The message was terrifying. A sad smiley face and the words written in soft blue across my computer screen. “Ooops. Google couldn’t find dareboldly.com. Did you mean darebody.com?”
No. I did not mean dare body. I meant dare boldly. I typed it into the browser bar again. Ahh, if fingers talk do you think Google can hear calling it an idiot beneath my typing? Hope not!!!!
But then I wonder… maybe it can. I get the same message. Can’t find it.
What do you mean you can’t find it? I was just on it. Granted. It was all messed up. The formatting all HTMLy and linear with no graphics and little beauty. But it’s there you idiot. (note to self. Do not call anyone or anything an idiot, even in cyberland. It’s not good for your state of mind.)
Right. But where was I in my panic attack? Oh yah. Terrified to type the letters to my URL into my browser again just in case it was true. All was lost…
Dare I try it again?
My heart was pounding. My body tensing up as fast as a flash freeze killing off all access to air as it wrapped its icy grip around the naked branches of a winter-bare tree.
I opened a new browser. Entered the URL.
The cyber-gremlins hadn’t stolen my blog. It was all there.
But for a moment, I had thought it was all gone. I had believed it was destroyed. Vanished. Evaporated. Disappeared into the abyss never to be seen again.
It only took an instant. It only took one message to momentarily pull me from my path, to tear away my peace of mind and sense of rightness with the world.
Yeah. All it took to set my heart racing, my temples pounding and my pulse tripping was a message from Google.
I am constantly astounded, and fascinated, by how fragile peace of mind can be sometimes. How the voices of doom can be so close. How the victim’s call can be so seductive.
In the few moments it took for my blog to right itself, for Google to quit sending me dire notes, for cyberspace to give it all back in the right format, I fell into that place where messages of, “I told you so.” “It was bound to happen. Nothing ever goes right for you.” leapt into the darkness of my thoughts spiralling into doom.
Ain’t gonna happen.
But man, it sure is a good wake-up call to remember, the darkness is as close as the edge of the light.
It sure is a fascinating look into how easy it is to get pulled from ease into disquiet. To see how trust and all its demands continues to require my attention, my commitment, my Be. Do. Have of living life in the rapture of now, trusting in the process, trusting in the universe around me, trusting in the Divine to be one with me, of me, within me, championing my well-being, celebrating each step I take, in darkness and in light.
And yes, I know it was just a momentary glitch in cyberspace. No big deal.
But… when the deal is related to this space, this place where I have invested so many words, feelings, thoughts, ideas. This place that has taught me to be vulnerable, open, transparent and dare I say it, trusting. Well, the lesson is always there. The opportunity to dive deeper, learn and explore more, always present.
Cyberspace caught my attention this morning. And in its wake-up call, I was reminded to keep the light on what I’m doing and, to stay unattached to the outcome.
I was also reminded to do the right thing — like maybe, it’s time to backup my database?
Now that would be a good idea!