We are constantly becoming

Posted on July 20, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

Beaumont becoming comfortable in his chair

This time, the thought does not float into my mind as I am sitting in the quiet of meditation. “I am engaged in a battle of wills. My ego will versus my body will.”

That’s the thought that arrives, unbidden, to taunt me with its truth as I am walking along the street with Beaumont, smiling at his antics as he sniffs every blade of grass and chases errant leaves tossed on the wind.

And it’s true.

My ego will would have me slip into sluggishness, defying gravity and time’s pull upon my body, telling me I’m getting enough exercise. I don’t need to lift weights or do anything special to keep my body carrying me around with minimal aches and pains.

My body will would have me rise up and get moving, in every direction, in every way, to keep it sliding effortlessly through gravity and time, defying my ego’s sibilant whispers to slip into something more comfortable and relax, ease out, ease up.

As the story goes of the native elder telling his grandson about the two wolves, black and white/good and evil, the winner will be the one I choose to feed.

In a battle of wills I must feed the one that serves me best.

My body.

My ego would have me believe that ‘becoming fit’ is too far away, too lofty a goal. Take it easy. Relax.

My body knows, there’s no arriving at a place where I become ‘fit’, or whole or everything I want to be. There is only this constant becoming.

In all things.

In all ways. I am constantly becoming in whatever direction I am going.

Whether I do more, or do less, I am constantly becoming, it’s just sometimes, I am not always going in the direction I need to go to find myself at ease.

When I find myself someplace I don’t want to be, thinking about it won’t change where I’m at, just as thinking about anything does not make it so. Taking action does.

I have spent many years thinking about who and how I want to be in the world. Thinking about it does not make it so. It is the constant becoming, the continuous doing of who and how I want to be that creates the me I am in the world.

There is no place where I can arrive to where I am ‘fit’. There is only this constant becoming. This continuous opening up to the more, the wonder, the awe of being alive and living each day fully where I choose to take action to create the more of my becoming all I am in the world.

No matter what my ego might tell me, my thoughts become my reality. My actions make it so. When my thoughts lead me down the garden path to becoming stuck in the mud of inaction, I must give my body full license to lead me back to becoming all I am when I let go of believing everything I think is all I am.

I am constantly becoming.

I get to choose if my becoming is more or less of what I want to create in the world.

Namaste.

Yes to the dress.

Posted on July 16, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

Forever Friends

We didn’t set out to do it. We didn’t have a plan of getting it done, now.

There’s still many months, over a year in fact to go before it’s needed.

But, there we were on Tuesday, late afternoon. Four of us seated in a fitting room while my eldest daughter, Alexis, tried on ‘the dress’.

“Is this your dress?” her friend Victoria asked on Facetime where she joined us from her office in Vancouver.

Eyes teary, voice a soft whisper, she replied, “Yes it is!”

And so it’s done.

At least the choosing part is done. Alexis has found, ‘the dress’.

We’d begun the search on Friday afternoon when her sister and dear friend DK had booked a couple of appointments with bridal shops as a surprise for Alexis. Her wedding is next September, 2016. But it’s never too early to start shopping they said.

At the first session there were 7 of us, including my mother.

My mother turns 93 next month. Tiny, as delicate as a little bird, she has definite taste in wedding dresses.

Too pouffy. A definite two thumbs down.

Fitted but the lace edging the bodice too cheap looking, or the style not elegant enough; a hand held out flat, fingers splayed as she moved it back and forth… maybe…. but I don’t think so

Form fitting lace that hugs Alexis’ body, two thumbs up and a “That shows off your curves. Perfect.”

We laughed when she said that. She took us by surprise.

My mother is not known for her revealing style of dress. Always well-turned out with matching jewellery and every aspect of her dress perfect, she did not like it when as teenagers, my sister and I dressed in anything too revealing. Blue jeans were definitely not allowed and mini-skirts — forget it! Too low cut a top got a, “Go and change” and trying to sneak out wearing make-up. Dream on.

But there she was on Friday, giving commentary on the fit of every dress, her sense of style impeccable.

Out of the 10 or 12 dresses Alexis tried on at the first shop, we found a definite two maybe three maybes.

We had criteria.

Wow Factor _____
Photographability ________
Authenticity ____________ (did it reflect the true inner spirit of Alexis?)
Venue appropriateness ____________ (they are getting married on an island off Vancouver. It will be outdoors surrounded by forest and rock and ocean)
Danceability ____________ (Alexis LOVES to dance — she has to be able to kick high in her dress — and too heavy will restrict her movements)
and….
Can she wear cowboy boots with it?

Between the two shops Friday she tried over 20 dresses and made an appointment with the first shop to go back and re-try 3 of the dresses (which ended up being another 10).

In the end, nothing she’d tried on could compare to the final dress she tried on Tuesday.

It was perfect.

It made all of us cry.

My friend JD, who, along with her daughter, had joined Alexis, her sister and me, for the shopping adventure, was overwhelmed.

Alexis is the first of our three daughters to get married. We were pregnant together. Learned the in’s and out’s of new motherhood, of toddlerdom and pre-teen angst and teenager woes together.

Our four children have grown up together. The picture from our wedding, above, is a re-enactment of a photo captured as children with the two eldest hugging one another, and the two youngest following suit.

We have shared many firsts as mothers and this was the first time we’d all gone looking at dresses, together. CJ had joined us Friday but her mother couldn’t make it.

That was okay. We thought we’d be doing it again. and again, at least until November when the final deadline loomed to ensure Alexis had the dress in time for the wedding next September.

We hadn’t planned to find one so soon.

She thought she’d go back to Vancouver and check out stores there. Her sister and I were planning a trip in September especially for dress hunting.

But there it was. Fitting like a glove and begging her to ‘Say yes to the dress.’

Life is filled with milestones. As a mother of two daughters, I’ve savoured every moment of their journey from birth to now, finding joy in all the transitions and milestones they’ve each encountered.

I’m so grateful and happy she’s found ‘the perfect dress’ that makes her feel beautiful and elegant and flirty and fun all in one. I’m glad this dress is so incredibly perfect for her it was off the WOW chart!

But secretly, I wish we could keep shopping, just as I used to wish she’d stay a little girl spinning in front of the mirror, pretending she was the bride and practicing her I do’s to an imaginary man of her dreams.

Watching my little girl come out of the dressing room all grown up and looking so incredibly beautiful, I remembered those days long ago when Alexis would enact weddings from every era, creating stunning concoctions of lace and crinoline just so she and her sister and friends could play “the Bride.”

And here I am, many years later, watching it all unfold in real life. Where once a little girl spun in front of the mirror acting out her wedding day in some future year, she stands today, strong and proud, beautiful and free, a woman in today’s world, confident, kind, creative and a reflection of the friendships and love and family that has always surrounded her.

What a wonderful gift to the world she is.

Don’t Be Fooled By Me.

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

I am running off early this morning to take my eldest daughter to the airport.

So…. instead of a post by me, I invite you to click the link below and visit Talk to Diana. You will be inspired, moved and your heart will be touched.

Don’t Be Fooled By Me.

Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled.

What words can do.

Posted on July 14, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

They can be like a sun, words.
They can do for the heart
what light can
for a field.

-St. John of the Cross, Love Poems from God (trans. Daniel Ladinsky)

I read the words above this morning in an email from Abbey of the Arts and felt my heart break.

Open.

Open to the possibility of words shining light, of my heart lighting up in the possibility of what can happen when the sun shines through the cracks, through the darkness, through the unknown.

We use words. Every day.

We use words to build relationships, to tear down walls and sometimes, to tear apart one another.

We use words to create bridges, to cross paths, to reach beyond the gaps in what we know to see and hear and feel and understand what another knows.

Sometimes we use words as a means to keep one another apart, separate, distant.

Sometimes we used words to connect to one another, closer and closer until all there is between us is the common ground upon which we stand and build a new way of being together.

Yesterday, I spent the day in a leadership retreat with my peers at the foundation where I work.

The day was filled with words.

Words that expressed ideas, that opened up or shot down positions. Words that connected us, that bridged our differing perspectives that lead us from one strongly held position to another place where we could see there is perhaps another way, another space to fill up with new ideas, new possibilities.

Words are the tools we use to find common ground, to hold our ground, to stay stuck or to free ourselves to hear and see and understand differing perspectives.

Words allow us to connect to one another, whether we agree on the differing positions we cling to or they hold onto, or not.

Words hold truth and lies. Words hold positions of right and wrong. Words open up or close down possibility.

Words are our tools to create and our weapons to destroy.

Words are the language we use to create openings for the light to shine on where we stand.

Words are the language we use to block the light from getting through.

Yesterday, we met and used our words to explore and assess and share our thoughts and ideas and beliefs and fears on the future of the Foundation.

We used words as the language we needed to carry us into the known, and the unknown territory of our five year planning. Words helped us see the ground upon which we stand, and the path to where we want to go.

It was a day of discovery, of exploration, of aha moments and at times, laughter.

And, no matter what words we used, the common denominator was our agreement to use our words to create better, to create more, to open up understanding, acceptance and heartfelt sharing that would allow our words to be heard and honoured by one another.

There is truth in everything and not all things are true.

No matter how strongly worded our assertions are, the truth is always, we each hold positions. It’s how we use our words to defend our right to do so that can make a difference between a world of embittered defending of where we stand or a world of tolerance, compassion and kindness that allows each of us to stand confidently and lovingly on the ground beneath our feet as we find the words to move forward together.

Today is day 2 of our leadership retreat. I’m excited to see the words we share evolve into a path to creating a future where homelessness ends for every Calgarian, every day. A path where all Calgarians find their way home to being at peace with where they’re at, unafraid of what tomorrow will bring because no matter what tomorrow may bring, they know they are safe at home today and everyday.

Namaste.

Stampede has come and gone. yahoo.

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

For another 365 days, the Calgary Stampede has ridden off into the sunset. It will return. Make no mistake. It is an institution, a part of our Calgary culture that rides in every year on the first Friday of July to spend 10 days reminding everyone, residents and visitors alike, of our wild west roots planted deep into the prairie soil and our cowboy heritage ridin’ free on the range.

And as we don our blue jeans and cowboy hats, with Stampede comes the contradictions and the disparities woven into our social fabric. A man leans against a lamppost too drunk to walk another step. Another vomits on the sidewalk oblivious to the mess he’s making for someone else to clean up. A hundred dollars lets you jump the line-up at Cowboys’ giant beer tent on the Stampede Park if you don’t want to wait the 3 hours to pay the $30 entrance fee the hordes are waiting to pay to gain entrance. Amidst the midway rides and flashing lights, a fight breaks out on Stampede Park and three men are taken to hospital with stab wounds, one of them in serious condition. A car rolls over on a city roadway, alcohol plays a role. A threesome have sex on the street near a favourite downtown Stampede watering hole, and the city is polarized in its response.

And I walk down the street towards my office one morning, stepping over empty beer cans left by late night partiers, listening to the sounds of a live band entertaining the folks who’ve come out to enjoy free pancakes and bacon at the annual Stampede Breakfast kitty-corner to my office building. They are ubiquitous, these Stampede Breakfasts. They appear on every street corner and parking lot throughout the city over the course of the 10 days of Stampede. They speak of community, of people gathering together to share a meal and conversation and good spirits in the morning.

I am enjoying the music as I cross the street towards my office building. My thoughts are on the community-spirit of Stampede when I spy a man lying on the sidewalk. He is oblivious to the noise and frivolity. He is lying silently on his side, eyes closed as I approach.

I kneel down and ask him if I can help.

“Do you want me to call the DOAP team?” I ask. DOAP stands for Downtown Outreach Addictions Program. It is operated by Alpha House and provides mobile assistance to help vulnerable persons in our community get to a safe place.

The man lying on the sidewalk nods his head yes.

While I wait for the team to arrive I try to engage the man in conversation. I want to keep him awake. “What is your name?” I ask.

“Michael” he mumbles. “I want to go to Alpha House,” he adds.

“The DOAP team is on their way,” I tell him.

He looks up at me. His eyes are dark, red-lined. He licks his lips.

“Let me die,” he says.

My heart stops for a moment. I feel his pain. His sorrow. His despair.

“I can’t,” I tell him.

“Let me die,” he repeats.

And I am saddened.

His roots are buried deep into the prairie soils. His roots are native to the wide open plains that surround our city. They run deeper than the cowboy trails that brought white settlers westward long ago paving over centuries of First Nations roaming proud and strong and free on these lands.

No more.

He lies on the hard, cold concrete that covers the lands where once his forbears rode free and pleads with a stranger to let him die.

And on the other corner, country and western music blares, bacon sizzles on the grill and sweet maple syrup runs freely onto pancakes as Stampede revellers enjoy breakfast in the sun.

“This land is my land, this land is your land.”

And no where in these lands is there a place for Michael to find a road back to his roots. Buried beneath generations of cultural genocide precipitated by white man’s journey across these lands we call home, he has lost himself to a past he cannot remember and does not dare to see.

Yahoo! Stampede has come to town reminding us of our heritage. For 10 days, cowboys and cowgirls roam the streets partaking of the wild west parties and celebrations of our past. Forgotten are the buffalo ranging free and warriors riding proud and strong who fell beneath the weight of our desire to own the lands they once roamed free.

There was a man lying on the street. He reminded me that not all our history is built on the proud conquest of the wild west. It is also built on the conquering of the people who once claimed this land as their land.

When stars do not fall and the sun’s shadow casts moonlight

Posted on July 8, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

The stars held their place in the universe last night. Their sparkling light cast a net across the night time sky twinkling joyfully in fiery abandon. They did not fall to the ground to smother earth in their blanket. They held their place and shone bright.

The moon stayed on high, shining bright, spending its time reflecting the light of the sun as earth orbited in orderly fashion around it.

And shadows lengthened. And shadows shortened. And tides ebbed in and out. And the universe continued its journey through time unnoticed, unremarked, unobserved.

All is as it is. All is what it is in the universe. We walk this planet oblivious to its grand design, and all is as it is.

Have you smiled this morning in gratitude?

Have you smiled?

I awoke this morning to Beaumont’s quivering body squirming to get out of his kennel where he spends the nights sleeping at the end of our bed.

I smiled.

And I laughed.

And I cuddled his sweet puppy body against my heart and whispered, I love you dear Beaumont, as I carried him outside to the grass. I stood in the sun as he sniffed the dew-kissed earth searching for just the right spot to relieve himself. I stood in the sun and felt the warmth of morning light falling upon my face. I smelt the fresh crisp air of morning. Heard the birds singing in the trees.

And I breathed deeply of morning’s grace and I smiled.

What a wonderful day to be alive.

I am grateful.

For many mornings past, I never stepped out into the world around me when first I arose. I had no reason and did not make the connection that stepping out into the air outside my back door awakens my senses to the wonder and beauty and bounty of the earth all around me.

I am grateful for Beaumont’s presence and his reminder to appreciate and give thanks for the world around me.

Scientists predict that by the year 2050 we will be over 9 billion people on this planet.

9 billion + people.

They also predict that with so many people on earth, we will each have to be make do with 40% less of life’s essential resources — water and oxygen.

Staggering thought. Will we have to breathe less? Drink less? How will we survive?

What can I do today to create better for tomorrow?

What can I contribute, give, create that will improve life on earth today and thus, ripple out into the future in ever increasing waves of joy-inducing harmony?

My smile.

My joy.

My laughter.

My love.

To change the world, I must raise my consciousness on how I walk on this planet. I must go in peace. Softly. Gently. Respectfully.

Changing the world begins with me.

When each of us accepts we are the change we seek to create in the world, and act from our higher ground, acknowledging and being accountable for every step, every breath, every act, we will create a better world as we treat the world better, together.

Namaste.

Routine soothes the feathered soul – Tales of Beaumont

Posted on July 7, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

The Beau and his friend Diana

I am back to the office today. I’ve been off since Beaumont came home on Wednesday, though yesterday, I took him in for a couple of hours so I could attend a meeting.

He was in heaven. So much attention. So many people to meet and be adored by and adoring of.

This morning, I think we just might have the foundation of a workable routine forming.

Yesterday I bought a portable kennel to put in our bedroom and for C.C. to take to the office when The Beau goes with him.

Last night is the first night he used it and, he slept all night! From 10:30 pm to 5 am. Now that’s progress. Up until last night, I was getting up at least once to let him out. He has a kennel in the kitchen (C.C. says it’s the size of a Parisian apartment). In The Beau’s book, that is just too far away from the one’s he loves! Which means, when put inside at bedtime, he whimpers and whines and yips for a good ten minutes before quietening down. Waking up in the middle of the night, he was reminded of his alone status and pleaded for attention, as well as outside access.

When he went to bed last night, his little head peaked up out of the open top of the kennel. He looked at C.C. and me reading in bed, made sure we weren’t going anywhere and then, with just a little whimper, curled up and went to sleep on the bed in his kennel.

This morning, when I got up at 5, he was sitting quietly waiting for me to release him and take him outside. Now, he’s back in bed with C.C. content to continue sleeping. Yes I know, I wrote ‘in bed with C.C.’ not ‘in his kennel’ This his his morning treat and as this is the first day he’ll not have me home it seems appropriate he get a special treat as C.C. won’t be taking him to the office this morning. He has a golf game at noon and will work from home until then. Which means, The Beau will be alone part of the afternoon until I come home around 3 or 4!

It is all an adjustment, necessary and welcome, but a re-jigging of our schedules and way of doing things none-the-less.

This routine we are creating in the mornings, gives me quiet time for meditation and to write. How perfect is that?

Routine is important in my life. Routine allows me to not think about some of the daily things I have to do to keep my life on track.

Yet, routine gives rise to the contradiction of being present versus being numbed to the moment. It causes me to wonder though if too much emphasis on ‘being present’ can become a routine as well!

I went looking for a quote on the benefits of routine and found little. Most speak to the drudgery and stultifying nature of routine.

How fascinating.

For me, routine feels soothing, and in this complex world, things that soothe my feathered soul create peaceful interludes. They give me space to breathe into each moment without having to plan each moment’s breath.

One quote I found that supports my POV is from Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence. Goleman says, “Scheduling down time as part of your routine is hard but worth it, personally, even professionally.”

Beaumont and I are creating a routine. Part of that requires me to change up how long I appear at my keyboard every morning. To ensure Beaumont’s well-being, and create my peace of mind, I must carve out some time for that all essential morning walk.

Time is finite and I have no desire to get up earlier than 5 am. So, the time must be carved from what exists right now, in this space here.

I’ve cut back from 90 minutes at my computer to 60. We’ll see how it goes.

For now, I’m off to engage in my morning routine and to add the delight of a morning walk with The Beau! How delightful is that!

Namaste.

No matter what, always love. Tales of Beaumont

Posted on July 6, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

Beau the Warrior Pup — Photo by Tamz

Before Beaumont entered our household I warned Marley, The Great Cat, that life as he knew it was about to end.

I should have told myself the same thing.

Puppydom is an adventure.

Sleep schedules are disturbed. House-proofing for puppy teeth is necessary. Vigilance essential.

And I wouldn’t change a thing, even the fact my schedule is more erratic, less predictable and definitely not always my own. But I am loving my naps!

Like having a new baby in the house, a puppy demands constant attention and continuous watching. A moment of silence and no sign of Beaumont in the same room is not a good thing. One minute a wooden box is just a wooden box for keepsakes, the next, it’s a teething ring. A mad spin playing chase about the house is just a happy dance until suddenly, in the flash of an eye, it ends with a squat and a small puddle appearing on the floor before I even have time to recognize the signs of nature’s call for bladder relief.

Where once every room had open doors, now gates block easy access through those doorways that do not have doors. Hardwood flooring is a gift. Rugs are either mistaken for grass or possibly the newest chew toy.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Beau the Warrior Pup is a gift. A wonderful, delightful, squirmy gift of love and licks and puppy breath and big dark eyes pleading for attention, yearning to get closer and closer to my heart.

And, he is a lesson in patience.

There is no sense in getting angry at a puppy. No need. They are driven by the moment, with nary a thought for the future, though there are moments when I lose myself in forward thinking ‘hurry-up this puppydom’ stage so he’ll be all grown up and we can get back to life as we knew it. Thing is, life as we knew it ‘sans puppy’ is over. Life with Beau is the way of the future. Good thing Beau has the natural ability to bring me back to the here and now. In the here and now is where the action is, where life is happening, good and bad. With Beau’s presence I am learning to pay attention to what’s going on around me and not thinking about what life will be like in some unknown, future time.

In one of the books I’ve been reading on raising a puppy the author says that if your puppy makes a mess in the house, don’t hit his nose with a newspaper. Instead, take that rolled up newspaper and hit yourself over the head. You’re the reason he just made that mess on the floor. You’re the reason your favourite Italian designer shoes got chewed up. Pay Attention! Take Care and above all, stay firm, consistent and aware at all times. There’s no such thing as a natural born bad puppy — there are only undisciplined owners who are unwilling to put in the time, with love and patience, to raise their puppy right.

Patience is essential in raising a puppy. Patience and consistency. Oh, and a kennel and lots of freeze-dried liver treats and toys and breathing. Ah yes, breathing. Deep calming breaths that remind me, no matter what’s happening around me, to stay calm and puppy on.

I’m puppying on. Like life, Beau reminds me that this is a joyful journey best taken with ample doses of exuberance, curiosity, laughter and, no matter what, love. Always love.

**********************************

I will be writing in the days and weeks to come, not as consistently as in the past, but I will be here, and while I won’t always be writing about Beau the Warrior Pup, he will be appearing here a lot! I guarantee it. He’s a heart-stealing, soul invading warrior pup. And, he’s just so dang cute! 🙂

Lessons from a warrior pup

Posted on July 2, 2015 by Louise Gallagher

He has been with us 27 hours and already Beaumont the Warrior Pup is teaching many lessons.
Less than 12 pounds his fluffy black and white body lays still in my arms, his desire to get close, to lay right next to my heart, overriding any need to run free.

And then, he finds something to explore and wanders off, each exploration taking him further and further from me, until, he reaches the limits of his comfort zone and returns to my side. Right now, he is lying on the grass at my feet, chewing on a slim rawhide the man at the pet store gave him when we went out on an adventure.

Beaumont is not happy in the back seat of the car. It’s too far from human connection, too alone and he has no qualms about voicing his disatisfaction. The man at the pet store told me not to worry. Give him a few days and he’ll remember only your love. You’re the one he’ll get close to. Help him feel safe.

Good advice, for anyone. pup or human.

Lesson No 1. from the Warrior Pup: Get close. Climb into someone’s heart just by being you and stay close. Always. You gotta be close to those who love and support you to know the true value of love and all its safety.

Lesson No 2. Expect nothing but love. Settle for nothing less and count on those who love you to keep you safe when you first venture out into new or unknown territory. They love you, they won’t let you down in Love.

Lesson No 3: Treasure every small thing. See the delight in the smallest thing, from a leaf flying on the breeze stirring the grasses on the lawn to a flower drooping over the edge of a pot, to a dish of water sparkling in the sun on the deck. Take delight and treasure even the smallest things in life.

Less No 4: Take lots of naps. Life on the outside of your comfort zone can be tiring. Nap often. Nap next to your favourite person or with your belly pressed full out along the floor if you’re hot. But no matter what, nap often.