A Grandmother’s Code for her Grandchild

Photo by Liane Metzler on Unsplash

In September of last year, I wrote about the Fierce Love that consumed me when I learned that I would be becoming a grandmother this March.

Our grandson’s arrival is fast approaching.

And my fierce love grows stronger.

I know that there is nothing I can do to alter the course of her pregnancy. I know that the medical team guiding her through this last trimester is competent and professional. And, I know that along with their midwife, Dula and Obstetrician, my daughter, son-in-love and grandson are in excellent hands and are well-cared-for on this journey.

But it doesn’t change my desire to do something to make a difference.

Which is why I awoke early this morning thinking about what I could do.

“Get conscious of what it is you want to teach your grandson and how you plan on going about doing it,” the quiet voice within whispered.

What do I want to teach my grandson?

I want to teach him that who and how he is in the world makes a difference because his being in this world makes a difference.

I want him to know that this world is a place of awe and wonder. That amidst the turmoil, pain and chaos, that kindness, beauty, creativity, compassion are essential. And that in all things, all places, all situations, Love is always the answer.

And I can only do that by showing him through everything I do and say and am:

The power of kindness.

The beauty of honesty.

The gift of creativity.

The exquisiteness of compassion.

The grace of Love.

By living through these tenets, I want him to know that he doesn’t have to do anything to make a difference because his presence in this world makes our world so exquisitely and lovingly different.



What do you do when you’re afraid of the truth?

Truth is, we have all avoided or tried to ignore truth in certain situations.

We have all found ourselves in places where facing the truth is the last thing we want to do.

It can be a big thing, like realizing it’s time to leave a relationship and wanting to pretend it’s not.

It can be smaller things. Like knowing you’ve got a cavity and need to get it fixed but letting it go, on and on. Or, avoiding telling a friend you can’t make their birthday party because you had a prior commitment, but don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings by telling the truth.

Avoidance strengthens fear.

When we avoid truth-speaking, it strengthens our fear of truth.

There is nothing to fear in truth-telling, but when we avoid it, there is a momentary relief that happens when the brain realizes it ‘dodged that bullet’ for a moment.

Then reality hits. The truth is still unspoken. You think about facing it but the critter inside says, “Remember how good it felt to not tell truth? You can have that feeling again by avoiding it now.”

And somewhere inside you a voice responds, “Oh yeah. That’s right. It felt okay to not deal with that now. I’ll put it off some more. Maybe I’ll never have to face it.”

And the relationship, or your toothache, or the leak under the sink, gets worse and your feelings of wanting to avoid the truth strengthen. Not because the truth is fearful, but rather, because your brain has decided avoiding truth feels better than speaking truth.

To avoid falling into the trap of convincing yourself not speaking truth is better than facing reality, be like Nike. Just do it.

No matter your fear. No matter the voice inside urging you to retreat. Just do it.

Speak truth.

As the saying goes, “Turn up. Pay attention. Speak your truth. Stay unattached to the outcome.”

To avoid fear or feeling badly about yourself, or negative self-talk that whispers about your inadequacies and short-comings, clean up your life by getting clean on the truth with yourself.

That doesn’t mean it’s a free ride to say what you want. Remember, in all things be kind.

Truth in its purest form does not hurt. It sets us free. To be kind. To be thoughtful. To be caring and above all, Loving.

For me, the truth in this moment is, I’ve been fighting a cold all week. I have struggled with being present because I’m tired and feeling less than par. I’ve wanted to avoid turning up because I’d rather be in bed!

Truth is, when I turn up how I am, where I am, I bring the best of me, however I am in that moment, to the page.

In my turning up, I remind myself that no matter my fear of ‘writing bad’, or not making sense, or not being as impactful as I tell myself I need to be, being here isn’t about ‘the outcome’. My turning up here is something I do for myself every day to set myself free to live my day in the light of knowing, I am giving my best, in this moment right now and, my best is good enough.

And that’s the truth!



To Be At Peace

To be at peace doesn’t mean rolling over and giving up.

To be at peace is the art of keeping your cool, no matter how fierce the winds are swirling around you, or how harsh the cold.

It means staying true to your values, your beliefs, no matter how hard the knock.

It means, not striking out because someone struck first, and instead, responding to create the more of what you want in the world, not the less of their actions.

Our human nature often wants to strike back. Get even. Make them feel what we felt.

Yet, to do so doesn’t make us feel better if in striking back, we too are hurt, we too are carrying the burden of regret, of anger, of pain.

Getting even gives short term gain. Long term pain.

Go for the long game. Find the path to peace by holding yourself 100% accountable for all your actions, words, thoughts and deeds. Stand true to who you are. Act out of your values and do not let yourself be pulled into the storm of someone else’s chaos. Create peace where ever you are and seek it in all things.


See Only Love

Have you ever noticed how often you interpret someone’s facial expression as being negative? How you see their ‘look’ as meaning they don’t like what you said, or disagree, or don’t like you?

And then, when you discern negativity, how often you change your words, or apologize, or explain away whatever your opinion was?

What if instead of jumping to conclusions, you instead jumped into the belief, there is only Love to see. Love is all around. And in Love, there is only acceptance. Compassion. Empathy. Understanding..

In Love, there is no need to change your opinion or switch gears to please another, or to avoid what you believe will be an unpleasant conversation.

In Love, there is only the opportunity to dive deeper into what connects us. In Love, there is no rejection. There is only the space for closeness.

Try it. Just for today. Instead of watching for negativity, seek to see only Love.