What will you do with your 30,000 days?

Posted on by
6

Three separate yet connected events inspired this post.

  1. An interview on CBC radio, The Current, where several authors including, Neil Parischa, shared the books that changed their lives. Parischa talked about the life expectancy of the average Canadian as being 30,000 days. That got my attention.
  2. On Monday, I co-presented to a group of first year medical students on homelessness in our city. Before the session began, I chatted with a palliative care doctor who has started a program here in Calgary to deliver palliative care to people dying in homelessness. His passion, his commitment to provide care that respects the individual, treats them with dignity and provides them support in their final days was inspiring.
  3. A share on FB of an article on CBC Radio on palliative care in the homeless sector in Toronto. (Thank you @NFalvo )

homeless-graphic

And then, I heard the 30,000 days quote and wondered, what will I do with my remaining days — whatever the number I have left.

What will you do?

By the law of averages, I have used up approximately 2/3rds of my 30,000. Like everyone of my 30,000, the next 10,000 are precious. Filling them with heart-driven purpose is vital to my well-being.

But what about the 2/3rds already used up? How well did I employ them?

Fact is, I cannot change the days past. They are gone. Used up. Spent.

Today is all I have in my bank account. How will I spend it? Because, spend it I must. I can’t save it for a rainy day. I can’t deposit it into some huge cauldron where days not spent are accumulated so that I can get the biggest bang for my buck by using all my days together.

I only have today. How will I fill it with meaning and purpose? How will I inspire the best version of myself today?

How will you?

Here are 3 + 1 ideas to inspire you on living this day of your 30,000 well.

  1. Say ‘Thank you’ to yesterday. 

Gratitude is the seed of joy. Be thankful for everything that appears on your path and in your life. No matter how dark or grim, no matter how bright and shiny, be present to the opportunity to experience it by acknowledging everything as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to become. And remember, just because something appears on your path, doesn’t mean you have to keep it there or pick it up or hold onto it forever. It simply means, it’s on your path — what you do with it is your choice. Choose compassionately.

2. Let yesterday go.

Whatever you did, or didn’t do, whatever embarrassing moment, hurt or slight you perceived/received, let it go. Holding onto slights from the past will not improve the quality of your life today. It will only get in the way of living today freely. (And yes, I know. They were mean. They didn’t hear you. They didn’t care for you the way your deserve.  You cannot change what happened, just as you cannot change what they did. You can change how you hold on to it, how you respond. Find a way to respond that sets you free of carrying someone else’s stuff.) And if you caused someone pain or hurt, acknowledge it, apologize, make amends, commit to doing better and let it go.

3.  Live today free of guilt.

A friend was telling me how they feel so guilty about the fact they have….. and then they listed the beautiful things in their life. Later, another friend was telling me about how guilty they feel about something they’d done to someone else that they knew they shouldn’t have done. They’d already apologized but the guilt was killing them, they said.

Guilt is just a way of staying trapped in the ego. Guilt keeps you roiling around in the past, preventing you from living compassionately, authentically, lovingly in today. Guilt is not your friend. It’s the enemy of joy. It’s the killer of hapiness. Make the decision today to let go of guilt. To get out of your ego’s desire to be the centre of attention (good or bad) and set yourself free to live in this moment right now unburdened of guilt. You can’t change whatever was done to you, or whatever you did. You can change its hold on your joy and appreciation of this moment right now. Let guilt go.

Whatever days we each have, living them as if each one counts is what matters most. Because everyday counts. Every  moment creates the possibility of the next being filled with the more of what you want in your life — what ever that is.

Which leads me to the +1 idea.

4. Whatever you do today, make sure it creates ‘the more’ of what you want more of in your life.

Whatever you are faced with today, choose to do the things that bring you closer to your ‘more’. In your ‘more’ is where your passion lives.

Express your gratitude | 52 Acts of Grace | Week 40

Posted on by
1

acts-of-grace-week-40-copy

Gratitude is the foundation of joy. Let your gratitude out by expressing it in small and big ways. Be thankful for the blessings in your life. Be thankful for everything. Especially the people.

Last night C.C. and I held a dinner to thank those who made it easier for us to go away while my mother was in hospital, and the pets were at home.

It was a fun way to say thank you, to tell them, we appreciate you and are glad you are in our lives.

What could be better than sitting around our table connected by the common bond of our gratitude, sharing share a meal and good conversation while giving thanks. It all added up to a whole lot of gratitude, grace and joy!

I am grateful.

 

When faith is strong, miracles happen

Posted on by
10
Mom-engagement_1943

My mother. circa 1944

She is sitting in bed, fully clothed when we arrive, watching the small screen television that hangs from the wall via a giant white metal arm.

She is surprised to see us. Smiles her special way and says how excited she is that we have come. I’ve told C.C. that his being there will be extra special for her. My mother loves to flirt.

On December 15th, my mother fell and broke her shoulder, elbow, finger and hip. The doctors did not give a good prognosis from the surgery. “We can’t guarantee she’ll make it through,” they told us. At 94, any surgery is risky and for my mother, the extent of her injuries made it even more so.

And now, she’s defying the odds.

She’s walking. She still needs assistance to get out of bed, and her left arm is still in a cast, but she has confounded everyone with her spirit, her determination and her will to ‘get going’.

“I’m so frustrated by how slow it is,” she told C.C. and I last night. “I want to heal faster.”

And we laughed and told her to slow down. The nurses have told my sister that mom tries too hard, pushes herself too fast. She needs to pace herself better.

It is not her way.

I remember when, sometime in her 80’s, she wanted the couch moved in her apartment. I told her I’d be there later that day to help. By the time I’d arrived, she’d already done it by herself.

That is my mother.

Stubborn. Determined. Independent.

Last night she told us that when the accident happened, she was ready to die. “I’ve lived my life,” she said. “I was good to go. Now, I guess I’ll just keep living every day.” And she shrugged her shoulders in her oh so French way and said, “It’s God’s will,” before adding with a mischievous smile and a twinkle in her eyes, “I guess he just doesn’t want me yet.”

My mother’s faith is strong. She has no doubt she is going to heaven. That God will eventually call her home. She believes.

I admire my mother’s faith. It has been a constant in my life. It has never wavered. Even in me. Even in those times when she despaired I would ever ‘turn out right’. Her faith has never wavered.

No matter how dark the times, like the loss of her only son and his wife in a car accident and then her husband to a heart attack a short 15 months later, while she felt lost and afraid, her faith stayed strong. Her belief that God has a reason, a grand design for her life has never dimmed.

She shows us the black rosary wound around her wrist. I remember that rosary from my childhood. It hung around the neck of the statue of the Virgin Mary that stood in the living room of every house we ever lived in. “This was my father’s,” she tells us. She pulls out the crucifix that is tucked into her sleeve. “He was wearing it when he died. I shall be wearing it when I die too. But that won’t be for a while yet,” she adds as she kisses the crucifix before tucking it back into her sleeve.

My mother is doing well. She is walking, slowly, or at least as slow as she is willing to go. She is getting stronger, sleeping well and eating even better. That is a gift. We’ve sometimes worried about her lack of eating.

No more. God has a plan for her. He doesn’t want her yet.

“I hope Alexis and J get busy making a baby soon,” she said. “I’d like to be a great-grandmother before I go.”

She has faith that God will answer her prayers.

 

 

 

Give into Love

Posted on by
8

the-battle-within-copyIn the dream, I am running along the edge of a building under construction. I am a couple of floors up. There is someone chasing me. I find a place to hide and tuck myself behind a half-built wall. I peek out and see the person chasing me getting closer. They are now holding a person in front of them as they slowly move towards me.

They have a gun.

I don’t know what to do but know I cannot escape without first trying to rescue the person they’re holding hostage.

When they reach where I’m hiding I leap out, grab their arm. We tussle for control of the gun. I yell at the person to run! They run and I keep wrestling with my pursuer until eventually, they shove me off the edge of the building and I fall to the ground.

Everyone thinks I’m dead. I know I’m not but cannot tell them.

I am on a bed. I want to get up. I want to tell the people gathered around me that I am alive. But no one can hear me.

When everyone leaves, I get off the bed and walk quietly out of the room, putting one foot in front of the other, carefully.

And I awaken.

I lay in bed and wonder about the dream.

And I think about this journey called life. How sometimes, we can appear to be awake, yet we are sleep-walking through each day. The Walking Breathing Dead.

Yesterday, in a phone call with my eldest daughter, we talked about the purpose of writing, of blogs, and our vision for what we want to put out into the world.

I have been pondering this blog for awhile now. Considering what direction I want to take, how  I can better focus my writing and in the process, enhance my sense of living on purpose.

“I kind of use my blog as a place to just write what’s on my mind,” I told my daughter. “Perhaps it’s time to get more intentional in how I express my heart.”

If I was fearless of heart what would I write?

If I was intentional in my mind what direction would I take?

I had a dream last night. In it, I was fighting an unknown oppressor that was me.

In dreamspeak, every character in a dream is you.

The one in hiding, the one escaping, and the oppressor. Everyone is you.

If I am both oppressor and the oppressed, if I am fighting and fleeing, does that make me winner and loser?

Balance, inner joy and peace are not found in pitting one part of yourself against the other to see which will win your battle of wills.

Balance, inner joy and peace are found in accepting all are present. In acceptance, love encompasses all we are in this world. In love, all is present without fear. In love, there is everything.

Within each of us exists limitless potential to create, to build, to dream, to shine.

When we battle against ourselves, when we pit one aspect of our being against the other, we lose sight of the beauty and awe of our human essence and limit our creative expressions through our fear of being seen as the magnificent souls we have always been.

I had a dream last night. I am grateful for its call to give into Love.

Namaste

Photo Source

 

 

 

In all ways, be compassionate | 52 Acts of Grace | Week 39

Posted on by
6

acts-of-grace-week-39-copy

In a meeting at work, a superior tells you they don’t like the way you handled a situation.

Do you:

  1. Tell them they’re wrong, make excuses for what you did, refuse to take ownership
  2. Run away to hide in the washroom until everyone has gone home
  3. Invite them to tell you more so you can understand better what their concerns are

The item you’ve chosen to buy at the grocery store doesn’t have a code on it (you happen to have chosen the one that doesn’t). The teller at the check-out doesn’t know the code (it’s not a common everyday item but hey, they sell it, the clerk should know it). They check their book, can’t find it. Ask the teller next to them but they’re too busy to respond. Finally, they pick up the phone and call the office for an answer (after checking the book again). All of this takes precious moments, maybe even five whole minutes.

Do you:

  1. Verbally rip them a new one making sure you think they are incompetent as well as the store because the item should have had a code sticker on it in the first place
  2. Stand at the checkout drumming your fingers on the counter, sighing deeply as you do everything you can to make sure they know you are not happy about waiting, including turning to the person next in line, rolling your eyes and commenting how it’s hard to find good help these days
  3. Smile supportively at the clerk, ask if you can run back to the section where you bought the item and get another one that has the code on it and tell them it’s okay, you appreciate their efforts to find the right code

How you respond in any given situation doesn’t just impact the quality of your day, it also impacts everyone around you. Choosing to act through compassionate care and loving kindness creates more compassion and loving kindness in the world.

While it might momentarily feel ‘better to vent’, in the long view, venting only creates more hot air, more distance between you and others and most importantly, more distance between you and your heart.

In all things, choose compassion and your world will become more compassionate.

*********************************

Every week since April 4, 2016, I have been sharing an Act of Grace.
They are designed to help you create harmony and peace in your life.
To explore all the Acts of Grace I have shared to date, click HERE.

 

 

Home again, home again, jiggedty jig.

Posted on by
9

Do you remember the nursery rhyme, 3 Little Piggies?

It was what was rhyming through my head as C.C. and I left the terminal on Saturday night, bracing ourselves against the onslaught of cold we knew we were about to encounter.

“Home again, home again, jiggety jig,” I said as we stepped from the aircraft into the port leading to the main terminal. “Brrrr!” I added as the cold air rushed at me through the openings where the port joined the aircraft.

“Just think of it as natural air-conditioning,” C.C. joked.

And the lady behind him laughed and said, “Yeah. And you can’t turn it off until May, no matter the temperature.”

019c09882520d689e20cc695a2edcdccd3c6148329_00001We Calgarians love our weather. We love to talk about it, groan about it, wish we could change it. But secretly… Well secretly I think we kind of like it. It makes us who we are. Hardy. Willing to take on anything. Not afraid of the elements. And optimistic (the summer will come, it always does) and maybe a bit pessimistic too. (Don’t worry. Wait five minutes and the weather will change — for the worst probably because you know, it can snow in July in Calgary!)

Yesterday, as I took Beaumont for his walk, I didn’t mind the weather. Sure, it was cold. Very cold. And yes, the slight breeze had a bite. But it was crispy clear and fresh! It definitely reminded me that I was alive. Everyone I met at the park was bundled up against the elements, but they were smiling. Our dogs played and romped and we laughed together and talked about how silly the puppies were being, and the weather, naturally.

I had to laugh when I saw myself all bundled up for the cold. Last week I was trying to strip down to the bare necessities to accommodate the heat and now, I’m bundling up to survive the cold.

And that’s the thing about we humans. We are adaptable. We are capable of adjusting our sails, shifting our perspectives in order to live as gracefully as we can in the circumstances in which we find ourselves today. Because that’s the thing about the weather. You can’t change it. You can breathe into it and find the joy in whatever you’re doing, where ever you are, no matter the temperature, because weather is weather and accepting what is as what it is makes for a more grace-filled life.

After I unpacked and stuffed the laundry basket and tucked my straw hat and sandals away for another day, I tackled the bigger job I hadn’t had time to do before we left for Huatulco. Put away Christmas for another year.

I lit the tree for one last time and began to unrobe it as if preparing it for the heat of summer. As I worked, I was reminded of Christmases past and the many changes my life has encountered over the years. Carefully wrapping the beautiful silvery balls and the decorative birds I cherish, my mind leapt back to the gold filigree ornaments I’d purchase many years ago at the Christkindl Market in Cologne, Germany. I loved those ornaments. The delicate design. The exquisite detail of each curved edge.  I lost those decorations in the aftermath of a relationship gone terribly wrong and for a long time, as I healed from the ravages of what had happened, I missed those ornaments and the life before the ‘bad man’ that they represented.

01fc4974d699cd78e8d81f3d9a2ce71730c8780f85_00001Today, I still remember those ornaments. But I no longer miss them. My life is so full of precious moments, of wondrous adventures and people I love that those ornaments remain gracefully in the past. When they do pop into my mind unexpectedly, I see them in all their intricate detail as a beautiful reminder to cherish what is in the present today.
I grounded myself in my world here at home yesterday. In this place that is filled with people I cherish and a life I love.

I am blessed.

And I do a little jiggety jig in the soft glow of morning and greet this day with joy.

It may be cold outside, my in my heart it is warm and toasty as I am surrounded in Love.

Namaste.

 

 

 

The heart is an infinite space.

Posted on by
4

01a25ceb87823b6e89b0321ea298c61ea1b4343220I am watching a movie on the flight home. I cannot remember the name nor the actors. I think it was a sad movie. I hope so because I know I felt tears pricking at the edges of my eyelids.

And I think perhaps it is the bittersweetness of leaving Huatulco and the joy of coming home.

My heart is heavy. My heart is full.

It is both the blessing and the curse of travelling. Everyday new sights, sounds, ideas, foods, people open up like an oyster to reveal the exquisite beauty of every day pearls. And everyday, it takes you away from those you love, the places you know, the comforts of the life you live day to day.

And it comes back to me, the name of the movie I watched. In Her Shoes. Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette and Shirley McLean. Two sisters who find the grandmother they thought had forgotten them and discover the beauty of the ties that bind them can never be broken. No matter what happens in the world around them, they are always connected through the heart to one another.

It is the heart connection that stirs my memory of the movie’s name because in it, Cameron Diaz recites one of my favourite  e.e. cummings poems.

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

winter-is-hereThis morning, as I gaze at the snowy landscape outside my office window, as I feel the chill of the air when I let Beaumont out for a romp in the backyard, as I make coffee to take back to bed to savour with my beloved so we can lie together and reminisce of the days just past, of our plans for today and dreams for tomorrow, I carry with me in everything I do, the memories of Huatulco and Villas Fa-Sol. Of Don Gabriel and his coffee in Pluma Hildalgo. Of dinner under the palm trees, the roaring of the surf crashing against the rocks. Of the guitar player serenading us at dinner, the music of the looms at Textileartes. The sound of the birds cawing as we travelled across the waves to a deserted beach where I swam to shore. Of the taxi drivers, the servers, the shop people, the delightful staff at Villas Fa-Sol. Everyone. I carry them in my heart. The people. The sites. The adventures. The music. The laughter. The friendships made. The friendships deepened.

They will live in my heart forever for the heart is an infinite space. It gathers memories and holds them near, filling our soul’s longing for connection with its reminders of the people we treasure most, the one’s we hold so dear. And though the colours of the photos may dim, and the memory of the beauty of the sunsets become lost in other places, other journeys, the memory of the people will stay with me forever.

For that is the way of the heart. It holds onto people, no matter where in the world we go. For with every beat of our heart, it reminds us that we are never far from the one’s we love. We carry their hearts in ours. Always.

 

Roscas de Reyes

Posted on by
6


It is the Festival Roscas De Reyes and Roscio has been wrapping and handing out gifts to the various service providers who have come to the door all morning. Ursula tells us this when we arrive at Villa Sabah after a leisurely morning at Villas Fa-Sol.

img_0785This is a predominantly Catholic region where the day of the 3 Kings is the highlight of the new liturgical year. Everywhere we have gone, I have seen beautiful Crèche. Hand-painted, gilded, carved wooden creations. They sit in malls and the corners of shops and along streets. Next to Ola, Gracias Mon Deus is the phrase I’ve heard most frequently.

Coconut water au naturel

Coconut water au naturel

C.C and I had planned an adventure on Mopeds but his stomach had other ideas, most of which included not venturing too far from a washroom. So, we lazed about for the morning and then joined Ursula and Andrew, and our hosts Guillermo and Roscio by the pool for the afternoon at Sabah.

It was a fitting end to our last full day in Huatulco. Especially when it included Margueritas on the deck at Fa-Sol at 5:30, followed by an incredible dinner prepared by Sandra.

img_0774

Roscas de Reyes

Under the star studded sky, at a flower laden table and to the sound of the surf crashing on the rocks below, we dined on the most amazing Avacado Soup, followed by a fresh salad of lettuce and tomatoes and avocado dressing and then, the piece de resistance, El Pescado en Papilotte. Scrumdilicious! The first round of dessert was strawberries in cream or a Flan that was truly to die for.

And then, it was time for the Roscas de Reyes, a giant wreath like cake that everyone had to cut into in the hopes of finding ‘the Bebe’.

In my family, the cake for the 3 Kings always had coins — finding the coin also meant being the King for the Day.

In the tradition here, the one’s who find one of the several ‘bebes’ tucked into the cake must bring Tomales to everyone on February 2nd, the day of the Blessing of the Animals.

img_0974Amidst laughter and suspense-filled ooohs and aaahs, we cut into the cake. I didn’t cut out a Bebe of my own but Gerardo offered me his and then one of the young girls gave me hers and then Roscio offered up her “Joseph”. And now, I have a little family of beautifully carved pottery. Mary, Joseph and Le Bebe.

What a wonderful gift and what a beautiful way to spend our last evening in magical Huatulco.

This morning, Roscio is taking Ursula and I to the market in the Centre of the city. “We will have breakfast of coffee and Tomales,” she tells me, “And you will see more of the real Mexico.”

img_0911There is much beauty here in this real Mexico at the edge of the Pacific. The rocks push up out of the clear blue waters of the sea that laps and leaps at each crenellated finger of land. Palm trees march up the sides of the mountains and spikes cacti cling to the sandy soil as if defying the winds to blow them away. Flowers compete in brilliant colour, vying for the title of ‘most exotic’, ‘most brilliant hue’, most fragrant.

And amidst all the beauty and colour, there are the people who make this land so special. Their smiles. Their lyrical language. Their gracious manners. Their warm hearts. (And did I mention their fast driving?)

There is much beauty in this land at the edge of the sea and the most beautiful of all are the people.

Gracias!

 

 

Life is a journey best shared with family and friends.

Posted on by
7

The shuttling of the warp and weave of the three giant looms sound like casenets snapping to the thrum of a guitar. “Come! Dance with me! Stamp your feet and shout a song of joy. Ole!”  (Watch the 11 sec video of the song of the looms I took HERE.)

My friend Ursula has been insistent. “You must see the weavers,” she said on our first day in Huatulco. Today, on our way to the market to buy provisions for the dinner we are preparing for our hosts, Roscio has brought us to Textilarte.

img_0661There are woven fabrics of every colour! Shirts, pants and dresses. Handbags and linens. The colors are vibrant. Lemon yellow nudges up against fuschia and creamy blue. The constant clacking of the looms shuttling back and forth in the front of the store, a reminder of the origins of every thing we see in the shop.

Urusla insists I try on a dress. A blouse. “You will get a good discount,” Roscio assures me. I check out the shirts and buy a robin egg blue linen shirt for C.C. A royal blue blouse for me. And some headbands.

I am excited about the colourful headbands I have chosen. Years ago, for some unknown reason that may or may not have included some wine, C.C and my friend Jane began a tradition of wearing serviettes as hats during dinner. Over the years, we have had many dinner’s where our guests have donned the four cornered hats. Except me. I have never been captured on camera wearing one of the hats. A scarf, maybe. But never a serviette. Now I will have a fashionable alternative for everyone to wear! Bonus!

Next door to Textilarte, Daniel stands on the street,  smiling and encouraging us to enter his store, Artesanias Reyes. Its shelves are filled with stunningly beautiful, hand-painted ceramic and wooden bowls and plates and cups and an assortment of artifacts designed to attract wandering tourists. The proprietor Jose Iglesias Allende takes me into the back to show me ‘the factory’. In a tiny alcove that serves as both factory and kitchen, two men sit painting ceramic turtles and parrots. The colors are brilliant. The work painstakingly precise. The finished product beautiful. As we are about to leave, Jose says something to me and points to a panel of beautiful fridge magnets. He wants to give you a gift, Roscio translates. And Jose nods his head and smiles and I pick out a pale blue parrot with beautiful yellow flowers on its back.

I am touched by his generosity and grateful for this gift that will remind me always of the joy and passion and welcoming beauty of Huatulco and its people.

Later, we women join the men to buy the vegetables for the dinner Ursula, Andrew, C.C and I will be preparing for our hosts at their home, Villa Sabah.

Guillermo leads us down the busy street, constantly waving us forward. “No. No,” he says when we inadvertently enter the wrong store. “That is not where we buy. This is the store.”

Loyalty. Family. Tradition. Responsibility. These are values that make up the fabric of Mexican life.

At Villas Fa-Sol, Gerardo has managed the hotel for many years. And though he and his wife, Sandra, are no longer married, they work together like notes of a song. He runs the hotel. She oversees the kitchen. Together, they create a delightfully serene and welcoming space where guests feel comfortable, relaxed, well cared-for and well fed.

fullsizerender-89Their son Jordan grew up at the hotel and now works closely with his parents to ensure every detail is attended to, every guest’s wish is met with utmost attention. He has been learning English, he tells me, so that he can be of greater help to the guests. I appreciate his efforts. His willingness to learn my language makes me feel less lost when asking for help! A father now, he hopes his son will also grow up at Villas Fa-Sol.

“Family is everything in Mexico” Guillermo tells me. “I like to hire family members because that way, I know I can rely on them. Trust them. They become part of our bigger family and that is good for our guests.”

img_0573It is part of the charm of this place where every guest is greeted in the morning with a cheery, Buenos Dias before taking a seat at a table where a breakfast of fresh fruit and other delectable delights awaits. Where the staff are quick to help, to offer direction, to open the gate or open their hearts to make everyone feel welcome.

And like the waves that flow into the bay below, in and out, in and out, life at Villas Fa-Sol becomes a beautiful song of grace and ease, grace and ease because the people make it so.

And in the songs of the wind and sea and the voices of the people and their warm hearts I am reminded that life is a journey best shared with family and friends.

I am grateful.