Category Archives: Essential Journey

When a hug is all you have to give.

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Year’s ago, while sitting in a coffee shop by myself, a young woman sat at the table across from me and cried. I remember thinking at the time that I would like to get up and ask her if there was anything I could do. To offer a listening ear, a hug, some reassurance to help her through whatever the pain was she was feeling in that moment.

I did nothing.

At the time, I was immersed in my own drama and angst, faltering on life’s road as I sank deeper and deeper into a relationship that was killing me. I remember thinking, what can I offer her when I am so sad and scared myself? How can I give her solace when I am so lacking in peace of mind?

I let my fear of rejection hold me back and I did nothing.

Fast forward several years and the inertia of that moment reminds me to not let fear hold me back from reaching out to those I encounter on my path who I sense are in need of solace.

Recently, at a play during the Fringe Festival, I sat beside a young woman who, even though the play was a comedy, began to cry with heart-wrenching sobs in the darkness of the theatre.

I wanted to reach out and hold her hand and let her know, she was safe.

So I did. I did not let my fear of rejection, or being wrong in my summation of the situation, hold me back.

I made the human connection. She gripped my hand tightly for a few moments, her sobs eased and the play moved on.

After the play we stood and chatted for a few moments and I asked her if I could give her a hug. “I don’t know what is happening in your life right now,” I whispered as I wrapped her in my arms. “I am sorry you are in such pain.”

She clung to me for a few moments, gripped me tightly, thanked me and then stepped back. We went our separate ways.

On Sunday, while walking with Beaumont at the off leash park, a woman walked towards me. As she wasn’t walking a dog I called Beaumont to my side. I don’t like him to bother people unless invited. As the distance between us closed, she called out and said it was okay for Beaumont to greet her. I come to the dog park to get a puppy fix, she said. It’s hard to be sad when watching the antics of dogs, and their owners, she added.

We chatted for a few moments and she kept dabbing beneath her eyes with a kleenex. I thought her tears were caused by the smoke that has clutched our city for the past week as the winds have blown the smoke from the fires south of the border north.

Are you okay? I asked.

Not really, she replied.

I looked at her as tears streamed down her face and asked, “You seem very sad. Can I give you a hug?”

She started to shake her head from side to side and midway stopped and said, “Yes please.”

And we embraced on the ridge overlooking the river. And the smoke swirled around us and Beaumont sat at our feet.

I’m getting a divorce, she said. It’s really awful.

I’ve had one of those I told her. It hurts. But it does get better. In fact, it gets so much better I just got married.

She stepped back out of our embrace and said, “You did? You actually trusted a man enough to do that?”

I smiled and told her that it wasn’t about trusting a man, it was about learning to trust myself enough to know, I am okay, no matter what happens.

We were married 35 years, she told me. He left me for his cousin.

That must have really hurt, I said.

She nodded her head.

I am sorry for your pain. Sorry this happened to you, I told her. In time, the pain will ease.

Will the tears stop? she asked.

I smiled and told her yes. They do.

Thank you she said, and we parted and went our separate ways. As she walked away she stopped and turned back towards me and said. “Thank you for the hug. I needed that.”

Years ago a young woman sat in a coffee shop across from me and cried. I did nothing.

I thank her today for teaching me the value of doing something whenever I have the chance to make a connection and let a stranger know, I see you. I do not know what burden you are carrying but for this moment, let me help you carry it so you do not feel alone.

Namaste.

Living the whole shebang

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This morning’s TUT — A Note From the Universe, made me smile:

“Every once in a while, with gaps in time that stretch for eons, someone like you comes along who instinctively trusts their inner senses more than their physical senses, the unseen more than the seen, and whose life-insights are so piercing that they unwittingly blow the entire model of spiritual evolution to smithereens.

“Gabriel, did you register Louise Gallagher’s epiphany yesterday? Raise expectations on all human beings another 72 gigatrons, and tell not a soul.”

How do you do that?
The Universe”

It was this line in particular that got me,  “instinctively trusts their inner senses more than their physical senses”.

I find it fascinating how one line can make so much sense to me, even if I’ve heard it before, or considered it in the past and thought, “Hmmm… that makes sense. I’ll have to think about it.”

And then, an email lands in my Inbox, or I read a line somewhere or hear someone say something and it’s as if I’ve just suddenly awoken from a long nap and found the truth glaring at me in the brilliance of the sun’s light beaming down on a hot summer’s day. A truth I was blinded to because, well I just wasn’t sitting at the right angle to see beyond the sun’s glare or maybe had my attention focused somewhere else, or on someone else, and wasn’t paying attention. And then it hits me. “Oh, that’s why I am how I am in the world!”

There was a time when I didn’t trust that deep, stirring within. That quiet voice whispering truths from my soul into my mind, guiding me intuitively into being present in the world, right now, this way I am. There was a time when I didn’t trust it and rather than give into it, I fought it.

And my life was fraught with messiness. My being full of insecurities. My essence filled with anxiety.

In those days, my smile was a shield, my eyes a mirror of whomever and whatever I encountered. I used my thinking like a weapon designed to fend off any interloping thoughts that threatened to undermine whatever piece of mind I was clinging to in my efforts to feel safe, secure and like I belonged.

I had moments of happiness. Moments of joy. Moments of feeling complete, part of a greater whole, part of a world where I belonged simply because I am here.

I had moments of ‘feeling it’. I did not have complete ‘knowing of it’. Complete surrender to it.

Life is a process of taking one step after another. It is a journey of discovery. Some of it we spend in the darkness. Some we share in the light. All of the journey makes the whole thing an adventure worth living in the knowing of our true essence, our true selves, our true magnificence in this world of wonder.

meditation masters

Source: Zen Flash

We can turn up in life fearful of our magnificence, continually kicking and pushing against our true essence. We can push back, pull back, pull out of living wild and free in the ecstasy of being who we are in this moment, right now. We often do.

It doesn’t change who we are. It simply impacts how we are travelling this journey of life.

Our essence is the whole shebang. When we give into the wonder and beauty of our soul’s radiant joy shining in this moment right now, no matter how bright, dim or shadowed we feel in this moment, we come fully alive. When we surrender to the wonder of being who we are, how we are in this world, right now, we become the truth of our being human; we are capable of great kindness, compassion, humanity, love. It is the essence of our human condition.

And all we’ve got to do to experience the whole shebang is surrender. Just open our eyes and hearts and whole beings to the knowing, who we know ourselves to be right now, is just a tiny portion of our fullness in the universe, and WOW!  Aren’t we amazing just the way we are!

And so it is.

Namaste.

 

 

Addictions Treatment: Is it all about the money?

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In his provocative and compelling TEDGlobal Talk on addictions, journalist Johann Hari says, “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”

Titled, “Everything you know about addictions is wrong” Hari suggests the research has it all wrong. That what we do to the addicts in our world is not working because we haven’t looked at the other ways that do work.He cites the case of Portugal which has de-criminalized all drugs from Marijuana to Heroin and is experiencing dramatic results as a case in point.

His talk is engaging, but it’s also depressing, writes Doug Chaudron, formerly of Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health and author of Theories on Alcoholism. In his response to Hari’s TED Talk at The Progressive Economics Forum, he writes that there is nothing new in what Hari is suggesting. The addictions recovery business has seen the research and known that there are alternatives that work better for decades.

” The depressing part is that the research (e.g., Alexander’s Rat Park) and the conceptual alternatives he discusses have been well known in the addictions business for decades.

…Equally, even more, depressing is that the concepts have not “penetrated” the addiction-treatment industry. For an equal number of decades, research has shown that: shorter treatment is as effective as, or more effective than, longer treatment; outpatient treatment is as effective as, or more effective than, inpatient treatment; treatment by modestly-trained counselors is as effective as, or more effective than, treatment by heavily-trained experts; and brief interventions are as effective as, or more effective than, extensive and intensive interventions. But the treatment industry continues to prescribe long-term, intensive, inpatient treatment delivered by highly-trained experts.”

Chaudron’s conclusion is as depressing as what he says about Hari’s talk.

It’s all about The Money.

Go figure.

A billion dollar recovery industry is all about the money.

We could do better. We choose not to because… money talks.

The voice of money is louder than the voice of 10% Albertans who live with an addiction.

The voice of money is louder than doing the best and right thing for those suffering from addictions. And while Hari has not discovered a new understanding of addiction and simply repackaged old information, the fact is, as Chaudron says,

“research also leads to the discovery that the less-effective forms of treatment involve the making of more MONEY by their providers than the proven alternatives. Surprise, surprise…”

Regardless, Hari’s TED talk is worth watching because in the end, it’s not about the addiction it’s about people, relationships and connections. It’s about our ability to be compassionate and our ability to LOVE.

There is no perfect way to Love. 

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Beaumont: Every moment is the perfect moment to rest.

 One of Leonard Cohen’s most immortal chorus’ from his song Anthem is, 

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

So often, we search for the perfect moment, the perfect setting, perfect everything before taking action in our lives.

There is no perfect anything that will create peace or joy or contentment or love.

Peace, joy, contentment, love, all matters of the heart, are not found in our search for perfection, they are found right where we stand, right where we are at, as we are.

They are found in our acceptance, our allowing, our being who we are in the moment of noticing that this moment, right now, is filled with potent possibility. This moment right now is the one that counts because this is the moment we have to take action, make a difference, make a decision to choose love over war, peace over discord, joy over sadness.

We seek perfection yet, it lives right now, in every moment, full of the delicate grace that comes when we sink into the stillness within and stop our mind’s constant striving for the more perfect moment, person, job, situation, idea. The more prefect time to be happy, content, joyful, loving, peaceful…

When we shine our light on what is and see what is present in its many facets, we find ourselves filling up on the beauty, wonder and awe of everything.

When we breathe deeply into the cracks in our heart, the broken places and the worn down edges of our dreams, the light shines through, showing us, all is not lost. It is all still present in all its perfect imperfections, cracks and all.

There is no perfect moment to love, or dance, or laugh or spin about in joy. There is only now. Perfectly illuminated by the light shining through the cracks we couldn’t see when our eyes were closed in the darkness of beliving, now was not the right time to let go of the things that hurt, the things we cannot change.

As Cohen wrote, “there is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

In every crack there is the possibility of light shining through, as long as we open our eyes and choose to let the light in through Love.
 

Truth is not a weapon.

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Truth is not a weapon I wield like a sword, chopping down those who oppose me.

Truth is where I stand in my heart, allowing all things to be as all things are, without the need to make all things be my truth.

 

So often, we believe to have our truth heard, we must speak above others, drowning out their voices so only ours remains.

That is not truth-speaking.

For our truth to be heard, we must speak it in peace. Using our words kindly to create space for someone else to hear us, and for us to hear them.

Sometimes, truth can hurt. But it hurts much less when we take care to speak our truth with compassion, giving care to how the other will feel when the words we speak stand between us.

Are our words a barrier or a bridge?

Are they a minefield of discord or filled with a desire to find common ground?

Do our words pierce like an arrow or open minds to understanding one another’s hearts?

I was at a meeting yesterday where two years ago, the same people sitting around the table sat on opposite sides of the fence. To find common ground, we had to make room for all truths to stand without judgement. We had to allow space for our opposing views to be heard without fear of being drowned out in the anger and fear of our differing perspectives and understanding of what had happened. We had to listen to what ‘the other’ had to say about what had gone wrong, and what wasn’t working without denying the truth of what was said.

In the process, we found room for all our views to co-exist. We found strength to bridge the gaps between our differing views to create a better everyone could live with and within.

There is truth in everything, yet not all things are true.

It is true, there is war in the world. Yet, the whole world is not engaged in war.

It is true, there is discrimination in the world. Yet, discrimination does not rule the whole world.

It is true, there is poverty. Yet, poverty is not true for everyone.

Until we hear all things without fearing ‘the truth’ of all things, we will not find the path to see and hear and feel what is true without fearing the other’s truth will prevail, take over, overcome what is true in our world.

Until we speak our truth, in peace, allowing love and compassion to soothe our words, our truth will be viewed by someone as untrue or unkind.

“Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.”  ― Warren W. Wiersbe

Until our truth becomes the ground upon which we stand in love and harmony, our truth will be the weapon others use to stand apart.

Namaste.

 

 

 

 

Do life or be done by life. There is no in-between.

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do life copyWe can either do life or be done by life. There is no in-between place where life is not happening.

As so often happens, the words emerged as I was rising out of my meditation this morning.

And then I forgot them.

Ugh.

I scrunched up my eyes, scrunched up my face into a grim expression and fought to remember the words that had hit me like a potent cocktail just moments before.

Relax. Breathe, the voice of wisdom from within me whispered.

Relax. Breathe.

And the words emerged.

We can either do life or be done by life. There is no in-between place where life is not happening.

There is no in-between place.

Where are you in your life today? Are you standing in your power? Standing in your voice, speaking out in loving kindness for what is true for you?

Or, are you letting life have its way with you? Letting life dictate the ebbs and flows, rhythm and tempo of your journey? Stuffing down the words you yearn to speak, the actions you ache to make?

It’s often been said, ‘life is not a dress-rehearsal’.

It’s the real deal. The real thing. And we only have one crack at gettin’ ‘er done.

Get on with life today.

Breathe deeply and tell yourself, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is my life where I stand tall, speak up and let out all the wonder and magnificence that lives within me, just waiting for me to wake up and set it free.

It’s easy to feel defeated. It’s easy to feel like life is a daily struggle to get by, moment to moment, without any thought for the quality of each moment passing by.

Being passive in life is easy. It’s what you’ve done for so long. It’s how you’ve felt for the forever past you can remember.

Let go.

Being passive in life doesn’t get you anything other than more misery, more feeling defeated, more feeling like you’re not worth the bother.

Give it up.

And hold on.

Hold on to the belief that if you don’t turn up and speak your truth and live your life as if it’s the only life you’ve got, no one else will. No one else can.

Sure, there are rocks on the road, hills to climb, obstacles to overcome.

That’s life.

And so much more.

There are sunrises to witness. Sunsets to breathe into.

There are rivers to swim and seas to cross.

There are mountains to summit and ocean deeps to dive into.

There are pools of love to fall into. There are arms to embrace and smiles to share.

There are moments to experience the wonder and awe and pure joy of being alive, being here, being you!

Don’t let life do you. You do it!

Go on. You know you want to. Go ahead. Do life!

 

 

We are constantly becoming

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Beaumont becoming comfortable in his chair

Beaumont becoming comfortable in his chair

This time, the thought does not float into my mind as I am sitting in the quiet of meditation. “I am engaged in a battle of wills. My ego will versus my body will.”

That’s the thought that arrives, unbidden, to taunt me with its truth as I am walking along the street with Beaumont, smiling at his antics as he sniffs every blade of grass and chases errant leaves tossed on the wind.

And it’s true.

My ego will would have me slip into sluggishness, defying gravity and time’s pull upon my body, telling me I’m getting enough exercise. I don’t need to lift weights or do anything special to keep my body carrying me around with minimal aches and pains.

My body will would have me rise up and get moving, in every direction, in every way, to keep it sliding effortlessly through gravity and time, defying my ego’s sibilant whispers to slip into something more comfortable and relax, ease out, ease up.

As the story goes of the native elder telling his grandson about the two wolves, black and white/good and evil, the winner will be the one I choose to feed.

In a battle of wills I must feed the one that serves me best.

My body.

My ego would have me believe that ‘becoming fit’ is too far away, too lofty a goal. Take it easy. Relax.

My body knows, there’s no arriving at a place where I become ‘fit’, or whole or everything I want to be. There is only this constant becoming.

In all things.

In all ways. I am constantly becoming in whatever direction I am going.

Whether I do more, or do less, I am constantly becoming, it’s just sometimes, I am not always going in the direction I need to go to find myself at ease.

When I find myself someplace I don’t want to be, thinking about it won’t change where I’m at, just as thinking about anything does not make it so. Taking action does.

I have spent many years thinking about who and how I want to be in the world. Thinking about it does not make it so. It is the constant becoming, the continuous doing of who and how I want to be that creates the me I am in the world.

 

There is no place where I can arrive to where I am ‘fit’. There is only this constant becoming. This continuous opening up to the more, the wonder, the awe of being alive and living each day fully where I choose to take action to create the more of my becoming all I am in the world.

No matter what my ego might tell me, my thoughts become my reality. My actions make it so. When my thoughts lead me down the garden path to becoming stuck in the mud of inaction, I must give my body full license to lead me back to becoming all I am when I let go of believing everything I think is all I am.

I am constantly becoming.

I get to choose if my becoming is more or less of what I want to create in the world.

Namaste.

 

What words can do.

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They can be like a sun, words.
They can do for the heart
what light can
for a field.

-St. John of the Cross, Love Poems from God (trans. Daniel Ladinsky)

I read the words above this morning in an email from Abbey of the Arts and felt my heart break.

Open.

Open to the possibility of words shining light, of my heart lighting up in the possibility of what can happen when the sun shines through the cracks, through the darkness, through the unknown.

We use words. Every day.

We use words to build relationships, to tear down walls and sometimes, to tear apart one another.

We use words to create bridges, to cross paths, to reach beyond the gaps in what we know to see and hear and feel and understand what another knows.

Sometimes we use words as a means to keep one another apart, separate, distant.

Sometimes we used words to connect to one another, closer and closer until all there is between us is the common ground upon which we stand and build a new way of being together.

Yesterday, I spent the day in a leadership retreat with my peers at the foundation where I work.

The day was filled with words.

Words that expressed ideas, that opened up or shot down positions. Words that connected us, that bridged our differing perspectives that lead us from one strongly held position to another place where we could see there is perhaps another way, another space to fill up with new ideas, new possibilities.

Words are the tools we use to find common ground, to hold our ground, to stay stuck or to free ourselves to hear and see and understand differing perspectives.

Words allow us to connect to one another, whether we agree on the differing positions we cling to or they hold onto, or not.

Words hold truth and lies. Words hold positions of right and wrong. Words open up or close down possibility.

Words are our tools to create and our weapons to destroy.

Words are the language we use to create openings for the light to shine on where we stand.

Words are the language we use to block the light from getting through.

Yesterday, we met and used our words to explore and assess and share our thoughts and ideas and beliefs and fears on the future of the Foundation.

We used words as the language we needed to carry us into the known, and the unknown territory of our five year planning. Words helped us see the ground upon which we stand, and the path to where we want to go.

It was a day of discovery, of exploration, of aha moments and at times, laughter.

And, no matter what words we used, the common denominator was our agreement to use our words to create better, to create more, to open up understanding, acceptance and heartfelt sharing that would allow our words to be heard and honoured by one another.

There is truth in everything and not all things are true.

No matter how strongly worded our assertions are, the truth is always, we each hold positions. It’s how we use our words to defend our right to do so that can make a difference between a world of embittered defending of where we stand or a world of tolerance, compassion and kindness that allows each of us to stand confidently and lovingly on the ground beneath our feet as we find the words to move forward together.

Today is day 2 of our leadership retreat. I’m excited to see the words we share evolve into a path to creating a future where homelessness ends for every Calgarian, every day. A path where all Calgarians find their way home to being at peace with where they’re at, unafraid of what tomorrow will bring because no matter what tomorrow may bring, they know they are safe at home today and everyday.

Namaste.

When stars do not fall and the sun’s shadow casts moonlight

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The stars held their place in the universe last night. Their sparkling light cast a net across the night time sky twinkling joyfully in fiery abandon. They did not fall to the ground to smother earth in their blanket. They held their place and shone bright.

The moon stayed on high, shining bright, spending its time reflecting the light of the sun as earth orbited in orderly fashion around it.

And shadows lengthened. And shadows shortened. And tides ebbed in and out. And the universe continued its journey through time unnoticed, unremarked, unobserved.

All is as it is. All is what it is in the universe. We walk this planet oblivious to its grand design, and all is as it is.

Have you smiled this morning in gratitude?

Have you smiled?

I awoke this morning to Beaumont’s quivering body squirming to get out of his kennel where he spends the nights sleeping at the end of our bed.

I smiled.

And I laughed.

And I cuddled his sweet puppy body against my heart and whispered, I love you dear Beaumont, as I carried him outside to the grass. I stood in the sun as he sniffed the dew-kissed earth searching for just the right spot to relieve himself. I stood in the sun and felt the warmth of morning light falling upon my face. I smelt the fresh crisp air of morning. Heard the birds singing in the trees.

And I breathed deeply of morning’s grace and I smiled.

What a wonderful day to be alive.

I am grateful.

For many mornings past, I never stepped out into the world around me when first I arose. I had no reason and did not make the connection that stepping out into the air outside my back door awakens my senses to the wonder and beauty and bounty of the earth all around me.

I am grateful for Beaumont’s presence and his reminder to appreciate and give thanks for the world around me.

Scientists predict that by the year 2050 we will be over 9 billion people on this planet.

9 billion + people.

They also predict that with so many people on earth, we will each have to be make do with 40% less of life’s essential resources — water and oxygen.

Staggering thought.  Will we have to breathe less? Drink less? How will we survive?

What can I do today to create better for tomorrow?

What can I contribute, give, create that will improve life on earth today and thus, ripple out into the future in ever increasing waves of joy-inducing harmony?

My smile.

My joy.

My laughter.

My love.

To change the world, I must raise my consciousness on how I walk on this planet. I must go in peace. Softly. Gently. Respectfully.

Changing the world begins with me.

When each of us accepts we are the change we seek to create in the world, and act from our higher ground, acknowledging and being accountable for every step, every breath, every act, we will create a better world as we treat the world better, together.

Namaste.

 

 

 

Feeling lucky.

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The C-train is pulling to a stop in the station as I validate my ticket in the machine at the top of the stairs. I quickly take the time-stamped ticket from the slot, stuff it into my pocket and start racing down the stairs. I am halfway down as the doors open and then close. I figure I won’t make it and slow to a walk when I see the driver smiling up at me through the plate glass windows of his cubicle. I race down the stairs, smile and wave my ‘thank you’. He opens the doors, I get on and the train, carrying me and all the other passengers, moves on.

“I’m so lucky!” I think.

Later, I am talking with a co-worker about my experience at Shelter from the Storm on Saturday night. I was reminded how much I miss the people in that place, I told them. How much I miss the daily connection with the people for whom we are holding the vision of ending homelessness. (I worked at the shelter for 6 years prior to joining the homeless Foundation where I work now).

I could never work there, my co-worker said. I’d get so immersed in fixing what was wrong, I’d sink under the weight of the task.

What if there’s lots right? I asked.

In 2006, when I started working at the shelter, I started an art program that became the foundation of many art’s based initiatives throughout the shelter.  When we first set up the program, I had the participants, all clients at the shelter, create the Rules of Conduct that each person had to sign in order to use the studio. The rules included things such as no food in the studio, leave your personal baggage at the door, find a way to get along with the other artists and honour the space and those who use it.

Every so often, clients would come to the studio upset about something they felt had gone wrong with someone else whose conduct did not measure up to their ideas.

“I’m never coming back to the studio if they are,” and they would name the person whose behaviour they found so objectionable.

And my response would always be, “That is your choice. You get to decide whether or not you come to the studio, or not. You get to decide to work out this situation, or not. If you enjoy coming to the studio, is it worth finding another path to resolve this situation than to walk away?”

Inevitably, they would find another path, or not. It was always their choice.

I was not powerful enough to fix the situation or the relationship with another person or whatever angst they were carrying.

None of us are that powerful.

The power we carry is the one that can make changes in our own lives. Changes that will create different ripples, different paths to living the life we always dreamed of and in the process, empower us to hold doors and spaces open for others.

 

I raced to catch the C-train yesterday morning. The driver held the train, just for me. I felt lucky.

It wasn’t luck. It was because I met a fellow traveller who believed in his power to hold doors open for others so they could get where they were going smiling and feeling lucky.

What a wonderful gift he gave me!

There would have been another train behind that one and I would have taken it. In his gift though, I was reminded that we all have the power to hold doors and spaces open for one another. In the ripple of our actions, other lives are impacted in ways we never could imagine.

Let’s all hold doors open for one another today! Imagine the miracles we can create for one another!