it’s not my business. Yet, I catch myself indulging and wonder why is it so much easier to gossip than to stay true to living by the 3’s?  Do not Criticize. Condemn. or Complain.

Gossip is insidious. We package it up in ‘well it’s just my opinion but…. she said, he should have, she didn’t he did… but don’t tell anyone okay? I know I shouldn’t be repeating this but…’ commentary and slide down the slippery slope of saying about others what we hope no one ever says about us.

How we do one thing is how we do all things.

When I indulge in gossip, I am doing what I don’t want done to me.

There is a difference between critical analysis of what’s happening in our world and gossip. Gossip is always personal. Gossip is always about making someone else look small by making me look big.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s vital that we talk about what is happening in our world. It’s important to be discerning, to be critical of processes and policies that undermine our social fabric, that keep people in their places, that keep people from achieving their dreams, from rising out of poverty, from throwing off the yoke of dictatorship, or anything that would prevent them from being free.

It is not important that we gossip. About the people making up our headlines or standing in the sidelines of our lives. It’s not important that we talk about the girlfriend who just got married, again, or divorced, again, or a facelift, again, or a new diamond, again, or whatever else we find to criticize, condemn or complain about their lives.

So, here’s my commitment to making a difference in February. I will not gossip. I will not participate in feeding the grist that churns the chafe of all the things I see wrong in other people’s lives, or that I perceive they are doing that I’d like to criticize, condemn or complain about them for.

I hereby declare: February — A Gossip Free Month.

Care to join me? Care to watch your language and your thoughts? Care to be part of making a world of difference by not criticizing, condemning or complaining about your friends, family and neighbours?

This could be fun. To create a movement of letting go of the 3 C’s of negativity and embracing the 3 C’s of positively affecting our world, of being human with  all our creative force alive to the power we possess to Celebrate. Cooperate. and Create a world of difference in our own backyards!

I did not know the father well. Met him a few times years ago at our daughters’ school events. I adore his daughter. She worked for me one summer while at University. Kind. Insightful. Intelligent. Caring. She added light and joy and laughter to the darkness of a shelter where sadness reigns over lives lost in the confusion of being homeless.

The father passed away last week. The funeral was yesterday.

I went. To be present for this young woman who over the ten years I have known her never ceased to sparkle in whatever room she graced with her beautiful presence.

I went to support her and her family. To support my daughter and her friends who were all there.

I don’t remember ever having gone to the funeral of a friend’s parent. The only funeral I remember attending in my 20s was my former husband’s grand-father’s.

There was great sadness there. Great sorrow. And the truth and beauty of celebrating a man who loved his family above all else.

And then, I read my A Course in Miracles Lesson for today: God is in everything I see.

To see the divine in this gentle man’s passing. To know the divine is present in the hearts filled with pain and sorrow.

In the lesson for today the author’s invite the student to:  “learn how to look on all things with love, appreciation and open-mindedness. You do not see them now. Would you know what is in them? Nothing is as it appears to you. Its holy purpose stands beyond your little range.”

Nothing is as it appears to me.

I was present yesterday, along with the hundreds of others who came to show respect and support for a family in pain. In our presence, we gave strength, we shared love.

I could only be present by being there. The holy purpose of his passing is beyond my range.

My day began with an act of service. A friend is moving, his apartment is emptied and he needed a ladder, coffee and a sweet to get his day rolling and the cleaning finished. By nine I had delivered and was moving on with my day — and that’s when everything changed.

I chatted with my sister who told me our mother wasn’t feeling well. I’ll just drop over and say hello on my way home, I told her and she informed me that the nurse had suggested taking mom to the Emergent Care Centre. “I’m cancelling my lunch so I can go do that,” she said.

“Don’t,” I replied. “I can do it.”

Now, let me explain. My eldest sister is my 90-year-old mother’s primary care giver. I have always kept my distance. Full-time work, two daughters and a not too harmonious relationship with my mother have always stood in my way. Plus, my sister is ‘better at dealing with her’, I’ve told myself. And mom prefers her anyway.

To spend a day with my mother in an emergency room, to simply be present, was a blessing, and a gift.  It let me be of service to both my sister and my mom, and it gave my sister a much-needed break from the stress and strain of caring for a 90-year-old woman whose need for attention is sometimes exhausting.

As I sat in the curtained cubicle while my mother napped and I read emails on my iPhone and read blogs I’ve been meaning to catch up on, I listened to the goings on all around me and was drawn again to what connects us all in our shared experience of this human condition. A need for belonging, for community, for a sense of relevance in a sometimes irreverent and inexplicable world.

In the cubicle next to us a daughter joined her father who had been brought in by ambulance mid-afternoon. “Why on earth would you come here?” she asked. “The EMS guys thought this would be faster,” her father explained.  “Harumph,” replied the daughter. “It would have been better if you’d gone to emergent care in the south. I had a meeting at that end of the city, which I missed to come here to get you.” Silence. “And now I find out you haven’t even been seen by the doctor yet.” “Thank you for coming,” he replied. “I missed my meeting for you.” And suddenly, a man who had been garrulous and pleasant became taciturn and complaining.  “Where is that doctor? Did they lose him?” “I notice there seem to be a lot of regulars in the waiting area,” the daughter said. “You know, those people who are just coming in for attention. They don’t really have much need for service.”

Really, I wondered. How does she know?

Bless her. Forgive me.

Let me not slip into criticism, complaints and condemnation.

My mother is okay. A flu bug, a series of mis-communications with the staff at the lodge where she lives and she spent a day without eating. The ensuing confusion and paranoia were  a direct result of her state of being dehydrated. Seven hours later, an IV, fluids into her system and she is as right as rain, or as right as rain as a 90-year-old woman can be.

And I am better for the experience. My sister carries the lions share of caring for my mother without complaint, with love and attention. It was a gift to be able to do something of value for her. And, it doesn’t take much to give my mother, this woman who brought the seed of my life into this world, a sense of well-being, of feeling heard, feeling visible, feeling wanted.

And what better way to give back than to let her know,  I see you. I hear you. I acknowledge you, whatever your state of being.

Namaste.

It was an easy day to make a difference yesterday. A friend needed picking up at the airport. Another needed their spirits lifted.

And in the process, I realized, one of the easiest ways to make a difference is to make someone laugh or smile. Every day.

Which got me thinking about other ‘easy’ ways to make a difference, every day.

1. Tell the one’s you love, you love them, everyday — better yet, act/be loving in all ways so they feel your love everyday, in every way.
2. Share your appreciation for those around you. Tell them,  “What I appreciate most about you today is…” Focus always on their strengths. ie. if it’s your boss, “Boss, what I appreciate most about you today is your fairness/the way you handled that difficult customer/the fact you always smile and acknowledge me when you come into the office.” If it’s your child, “Child, what I appreciate most about you today is your… and then name one thing or aspect of them you cherish – [hugs/ willingness to clean up their room/ positive attitude when helping with chores/ laughter…] Do this everyday with those closest to you and feel/live/breathe the shift in energy.
3. Smile at strangers.
4. Pick up garbage on the street. Don’t litter.
5. Touch people when you talk to them — a gentle touch on the arm, sleeve, hand creates a powerful connection.
6. Let a driver in (even when you don’t want to or you’re late and every car length counts…!)
7. Give a stranger a compliment.
8. Tip the server at Tim Horton’s, Starbucks, where ever you buy coffee and give them a compliment on their service.
9. Drive the speed limit.
10. Take a walk in the fresh air.

Ten easy things that we can all do to make a difference everyday!

Do you have some to add to the list? I’d love to hear your ideas too.