I want to write of gratitude of how this year hasn’t been so bad how there’s so much good that’s come out of the bad and how I’ve learned so much and grown and found my way clear to living in this moment but the darkness outside my window seems to linger and I feel myself falling into its cloying embrace hoping it might hold me just a little bit longer all the while hoping it will let me go find my way out of the darkness. And my shoulders slump and my body grows tired of waiting for the morning light. I lean back into my chair close my eyes and try to take a deep breath but it’s not very deep this morning breath filled with the weary and worry of these times that seem to grow heavier with every news report I read. And as I sit with eyes closed I hear my Auntie Maggie’s voice who at 90 lives alone in the city in southern India where she and my mother were born. She hasn’t been out of her house since March her only contact with ‘the outside world’ her two servants who come daily and a neighbour who visits regularly and her What’sApp calls where she sometimes laughs and sometimes cries and always sings me a song from her childhood when she and my mother and all their siblings lived together in what they called their own private Shangri-la. Your mama loved to sing, she says And I remember and hear her sweet voice singing her favourite Christmas song, “Il est né le divin enfant Jouez hautbois, résonnez musettes” And I smile and open my eyes and see that in those few moments while I sat with eyes closed and spirits flagging the sun has broken through the darkness and streaked the sky with rosy hues that glow and pulse across the horizon in undulating waves of violet and pink and tiffany blue and the trees are dressed in cloaks of rose-brushed gold and the river flows deep in the morning glory of dawn breaking free of night. I want to write of gratitude and find myself here in this moment falling breathlessly into the beauty of light bursting through the cracks. I want to write of gratitude but words escape me as I breathe into the grace that arrives with every breath when I let go of what I want of what I miss or regret or yearn for and let this prayer of two simple words be all that I can say. Thank You.
One of Leonard Cohen’s most immortal chorus’ from his song Anthem is,
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
So often, we search for the perfect moment, the perfect setting, perfect everything before taking action in our lives.
There is no perfect anything that will create peace or joy or contentment or love.
Peace, joy, contentment, love, all matters of the heart, are not found in our search for perfection, they are found right where we stand, right where we are at, as we are.
They are found in our acceptance, our allowing, our being who we are in the moment of noticing that this moment, right now, is filled with potent possibility. This moment right now is the one that counts because this is the moment we have to take action, make a difference, make a decision to choose love over war, peace over discord, joy over sadness.
We seek perfection yet, it lives right now, in every moment, full of the delicate grace that comes when we sink into the stillness within and stop our mind’s constant striving for the more perfect moment, person, job, situation, idea. The more prefect time to be happy, content, joyful, loving, peaceful…
When we shine our light on what is and see what is present in its many facets, we find ourselves filling up on the beauty, wonder and awe of everything.
When we breathe deeply into the cracks in our heart, the broken places and the worn down edges of our dreams, the light shines through, showing us, all is not lost. It is all still present in all its perfect imperfections, cracks and all.
There is no perfect moment to love, or dance, or laugh or spin about in joy. There is only now. Perfectly illuminated by the light shining through the cracks we couldn’t see when our eyes were closed in the darkness of beliving, now was not the right time to let go of the things that hurt, the things we cannot change.
As Cohen wrote, “there is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
In every crack there is the possibility of light shining through, as long as we open our eyes and choose to let the light in through Love.