Category Archives: Essential Journey

Where’s the Love?

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Black Eyed Peas did a new version of Where’s the Love?

I saw it on FB this morning — it’s powerful, provocative and, I sigh. If only we could listen. If only we would open our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our minds, we wouldn’t have to ask, Where’s the Love?

We’d be it.

Challenge is, to each of us, every 7 billion plus humans who inhabit this planet, our experience of Love is not the same thing.

And as I write that, I can hear my brother-in-law saying, “Don’t forget the animals. You can’t leave them out of a discussion about Love.”

See what I mean? Love is… whoever we are. However we are in this world.

We see Love through our perspectives, our worldview, our priorities, passions, beliefs, experiences.

I remember Thelma Box, the creator of Choices Seminars, saying once that she’d read an article on child abuse and in it, the author stated that for someone who abuses their own child, it is an expression of their love for that child. Not because that act is what Love Is. But rather, because in their mind, that is how they learned to express, get, show… Love.

Years ago, I was in the midst of a relationship that was killing me and finally found the strength to go to the police. The Detective I spoke with said as I was walking out the door, “You know, this isn’t love. Love doesn’t hurt that much.”

Intellectually, I knew he was right.

Spiritually, emotionally, I didn’t believe him.

In that relationship ‘love’ had become so warped by the abuse I was living within, I believed the pain made Love real — I also believed I didn’t deserve Love anyway, so the pain was better than nothing.

Love is…

Everything and all.

Love doesn’t have to change.

We do.

And that’s the challenge.  Love is IN everything we do because Love is all around. It’s just, we get trapped in the darkness of our expression of the pain within, so captured by our need to create the world the way we want to see it, we forget, there are 7 billion plus expressions of Love on this earth.

Where is the Love?

Love is in the father hitting his child. The mother doing drugs on the corner, leaving her children alone.

Love is in the tender touch. The gentle look. The loving words.

Love is in the soldier raping a woman because he holds the gun and she is just a spoils of war.

Love is in the soldier putting down his gun to carry a puppy out of a bombed out building.

Love is in all these things.

There is no question about where Love is.

The question is, What will you do for Love? Where are you in Love?

Are you hiding behind your pain, denying Love access by stomping on hearts, killing your own dreams?

Are you pushing your anger out into the world to keep from caving into despair?

Are you staying locked in your room, surrounded by loneliness because you are too afraid of getting hurt by venturing into the world?

Are you using your love as a weapon, as a means to get what you want, control who you can, create a world of mass destruction?

Or, are you willing to give into Love to create a world of peace, within and all around you?

Where is the Love?

It’s in you. Live it. Now.

Intersections: my word for 2017

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intersections-copy

Intersections — Mixed media on watercolour paper 11″ x 14″

For the past several years, every December I meditate with the intention of being open to a word appearing that will be my guiding thought for the following year.

Sometimes, the word struggles to reveal itself as I block the process, pushing and prodding and trying to direct its natural appearance. In my desire to control the process, I test its strength, purpose, presence and put up roadblocks everywhere.

Sometimes, it appears and there is no getting away from it. It just is, and any machinations on my part simply affirm its presence more soundly.

The word for 2017 was such an occurrence. It appeared early in my process and wouldn’t leave. It stuck around, gently pushing me, instead of me prodding it.

As in past years, my intention was to meditate on the word and then, create a painting that represented it. I don’t ‘create’ it as much as it creates itself.

This past weekend was slightly different. I didn’t have an intention of creating a painting of the word. It just happened.

I was in the studio and started playing with my Gelli Print pad (a really fun rubbery pad that let’s you create prints of images – search for Gelli Print on Pinterest and you’ll find lots of references). I didn’t really have an intention for what I was doing. I simply wanted to explore, have fun and be open to whatever happened.

Using a pale yellow tissue paper as my substrate, I printed images on several pieces, experimenting with colour and texture. With some I used a bird stencil. Others, I used string and various shapes. Eventually, I decided I’d created enough prints and moved on to my canvas paper.

And that’s where the fun started.

Gelli Print image used in painting

Gelli Print image used in painting

Underneath the painting you see, is an old painting I wasn’t too fond of. It’s presence informs the process, creating interesting texture and background that would not have been as rich had I not chosen to trust in the process. Included in this painting are cut up pieces of one of my Gelli Print images as well as pieces of grey self-adhesive drywall gridded tape that I decided would be fun to experiment with.

See, often when I paint, I don’t really have a ‘destination’ in mind. I simply have a desire to express my creativity and be open to the process.

For me, that’s where the excitement, the joy and the contentment intersect.

The painting for my 2017 word, INTERSECTION, is the outcome of trusting in the process, leaning into creativity and letting it lead the way. There was no path, no guaranteed outcome, no sure and safe way to do it. There just was ‘the way’.

Which once again affirms that when I trust the process, the way appears.

Namaste.

 

 

 

The path to nowhere goes somewhere

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lost-in-nowhere-copy

Awhile ago, I spoke with a woman whose mother had recently passed away. “We are all part of the ocean of life,” she said in response to my question about her well-being. “Though my mother is gone, we’re still connected. The essential part of ourselves will always be connected, if not on this physical plane, then some other place.”

And I felt the ocean of humanity wash over me.

We are all connected.

We are all spirit. We are all human. We are all miraculous beings of life and light. Energy in its purest form.

In that deep realization is the possibility and the knowing that there is nothing to fear in this world. Not failure. Not success. Not falling. Not flying. Not life. Not death.

As FDR famously said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

In this life, it is fear that keeps us from loving one another, accepting one another, knowing one another, as we are, without wanting the other to be different. To be more the same like me, like you, like the way we want them, not the way they are.

It is fear of being rejected, displaced, embarrassed, and so much more that keeps us walking the paths we’ve always walked, fearing to change will bring upon some unknown catastrophe, or perhaps to change would be to admit, we didn’t fit the shoes we were walking in.

In my twenties I wrote a poem that still fits today.

I don’t always know
that what I do is
right
or even that it’s
best.
I can only wear the clothes
I know
that
fit me.

Yet, sometimes I’ll try
a dress too large
or a shoe too small.

And when I do
I take them off
and try
another size.

Sometimes, we walk a path only to discover it is not going where we thought, or perhaps it’s going nowhere. Yet, we stay the course because we can’t see another path, and tell ourselves, we can’t turn back.

I wonder what would happen if instead of looking for another path, we created our own?

Namaste.

Let’s Talk #BellLetsTalk

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bell-lets-talkI am crazy about my mental health.

Crazy about being healthy of mind, strong of body, and spirit.

I am crazy about keeping my mind focused, sharp, capable of thinking great things, capable of guiding me through each day without pulling me off track into the darkness of darkness, the sadness of sadness that blankets every thought, every word, every thing when depression hits.

I am crazy in love with being free of thoughts that would drag me down into the swamp of believing the only way out of life is death. Death is part of life, but it is not the all of life. and that’s what depression would have me believe.

I am not depressed.

I do not suffer from depression.

Anymore.

I had a big encounter with it. Once.  I was in a relationship that was almost killing me. I wanted to die. I thought about ways to die. Dreamt I could make it happen. Tried a couple of times.

I’m grateful I failed.

I was lucky. I lived through it.

Because of the stigma though, I never reached out for help. Never told anyone. Never called the Distress Centre. Never talked to a professional.

I was too scared. Too ashamed. Too fearful of what people would say if I told them how dark it felt living inside my mind. Too ashamed of how crazy-making my life was in the terror of a relationship that was so bad for me, I thought the only way out was to die.

Today in Canada, 11 people will end their lives through suicide. Approximately another 210 will attempt it. Source

We need to talk about it. It’s crazy not to.

We need to talk about our mental health and mental illness. About the darkness, and the light. We need to talk about the challenges, the pitfalls, the hurdles to staying sound of mind when  darkness falls and we can’t see the cracks where the light is trying to get in.

Because mental illness affects every Canadian, either directly or indirectly.

20% of Canadians will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.

8% will experience major depression at some point in their lifetime.  Source

I am one of the 8%.

I survived.  I’m not crazy. I’m alive, and today I thrive.

Others won’t survive their mental illness. Others will believe they’re crazy to feel the way they do, and take matters into their own hands.

We need to talk about it so they know they are not alone. They are not crazy.

We need to talk about it before it takes their will to live, before it drags them so far into the darkness, there is no possibility of the light getting through the cracks.

 

Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day.

You can make a difference by clicking  HERE and on Facebook, HERE.

 

And so we marched.

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On Saturday, we marched.

Beaumont at the march. “Where are all the pussycats?”

Over 5,000 women, men, children (and dogs too).

We marched.

We marched for human rights, indigenous rights, minority rights, women’s rights, immigrants’ rights, LGBTQ2S rights. We marched for the right to march. The right to speak up, have a voice, give voice to what we believe in, what we want in our world, what we do not want more of in our world.

Discrimination. Misogyny. Brutality. Divisiveness. Unethical and unfair treatment of those who are vulnerable, living on the margins, struggling to find their way.

We marched so we could say, “We will be quiet no more. We will not give into fear, discrimination, misogyny, brutality, divisiveness, unethical behaviour and unfair treatment.”

We marched to tell the world we are ONE. One planet. One humanity. One human race. We are all together on this giant ball spinning through the universe, orbiting one sun, the light and heat and warmth of which we all share.

We marched to tell each other we care. We are connected. We are in this world, this life, together.

We marched to tell each other we must treat one another as equals, as human beings, as party to the same world upon which we walk, breathing the same air, needing the same oxygen, food, water, space.

We marched because we know that fear is not the answer. Action is. Giving voice is. Speaking out is.

We marched because we know…

Love is what matters and Love trumps hate. Just as love trumps fear and misogyny and divisiveness and exclusionary practices, and lies and bullying and all host of human ills.

And in our voices joined together all around the globe we said…

Human rights matter.

Women’s rights matter.

Immigrants’ rights matter.

LGBTQ2S rights matter.

All rights matter to us. We the people.

We marched because we chose to take action.

It was one action we could take that mattered to each of us who came out to support the millions of people walking with us on that day, at that time, all around the world. Because to each of us, each of us matters. Whether you were marching with us or were not, we all matter.

We are one humanity. And when we treat one another with dignity and respect, when we are inclusive and accepting of our differences, when we let go of the things that keep us fighting as ‘us versus them’, when we show each other kindness and love, the earth becomes a better place for every living thing on this planet .

Are you a slave to reaction?

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Just when you think the universe is sleeping on the job, it turns up. But then, the universe never sleeps. It’s just we humans sometimes shut down our senses and quit feeling its presence.

Yesterday’s divinity card was one of those, remember Louise, you are 100% accountable for your life. You are the one who can take action. You are the one who chooses not to when you don’t.

inactionToday, I pulled out a mini, 3″ x 3″, book my daughters gave me some time ago, The Goddess Within, and opened it to a random page.  I had to laugh all over again at the universe’s sense of humour, and timing.

Okay. Okay. I get it!

To be a slave to inaction is to live a life devoid of intellectual and spiritual stimulus. It means that creativity lies fallow, joy seeps out through every crack and peace flows ever onward missing the shores of where you live.

It is so easy to give into reaction. To say, I’m too tired today. Let me take the path of least resistance. Let me go ‘with the flow’, when it’s not the flow of life’s energy you’re going with but rather, the ennui of apathy. It has you in firmly in its grip and is pulling you deeper and deeper into living life on the shallow side of reacting to everything that happens from the darkness of believing in the impossibility of taking action that makes a difference.

The universe doesn’t really care if you take action or not. It just keeps humming along, doing its evolutionary thing, regardless of whether you get on board with its invitations to create, live large, be your most magnificent self, or not.

The universe has no expectations of your being brilliant, divine, magnificent. It already believes you are.

The doubt comes from within each of us. The fear of taking action, of being 100% engaged in the process of creating a life worth living out loud, is all ours.

So, ask yourself, “What am I a slave to?” and then, emancipate yourself. Give into the impulse to fight for your freedom and set yourself free of reacting to life so you can live your life fighting every day for your right to live fierce and true to the magnificence of your being you.

And then watch the miracles happen!

Stop indulging in the big questions.

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I like divinity cards. Decks of inspirational cards that give advice, inspiration, ideas on living life in the now.

I have several different decks to pull from and most mornings, I randomly choose a deck, pull a card and use it as my meditation guide.

img_0887Today’s card, pulled from The Artist’s Way Creativity Cards by Julia Cameron, is titled, Daily Action.

When I first read it, I made myself laugh. I thought it read — Take one small daily action instead of indulging in the big operations.

Upon second read, I realized my mistake.

Take one small daily action instead of indulging in the big questions.

Oh. Questions!

And then I had to laugh again at the little Freudian action I had going on.

I have been stuck in avoiding taking action on a couple of things because I’ve been indulging in big question asking.

Like, what is the purpose of making art if I don’t have a plan for marketing it?  Which, when I dig even deeper gets into that whole indulgent quagmire of ‘if a tree falls in the woods and nobody’s there does it make a sound?’

And that is a big question that can suck all the life out of leaning into creativity, revelling in the full expression of being alive!

Being creative is at the essence of our humanity. We are by nature creative expressions of life. Every one of the 7+billion humans on this earth is a unique creative expression of the human form. No two people have the same DNA, same fingerprints, same biometrics.

We are all unique — which to me is the ultimate creative expression.

When I create, throw paint on canvas, words to paper or let them flow through  my keyboard, I am letting my unique creative expression of life have its way, my way.

Indulging in the big questions simply inhibits my process of self-expression and thus, limits my expression of my life. It keeps me spinning around unanswerable questions (like the tree falling in the woods scenario) and thus, keeps me from taking action.

Without taking action, one step at a time, one act at a time, we become stagnant, trapped in the swamp of fear, confusion, worry, negative-fortune telling and a whole host of other messy  habits that continually drain us of our life force.

Be a force of life on the wild and exuberant side of your self-expression. Let go of indulging in the big questions and focus instead on asking yourself, “What’s one thing I can do right now that will bring me closer to the ‘more’ of what I want in life. What’s one action I can take, right now, that will express my passion for being alive?”

And then do it.

 

 

 

What will you do with your 30,000 days?

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Three separate yet connected events inspired this post.

  1. An interview on CBC radio, The Current, where several authors including, Neil Parischa, shared the books that changed their lives. Parischa talked about the life expectancy of the average Canadian as being 30,000 days. That got my attention.
  2. On Monday, I co-presented to a group of first year medical students on homelessness in our city. Before the session began, I chatted with a palliative care doctor who has started a program here in Calgary to deliver palliative care to people dying in homelessness. His passion, his commitment to provide care that respects the individual, treats them with dignity and provides them support in their final days was inspiring.
  3. A share on FB of an article on CBC Radio on palliative care in the homeless sector in Toronto. (Thank you @NFalvo )

homeless-graphic

And then, I heard the 30,000 days quote and wondered, what will I do with my remaining days — whatever the number I have left.

What will you do?

By the law of averages, I have used up approximately 2/3rds of my 30,000. Like everyone of my 30,000, the next 10,000 are precious. Filling them with heart-driven purpose is vital to my well-being.

But what about the 2/3rds already used up? How well did I employ them?

Fact is, I cannot change the days past. They are gone. Used up. Spent.

Today is all I have in my bank account. How will I spend it? Because, spend it I must. I can’t save it for a rainy day. I can’t deposit it into some huge cauldron where days not spent are accumulated so that I can get the biggest bang for my buck by using all my days together.

I only have today. How will I fill it with meaning and purpose? How will I inspire the best version of myself today?

How will you?

Here are 3 + 1 ideas to inspire you on living this day of your 30,000 well.

  1. Say ‘Thank you’ to yesterday. 

Gratitude is the seed of joy. Be thankful for everything that appears on your path and in your life. No matter how dark or grim, no matter how bright and shiny, be present to the opportunity to experience it by acknowledging everything as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to become. And remember, just because something appears on your path, doesn’t mean you have to keep it there or pick it up or hold onto it forever. It simply means, it’s on your path — what you do with it is your choice. Choose compassionately.

2. Let yesterday go.

Whatever you did, or didn’t do, whatever embarrassing moment, hurt or slight you perceived/received, let it go. Holding onto slights from the past will not improve the quality of your life today. It will only get in the way of living today freely. (And yes, I know. They were mean. They didn’t hear you. They didn’t care for you the way your deserve.  You cannot change what happened, just as you cannot change what they did. You can change how you hold on to it, how you respond. Find a way to respond that sets you free of carrying someone else’s stuff.) And if you caused someone pain or hurt, acknowledge it, apologize, make amends, commit to doing better and let it go.

3.  Live today free of guilt.

A friend was telling me how they feel so guilty about the fact they have….. and then they listed the beautiful things in their life. Later, another friend was telling me about how guilty they feel about something they’d done to someone else that they knew they shouldn’t have done. They’d already apologized but the guilt was killing them, they said.

Guilt is just a way of staying trapped in the ego. Guilt keeps you roiling around in the past, preventing you from living compassionately, authentically, lovingly in today. Guilt is not your friend. It’s the enemy of joy. It’s the killer of hapiness. Make the decision today to let go of guilt. To get out of your ego’s desire to be the centre of attention (good or bad) and set yourself free to live in this moment right now unburdened of guilt. You can’t change whatever was done to you, or whatever you did. You can change its hold on your joy and appreciation of this moment right now. Let guilt go.

Whatever days we each have, living them as if each one counts is what matters most. Because everyday counts. Every  moment creates the possibility of the next being filled with the more of what you want in your life — what ever that is.

Which leads me to the +1 idea.

4. Whatever you do today, make sure it creates ‘the more’ of what you want more of in your life.

Whatever you are faced with today, choose to do the things that bring you closer to your ‘more’. In your ‘more’ is where your passion lives.

The road ahead is full of possibilities

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2016-words

The quote above was generated by an FB app (Nametests.com).

I don’t know a lot about algorithms or binary code, or anything technical for that matter, but, the appropriateness of this quote generated by technical wizardry just for me is pretty inspiring!

As 2017 inches closer on the calendar, I am getting ready to turn another page in my work-a-day world. C.C. and I have talked at length of what it means for me to retire, to leave the office-by-day world to become an office-at-home inhabitant. What it means for us to have me let go of the demands of an intense and fulfilling role in the homeless-serving sector for the more insecure/unpredictable world of freelance/consulting work I want to take on.

Because believe, I’m not ready to retire. I’m just ready to try something new.

Looking at this next stage of my life, I realize there are a lot of things that could go wrong. And at 63 those ‘wrongs’ can appear to be more daunting than the rights.

If I let them.

If I let the wrongs determine my direction, I will never find my right step.

I don’t have a firm date for leaving the “Official Workforce”. I just know, I’m ready. Ready to try on a new hat. New path. New direction.

At the foundation where I work, I’ve hired a new Manager specifically with the vision of his being able to take on the role I fill. He’s talented. Creative and extremely competent. I know he will do well.

Which leaves me in the wonderful position of being able to look objectively at my timeline, without worrying about the gaps I’m leaving I’m leaving behind!

I am ready to spread my wings beyond the world of homelessness. I am ready to explore the world of possibility that is always present, always calling me to step into and start living if I do as my dear friend Kerry Parson’s at the Essential U is coaching me to do, let myself fly free!

Who knows how high I’ll soar?

Who knows what road I’ll explore?

And as long as I don’t focus on ‘the wrongs’, as long as I get clear on my intent, the possibilities are limited only by how much time, effort and passion I put into my next adventure.

So thank you FB app. I don’t know how you generate these things, but thank you for instilling in my world a quote that inspires hope, possibility and light.

Stay tuned. It’s going to be an exciting ride!

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