How deep are you willing to examine your life?

Posted on by
6

The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

I think I was about 13 years old when I first read the above quote.

It stuck with me and sent me on an exploration of myself of which I have never tired. I want to understand what motivates me to do the things I do, be the way I am so that I can live passionately and fearlessly in the now without the past driving me away from living aligned with my true self.

I remember a time in my 20s when I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. My family definitely thought so and I remember thinking, well if they don’t like me then I must be the one who is out of sync. I must need to do a lot more work.

Decades later, I realize that it isn’t that there was something ‘wrong’ with me. Yes, I had issues. I was also willing to work on them because for me, my quest to ‘know me’ and to do better than what my limiting beliefs were telling me was all I was capable of doing or being in the world was really important. It also, at times, caused others to fear they too would have to get to know themselves and let go of their limiting beliefs. And that can be scary.

Several years ago, while teaching a course at the shelter where I used to work, on letting go of limiting beliefs to live bravely, one of the students commented that he didn’t understand why his friends kept trying to get him to drink. “I’ve been sober for 3 months,” he told the class. “I want to be someone my son’s can be proud of and still, my friends keep trying to pull me back, to get me to go party with them, even when I tell them I don’t want to. Why is that?”

I asked him if when he was drinking he thought it was possible, and he said no. He’d believed it was impossible. And then, after a particularly challenging binge of drugs and drinking, he found himself in Detox and ended up in Rehab.

It was an accident it happened, he said.

Accident or not, you chose sobriety and proved it is possible, I replied.

We talked about his desire to be a role model for his people, his family and the son’s he’d left on a Reserve years ago when alcohol drove him away. We talked about what it meant for him to be proud of himself, and to know that not drinking was the first step back towards the life he longed for. And how for those who saw him changing, the fear of losing an excuse to not change themselves, rose up.

In his sobriety, those around him saw that change was possible. To accept that meant they could no longer say, “It can’t happen for me. I’m a lost cause.” He had proven it could happen.

And that is scary when we are not the one’s making the change.

It is scary to dive into the pool of unknown within us.

And still, we all have the invitation, and the possibility, to dive deep and learn about our own selves so that we can grow into our best lives yet.

Thank you Socrates for inspiring me years ago to keep examining my life, and my role in it and my power to be the light I want to shine on the world to create peace, love and harmony.

I am blessed on this journey.

What do you fear?

Posted on by
12

In ego’s dance I am continuously reminded to let go of the past. Ego learned its steps when I was but a child, dependent upon the adults in my world to keep me safe and out of harm’s way.

Those early steps worked well for me then, they do not always work well for me now.

Which means, the me I am consciously being now, must lovingly teach ego new ways of being present in the world, calling upon its innate desire to lead me constantly towards happiness and safety, in new and novel ways the ‘me’ I have grown into knows are possible.

It is a constant dance of drawing out of fear into courage to be, to act, to live passionate and free in the now.

One way to draw ego out of the past is to ask yourself, “What do I fear?”

Beyond spiders and tigers running wild, or earthquakes and meteors falling from the sky, “What do I fear?”

This is a question that needs time, and reflection and meditation to truly find the essence of its truth. It needs your full attention in the quiet of your own space.

Sit quietly and ask yourself:

What do I fear?

 

There are countless answers you can feel rising to the surface when you sit quietly and meditate on the question.

Let them rise. Let them become present without judging them. Let them be what they are.

Write down your responses.

I fear…. being alone.

I fear… my heart getting broken.

I fear… losing someone I love.

I fear…

Now, ask yourself:

What do I do to protect myself from feeling my fear?

Write down your responses:

Because I  fear…. being alone…. I connect too fast to people.

Because I fear…. being alone… I trust the untrustworthy.

Because I fear… being alone… I don’t listen to my intuition…

Keep going, responding to each of the things in your list, until you feel you have no more observations on what you do to protect yourself from feeling your fear.

Now, ask yourself:

What does my fear cost me?

Again, sit quietly, listen deeply to your heart, to your subconscious rising into awareness.

My fear of…. being alone costs me…. healthy relationships

.My fear of…. being alone costs me… trusting myself

.My fear of…. being alone costs me… because I constantly second guess myself.

Once you’ve identified all the costs for each of your fears, ask yourself:

What is the truth about my fear?

The truth about  my fear of…. being alone… is that I am ….. and then write what comes into your mind right off.  Keep writing until you have a clear vision of the truth about your fear.

For example:

The truth about  my fear of…. being alone… is that I …. don’t know how to be with people in healthy ways because I’ve always let my fear of being alone push me into relationships fast and furious.

The truth about  my fear of…. being alone… is that I  …. have the power to choose wisely for myself. Sure, I may make mistakes but rather than second guessing myself, I can trust myself enough to know, if I make a mistake, I have the courage and wisdom to change my mind, walk away, slow down…

When you’ve completed your list of ‘truths’, write one thing you can do today to live the truth you’ve just written down.

For example:

One thing I can do today to live the truth about being alone is…. tell Jack I don’t want to go on a date tonight. I had already told my friend, Sally, that I’d get together with her, and cancelling to go on a date with Jack is not about my courage, it’s about my fear.

And now, ask yourself:

What can I tell myself everyday, and many times throughout the day, that will lead me from the shadows of my fear into the light of my courage?

Write it down.

For example:

I am deserving of healthy relationships.

I take good care of my heart by trusting its wisdom.

I value myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness.

There are many ways to lovingly embrace your ego’s propensity to have you live life through the lens of your child. Children are not equipped to name, nor face, their fears. As adults, we are.

Namaste.

 

________________________________________

Special thanks to Leigh at Not Just Sassy On the Inside for the inspiration for this morning’s post, A Kinder View of Ego.

Make room for possibility | 52 Acts of Grace | Week 24

Posted on by
4

acts of grace week 24 copy

I was part of a Garage Sale this weekend. Myself and 3 other women joined forces to create an opportunity for others to find value in the things we no longer needed or wanted.

Day 1 was fun (long and tiring and I did completely forget about a dinner engagement C.C. and I had that evening which was not a good thing!) We got rained on for a bit but by afternoon, the sun broke through the clouds and we promised those who dropped by to visit that we had lots of free things to give away, especially laughter.

Day 2 was cold, cloudy and while it was great to chat and laugh with my lady friends, standing there waiting and hoping for people to drop by was not as much enjoyable as the day before — NOTE TO SELF:  when doing a garage sale, do it one day only.

One of my co-conspirators and I had some of our art for sale. As I told one person who commented they liked the inclusion of art in our event, “I had no choice. My studio walls are full as are pretty well all the walls in our house.”

Sometimes, the lack of space is a good inspiration for clearing out. And, as I only decided to be in the sale on Wednesday, I didn’t have a lot of time to think about what I would, or would not be willing to let go of. I just had to decide and do it.

And in that decision, opportunity for creating space for possibility appeared.

As I walked around the house, pulling out things that were tucked away in closets or taking things off shelves that only served as dust magnets, I felt the rush of letting go wash over me. I am decluttering, clearing out things, I told myself, because I want to simplify my life, create order and calm by having less and doing more with what I have. It feels good.

What also felt good was at the end of the sale yesterday afternoon,loading up my car with all the things I hadn’t sold and taking them down to a local shelter. Dishes, candles, towels, kitchen gadgets, books and knick-knacks, all went to the Calgary Drop-In & Rehab Centre. Along with providing emergency services and shelter for people experiencing homelessness, they operate a furniture and household distribution centre for those exiting homelessness. When an individual or family have housing, they can go to the warehouse, pick out everything they need for their new home… for free.

It’s a win/win.

I didn’t have to bring the unsold items home.

Someone else won’t have to pay to furnish their home.

I like the balance in that equation.

 

 

 

Fall, crawl or fly free. The choice is yours.

Posted on by
5

fly free with the wind copy

 

It can be daunting to fly above the fray. To keep your sights set on the limitless possibilities of the sky above. Especially if the weight of the world feels like it is dragging you into the mud.

Regardless of what is happening in the world around us, we have the choice in how we respond. We can decide to get mired in the grit and grime of fighting for every step on the path, or, we can choose to focus on the possibilities of the sky above and keep soaring higher and higher.

When I was healing from a relationship that almost cost me my life, and everyone and everything I loved and held dear, I was very, very broken. Every day, I would take my trusty Ellie, the Wonder Pooch, for a walk in the woods up the street from where I was living. I would walk along the path, deep into the woods and the worry and woes would invade. I was broke and broken, I felt lost and afraid and I was terrified I would never heal, never be able to reclaim my life and repair the damage and hurt I’d caused in my daughters’ lives.

I wanted to stay stuck, to not take responsibility for my life, to not move forward. I was so scared.

And still, I knew I had to make a choice. I had to decide to live or be the walking, breathing dead.

I had to decide if I was going to let the worries and woe weigh me down, or allow myself the grace of healing in Love with every step I took.

And so, I chose to look up into the sky high above the treetops. I chose to listen to the wind rustling in the leaves, the patter of Ellie’s paws as she raced amongst the deadfall along the path. I chose to hear the birds, and to see the blue sky and light high above.

Looking up and believing in the infinite possibilities of the sky above didn’t change the challenges I faced.

It did change how I felt, how I stepped, how I saw my situation.

I could see myself as locked in on a path of darkness, surrounded by deadfall, fearing ‘what comes next’.

OR

I could see myself surrounded by limitless possibilities spanning the horizon, fearlessly opening me up to the anticipation and mystery of “what comes next”.

I held the key to the choices I made.

To fall, crawl or fly free.

 

 

You are born to shine. Dare.

Posted on by
7

what if copy

 

We are each of us born with unlimited potential to shine bright. We are each born into the of possibility of our life enriching the world just because we are alive. And, we are each of us made of stardust born to be a light for all the world to see in the dark.

 

Yet we sit, and wait, and lurk behind limiting beliefs, hoping someone might see us cowering over there, in the corner, waiting for someone to turn on the lights.

No one can turn on your light.

You have the power. You have the heart. You have the soul to create a light so bright in your life, there is no darkness deep enough to drown it out.

And all you have to do to start shining is believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. Believe in your right to live out loud.

Sure it can be scary. It can be downright terrifying to step out from behind the curtain of your uncertainties to claim your place at centre stage of your own life. But risking is better than living inside a numbed out, nullifying shell of a life that’s been left on the shelf, gathering dust behind the cracker jack box that’s already out of date.

Risking it is better than living with the weight of believing you do not deserve to shine.

Risking it is more life-giving than staying stuck in the dark.

You will never find the edges of the darkness around you if you do not step through it.

What if to find your light you just need to start stepping through the dark?

What if your light is that tiny spark of hope that flickered, for just a moment, when you held onto the possibility of light at the edge of the dark?

What if?

Once spoken, words cannot be unspoken.

Posted on by
11

 

take care with your words copy

It is easy to forget the power of words. We hear. We feel. We hurt. We react.

And in between the hearing and our reaction, there are but milliseconds to make a choice. To strike out from our hurting feelings, or make room for our feelings to be heard in a way that creates possibility for deep listening between us and another.

How often have you responded to hurtful words with something like, “You make me so angry.”

In the ‘you make me’, we give away our power. We are holding someone else accountable for our feelings and responses.

What if, instead of giving the other person the power of ‘making’ your feelings, you took a breath and replied, “When I heard you say [that] I felt diminished, invisible, unheard…” Or, “I want to talk about [that] but I can’t hear you when you (yell) (speak with such a harsh, criticising tone) (call me names)… Is there a way you can say what you want to say so that I can hear you? ”

If in that moment it is not possible to speak respectfully, take a break. Walk away and agree to come back at a later time when you are both calmer.

It is never okay for someone to call you names, yell or berate you.

It’s not okay for you to do it to them either.

Creating space for each person to be accountable for their words, and how they speak them, opens up the possibility of communicating at deeper, more respectful and constructive levels.

Our words have the power to pierce like a sunbeam in the dark, illuminating the heart of what is keeping us apart with their power to reveal our truth. When we use our words to stab like a knife, we are cutting away the heart of what brings us together. In the pain of each cut, we grow further and further away from the heart of what is true.

And the first step is to take care with our words. Once spoken, they cannot be unspoken.

Namaste.

 

Are you feeding your dreams daily?

Posted on by
9

feed your dreams copy 1

When I am in the studio, splashing paint and throwing colour onto a blank canvas or journal page, I feel free. Alive. Like a child dancing in a mud puddle. I don’t think about ‘the outcome’. I don’t focus on ‘the process’ or how paint smeared my fingers are or how splattered and unkept my apron looks. I simply do. And in my doing, I trust in the process and trust whatever the outcome, it will be a reflection of my creative expression.

And I am never disappointed.

When I am ‘in’the world out there’, that grown-up space beyond my child-infused wonder of creating, that place where obligations and duty and responsibilities seem at times to be weighing me down, it is all too easy to forget about the abandon of the child. It takes but a blink of my eyes, a slip of my attention to let go of the willingness of the little girl to simply be present in whatever I am doing without fearing outcomes and measurements, balancing acts and bank balances.

My dream is to be ‘in the world out there’ as I am in the studio. Free. Uninhibited. Honest and present, part of the flow of whatever appears before me. Fearless in my pursuit of my dream of giving voice to what is calling itself into creation from within my heart.

And so, I come back to the studio, again and again, to connect with the wonder and awe of my creative expression so that I am reminded, again and again, that I can create ‘in the world out there’, as I am in the studio.

That is my dream. To nurture and nourish my creative expressions into becoming a reflection of my life lived in a garden of life filled beauty and love.

What dreams are calling you? What are you doing to fill the garden of your life with the beauty and wonder and awe of your dreams?